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shelikesmorningglories
09-13-2008, 10:21 PM
I am going to reveal something very personal about myself and really hope I am not making a mistake.But I am curious as to what others would do.
Four years ago, during my ex-husband's first deployment,I was deeply involved in a mothers' group.At the time,I also shared some opinions that were not very popular among some of the members(Long story short,the club was located near a military post and I took issue with the fact that there were some rude things being said about enlisted wives).Anyway,someone in the club-after being egged on by a select few-decided to call my then in laws and tell them that I wasn't taking care of my kids and that I was a bad wife.None of this was true.
The fall-out from that call(my inlaws always hated me and my ex-husband was always paranoid and gullible) led to the ultimate demise of my marriage.Surely,it wasn't the only issue,but it did not help matters!
I know that one person who was involved with this was a person I called a "friend" .I threw her a baby shower.She watched my older DC while I gave birth.We were friends before we joined the mothers' group.I feel betrayed and hurt.Friends do not treat friends that way.Yes,they grow apart sometimes.They don't spread rumors and lies
Anyway,I googled her and know how to get in touch with her. To be honest,I want to ask her why she did this,what purpose did she want to accomplish?On one hand,I feel that I deserve an answer on this.On the other,I pray that karma will get her in the end....
WWYD???

Happy 2B mommy
09-13-2008, 10:34 PM
I doubt you will get an answer from your former 'friend' that will give you any peace or resolution. I would let it go and chalk it up to a sad experience...

Drag0nflygirl
09-13-2008, 10:57 PM
:yeahthat: - but if it will make you feel better, send her a bag of poo.

Wife_and_mommy
09-13-2008, 10:57 PM
I doubt you will get an answer from your former 'friend' that will give you any peace or resolution. I would let it go and chalk it up to a sad experience...

Ditto. I'm sorry she hurt you.:hug:

Laurel
09-13-2008, 11:10 PM
I doubt you will get an answer from your former 'friend' that will give you any peace or resolution. I would let it go and chalk it up to a sad experience...

I agree with this.

KBecks
09-14-2008, 08:00 AM
I wonder how you know for sure she was involved in the planning of the call.

Personally, I would move on, I doubt that she would take responsibility even if she is guilty and I doubt any "answer" you get would be satisfying. If you want to let her know your feelings and think that would be productive to share with her how you have been affected by the moms group members, then you may want to, but it sounds like this is an older issue, some time has passed and so.... what's the point?

I don't think you will get an "I'm sorry", and I don't think you'll get much in the way of details, especially if this happened a while ago.

Look to the future. I hope you feel better.

kransden
09-14-2008, 09:31 AM
Go ahead and ask, but I doubt you'll get any peace from her answer if she responds.

shelikesmorningglories
09-14-2008, 11:46 AM
Thanks for the thoughts!Kbecks,you ask a fair question.By what was said and how it was said, I know it was her.
What triggers my anger and sadness is that she is a happily married SAHM of three with a beautiful home and SUV while I am a working mom(in and out of home) who works like a dog, is struggling financially,is not married(and when you are a single mom to two young DC,the pool of guys who want you is small) and cries at night because I mourn the missed opportunity of having a third child.
What she helped to do caused my marriage to end and I think there should be consequences. I know in my heart that you all are right but it's still hard

SammyeGail
09-14-2008, 01:41 PM
My sister and BIL did some terrible things to be, causing pre-term labor at 5 months with the twins and I almost lost them. They caused much much more drama, hateful emails, threats, tearing my mother apart, etc, etc, I could go on and on. They did TERRIBLE, CRUEL things to all members of the family.

We never saw each other again after I went into preterm labor (9-05) until Fathers Day 07. I wanted to let things go, move on, get closure, kwim? I found out at that visit home (we didn't really speak) that it wasn't going to happen for me. There was too much pain, she had went to far. Forgive and forget, forgive I try, but I'll never forget. Some people do things so horrible I think there is no closure. I am not the type to hold onto anger, I have no anger towards her, this is just the protective mother instinct, even when just pregnant, kicking in.

You can contact her and confront her, get it off your chest, give her a piece of your mind and you may feel a little better getting the chance to do that. But it won't change the pain you feel. I don't know, maybe in your case it will, that would be great if it did. What also could happen is that all that raw pain you felt then, when it happened, could come back too, thats what happened on the fathers day visit home.

Her life may seem great on the outside, but you never know what goes on behind closed doors, and karma does come back, it did to my sister and BIL.

If your ex went by the word of someone else on how you take care of your children, you're better off without the jerk.

Sending :love5: thoughts your way.

Samantha

mommy111
09-14-2008, 01:53 PM
From your last post, it sounds more like you want consequences rather than this is just something you want to do to find out why. You are still hurting. And trust me, nothing she will say will heal the hurt. If anything, it may make you hurt even more and open up wounds that are still fresh. Your job right now is to just move on in a way that is best for you and your kids, and screw anything that gets in the way of that.
And trust me, I am saying this from the perspective of someone who knows, I am in a situation very similar to yours. And while some days I want to confront my in-laws and ex-husband and ask them what right they had to ruin my life and my childrens', I realize that holding on to that bitterness is not going to hurt anyone but me and my kids.