Would you ever lock your child's door?

[hillview]

DS is just 3. He is having trouble staying in his room for timeouts (did I mention he was 3?) -- we do a time out every day or 2 for thinks like hitting your brother etc., for his bed time (last 3 nights has been up 6-7 times and going to be at 9:30 and not 8). I am wondering if a lock would be ok to use. I'd only be ok to use it when he was first trying to go to sleep and take it off before I went to bed. Is this a really bad idea? My other options (other ideas?) are to hold the door shut or to keep returining him to his room.

THANKS!
/hillary

[WitMom]

I have no real opinion, other than to say that I've been tempted, too (I have a 3 y.o. also). We just moved into our house 7 weeks ago, and the little boy's room had/has the door knob "flipped" around so it can be locked from the hallway instead of from inside the room. I suspect the reason was probably the same as your motivation.

[randomkid]

Hmmm...I'm not sure about this one in general. I know for us, that would not work as DD would totally freak out if she were locked in her room and couldn't get out. For us, that would just make things worse.

Personally, I'd try other things before resorting to the lock. I'm sure you have, but you don't say what. We use consequences a lot, which work for DD.

I like your idea of returning him to the room EVERY TIME. It's really hard on you, but if you are consistent, he will get the idea. DD would come out of time out when we first started it with her. I just put her back over and over again. Now, she starts to get up, but knows I'll just put her back, so she stays put. If you try this, I'd just calmly take him back without a word. Don't get upset or let him see you frustrated as that will just reinforce his behavior. No reaction from you and consistency - it's hard, but you can do it!

BTW, if it's for time out and you use a timer, I'd tell him that every time he comes out, he gets put back and the timer is reset to start all over.

Good Luck and keep us updated.

[Corie]

Personally, I would not feel comfortable locking my child
in their room.

But my kids have always been really good sleepers who
stay in their bedrooms. I don't know what I would do in your situation.

I'm not much help, am I?

[lizajane]

i am pretty sure children are predisposed to stay in bed or not. mine do NOT stay in bed. it is a nightmare. and yes, we have tried everything- returning to room without talking, sitting on the bed, by the bed, farther and farther away until in the hall, staying in the hall and "standing guard," leaving lights on, allowing a toy or book in bed, playing soft music... we have tried it all over a span of 3.5 years. schuyler cannot be locked in his room. he is terrified. dylan we lock in. for a 2-3 minute time out. never at bedtime, as they share a room and that would lock schuyer in. but it is our only way to keep dylan in there for a time out when he is hysterical and there is no reasoning with him.

[psophia17]

Yup. When N figured out how to open the door, he had already been in the toddler bed for a month or so. He thought it was the best game ever. So we got the childproofing doorknob thingies, and the jig was up. He was not pleased at first, but after about 15 minutes of carrying on, he got into bed and went to sleep. He tested it out again the next night, and when the door still wouldn't open, he got into bed and went to sleep.

R will likely freak out if we ever try it, but since the boys share a room, it'll be a non-issue. I have no idea what we'll do at that point, but we'll figure something out.

[brittone2]

I think for some kids that would be very terrifying...JMO. I have a 4.5 year old and he tends to stay in his room pretty well however (just his disposition). If he didn't, I'd probably just return to his room repeatedly, or figure out some alternative. I personally wouldn't feel comfortable with locking my child in his/her room. We don't really do time-outs (other than when he's raging out of control and I really can't take hearing it, at which point I will tell him to go to his room until he's feeling more in control of himself...no set time. That doesn't happen often at all though).

[elliput]

When DD figured out how to open her bedroom door, I also put a knob cover on. It was either that or a gate in her doorway. For many reasons, we did not gate the stairs of the house we lived in previously as I did not want her able to move around the house by herself in the middle of the night(she was 2.5 at the time). Her bedroom door was right next to ours and she quickly learned to knock on her door if she wanted us.

We currently do not have a knob cover on as DD comes straight to our bedroom now when she wakes at night. I usually hear her door open and try to intercept and redirect back to her bedroom. I think she just wants a bit of comforting, as she will usually head back with little protest and get back into bed. Sometimes I will lie down with her for a few minutes just for extra re-assurance.

[KBecks]

I don't have any reason to lock my kids in their rooms, so no. I wouldn't consider it and it doesn't feel like something I would do.

[Globetrotter]

No, I wouldn't do it because what if there was a fire (or in our case, an earthquake!) during that time, or what if he needed to use the bathroom.

[Pennylane]

Nope, no way. I just would not feel comfortable with it.

Ann

[blisstwins]

I gave up time outs for a similar issue. Too much stress to enforce and they were not working (if you use them as often as every other day they are not working well). We gove three warnings in a day and if they hit three they lose something they love. In our case, my children LOVE Dora and Deigo and only get to watch a little in the morning and a little in the evening, so losing TV in either the morning or evening is really tough on them. After the first time my son really lost TV and cried for HOURS he knew we meant business and in since May I would say we only hit 3 warnings 3x--not too bad. If there is a safety violation they automatically get 3 warnings at once. DS once ran into the street and we explained and instituted that policy after that. Good luck.

[ThreeofUs]

Hmmm... I don't know. In theory, I don't see any reason to do so with DS, and can't really think of a situation where I would want to lock him in. In practice, this is an OLD house with mortise locks on the doors for which I might have a key. Maybe. ;)

If TO's weren't working, I'd be taking away something that was his "currency" - DVD time, probably, because he values DVDs so highly.

[egoldber]

For some reason 3.5 tends to be a really, really hard age. I would not lock my kid in their room because I think she would find it terrifying. I DID hold the door shut when she was in timeout a couple times and was in a particular rage. But if I had had to do it more often than a couple times ever, I think I'd try something else.

[LBW]

A month ago I would have said no way. Then my middle guy--the 2-year old who would tell me he was ready for a nap and trot off to his room--started protesting naps and bed times. I tried everything from sitting with him and talking to rubbing his back to reading stories to putting him in his baby brother's crib. Nothing worked. So, the child-proof knob went on his door. He wasn't too happy about it, but he was MAD, not freaked out, so I stuck with it. Within a couple of days he was back to his old, happy-to-nap/sleep self.

So, now I say go for it as a last resort.

[jd11365]

We did. I turned the doorknob around so the lock is on the outside. Easy peasy, and made time outs a lot easier. Sometimes she'll keep coming out, even now, and we'll tell her we're going to lock it if she comes out again, which usually works. Otherwise, I have no problem using it.

[wencit]

I think I read somewhere (I believe it was Ferber) that locking a child in his room with a door is not a great idea and should be used only as a last resort. He advocates using baby gates instead, so that's what we used when DS first started sleeping outside his crib and wouldn't stay in his room. We ended up using double gates because DS would simply crawl over the first gate. They were pressure mounted, so it made me less nervous in case there was an emergency and we needed to get to him ASAP. He really disliked them, so after the first couple of nights, all we had to do was threaten to put the gates up, and he would generally stay in his room. Now we no longer need to put the gates up anymore, which makes me feel better.

[jk3]

No but we had a gate on my older DS's room when he was younger. It was mostly to keep the dog out of his room though.

[kcandz]

Would I lock the door? No, I think I wouldn't but my DC never had issues that warranted it. I certainly believe in "never say never" though so who knows if I had a different sort of child.

I will say when I experimented with timeouts we never did it in the child's room. I always wanted DC room to have happy associations so we wouldn't have sleep problems. Timeout was a spot near the family, not removed.

For sleeping, we did Supernanny style where we gave two "warnings" with words then kept putting DC back in the bed with no eye contact or words so as not to initiate a power struggle. It was matter of fact, almost robotic, but consistent. It didn't work instantly, it was tough, but eventually it did.

I think it would help to separate the timeout-for-hitting issue with the staying in bed issue. Your DC might be confused.

[BabyMine]

Yes becasue we do it here. My child is an escape artist. We tried the child-proof knob but he figured those out within a week. The baby gates were a joke to him. We feelmore secure knowing that when we put him in his room that is where he will stay. Every child and parent are different so the opinions are going to be too.

[spanannie]

Yes, and I did. With certain children, I think this is necessary and the only way of keeping them in their room/bed. It only sounds cruel if you have a compliant child who will stay in their bed.

[cvanbrunt]

Our house is old and so out of square that the doors don't close. We've had a gate in DD#1 doorway since the beginning. It's a pedal release and she's not even close to being heavy enough to open it. She treats it like a door; closing it behind her if she wants to be by herself. I don't worry about her not being able to get out at night because she just shakes the gate a bit calls for us.

[pinkmomagain]

As a pp mentioned, we have a childproof knob thingy on the inside of dd's (almost 3 yo) bedroom door. I also do not have a gate at the top of the stairs, and don't want her wandering around in the middle of the night. When she wakes, she either calls me or knocks on the door. This is all she's known so she is not frightened. I don't put her in timeouts in her room. Timeouts are not done too often in my house, and when they are done, she sits on my lap on the bottom step with no engagement from me for about a minute.

[mamicka]

Wow - we have multiple time-outs a day here. If we only have 1/day we're doing well. Even with that track record, I think they work for us overall. I'm not criticizing, I'm envious.

[s7714]

No, but we've never had any major issues with our DDs not staying in their beds at night. Once or twice I've gotten one of those freaked out calls for mommy from downstairs in the middle of the night, but that's it. When my DDs were younger we opted to lock the gate at the top of the stairs vs. lock their doors. That way they could get up and come into our room if needed, but couldn't wander downstairs unbeknownst to us.

[almostmom]

My 2.5 DD was coming out of her room all the time at night, and bedtime was usually around 9:30 too. We started a sticker chart, where if she stayed in bed she got a sticker the next day. We tried at the beginning of the summer and it didn't work, but now it is working! Well, not the last two nights, but for weeks before that! Just something to try... And give it a few nights.

It is so annoying though - I feel for you!

[maestramommy]

We put one of those doorknob guards on the inside, when she started climbing out of her crib so she couldn't get out. After a few bouts of howling, she stopped climbing out of the crib. This was in a 2 bdrm apt and our bedrooms were right next to each other. Now in our new house their room is at the other end of the hallway. We haven't put the guard on because it's not necessary. But we have the baby monitor on all day because it's a big house and the girls tend to play in their room at one time or another and I'm somewhere else completely.

[M&Mmom]

Yup! DC have always slept with the door closed. When DD moved to the toddler bed we put the baby knob on the inside of the door so she couldn't get out. We would check on her on our way to bed and she was usually asleep on the floor, having played in her room for awhile. I was fine as long as she played quietly. Once we started nighttime potty training we took the knob off and now we use it as a "threat". If you don't stay in your room, we're putting the knob back on! Usually works, but not always. I think I have put it on once for a short time just to prove that I will! I know a lot of kids that freak when the parents close their door but mine never knew any different. Now that DD can open the door she will go in her room and close the door to play for awhile and get away from DS, which is nice.

[cono0507]

My 3 yo had a problem staying in bed after bedtime so we made a sticker chart for it. He would get a sticker on his chart each morning if he had stayed in bed after bedtime the night before. After 5 stickers, he'd get a treat. He took to it very well and within a week or so he was hooked and would run in my room as soon as he woke up asking for his sticker telling me what a good job he did staying in bed. Might work for you!

(I haven't read the other posts, so if this is redundant, my apologies)