WWYD? Preschool/PT issues

[LarsMal]

DS is supposed to start preschool- 3 mornings/week- in a couple weeks. He is going into the 3yo class, where they are supposed to be PT. From what I understand, no pull-ups are allowed, underwear only.

We had been making decent progress this summer, and my goal was to really push it in August so he'd be ready (at least enough to make it through the mornings!) once school started. Then his constipation issues got really bad and we had to go back to pull-up/diapers (on our peds rec) b/c it was such a mess- and we didn't really know when a BM would strike- he hasn't had much control.

We finally got in to see the gastro ped today. He did an exam (a heartbreaking exam, as DS was screaming, "I don't want that man to hurt me. I don't want him to touch my butt." I felt HORRIBLE!!!). The gastro ped said DS is very backed up, that we've only cleared about 1/4 of what's stuck in there. We have to do some serious "intense" cleansing over the next 48 hours and then back to the Miralax once a day. We go back in 6 weeks for a check-up. He said it's going to be "extremely messy"- be prepared for lots of wipes, diapers, explosion, etc. during the cleanse. Not sure what to expect after that.

So...here's my question (finally!). I need to call the preschool to talk about his food allergies anyway, but I want to mention this, too. I want to see if they will allow him to wear a pull-up for the first few weeks, since he has regressed so much it's like starting over. Plus, *should* he have an accident at school (I'm sure they would call me to come clean it up) I'd rather have him in a pull-up than underwear- for everyone's benefit!

Should I call the director or the teacher, or both? What should I say? I am so bad at things like this- I hate "breaking" the rules. As a former teacher, I have been on the other side of accomodations, and I'm very sensitive to it, but I'm also very aware of how teachers feel about *those* parents.

I just really feel like this is a pretty good exception to the rule.

Any thoughts, ideas, opinions, advice- would be greatly appreciated!

TIA!

Edited b/c I can't spell!

[kristenk]

DD was in a similar situation with school last year. She was having a huge problem holding stool and I was worried that she'd be traumatized if she had a poop accident at school.

I talked about everything with the director and she was fine with it. At the beginning of last year, I sent DD to school in a pull-up as a back-up. She knew that she was supposed to use the potty when she needed to, but the pull-up was for just in case.

Really, when you think about it, if the kids are supposed to be using the potty by themselves as school, it really shouldn't matter whether your DS is wearing underwear, a pull-up or who knows what.

Talk to the director and everything should be fine.

[randomkid]

I'm so sorry that you and your DS are going through this. We've had issues with DD, but not to that extent, so I can feel your pain a bit.

Personally, I would talk to the teacher, not the director, first. Find a time to actually go in and talk to her in person if possible. DD first went into daycare at 19 months and they said no pacifiers in her age group. I talked to the teacher and she just gave it to her. We ended up taking DD out because she was sick so much and she just started back with preK3. In talking with the teacher and the aide, they tend to bend the rules a little if a child really needs it. There are absolutely no pacis in the 3yo room and the aide told me that she had a little boy last year that was having such a hard time that she snuck his paci to him a nap time - lol.

If you go to the director, she/he will just enforce the policy. Go to the teacher and explain the situation. Hopefully, she will work with you.

BTW, I really don't care if I'm labeled one of "those" parents. I want what is best for DD and I'll speak up for her to get it. I used to care what people thought, but not so much since becoming a Mommy.

Good Luck!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Poor little guy! Poor you!

Yikes, I guess I am one of "those" parents. I never mean to make a teacher's life difficult but it's easy to understand why it happens.

YOu probably just need to talk to the director and explain what is going on. IMO, if they are unwilling to work with you then you should look for another preschool. Of course, in my quest for developmentally friendly preschools I eliminated any that had a firm PT'ing cut off. The director at my university's child development center was the one that suggested that since she said they should acknowledge that all kids will develop at their own pace and some won't be ready by X time. I know not everyone is as hard core about this as me and have no problems pt'ing by a deadline. I just saw the pt thing as something that could extend to the whole school philosophy (more supportive of the individual child in general). Sorry for that tangent!


I think you have a very legitimate reason for wanting an exception. Talk to them and see what sort of response you get. Hopefully it will be a good one. :)


Beth

[kijip]

Does your son have a bowel movement during the hours he is supposed to be in preschool (since it is just a morning school schedule?) If not, I'd be inclined to just put him in a clean pull-up right before drop off and pick him up right away and take him home. I am not sure they need to know at all if that is the case. Or call and explain the medical issue and let them know it's a temporary accommodation.

[lizajane]

i am very empathetic to your situation. we had holding/regression problems ourselves, but fortunately, not during preschool. unfortunately, at our preschool, the cut off is definite and strictly enforced. i don't have a problem with it, as the 3 year old classes are not equipped for diaper changes (or accident clean ups) and the school gets to make their own rules, whether i agree with them or not (i wish i could send cut up grapes with my 3 year old, but i can't, as it is also a rule.) so at our school, he would have to stay home. i think that stinks! but that is what would happen. i hope you can get it worked out. good luck!!!!!:hug:

[randomkid]

(i wish i could send cut up grapes with my 3 year old, but i can't, as it is also a rule.)

I know this is OT, but what?!? No cut up grapes? Please explain the reasoning behind this to me. Do they allow whole grapes? :confused:

[mommy111]

I know this is OT, but what?!? No cut up grapes? Please explain the reasoning behind this to me. Do they allow whole grapes? :confused:
I think grapes and carrots are not allowed in some preschools because of the aspiration risk.
To the OP, I would talk to the teacher, it sounds like a very reasonable accommodation and I don't see why the teachers should care whether he is in a pull-up or underwear in this particular situation.

[KpbS]

I agree with w/ a PP who mentioned finding another preschool (or delaying preschool enrollment). I am sure this doesn't sound like a very good option at this point in the game--so close to the start date--but as I read your post he isn't completely pt yet. Constipation issues aside he may benefit from some additional time to completely train before being in a school setting in which it is a requirement. Sounds like this is a pretty traumatic time for him and that coupled with a new standard of staying dry w/ no accidents in underwear in a new setting may be overwhelming. Adjusting socially is hard enough imho.

Hope he is feeling better soon

[ilfaith]

We had that problem all last year. DS started preschool at 2, and the 2-year-old class did not have to be potty trained. But when he turned 3 (he's got a summer birthday so was one of the younger kids in the class) he wasn't 100% there yet. I sent him in underpants, and he did have a few accidents the first week or two. His teacher did suggest the possibility of sending him back to the 2-year-old class temporarily, but my son is not only bright, but big for his age, and I thought he'd eat those little 2-year-olds for lunch. Things did improve after the first few weeks...but we stil had issues with constipation and holding. Eventually he went on Miralax, and I explained to his teachers that until we got the dosing right, it was likely he might have some poop accidents. I put on a pull up underneath his underwear, just in case, and sent him to school with a back up in his backpack. Since the Miraliax-induced irregularity was temporary and occasional, they didn't have a problem with him wearing the pull-ups when needed.

Even now, that DS is 4 we still have some issues. There are times I send him outl with a panty liner or thin maxi pad in his underwear, just to prevent any messes.

[LarsMal]

Thanks for the input. I called his teacher this morning, but she had a bad connection, so she's going to call me back later today.

I talked to my friend- her DD goes to a different campus of this school. She said they are very kind, understanding teachers, and she can't imagine they wouldn't bend the rules for him for a few weeks. Hopefully she's right!

I'm hoping it won't really even be an issue. He doesn't typically have BM's in the morning, but I don't know how he'll react to the Miralax once he's cleaned out- or how long it will take to regulate.

We'll do the cleanse Thurs. and Friday and then go to the Miralax. That will give me 10 days to work on PT again, so hopefully he'll get right back into it and it will be alright. Fingers crossed!

I'll update again after I talk to the teacher.

[brittone2]

I feel for you. DS had withholding problems from age 15 months until he was probably about 3. He was PT'd by age 2, including nights, but it took him a long time to get out of the constipation/withholding cycle (and we used Miralax temporarily during that time).

We haven't done preschool (we're planning to homeschool) but I would have found it tremendously frustrating to have a school tell me my child couldn't attend. It is a medical issue and should be treated as such. I get that some preschools are not staffed for cleanups, etc. but putting pressure on parents to have PTing done on a deadline just isn't respectful of individual differences in physiology.

I hope that they are willing to work with you. I"m sorry you are dealing with the stress of this right now. I am so, so glad that DS eventually got past this, and your DS will too.

:hug:

[LarsMal]

I hope that they are willing to work with you. I"m sorry you are dealing with the stress of this right now. I am so, so glad that DS eventually got past this, and your DS will too.

:hug:

Thanks!
The gastro ped told me he *will* eventually get past it and realize that it doesn't have to hurt to poop, and that going in the potty is a good thing! He said it can take some kids months to get over all the back up, and even up to a year or 2. He also said his "aggressive" approach to cleansing has a 98% success rate, so I'm hopeful that DS will be in the "months" not "years" category for getting cleaned out so he can start feeling better and move forward.

I feel so badly for him. Poor little guy!

[hbridge]

As the parent of a DC who PT'ed late, I would think about the possibility of a school that is a little more lax about requiring children to be PT. Since some children are not physiologically ready to PT at such a young age, the school is asking children to do something that some children physically can't do!

We had to switch DC's preschool for other reasons at this time last year. The school we wanted had space available, but required the children to be PT'ed and wouldn't budge. Then they refused DC again this year since the late PT'ing "indicated a late bloomer". My pediatrician couldn't believe it and my husband was livid! We were fortunate to find a wonderful preschool that accepts every child for who they are. DC is thriving there!

Hopefully the teacher will be willing to work with you on this. In my opinion, if the teacher won't work with you on this issue that's a red-flag that this school might not work with you on other issues either.

[LarsMal]

As the parent of a DC who PT'ed late, I would think about the possibility of a school that is a little more lax about requiring children to be PT. Since some children are not physiologically ready to PT at such a young age, the school is asking children to do something that some children physically can't do!

We had to switch DC's preschool for other reasons at this time last year. The school we wanted had space available, but required the children to be PT'ed and wouldn't budge. Then they refused DC again this year since the late PT'ing "indicated a late bloomer". My pediatrician couldn't believe it and my husband was livid! We were fortunate to find a wonderful preschool that accepts every child for who they are. DC is thriving there!

Hopefully the teacher will be willing to work with you on this. In my opinion, if the teacher won't work with you on this issue that's a red-flag that this school might not work with you on other issues either.

Thanks. I'm really hoping it works out b/c our options are very limited. We are going to be moving out of the area sometime in the next 6 months. DH refused to put DS in a program that required a 60/40 payment and then didn't reimburse until the spot was filled (when we registered for preschool we thought we'd be moving earlier, but the process is taking a lot longer than planned). This preschool has a month-to-month payment and lets you out of the contract if you move more than 25 miles away- we're moving hours away!

Once we move and get settled I am going to be much pickier about the kind of school DS goes to, but for now I just want him to have the preschool/social experience. He really needs a break from DD and me. It will be good for all of us! (That said, it is a very reputable place that's been around for 30 years, so it's not like we're just sending him to *any* school b/c it worked out for us financially!).

At this point, if they don't budge, then he just won't go to school until we move, and I'll just find other classes for him- maybe the YMCA or more gym classes. Hopefully it won't come to that, though.