Alek tried to stick his tongue in my mouth, I'm freaking out

[KBecks]

After lunch, Alek got on my lap and was trying to give me an open mouth kiss, trying to lick and get his tongue in my mouth.

He said he leaned this at school and that another child did it to him.

I am trying not to freak out, but I am. I called DH, who said he'll see if Alek tells him anything more.

I think I need to contact his teacher and just mention the behavior. I don't know what happened, Alek doesn't talk much about school and when I try to ask more questions he gets upset.

I am not sure this is a school thing, but since it happened shortly after school and when I was asking him what he did in school today, it certainly may have a connection. What do I say?

Talk me through this, please!

I have kissed him on the lips in the past, not frequently, but never an open mouth kiss, this is an entirely new behavior.

ETA: I am pretty shocked.

[SnuggleBuggles]

My ds did that to me one day. We had been watching something (maybe "The Simpsons"?) where people were making out. He thought that we should do that too because we loved each other. That led to a simple discussion that that kind of kissing was not for us but only mom and dad. He hasn't tried since.

I hope you get to the bottom of what is going on at school!

Beth

[KBecks]

I am thinking of calling the teacher now and saying something along the lines of, "After lunch today, Alek got on my lap and tried to give me an open mouth kiss and put his tongue in my mouth, something he's never done before, and he said happened at school. He's never done anything like that before, I'm feeling a bit shocked. I'm not sure what to make of it, but I feel I have to let you know."

Does that sound acceptable?

What do I say next? I just can't believe I experienced this and it's only the 2nd week of school..... I don't want to sound like I'm blaming the school, but I have to bring it up. This seems like such a difficult thing to have to discuss. I guess I'm going to get broken in early as a school parent.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Sounds good to me. At least they can be keeping an eye out for things at school now.

Beth

[Ceepa]

That would shock me too. My guess is that some kid at school was just experimenting with a new display he saw at home or somewhere else. I would call the teacher, though, so she can monitor.

[ThreeofUs]

I would. I think a phone call is entirely appropriate. The school should know so they can keep an eye out.

[mamicka]

I think your script sounds good for calling the school. But just to maybe ease your concern, this is something that I think can be common for boys with their moms. I know that Lawrence (5) went through a stage about a year ago where he wanted to give... lets just say really intimate mouth kisses. Like Beth, I just explained that those were for mommies & daddies. He got it pretty quick & hasn't tried it for a while. I was pretty uncomfortable but I tried to act really non-chalant about it. As far as learning it at school - I know that lots of families are much more open about discussing boyfriend/girlfriend stuff with their kids. One of the K teachers at Lawrence's school sent a letter home to parents saying that they don't allow boyfriends/girlfriends at school & mentioned that kissing can become a problem so apparently its common to be curious about these things around this age. I know Alek is younger but maybe some kids start earlier.

I know its hard, but try not to let it bother you so much.

[KBecks]

Thanks, I'm a wuss and wrote a brief email to his teacher (my excuse is that I probably would have stammered a lot in voicemail.) I'm glad to know this may be a normal, innocent experimentation thing.

Alek is fine, he thought tongue kissing was very funny. I feel embarassed to bring it up to the school but I feel I had to. I think I did an OK job of letting them know what happened without sounding like a freak mother.

[Gena]

My son does used to do this quite a bit. He still tries it sometimes now, but less frequently. In our case, he learned it at home. He would say, "Give Mommy a good kiss, like Daddy." (Hubby and I often say to each other, "Give me a good kiss.")

So we have talked to him about how Mommy has one kind of kiss for Daddy and a different kiss for DS. Slowly it's sinking in.

[hillview]

Um, FWIW I'd have freaked out too. I'd have maybe over-reacted and called the school in a panic. I think you did the right thing :)
/hillary

[KBecks]

Small update: I spoke with Alek's teacher tonight. She said she didn't see anything, but let me know Alek and another 3 year old boy have been hanging out and pretty silly together, and so she thinks it may have occurred between them. She said she will have a talk with the class about personal boundaries (not anything specific about the kissing/licking behavior).

I'm glad I spoke with her. I am still nervous about school, this didn't help today. I am slightly freaked that it's a large class size, 28, and the assistant teacher is new with zero experience. However the main teacher is a veteran and seems very very good.

I think I can make it through week 2, I think I can, I think I can.... knowing we're having a baby in 2 weeks and not having anything ready is not helping my relaxation. We are getting carpet on Friday, I finished painting tonight, and another home improvement event happens tomorrow (as well as John's first day of 2 year old parent/child class that I did with Alek last year and loved.) We're busy, busy.

[Georgia]

The personal boundary talk seems to be a popular one in preschools around this time of year :). Most likely the other boy saw something on tv he shouldn't have, thought it was the craziest thing imaginable two people would be doing and decided to "share" the hilarity. Certainly shocking but in my mind completely innocent and dead on normal. It sounds like both you and the teacher are handling it all very well, although the class size would be freaking me out a bit as well.

Good luck with everything!

[SpaceGal]

Not to make light of the situation but my oldest DS who is 3 tried this with me. After he saw a lip gloss commercial. :) I thought it was funny I just told him we don't do that. Just a little kiss and he backed off.

They are at such an impressonable age these days...plus kids grow up so fast now.

I hope you get it all figured out though.