I have new found respect for all single parents

[asha]

DH left for India on Thursday. He will be there for the next few weeks.
My MIL recently suffered a heart attack back home in India. None of the kids are close by, so everyone is taking turns taking care of them and figuring out what's the best care arrangement for them. DH was the first one to go.

So, I have been on my own with the boys (DS1 just started K 2 weeks ago, DS2 is 20 months) and a full time job. I have no clue how people do it and make it all seem possible, but I am dead.

DS1 has his new school and missing daddy syndrome. So, unreasonable does not begin to describe his behavior. DS2 is just being himself.

All in all, how does everyone do it. This is not a bitch, I am not complaining. This is the least we could do for his parents. I am just in awe of how much single parents have to endure. So, in a way this is my tribute to all single parents or parents with traveling spouses who have to manage kids on their own. Hopefully God has a special place for these people, somewhere very close to him.

Asha

[elephantmeg]

I just wanted to send hugs. I have no idea how they do it either. I hope things settle down for you soon!

[lizajane]

mama, i hear ya!!!! DH is going to india, as well, in december for his brother's wedding. i am so excited for him, but scared of having both kids (K and 3.5) for nearly 2 weeks alone at christmas time. i think single parents must be the strongest people EVER and i have so much respect for them!!!! GO MOMS AND DADS!!!

and hang in there, mama!!! you have a great attitude!!!

[lmwbasye]

Breathe....just breathe. And take one minute at a time, if you need to. Just know that no matter how you feel, you can do it. DH has been in Iraq since January and won't be back until April. DS1 is 3 and DS2 is 11 months. I wish I could tell you how I do it, but I honestly don't know. I do know that I just keep telling myself to breathe and not worry about the next 8 months...just the next hour. Once that is done, I focus on the following hour, and so on.

You can do it!

[egoldber]

Honestly, I think it's harder if you and the kids are not used to it. When DH is away, we have our own routines and special things that we do (pancakes and cereal for dinner, movie nights, etc.). Sometimes, dare I say it, I actually enjoy not having to consult another adult to get their buy-in on dinner plans or where to go for outings.

By far the hardest time for me is that time between when Sarah gets home from school in the afternoon until after dinner. It's just so hard helping Sarah do homework and decompress, have after school activities, and make dinner. All the while this is Amy's most WRETCHED time of day when she is super cranky. It makes me want to scream and some nights I guess I do scream. (Not that I'm proud of it.)

But I think it's important to cut yourself and your kids some slack. Make things as easy as possible. Bend the rules a little.

[alexsmommy]

I think Beth hit it dead on. Firstly, I too have amazing respect for single parents. I think to survive, the ones I know/knew including DH before we were together (he had full custody of his daughter and very little help from XW and minimal family in the area) limit what the goals are and make them realisitic. He and another single mom I knew had a "if they are fed, we're ahead of the game" attitude So DSD's nutrition and food variety became better when I was in her life, but she wasn't starving before either. Bedtime was approximate for her because some nights DH just couldn't get all her homework done, food on the table and actually spend a few quality minutes with her in a timely manner. I came in and made it more specific and rigid but we could also divide and conquer the evening routine. DH's definition of acceptably clean was, ahem, what I would call less than adequate and he didn't stress about it. He focused on the bathroom and got to the other things as he could. At the end of the day, a clean bathroom was far more important to me when I came to his apartment than folded laundry. My point is, bend the typical two parent household rules where you can. When you are used to two people it is so exhausting to lose your tag team partner. When DH was out of town for ten days recently I'd miss him terribly every night at bedtime when all three kids needed something "right now mom!" Instead of my usual after bedtime straighten up, I only picked up the most obvious junk and had a glass of wine instead. Good luck - you will survive though you may have a few more gray hairs :)

[MamaKath]

Honestly, I think it's harder if you and the kids are not used to it. When DH is away, we have our own routines and special things that we do (pancakes and cereal for dinner, movie nights, etc.). Sometimes, dare I say it, I actually enjoy not having to consult another adult to get their buy-in on dinner plans or where to go for outings.

By far the hardest time for me is that time between when Sarah gets home from school in the afternoon until after dinner. It's just so hard helping Sarah do homework and decompress, have after school activities, and make dinner. All the while this is Amy's most WRETCHED time of day when she is super cranky. It makes me want to scream and some nights I guess I do scream. (Not that I'm proud of it.)

But I think it's important to cut yourself and your kids some slack. Make things as easy as possible. Bend the rules a little.


I am totally in agreement here with Beth! My dh works opposite schedule from me so I am with kids all day (teaching then my own). Evenings are the worst (homework, hungry cranky kids, hungry cranky mommy!).

Make things as routine as possible. We try to have dinners planned so that evenings go more smoothly. When daddy isn't home it is also a good time to try things you never would if he was, like cereal or frozen waffles for dinner or listening to a bedtime story on CD/tape. And go to bed early. :-)

Prayers that your MIL is okay, that dh being there is helpful, that you and your kids have a smooth few weeks! You can do it!!!!

[mommy111]

How do single parents do it? We rant and rave and lose it sometimes and sometimes we yell and scream (at the kids or at God or at the world at large), but in the end, it all works out. Just as it does for two parent families and working parents and parents who do not have the means to support their kids and parents who have kids with disabilities. Its not easy any way and for any one, I think. But transitions, like the one you're going through right now, are the hardest. Hugs to you.

[tylersmama]

How do single parents do it? We rant and rave and lose it sometimes and sometimes we yell and scream (at the kids or at God or at the world at large), but in the end, it all works out. Just as it does for two parent families and working parents and parents who do not have the means to support their kids and parents who have kids with disabilities. Its not easy any way and for any one, I think. But transitions, like the one you're going through right now, are the hardest. Hugs to you.

:yeahthat:

It's hard, there's no doubt about it. But you get used to it. Before I was even truly a single parent, my H travelled a lot for business, so to be honest, I didn't really know any other way. He wasn't around much even when we were together. As others have said, you make sure the important stuff gets done, you try not to stress too much about the lesser stuff, sometimes you eat breakfast for dinner just because it's easy, sometimes you let your kid sit and watch too much Elmo just so you can have some uninterrupted time on the BBB. ;) And most of all, you savor the time when they're in bed and you have the house all to yourself (even if you can't leave it!).

And ice cream, lots and lots of ice cream!

Hang in there! :hug:

[CAM7]

It must be really difficult with two so young.

I was a single mom with my DD when she was 7 - 14 years old. It was tough juggling first college then career being a single mom.

I think the main thing for me to survive it all was to give up certain standards that I had for myself... like meals that were complicated... asked DD to pitch in cleaning up (even little chores)... made sure that I stayed close to my friends and asked for help if I needed it...made sure I took time for myself (even if it was only 1/2hr watching mindless TV after DD went to bed).

Just make a mental list of what NEEDS to be done...and dont' bother with the things that would be NICE to get done...kwim?

Hope your MIL gets better soon...and your Dh can get home to you...

[tnrnchick74]

When you know no other was, you don't question it. But since my friends have all delivered, I find myself getting jealous that they have more help from their husbands. I'm grateful to have the help my Mom & aunt provide, but in the end it's just me making all the parental decision. It's not fun!But you just suck it up and do what needs to be done...and try not to forget to savor this time because they grow so quickly

[asha]

Thanks ladies for all your support.
I finally got to open my laptop now that the kids are in bed and everything is taken care of.

I think I might be beginning to get the hang of it now.

Asha

[mommy111]

Thanks ladies for all your support.
I finally got to open my laptop now that the kids are in bed and everything is taken care of.

I think I might be beginning to get the hang of it now.

Asha

Ya think?? Wait until tomorrow morning and they'll throw you a curve ;)