Discussing 9/11 in Kindergarten?

[s7714]

A couple people mentioned how their DCs schools addressed the topic in the other thread, but I didn't want to sidetrack that thread. How was 9/11 addressed in your DC's Kindergarten/younger classes, if at all? I was a little surprised at how much info. my DD's class received about 9/11 today. Or I guess perhaps I was just shocked at the wording parroted back to me by my 5 year old when I picked her up.

My DD gets into the van after school and points out that there are some American flags in the yard across the street. She then proceeds to tell me:
"Did you know that there were some people who really hated (said with emphasis on her part) our country? And they got some planes and they crashed the planes into some buildings and the building came crashing down and a lot of people got hurt really bad? But it happened before we were born. Did you see it happen?" I told her that I didn't see it in person, only on TV, because it happened in New York which is on the other side of the country. I think she mistook "other side of the country" for "other side of the world" because she then said "No Mommy, these people really hated our country."

Now I have no problem with my DD learning about 9/11, but I was a little taken aback by the wording/imagery she picked up. Do you think that's a perfectly age appropriate explanation for a 5 year old? I guess my concern is along the lines of what was mentioned in a thread a while ago--some kids just take away so much more when scenarios like that are described. I almost feel like it would have been better if the teacher(s) would have at least alerted the parents as to how they were going to present 9/11 before doing so, so we could at least be prepared for our DCs questions/comments that afternoon. I was contemplating writing a note to the teacher about my feelings/concerns, but thought I'd see what you guys thought first. Am I totally off in thinking the wording/imagery could have been toned down? (Granted I don't know if that exact wording came directly from the teacher or a fellow student--that's another reason I'm hesitating to say anything to the teacher.) What do you think? TIA!

[Wife_and_mommy]

I don't have a major problem with the way she described it. It's the truth. I do think she's a bit young, though, to know all the details. I'd prefer to keep her innocence intact and discuss a bit later.

That being said, since it's come up, I'd probe a bit to see if she's okay with what she heard. She might need extra reassurance that she's safe.

I'm sorry that happened. I'd be ticked off if a school decided to share that much info with my child. It's pretty harsh stuff to lay on a 5 yo. :(

ETA: My 4.5 DD's preschool didn't discuss 9/11 in any way. DH and I watched a show tonight re: it but aren't ready for DD to know that there are some that want us all dead. The end showed some kids my DD's age and it brought tears to my eyes that they had to live it in real time. Makes me :( and :angry-smiley-005: .

[Nooknookmom]

My oldest DD was 6 and in first grade on 911. I told her exactly what happened and pretty much in the same manner as your DD's kindergarten (but granted it was me not the school). We even watched the news together so I could break the confusing things down for her.

I hope the imagery didn't scare your little one. I think I'd rather the school warn parents of the wording they would use & what the children will be told in advance so you could decide what's right for you. KWIM?

Sorry!

[lisams]

It wasn't even brought up in DD's class and I'm glad. That's a lot of grown up issues for young children to try and process. There will be a time when it's appropriate, but in K I don't feel it's appropriate to describe what happened in such detail. It seems we are taking childhood away far too quickly.

[Wife_and_mommy]

It seems we are taking childhood away far too quickly.

:yeahthat:

[egoldber]

They didn't mention it at Sarah's school last year (first grade) or this year (second grade). I'm sure they will talk about it eventually, but I am thankful not so far.

[egoldber]

I was contemplating writing a note to the teacher about my feelings/concerns, but thought I'd see what you guys thought first. Am I totally off in thinking the wording/imagery could have been toned down?

I think a note to the teacher is entirely appropriate. You could just say that your DD came home describing 9/11 with some violent words and imagery, and you're concerned about where that came from. You could then ask how the event was described in the classroom or if it was at all (she could have picked it up from other children).

[alexsmommy]

I think a note to the teacher is entirely appropriate. You could just say that your DD came home describing 9/11 with some violent words and imagery, and you're concerned about where that came from. You could then ask how the event was described in the classroom or if it was at all (she could have picked it up from other children).

I agree. Thinking to how things go primary classrooms, the teacher may not have intended to discuss it at all, ie She overhears some children (especially those with older sibs) discussing it and hears angry words and misinformation. She may jump in to try to redirect and finds herself having a conversation she hadn't anticipated. Just an example of what may have occurred. I would just inquire as to what happened and what was discussed letting her know you want to know to follow up at home. If the response is not satisfactory, then I'd escalate it more outlining your specific concerns. The constant repeating of "hated" sounds like another child's description. I'd be concerned too, but I'd want to understand the process and offer feedback so the teacher can avoid problems in the future. It's so difficult to balance protecting our children's innocence with being honest and wanting to be the first to discuss these difficult topics before they learn about it from some other source.

[mommy111]

Now I have no problem with my DD learning about 9/11, but I was a little taken aback by the wording/imagery she picked up. Do you think that's a perfectly age appropriate explanation for a 5 year old? I guess my concern is along the lines of what was mentioned in a thread a while ago--some kids just take away so much more when scenarios like that are described. I almost feel like it would have been better if the teacher(s) would have at least alerted the parents as to how they were going to present 9/11 before doing so, so we could at least be prepared for our DCs questions/comments that afternoon. I was contemplating writing a note to the teacher about my feelings/concerns, but thought I'd see what you guys thought first. Am I totally off in thinking the wording/imagery could have been toned down? (Granted I don't know if that exact wording came directly from the teacher or a fellow student--that's another reason I'm hesitating to say anything to the teacher.) What do you think? TIA!

I would have two problems with this: one. I know all kids have to lose their innocence at some point, but that's a little too early for me. Two, I know that many people would not agree but I think this lends itself to over simplification and a scary view of the world and what is not familiar in the world. I would rather my kids learnt about this at a time when they are able to grapple with the complexities of this situation rather than just a people really hate us perspective. What if DD asked me 'Mommy why do they hate us?' Do I tell her, 'because they're bad guys' which she will grasp, or do I tell her 'because they are brought up in oppressive environments where it serves the interests of some people to spread hatred against the United States because they are afraid of the concepts of freedom and equality and tolerance and fair reward for hard work that this country embodies' or 'because some people use religion to spread hatred, all religions have been used in their way to spread intolerance but its not because religion is bad but because religion is powerful and it serves the interest of some to harness this power to their own use'
I'd rather I talk to my child about this issue and at a time when she can grasp more than the 'good guys wear white, bad guys wear black' or 'good guys speak English and bad guys speak with accents' or whatever the current version of the good guys/bad guys movies is.

[kayte]

I was teaching Kindergarten when 9/11/01 happened. I learned about from a mom while on carpool duty and I went inside, told other teachers and the office staff who turned on the radio and televisions.

I did address it briefly with my students that day and more in the days that followed... but was shocked me was how quickly the news spread from one to another in the classroom. Children who just heard bits and pieces on the news or from their parent on the drive to school already had some pretty interesting views--even one boy ho said it was an alien attack like his brother's 'Fourth of July movie'. So what I trying to say is that not all the information your kiddo is coming home with is from their teacher. Especially when a topic is so emotional and was likely discussed at home by parents or older siblings the night before or that morning--kids pick up the intensity and it is more likely to become playground banter.

[Wife_and_mommy]

I was teaching Kindergarten when 9/11/01 happened. I learned about from a mom while on carpool duty and I went inside, told other teachers and the office staff who turned on the radio and televisions.

I did address it briefly with my students that day and more in the days that followed... but was shocked me was how quickly the news spread from one to another in the classroom. Children who just heard bits and pieces on the news or from their parent on the drive to school already had some pretty interesting views--even one boy ho said it was an alien attack like his brother's 'Fourth of July movie'. So what I trying to say is that not all the information your kiddo is coming home with is from their teacher. Especially when a topic is so emotional and was likely discussed at home by parents or older siblings the night before or that morning--kids pick up the intensity and it is more likely to become playground banter.

Absolutely agreed. I just think that some parents aren't as interested in or able to protect their kids from information they don't really need to have. I'm sure it's difficult to protect preschoolers if they have teenage siblings and all that might go with that.

[s7714]

So what I trying to say is that not all the information your kiddo is coming home with is from their teacher. Especially when a topic is so emotional and was likely discussed at home by parents or older siblings the night before or that morning--kids pick up the intensity and it is more likely to become playground banter.

The way she said it seemed like such a child-to-child expression, I'm assuming some of it did come from another child, perhaps during a classroom discussion. I've been trying to bring up the topic casually with her in conversation today to see if I can work out a few details as to what they actually discussed yesterday. The good news(?) is she has been more interested in telling me about how they're learning numbers and math than she has about the 9/11 stuff. ;) I'm sure I'll find out later if it's sunk in or not though. It always amazes me how these things can suddenly resurface later on down the road. I think I'll just casually ask the teacher how they addressed 9/11 on back to school night, which is soon, instead of writing a note.

Thanks for your opinions everyone!

[mecawa]

As a parent I would be okay at the way she described this. As a former Kindergarten teacher (who was teaching on 9/11) I am a little surprised she received this much info. at school. It almost sounds as if she heard that from another child, not a teacher. The district I worked in never talked about it like that at least not at the K level. On 9/11 we weren't allowed to say anything at all(all media needed to be turned off). We heard about it from our administration that sent around a notice to the teachers. The years following we always had some sort of moment of silence, special flag ceremony, etc. I never got into as much detail as your daughter described, but having the experience with Kindergarteners that I do, I know it really sounds like something another 5 yr. old may have said in class and if it was said in class then the teacher may have had to addresss it in some manner. My DD's school didn't address it at all but she is only in the preschool so the upper grades may have done something.

[Melanie]

It was not. And had it been, I would have been horrified.


It seems we are taking childhood away far too quickly.
Exactly, on this issue and many others.

[shoremom]

I agree. Thinking to how things go primary classrooms, the teacher may not have intended to discuss it at all, ie She overhears some children (especially those with older sibs) discussing it and hears angry words and misinformation. She may jump in to try to redirect and finds herself having a conversation she hadn't anticipated. Just an example of what may have occurred. I would just inquire as to what happened and what was discussed letting her know you want to know to follow up at home. If the response is not satisfactory, then I'd escalate it more outlining your specific concerns. The constant repeating of "hated" sounds like another child's description. I'd be concerned too, but I'd want to understand the process and offer feedback so the teacher can avoid problems in the future. It's so difficult to balance protecting our children's innocence with being honest and wanting to be the first to discuss these difficult topics before they learn about it from some other source.


Being a teacher, I agree with above. Some students bring to class what they hear from older siblings on the way to school or on the bus. I would talk to the teacher if you would like her to clear up "hatred" or any other imagery with your child. If the subject was brought up at circle time she may of been doing her best to answer honestly questions the children had unexpectedly about a subject she may not have intended to discuss at all.

The reality of it is the teacher does not know everyone's situation and exposure to the subject. Once your child is in a classroom the teacher can not control everything the child is exposed to from the other children.

But nonetheless this could be a lesson for the teacher to take more precautionary action (letter or survey home first) before the day of Sept. 11th in the future. I would communicate with the teacher to get a better feel of exactly how the subject was dealt with in the classroom.

You would be surprised what some of these little guys say to me sometimes. I can not possibly always believe that what they said was taught to them by his or her parents. It had to of come from a different source. If it was reoccurring or concerning I would investigate it further.

[MamaKath]

Being a teacher, I agree with above. Some students bring to class what they hear from older siblings on the way to school or on the bus. I would talk to the teacher if you would like her to clear up "hatred" or any other imagery with your child. If the subject was brought up at circle time she may of been doing her best to answer honestly questions the children had unexpectedly about a subject she may not have intended to discuss at all.

The reality of it is the teacher does not know everyone's situation and exposure to the subject. Once your child is in a classroom the teacher can not control everything the child is exposed to from the other children.

ITA! As a teacher I do not talk about 9/11 with my young students (kindergarten or 1st depending on the year). I know other grades do, and that many of the parents do. I do try to redirect the children if the topic (or others as sensitive) comes up.

I know it is talked about in other classes in my school and used in devotions, especially for the older students who remember it. I did have a parent of one of my kids mention that a sibling had come home and been talking about it in case it came up in my room.