Sexual abuse of a young child questions...please help!

[daisy1234]

A friend of mine told me they had an incident where she was babysitting a 6 year old child. This child often tries to close the door when playing with the kids so she keeps a very close eye on him. Her 3 year old told her that the boy touched her privates and her butt. She also said she thought her daughter said he pulled her pants down. The little one also reported that they were showing their nipples to one another and the boy touched hers. She said they couldn't have been alone very long...as see is constantly checking but since her daughter said this she is sick to her stomach and just feels so violated. She has no idea what to do...she is afriad to talk to the parents as they may be very defensive. She wants to report this but doesn't know if that is appropriate. She goes back and forth...She feels that since the boy preyed on a child 3 years younger that it is abuse. She thinks it was a quick few minute thing and she is just sick over what to do and who to turn to to get advice...does her daughter need counseling at 3 in this situation? Does she bring it up again to dd...what should she say? Who should this momma call? She feels so guilty but honestly never thought this child would do anything to the 3 year old. She said her gutt felt that his play was off but never dreamed of this happening...the boy is only 6! I found Stopitnow.org and passed that a long...any other resources? I knew someone hear could help so I am posting here for her. agghhh I just feel for her but this is not my area of expertise. Anyone have any insight? oh...she will no longer have the boy over after this situation.

[ha98ed14]

I am sending you a PM.

[hillview]

I know the neighbors down the street who have a 5 year old DD and next door there are 4 year DS twins. They all came out of the room naked pointing to each other's parts. These parents considered it normal / age appropriate. Of course from now on they watch them a little closer ;)

I have no idea what happened with your friend's DD just thought I'd add another experience I am aware of.

/hillary

[Globetrotter]

Hmmmm, since he's only six I wonder if it's curiosity, though that doesn't sound normal to me. However, you said he likes to take kids into his room and close the door, which is a concern. Maybe he's acting out what he's experienced :(

Since he's so young, they could mention it to his parents as... this is what your son did, may be out of curiosity but just thought they should know. That way they're making it seem that it could be normal exploration so less chance for the parents to get defensive.

The parents need to know so they can address it with the boy! Needless to say, they should continue to avoid spending time with the boy. If there is abuse going on in the family, that is tricky and harder to discern. I'm sure someone else will have better advice.

[megs4413]

I think it needs to be reported simply because children who engage in these kinds of behaviors are frequently victims themselves. i'm sorry this happened.

[kep]

I think it needs to be reported simply because children who engage in these kinds of behaviors are frequently victims themselves. i'm sorry this happened.

Yes, I agree with Megs. :hug:

[bubbaray]

I think it needs to be reported simply because children who engage in these kinds of behaviors are frequently victims themselves. i'm sorry this happened.


:yeahthat:

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this! Hugs

[ECMom]

Does the 6 yr old have any girl siblings? If not, maybe he was unaware of differences between girl and boy private parts. I have a 6 yr old son and a 3 month old daughter and my son has been curious about the differences between him and his sister because he didn't realize.

[KBecks]

It's hard to know if this was natural exploration or abuse or both at the same time.

I think it should be reported as well. Also your friend may want to call a sex abuse hotline to speak with someone with training. Her daughter was wonderful to tell her what happened. I hope her daughter is doing OK.... I'd want to get professional advice about how to find out if the daughter is OK or if she felt or is feeling bad about what happened to her, and how to help her if she is upset or uncomfortable.

I think making some calls to a hotline, CPS or the police to get their insights on where to go and what to do for support would be helpful.

Hugs and good luck!

[annasmom]

I feel so badly for your friend! Hugs

I think you have gotten good advice, but I just wanted to add that although it could be natural curiosity - my kids are naked WAY too much. Two things about your post bothered me - the touching and the age difference.

Maybe it is because I drill it into the tiny skulls, but my kids (5 and 3.5) know, or should know, and I would expect the same of a 6 y.o. that it is NOT o.k. to touch another person's private parts. And the age component just makes me think that the 6 y.o. pressured the 3 y.o. to engage in the activity.

[daisy1234]

Thanks everyone for you insite. I think from talking with my dear friend it is not an innocent thing...unfortunately. She is now trying to figure out how to report it. She thinks it would be too hard right now to talk to her neighbor...she just now went from shock to anger and a lot of guilt. I am thinking she just need to talk with the experts to help her through her emaotions, report this and most imporantly be there for her daughter and family. I just feel soo badly for what they are going through. I wonder if there are any boards for parents that have survived this...maybe that would help too???