book on normal 2-3 year old behavior?

[elephantmeg]

I am struggling with DS right now. He's 2.5 and seems to have inherited our stubborn streak. But there are issues that I wonder if they aren't just normal 2 year old behavior. What's your favorite books for this age? Some issues we're dealing with (and don't seem to be getting better with time out etc) are:
-running away
-not listening (ex when he is running and I say stop)
-not being able to sit still for more than 2-3 min

TIA

[brittone2]

nak-
Authors Ames and Ilig have a series..."Your Two Year Old", "Your Three Year Old"....etc. etc. The discipline advice is outdated but the normal development portions are very helpful.

FWIW, everything you describe sounds 100% age appropriate. It is unlikely punishment will have much of an effect on what you describe, IMO. I would try to prevent the running off in the first place...use a backpack harness, put DC in a stroller, have a rule that he must hold your hand, etc. He isn't being stubborn, IMO...he sounds like a very typical 2.5 year old.

eta: I'm not sure if you have checked it out, but www.gentlechristianmothers.com has a gentle discipline board (I learned about it here) that is really excellent, IMO, even if you don't identify with their site otherwise. The GD board there is free, you don't have to be a member to read that particular board, and the advice is very age-appropriate, gentle, respectful, and not permissive. Lots of good info IMO.

[egoldber]

:yeahthat:

Those books are good and your local library almost surely has them.

And those behaviors are very typical. I would not use punishment for them. At that age they simply don't have the impulse control to stop themselves from those behaviors even if they "knew" they were wrong. I am a huge fan of working to eliminate a problem.

Also, different kids are just very different in temperament. At 2 (and even younger) I could rely on Sarah to stay by my side and hold my hand. Amy is almost 2 and is SOOOO different. I would never, ever let her walk in a busy parking lot right now. I use a stroller or a backpack harness for her because otherwise she is just simply too uncontrollable.

[brittone2]

:yeahthat:


And those behaviors are very typical. I would not use punishment for them. At that age they simply don't have the impulse control to stop themselves from those behaviors even if they "knew" they were wrong. I am a huge fan of working to eliminate a problem.

Also, different kids are just very different in temperament. At 2 (and even younger) I could rely on Sarah to stay by my side and hold my hand. Amy is almost 2 and is SOOOO different. I would never, ever let her walk in a busy parking lot right now. I use a stroller or a backpack harness for her because otherwise she is just simply too uncontrollable.

back to say :yeahthat: to the above. My two children are very different so far. DS insisted on being carried until he was over 2, was mostly able to stay by my side, etc. DD...well, that's another story. She's busy with a capital B.

The best thing to do IMO is to set them up for success (don't give them an opportunity to run off in the first place).

[lizajane]

i have an ADHD and a non-ADHD and they both behaved that way at 2.5 very normal for the age.

[o_mom]

nak-
Authors Ames and Ilig have a series..."Your Two Year Old", "Your Three Year Old"....etc. etc. The discipline advice is outdated but the normal development portions are very helpful.



Just wanted to suggest that you check them out of the library if you can before you buy. I found them not to be very helpful for us. DS1 was nothing at all like they described in the books, in fact he was mostly completely opposite of what they said. I also found that they focused mainly on positive behaviors and didn't touch on why they do the things that drive you crazy or explain why those things are normal. Personally, if they aren't driving me crazy, I don't need a book about it.

If anyone has another suggestion, I'd love to hear it!

[elephantmeg]

I guess the issue with running away for me is in our (large) yard. He just takes off running and doesn't listen if I say stop. Which is hard with a baby too. My parents and my IL's both seem to think he should not be running away like that. And as he runs he tells himself "stop, stop". He also runs around a lot and can't sit still at story time-worse than most of the others but I can't tell if I'm the only one who is stupid enough to take a 2 year old boy to story time. Sigh. Thanks for the advice-I don't want to be too hard on him but I also don't want to encourage behavior that isn't appropriate IYKWIM. I don't feel like I'm putting this well. He's a cool kid, I'm just scared that he is going to get run over because he doesn't listen. I'm hoping he'll be a little more able to listen next year when I have 2 running kids!

[o_mom]

I guess the issue with running away for me is in our (large) yard. He just takes off running and doesn't listen if I say stop. Which is hard with a baby too. My parents and my IL's both seem to think he should not be running away like that. And as he runs he tells himself "stop, stop". He also runs around a lot and can't sit still at story time-worse than most of the others but I can't tell if I'm the only one who is stupid enough to take a 2 year old boy to story time. Sigh. Thanks for the advice-I don't want to be too hard on him but I also don't want to encourage behavior that isn't appropriate IYKWIM. I don't feel like I'm putting this well. He's a cool kid, I'm just scared that he is going to get run over because he doesn't listen. I'm hoping he'll be a little more able to listen next year when I have 2 running kids!


Yes, that is normal for 2 year olds (and 3 year olds, for that matter). We are getting a nice fence for our yard so I don't have to constantly be dragging them back in.

As someone here once told me - he seems worse at sitting still than other kids at storytime because all of us moms of kids who can't sit stopped going to storytime a long time ago. :)

[elephantmeg]

As someone here once told me - he seems worse at sitting still than other kids at storytime because all of us moms of kids who can't sit stopped going to storytime a long time ago. :)

lol, I am to that point and go sporadically as it is. Now I wonder how much it would cost to fence in an acre... DH would flip!

[brittone2]

I guess the issue with running away for me is in our (large) yard. He just takes off running and doesn't listen if I say stop. Which is hard with a baby too. My parents and my IL's both seem to think he should not be running away like that. And as he runs he tells himself "stop, stop". He also runs around a lot and can't sit still at story time-worse than most of the others but I can't tell if I'm the only one who is stupid enough to take a 2 year old boy to story time. Sigh. Thanks for the advice-I don't want to be too hard on him but I also don't want to encourage behavior that isn't appropriate IYKWIM. I don't feel like I'm putting this well. He's a cool kid, I'm just scared that he is going to get run over because he doesn't listen. I'm hoping he'll be a little more able to listen next year when I have 2 running kids!

But the impulse control is something that he just doesn't have yet (which is probably why you hear him saying it out loud...he's trying but isn't able to stop himself yet). My suggestion would be to play games like red light/green light etc. in coming months with the expectation that he probably won't really *get* it and be able to stop himself for a while.

Running outside seems totally appropriate to me? Is there a road nearby?

I'd also try to be physically moving toward him so you can gently *help* him stop himself as you tell him to stop vs. saying it from across the yard and expecting him to have the impulse control to stop himself. So you are helping him learn what stop means and that you'll enforce your words. I wouldn't personally punish him for not stopping, but would just make sure I was moving toward him so I could help him stop when I said stop, kwim? As he gets older you can show him how to modulate...can you move fast like a horse? Slow like a turtle? Can you stop yourself and not move and pretend to be a rock? (you can also teach them to modulate their voice kind of like that too over time). I wouldn't expect him to be able to do it perfectly or even much at all at 2.5, but it is something you can practice and he can learn at the same time.

I know with a lot of behaviors when DS was young I tended to think...oh no, he's always going to be stubborn/clingy/etc/etc. but really, IME/IMO everything tends to move in phases. Try not to worry that him not stopping himself now at age 2.5 (when he probably just isn't there yet cognitively) means that he'll have problems when he's 5, kwim?

[fivi2]

lol, I am to that point and go sporadically as it is. Now I wonder how much it would cost to fence in an acre... DH would flip!


We did an easy, cheap (ugly) temporary fence for the part of the yard we want to keep our 2.5 yo girls out of. Who btw, sounds a lot like your ds! We stopped going to story time a long time ago!

[new_mommy25]

Sorry mama, but I agree it sounds normal to me. If you think your child may slightly outside the range, I highly suggest the book "Raising Your Spirited Child". Even if you determine that your child isn't spirited, it's a great read and helped me to understand both my children and even myself a little better.

[lizajane]

But the impulse control is something that he just doesn't have yet (which is probably why you hear him saying it out loud...he's trying but isn't able to stop himself yet). My suggestion would be to play games like red light/green light etc. in coming months with the expectation that he probably won't really *get* it and be able to stop himself for a while.

Running outside seems totally appropriate to me? Is there a road nearby?

I'd also try to be physically moving toward him so you can gently *help* him stop himself as you tell him to stop vs. saying it from across the yard and expecting him to have the impulse control to stop himself. So you are helping him learn what stop means and that you'll enforce your words. I wouldn't personally punish him for not stopping, but would just make sure I was moving toward him so I could help him stop when I said stop, kwim? As he gets older you can show him how to modulate...can you move fast like a horse? Slow like a turtle? Can you stop yourself and not move and pretend to be a rock? (you can also teach them to modulate their voice kind of like that too over time). I wouldn't expect him to be able to do it perfectly or even much at all at 2.5, but it is something you can practice and he can learn at the same time.

I know with a lot of behaviors when DS was young I tended to think...oh no, he's always going to be stubborn/clingy/etc/etc. but really, IME/IMO everything tends to move in phases. Try not to worry that him not stopping himself now at age 2.5 (when he probably just isn't there yet cognitively) means that he'll have problems when he's 5, kwim?

beth beat me to it- i was going to suggest "red light!" instead of stop. my kids will stop for "red light" WAY more often than for "stop!!!" also, try "danger" instead of "stop" if you are near a road, etc.

at that age, it is all about learning-
"we are going into the parking lot now. you need to hold my hand so i can keep you safe from cars who would not see you. it is not a choice. we will run when we get home and are safe in the yard."

[o_mom]

We did an easy, cheap (ugly) temporary fence for the part of the yard we want to keep our 2.5 yo girls out of.

Agreed - if you don't have a HOA to deal with, you can put in a vinyl fence yourself. A friend did it when 7 mos pregnant, that's how easy they are. Even fencing part of the yard would give him a place to run without you having to tell him 'no' all the time. If we didn't have to have a certain fence because of the HOA, I would probably do that - as it is, we are fencing about 1/2 ac (lot is 2/3 ac) and that is costing more than I like to think about.

[elephantmeg]

lol, we are rural, rural, rural. The only housing authority is what the IL's next door think-and they love the kids so I don't think it matters to them. The other 2 sides of our yard are corn fields and cows. I doubt they care :)

[o_mom]

lol, we are rural, rural, rural. The only housing authority is what the IL's next door think-and they love the kids so I don't think it matters to them. The other 2 sides of our yard are corn fields and cows. I doubt they care :)

That makes it easy, then! I would look into some inexpensive fencing options. The vinyl picket panels actually look pretty nice. Another inexpensive options are split-rail with wire mesh. You don't need it to last forever, just 10 years or so until they can stay in reasonably well.