Nanny on phone a lot

[hillview]

So my nanny seems to be on the phone a lot. She takes great care of DS #2 but seems to often have a phone attached to her ear. To make it harder my nanny is also my mom. Any thoughts on how to handle this. She is the nanny because they live with us and we pay them and let them stay rent free.

Thanks!
/hillary

[AuGoldie]

This is a tough situation. Whenever family works together the lines get blurred and people think they can get away with doing things they wouldn't normally do in another working environment. Try to have a gentle conversation with her about the phone. I don't think it's reasonable that she never gets to make a call but maybe ask her to cut it in half? I don't think I could ever "employ" my mom or dad to care for my baby. They wouldn't be receptive to any of my rules. They'd just do it the way they would do it.

[annasmom]

Yikes, that is hard.

I used to have a nanny and she went through a time when she was on the phone constantly. It was actually understandable, because she had a lot of personal issues going on. But, I still talked to her about it.

The fact that it is your mom caring for your dc though, that is tough. I guess it depends on your relationship with her. I have a really hard time criticizing my mom's parenting or grand-parenting.

GL!

[egoldber]

Do you think it is affecting her ability to care for your DS?

[hillview]

humm -- i dont know if it is effecting her care -- i guess i think it is -- wish she was interacting with him etc. but not majorly
/hillary

[ThreeofUs]

I'd be worried if it was affecting her care - and, frankly, I don't know how it COULDN'T be.... But this is a very difficult situation for you.

I'd second pp's who suggest a gentle conversation, maybe from the standpoint that you're worried about your DC getting interactive attention and enough talking to for good development.

[Laurel]

Social calls or on the phone because something important is going on? The answer would affect how I would approach the issue.

[egoldber]

and, frankly, I don't know how it COULDN'T be

Well, I think it depends on the kid. My MIL is a great example. She is on her cell all.the.time. All.the.time. I swear you'd think the woman was 14 and not 74. When she has babysat Sarah for me, I honestly never worried about it. She was a generally happy toddler/preschooler who was content to play happily by herself with some occasional interaction.

Fast forward to Amy. I would NEVER EVER let MIL watch Amy at this point. Amy is too fast and too busy and too creative for her. The cell phone use is only one issue, but it is part of a pattern of being too distracted.

So I think it can depend on the kid. There are kids that I don't think it would be an issue for and kids that I think it would be an issue for. I mean when I'm home with the kids, I'm cooking, cleaning, reading, paying bills, making phone calls, etc. I interact too, but there are certainly long periods of time when I am not interacting one on one with them.

[Momof3Labs]

Could it be that she is bored? She doesn't know what to do with your DS? Perhaps suggest some different activities that would tend to get her off of the phone - playing at the park, visiting the zoo, coloring or painting, etc.

ETA: Or is she lonely? Maybe she feels cooped up and needs more opportunity to be around her peers.

[maylips]

Could it be that she is bored? She doesn't know what to do with your DS? Perhaps suggest some different activities that would tend to get her off of the phone - playing at the park, visiting the zoo, coloring or painting, etc.

This is a great point. Maybe she doesn't know what else to do? It seem we can all get in a rut at times and maybe the phone is her "internet surfing" (my go-to routine when DD starts playing on her own). By giving her some ideas "hey, mom, why don't you take DS to the zoo tomorrow?" it may help her get out of that rut and enjoy her time with DS.

[ThreeofUs]

Well, I think it depends on the kid.


I can see this, especially if the child is very self-directed and involved in other things. Of course, I have an extremely interactive 3.75 yo whose impact on my life has skewed my view in the opposite direction! :ROTFLMAO:

Seriously, though, I have to say that most of the research on the subject shows a strong, direct relationship between interactions with adults and skills development in almost every domain for kids of all ages.

I also wonder, if a caregiver is constantly on the phone, what kind of message does that give to the child? This is different than household maintenance, I think.

But the pp's had great suggestions about the root cause and what to do about it. Practically speaking, giving the nanny/mom things to do with the little one (like zoo or museums or whatever) sounds like a great strategy.

[kellij]

Was she on the phone all the time when you were little? Did it bother you then? If so, then I think you should talk to her and let her know it used to bother you and you're afraid it's going to negatively impact your son as well.