Parenting WWYD questions

[kijip]

I am putting together an activity for the final session of the parenting group I am leading (5-7 couples, all with kids under 8 months old). I was going to take my Gottman cards that have newlywed talk show type parenting related questions for couples to state what they think their partner would do in a situation (like when to give allowance or how to handle a young kid wanting to wear something the parents consider inappropriate) BUT I can't find my cards anywhere. They are very much gone. I think I lent them and did not get them back or something (errgghhh). This is supposed to be a light, fun think about the future, talk things out with your partner type topic. The group has been meeting for almost 4 months.

I can't think well and only have a couple of hours, can you help me out with questions along the same lines of these few below? Thanks!

*Is allowance something your partner will want to do? Will it be linked to chores or not? What age does your partner think allowance should start at (if at all)?

*What would your partner do if your 3 year old child wanted a toy or clothing item associated with the opposite gender? What about your 8 year old child?

*Do you and your partner agree on what sort of religious instruction you want (or don't want) your child to have?

I need about 20 of these on small and big topics, I am working on it but I'd love your additions!

[bubbaray]

How will you discipline your child, if at all? Will your discipline style be different from your partner's?

Your Grade 1 child has 2 hours of homework a night -- what do you do?

Your primary grade child "only" eats a food item for lunch that the school does not allow due to severe food allergies. What do you do?

Will post more later....

[blisstwins]

How do you feel about athletics? Are you open to your child pusuing any sport? My son does figure skating and there have been many conversations here.


What are your academic expectations for your child? How would you handle his/her failure to meet those expectations?


Do you have a secret agenda for your child? Is there any profession that would please you (lawyer, doctor) or upset you (actor, potter--noble but difficult to support self)?


What is the measure of a successful parent?


If your child needs speech or other therapies would you be open or guarded with that information. Many in my family have been slow to get help because in the end they felt there was a stigma (nonesense in my book, but it is out there).


What will you do if your child makes friends you don't like? What if you like the child and not the parent? How will you handle that situation.

HTH

[bubbaray]

Both you and your partner WOTH FT. Your child is sick and cannot attend daycare. Who stays home with the sick child?

You and your partner decide to write wills and need to choose guardians (with possible alternate) for your child. Who do you choose? Who does your partner choose? How will you decide whom to choose if your choices are different?

[blisstwins]

When will it be OK for your child to date and under what circumstances? Will you be comfortable with your child dating someone of a different race and/or religion?


Where do you stand on peer pressure? Do you think it is OK for your child to try to fit in thorugh clothes/appearance or will you encourage your child to question trends?


Will you intentionally pass your political viewpoints on to your children? Would you be upset if they identify with a party other than your own?

[bubbaray]

Your child is being bullied at school. What do you do? What do you say to the school? What do you say to your child?

ETA: Tag, you're it blisstwins. LOL

[SnuggleBuggles]

Would you make your child stick with a sport or activity if they didn't like it? Would you make that choice after just one time (like one soccer practice) or woud you make them stick it out for X time?

[SnuggleBuggles]

How do you plan to talk to them about their body parts? Use correct names or "cutesy" names?

If you tried illegal substances or drank underage will you share that with your children?

How will you handle teen drinking- forbid it? accept that it could happen and let them know they can call you if they need help?
something else (same q could apply to sex)

Beth

[lizajane]

at what age is it necessary to have a "sex talk" with your child? will you share how the body functions only? or will you add emotional consequences of sexual activity? would you provide access to birth control for your child if you felt that he/she was engaging in sexual activity?

how would you approach your child if you felt he/she had a mental health problem? would you talk to your child first? or talk to a doctor first? would you take our child to therapy or try to handle it on your own (within the family?)

what would you do if your school suggested your child needed medication for behavioral problems at school for issues like ADHD, depression, or OCD. would you seek out alternative therapies or go with your doctors recommendation? would you seek advice of a doctor at all or just pull out your child and go to another school/homeschool?

on a lighter note...

how will you handle talking to your child about his/her first crush? will you treat the crush as "real" and a serious thing? or will you tease your child? or will you stay quiet in the hopes that the phase will pass?

[blisstwins]

Tag, you're it blisstwins. LOL

Ha, I am out. This is like pre-cana for kids. Not a bad idea, but I have 4 year old twins and cannot answer 1/2 of these questions!

[hillview]

haven't read others
what will you call your DC's private parts
how many times will you answer "why" before you lose your patience (DS is 3)
public or private school
will DC have to pay for own college
when will DC have to get a job
what will DC's job money be used for
when would you let DC go by themselves to playground
does DC have to wear a helmet on bikes etc
when will you allow DC to watch TV? use PC?
/hillary

[bubbaray]

OK, my last one:

Will/when will you talk to your children about "stranger danger"? At what age? What will you tell them?

[kijip]

I was able to go to the group armed with 25 good WWYD type questions. They were well received, people liked the topic. I cut them all up so they drew one from a basket (with the option of changing if it was a question that was uncomfortable for them to answer) and then each parent answered from what they thought their spouse would say and if they agreed or disagreed. There was lively conversation. Each family took home a stapled set of all the questions to use for chatting between parents. A fun way to end the group. These are the questions that I used. I skipped some of the ones people listed here because we had already had a full night's topic on them in some form or another.

*Is allowance something your partner will want to do? Will it be linked to chores or not? What age does your partner think allowance should start at (if at all)?

*What would your partner do if your 3 year old child wanted a toy or clothing item associated with the opposite gender? What about your 8 year old child?

*Do you and your partner agree on what sort of religious instruction you want (or don't want) your child to have?

*Your 14 year old wants to go on a date alone, would your partner consent to this? What conditions or curfew might your spouse impose?

*Your 5 year old begged to sign up for soccer and wants to quit after the first practice of the season. Would your partner think they should stick out the season or think that it is ok to drop the activity?

*Your 8 year old child's teacher calls to report your child is bullying another kid in class. What steps would your partner want to take to remedy the situation?

*Your 16 year old wants to get their driver's license. Will your partner want them to do so? Who pays for gas and insurance?

*Both you and your partner work during the day full-time. Your child is sick and cannot attend daycare or school. Who stays home with the sick child?

*Your family decides to write wills and need to choose guardians (with possible alternate) for your child. Who do you choose? Who does your partner choose? How will you decide whom to choose if your choices are different?

*Is there a profession your adult child could choose that you think would upset your partner? How would you and your partner handle being upset at a college major or career choice?

*Your child may need special education services for a learning disability. Would your partner be reluctant to enroll them or happy to see them get the extra help they need? Would it be hard for you or your partner to accept that your child needed special education services?

*You learn that your school age child is being bullied at school. What do you do? What do you say to the school? What do you say to your child? Do you and your partner agree on how to handle this?

*Your child is interested in a time consuming, expensive and physically demanding sport like ice skating, gymnastics or hockey. Would you and your spouse agree to support them in participating?

*You have paid for several years of expensive music lessons and purchased an expensive instrument for your child and they loved it till all the sudden, one day, when they decided to quit. How would your partner and you feel about this? Would you encourage them or try to require that they continue?

*Your 5 year old has a friend you and your spouse do not like. What do you do? What does your partner do? What if your child is 10? What if your child is 15?

*Your 4 year old child only eats a food item for lunch that the school does not allow due to severe food allergies. What do you and your partner do?

*Your 12 year old refuses to go to school and will leave school grounds during the day if dropped off at school. What do you and your partner decide to do?

*Would your partner prefer a child who does stellar work academically but has a very hard time socially, with no real friends or prefer a child who is popular, likable, social butterfly but who drags academically?

*Your child wants to go to an expensive, prestigious, out of state college that you can not afford, while passing up a fully paid for/affordable acceptance to the local public university. The private option will mean significant debt for both you and your child. How would you tackle this situation? Would you and your spouse agree on what to encourage your child to do?

*Your child is friends with a child whose parents you just do not trust or like. What would you and your partner do?

*Your child receives an invitation to sleep over with a friend. At what age would you let them accept such invitations? Does the gender of the other child matter?

*How will you handle teenage/underage drinking- forbid it? Accept that it could happen and let them know they can call you if they need help? Something else? Do you and your partner agree on how to handle this?

*You find out your teenager is sexually active. Do you and your partner agree on how to handle this? Will you provide/encourage birth control and safer sex practices or opt to not talk to your child about it at all?

*Your second grade, 7 year old child has 2+ hours of homework a night -- what do you and your partner do?

*Do you and your partner agree on the vocabulary (names for body parts) and the right amount of information to share when your very young child asks about where babies comes from?

*Your 7 year old shoplifts a small toy from a store that you declined to buy him or her. The toy is discovered only after you have driven 1/2 hour home from the store. How do you think your spouse would handle this situation?

[SnuggleBuggles]

Those are some hard questions! I feel like I need to print them out and discuss them with dh. So far we have been on the same page with everything but I have to think about some of the adolescent issues.

Beth

[mamicka]

Those are some hard questions! I feel like I need to print them out and discuss them with dh. So far we have been on the same page with everything but I have to think about some of the adolescent issues.


I agree. These are great questions. I'm bookmarking this post. Thanks!