Update, post 23...1st day of Kinder...would this disturb you or is it just me

[JustMe]

Dd started Kindergaren yesterday. The day before they had a meet-n-greet and we got to meet the teacher, instructional assistant, and even a student teacher. I was thrilled to learn that there are currently only 17 kids (although they "hope" to have 25) and 3 adults. This is a public school, so that is pretty awesome in my book. Fast forward to the first morning. I bring dd in and no one comes up to greet us. There is a carton of milk at every place at the table (dd is allergic). So it takes me a good while to get one of the 3 people's attention, at which point she takes the milk away. Meanwhile, the whole time we are there none of these 3 people comes over to say hello to dd, nor were we greeted when we came in. Dd sits at her place at the table and parents are there and then all of a sudden the teacher announces "We would like all parents to leave the room now". There was no warning or anything. Dd immediately starts to cry. All the other parents leave and I stand there for what felt like a good 3 minutes until the student teacher notices and comes over. She talks to dd, and dd does stop crying and I leave. Today, when we get there they had orange juice for dd, which I appreciated, but still no one said hello when we walked in. Dd did not cry today, so something must be going okay ( a very good friend of hers from her preschool is in her class and that helps a lot. this little girl is very outgoing and i know that she will make sure that not only her needs are met, but that dd's are as well).

I just can't relate to the idea of teachers not making a point to greet kids, especially kindergarteners and especially on the first few days of school...however, I am a mental health profressional AND I work for Head Start, so I am very skewed in what I am used to.

I did mention to the instructional assistant today, that it makes a big difference for dd if someone says hello to her and makes a connection with her in the morning (very true and important given her history, but I won;t go into all of that here). So what do you all think?

I am having an especially hard time as this is a full day Kindergarten, and one of my big concerns is that dd will not be assertive enough to get some of her basic needs met. As I said, thank goodness the preschool friend is in her class because she really is quite gifted in that area!

[randomkid]

That would most definitely bother me. What were 3 adults doing that was so important that they couldn't greet your DD? They are there for the kids, they should pay attention to them when they arrive. It's beyond my comprehension that they would not greet your DD.

You are not off base at all to be uncomfortable with this.

BTW, I think they should greet all the kids, every day of the year, not just during the first few days (but, esp during the first days).

[TaChapm]

I felt the exact same way with Jackson's first week of school. Our experience was very similar to yours except Jackson continued to cry all week long and literally was a changed and withdrawn child by last Thursday. It broke my heart. I didn't want to offend the teacher the first week of school but I had to say something. I ended up talking to the counselor about the teacher needing to be more nurturing with Jackson until he got into the swing of things. This week he has done a lot better and she seems to be making more of an effort. Perhaps you could talk to your DD's counselor.

I hope it gets better. Last week almost killed us all! I hated seeing my child like that.

[bubbaray]

The milk/allergy thing would bother me more than the meet/greet issue, though that would bother me too.

Have you got an allergy management plan with the school?

Having my DD#2 (anaphylactic to fish) go to school will surely give me heart failure. I'm not kidding, I will need to be medicated her first week!

[hillview]

That happend to us on 1st day of preschool but DS didn't cry. The other teachers were ALL really busy with crying kids. It would bother me AND I think it sort of depends on what they were doing -- e.g. if dealing with other crying kids that is sort of hard to call. HOPE IT GETS BETTER!! Glad you said something. I would have for sure.
/hillary

[s7714]

If they have that low of a teacher/student ratio I would think that one of them should be capable of manning the door to greet students while the other two handled whatever else was going on. If they can't even take the time to say hello to their students in the morning, then it makes me wonder what else they won't be making time for in terms of teaching and caring for the children on an individual basis through the course of the whole day. I think your concerns are valid.

[ThreeofUs]

My DS isn't there yet, but this would very much concern me. With a 3:17 ratio, they can certainly do better. No educator I've ever talked to would just give an order to leave without a significant effort toward transfer of trust.

And I am very surprised in this age of allergies that they would have an automatic milk at every place setting - did you fill out an allergies form for them before school started? I thought that was US law, but could be wrong.

[mommy111]

My DD's first preschool was like that.....very tough-love, you come in and join in the routine of the day and don't expect teachers to greet you. While in retrospect I appreciate some of the tougness they transmitted to DD, it disturbed me horribly and I took DD out of that school and into another one. In the new school, the teacher or asst teacher would say hello to the kids every time they came in, if they were busy with a crying kid etc, they'd at least give a shout out and they made a point of one person NOT being busy and being the greeter and having some transition activity to make the transition easier for the kids (like her teacher would say to DD, 'Come DD, today we're counting how many of your classmates are here already, lets count and then you can point out the number to me')
If an adult walks into a room, it is common courtesy to greet them. I don't get why we can't give the same respect to our DCs.
Good for her that she has a good friend in there as well.

[kijip]

That would all bug me. Seriously. I guess I was spoiled by the greeting on the first day at my son's school:

-Every morning kids meet their teacher on the playground and go in together. On just the second day (third time seeing T) the teacher spotted him from across the playground, called him over and told me a funny story about yesterday.

-Parents are welcome to walk in for first week or so.

-The first day the teacher explained some stuff to the parents who came in the classroom and we observed for a bit, then the Principal came on the intercom and invited all the parents to a coffee and donut type hour on the main floor (better than saying "it's time to go!!!")

[Neatfreak]

I would think it was really strange if the teachers don't greet their student. My kid is only in preschool, but even the custodial staff say, "Good Morning, M!" when she arrives. Part of the school's socialization program is learning good manners, and greetings are of that.

[KBecks]

In this situation, can you initiate greeting the teacher? I think I'd be inclined to walk right up to the teacher and say hello every day.

[deannanb]

the teacher should be at the door greeting everyone -
and the others should help with the lunchboxes and coats and other misc. activities.

and I'm puzzled as to why they have milk out for the kids (if the kids get free or reduced breakfast, shouldn't they have had that before they come to class?)

[Melbel]

DS (3rd grade) and DD1 (1st grade) still receive warm welcomes by the teacher or assistant virtually if not every day. I think it really helps the kids transition in the morning and gets them off to a good start. So yes, it would bother me if the teachers were not making an effort to welcome my K or older child. I would not hesitate to advocate for my child on this one because it is such a simple fix.

[egoldber]

:yeahthat:

Sarah's second grade teacher is VERY warm and nurturing and still greets the kids effusively each day and helps them settle in. After the first day they don't really want the parents coming in the room, but the teacher still smiles warmly and says hello to me.

It sounds like teacher's style is just very brusque. Not a good thing in a K teacher I think. :(

[jamesmom]

Both the lack of greeting and the having milk at the table would bother me.

DS goes to Kindergarten on the schoolbus so I don't know how he actually gets greeted at school, but his Kindergarten teacher did mention during orientation that she greets the students when she picks them up to go to the classroom (they assemble near the front of the school first), and she's the only teacher for a class of 20 (other than the aides, learning specialist or guest teacher who show up for various reasons). IMHO, that's pretty basic.
I just don't understand why one of the 3 teachers/staff in your DD's class can't stand by the door to greet the parents and children before class.

The milk thing would bother me too. DS' school distributes the milk or orange juice cartons to each child right before they consume it so it's not just sitting there on the table. There is a kid with severe food allergies in DS' class so they have to be extra careful.

:hug: I hope it gets better, and your DD learns to love school.

[MelissaTC]

DS is in first grade but still gets greeted every morning by at least one of his teachers.

In K, there was one teacher that hung out by the door and would greet everyone that was coming in, including parents in the hall. I think oart of why she stood there to help get the kids in the room and keep the parents out. LOL. His classroom was so welcoming and warm. It made the transition to K so much easier.

[mamicka]

The milk allergy thing would bother me *a lot*. The lack of greeting would bother me but compared the the feeding my kid something that could kill him, that's small potatoes.

[trales]

I taught high school and now I teach college, I still stand at the door and greet students the first day.

The milk thing would bother me, that said, I would feel better since they seemed to remember the next day and rectified the situation. I would consider at chat about dairy products.

[WatchingThemGrow]

The only explanation I could think of is timing. Were you later than the rest of the class getting there? I always stood at the door to welcome the group as they came in when the bell rang (they waited in the cafeteria with the assistant until they entered the room). When the kids came in, exchanged greetings with me, and started putting their stuff away. They started learning the routine the first week and carried out autonomously from then on.

When I think back about it, the people who trickled in AFTER the bell probably never got the warm fuzzy entry and may have felt like you did. I always tried to greet them, but there was often already something I was involved in - like collecting books, helping someone do something, contacting an administrator, nurse, music teacher, etc about something, getting ready for the morning group. It was awkward when they (the parents) wanted my attention, but 7 other 5 year olds were lined up trying to be patient.

Otherwise, they should be making the effort to greet everyone as a class. Can you ask if there is a time for that, so you don't miss it? Tell them it really makes a difference for your family.

ETA:clarification that the tardy parents wanted my attention, when I needed to just greet the child, send the parent away happily, and get to the other students

[DrSally]

Both would bother me. I totally understand about for some more reserved children, having someone make a connection with them right away is important. A positive hi "name" and a few nice words can do a lot. The milk think would also bother me A LOT

[CAM7]

It would bother me... not just the lack of greeting but I bet you are picking up on a 'cold' vibe from the 3 of them? Not good for teaching younger kids...

..btw... our Dd is from Guat too! :-)

[thomma]

I teach second grade and can't imagine not greeting one of my students as s/he entered the room. It's common courtesy. It would definitely bother me.


Kim
ds&dd 5/03

[JustMe]

Thanks so much for all of the replies. Its helpful to know that most people think the lack of greeting is a problem. As I said in my original post since I work in education and mental health I sometimes have a skewed view/expect too much...so its good to know that others would feel similarly.

To answer, some questions raised...no, we were not late. Surprisingly, there is NOT a cold vibe or anything similar in the room. All 3 adults seem really warm and several kids from last year's class came by to say hello and were all greeted with hugs. On day 2, we were greeted by the student teacher and no one else. I tried to approach the teacher and eventually did...she will talk to me and when I include dd in the conversation she talks to her, but it didnt seem to lead to her thinking she should initiate a greeting. I finally approached the instructional assistant and came right out and asked her if she would mind checking in with dd and saying hello to her when she arrives. I told her I think it would really help dd. She said "yes, I will do that", strange..she was very nice, but I was also glad I said something b/c it seemed like something she would not have done normally. On day 3, (friday) all 3 adults said hello to us...not sure if this is a coincidence, a result of the instructional asst saying something to them (which would be great, but I somehow doubt), or just a result of maybe them relaxing from some of *their* stress from the first few days?

Dd is still crying when I leaves and it feels like it takes a significant amount of time for someone to come over to her. I just stand there until they do. Dd otherwise seems very happy at school, says she likes all 3 teachers, and wants to go in the morning (different than crying when I leave). Negative behaviors have not increased at home, and they always to when she is stressed or having a hard time in whatever school/childcare situation she is in, so I can only gather that a lot *is* going well, and she is enjoying herself the rest of the day. I think the greeting thing is just one of those things that some people don't get, although I don't get them not getting it!

Regarding the milk, the reason why all kids get breakfast is b/c in our school district if there is a high enough percentage of low income kids in the school ALL kids are provided with a free breakfast (although unfortunately this is not true about lunch, which I would prefer). Every subsequent day that we have gotten there, the student teacher has told us that she has gotten an orange juice for dd and tells us where it is. I am still floored that they would have milk out at every place on the very first day of school, without knowing who the kids are... but I feel the situation is resolved. She is not severely allergic to it and is not allergic to any other dairy.

She still does not want to ride the school bus to school, although she rides it from school to her after school program (her afterschool program is located in her preschool, so she is very comfortable there. One of her best preschool friends is in her class and rides the afterschool bus/attends afterschool with her so that makes it easier). She says she is afraid of going in the school without me, not actually riding the bus to school, which makes sense. I am okay with this for now, as I do feel it would be a lot to ask of her, yet at the same time driving her makes me late for work, which is also okay for now, but not for later.

Thanks for reading and any responses!

[mommy111]

Glad things are getting better!