Talking to your almost 3 yo about different parenting choices...

[kayte]

I am just curious how everyone talks to their toddlers about choices you make for your family that might not be the norm... like food or even discipline.

Apparently I am not doing the best at communicating these things to our DD. My neighbors children drink chocolate milk instead of white. DD has been requesting it lately, never even having had it once. I simply told her that in our family we think milk without chocolate is better for our bodies, but if we are at the neighbor's we could try it for a special treat. Skip forward a few days at our neighbors and they offer her chocolate milk. She tells my neighbor that in our family we think white milk is better.

Other issues have come up at playgroup, when a child will do something DD knows is wrong, she will ask why his/her mommy doesn't 'make them in trouble' or worse yet when I see her thinking that but she doesn't say it to me... She is just filing away that the behavior isn't really unacceptable.

Or how about toys and television that my 5 year old niece watches that are really appropriate for a tweener...

[MamaMolly]

I'm not sure what you're asking. What is it about your communicating that you feel like it isn't working? Is it that you are uncomfortable with the questions your DD is asking in front of others or the statements she is making?

I can see how you don't want to come off to friends and neighbors as judgemental of their choices, but still reinforce your own rules.

I don't bother DD too much with the details of the *whys* of our rules, especially in front of other people. I just tell her that different families have different rules, and our rule is XYZ. Part of that is because she is so little, and part of it is that, as she gets older, I don't want her to look to her friend's behavior as something to model IYKWIM.

HTH

[nov04]

I don't bother DD too much with the details of the *whys* of our rules, especially in front of other people. I just tell her that different families have different rules, and our rule is XYZ.

Same with us.

[s7714]

I don't bother DD too much with the details of the *whys* of our rules, especially in front of other people. I just tell her that different families have different rules, and our rule is XYZ.

Theoretically that's my method as well, but with a 3 year old who's in a full on "why? why? why?" phase, not explaining details isn't always an option. ;) So I explain and just hope she doesn't blurt out responses at inopportune times!

In regards to the witnessing of unacceptable behavior, I try to comment on it later or even right after witnessing it if it's safe to do so. You know, the text book type things like "that little boy wasn't playing very nice was he?" That way my DDs at least know I still find that behavior unacceptable. And my usual response to "why didn't his mommy..." is that maybe his mommy didn't see what he did. Either that or I just try to redirect my DDs interest onto something else!

[lizajane]

we use the kind of words you use. "in our family, we choose white milk." if you don't add the reason, you won't risk having a "judging" sounding comment coming from your kiddo. (that wasn't supposed to sound judging, BTW, sorry!) my 5 year old MUST have a reason. MUST MUST MUST. so i just try to give him facts. "we choose white milk because chocolate milk has sugar in it." he would also need me to add, "and sugar is for dessert and special treats." or "sugar makes our bodies feel tired and we want to have energy." but he is pretty good about saying to other people simply, "i am not allowed to XXX" instead of why he isn't allowed. of course, he doesn't like chocolate... so that one isn't a problem!!! but if we feingold him, it is gonna get MUCH harder when he goes out with other people!

[JenaW]

No advice as I too have several "foot-in-mouth" stories. Most notably, my 5 1/2 DS asked why he still has a "baby car seat" (his words for a 5-pt harnessed seat) whereas his younger/shorter/slightly heavier cousin is in a backless booster. Without thinking at all (obviously) I told him it was because I love him very much and care about his safety. A few days later he watches as his cousin climbs into his booster he blurts out, "Your mommy must not love you. Your seat isn't safe." OMG I wanted to crawl into a hole. Luckily my cousin and I are very close (more like sisters), and while we share a lot of things (faith and morals) we parent a bit differently. For the most part, she just rolls her eyes at some of my ideas (RF car seats to the seat limit or as long as possible versus FF around 8 months because "the baby is happier that way!", milk or water to drink versus primarily kool aid and juice, etc.). My son needs answers for everything too, and is typically not satisfied with "because I said so" answers. But apparently I need to watch how I word things so they don't come out (misinterpreted) later. I am glad to know I am not alone!

J

[cdlamis]

Most notably, my 5 1/2 DS asked why he still has a "baby car seat" (his words for a 5-pt harnessed seat) whereas his younger/shorter/slightly heavier cousin is in a backless booster. Without thinking at all (obviously) I told him it was because I love him very much and care about his safety. A few days later he watches as his cousin climbs into his booster he blurts out, "Your mommy must not love you. Your seat isn't safe." OMG I wanted to crawl into a hole.

I know that it must have been mortifying but I laughed out loud when I read that! I too would have died but it is an amusing story to tell later on.

[Tondi G]

No advice as I too have several "foot-in-mouth" stories. Most notably, my 5 1/2 DS asked why he still has a "baby car seat" (his words for a 5-pt harnessed seat) whereas his younger/shorter/slightly heavier cousin is in a backless booster. Without thinking at all (obviously) I told him it was because I love him very much and care about his safety. A few days later he watches as his cousin climbs into his booster he blurts out, "Your mommy must not love you. Your seat isn't safe." OMG I wanted to crawl into a hole.

LOL sounds like something that might come out of my kids mouth too! The oter day another kid said "oh you ride in a baby seat" cause he still rides in a booster dispite the fact that he is probably ready to use a regular seat belt at age 7 and 100lbs! My son said "no, it's not for babies, it's for safety". Plain and simple and his little buddy shut up real quick about it! LOL