SAHM's Tell me what you think!

[Jenn850]

Do you consider the opportunity a pure luxury? Do you have any regrets? What weighed on your decision and how do you feel about it?

[momof2girls]

I never really thought of being a SAHM as a luxury per se b/c it was all I ever knew growing up. My mother was a SAHM as well as all of my friend's moms. I never knew anyone in daycare (back in the 70's and 80's). Even now I only know maybe a handful of moms who work out of the home. We knew from the moment we decided to get married that one day I would stay at home with our kids. We factored that into buying our house, making sure we could afford it on just his income. I don't regret it at all, though it was harder when the kids were younger and home with me all day and bordem sometimes set in. Now they are both in 1/2 day school a few times a week so I am enjoying the free time to catch up on household duties uninterrupted.
Sure, we miss the extra income, but I wouldn't have had it any other way.

[kedss]

LOL:) My perfect life would have been to work part time, like a few hours a week, then be an SAHM the rest of the time, but we couldn't/can't afford it, so I'll be an SAHM for probably another 3 + years, unless we win the Lottery.

No, no regrets, not many options for us, but I don't regret being at home for my kids, and I had my kids in my 30s, so I got to try out a lot of jobs before I became a mom, nothing really stuck, except being a pre-K teacher, which I hope to go back to someday, when my kids are in school full time.

Kate

[brismom]

Being able to be a SAHM with my DD for her first year was the greatest decision DH and I made. Now though 14 months later it looks like I need to go back to work. It pains me to leave her but at the same time I know that I am doing it to make a better life for her now and for her future. At the beginning it was lonely, I did yearn for adult conversation and contact quite a bit but as she grew and her needs changed it was a lot more enjoyable.

[jgenie]

I consider being a SAHM a blessing. I never thought I would want to say home, but when my LO was born I knew I wanted to be home to take care of him. When we got married, we were each self-supporting, so we made the decision to live on one income and bank the other. It was a wise choice, but not always the easiest. We both drive older cars - one 11 years old the other 8 years old - and hopefully will keep them for quite a few more years. When we bought our house we bought an older fixer upper - while our friends bought new, custom built homes. Because we were already living on one income when LO arrived, we knew I could quit my job and we would be fine. I hope to one day be able to work part time while LO is in school but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

[Pennylane]

Do you consider the opportunity a pure luxury? Do you have any regrets? What weighed on your decision and how do you feel about it?

I'm not sure what you mean about it being a "pure Luxury" to stay at home. I do feel really lucky that I can stay home with my dc while they are young. No regrets, my dh and I knew before we had children that I would stay at home with them.

I do miss being around other adults, but that is just a small sacrifice to me.

Ann

[mamaoftwins]

I do have a few regrets, but nothing big enough to stop me from being a SAHM right now. I'll elaborate ...

I chose to be a SAHM when I found out I was preg with twins and we decided to move for DH's fellowship. We moved 1000 miles away from family when I was 19wks preg. We moved to a place where we could get by on just DH's salary. I would not have been able to afford to stay home had we stayed where we were. My career of choice does not really allow for part-time work. I could cut the number of days per week and go back that way, but those days could be 10hr days or 18hr days, no telling until the day starts (I'm in healthcare). DH is a physician, so not a great schedule either. And neither of us got a lot of weekends off. If I just had one baby, I may have gone back FT after 3mos, and gone the daycare route, but there are problems with that as well, as both mine & DH's work don't necessarily get us out on time everyday. I almost would have to pay a nanny or something like that. With two babies, I don't feel like I can give them enough individual attention anyway, so I think staying home is best. And daycare would be so expensive, that is it even worth making what I'd make over the cost of daycare, and spending the whol day away from the boys? It's hard though - not having my career outlet, and also not having family around to help.

I do miss working, but I ask myself, will I ever regret not working and staying home with my boys? Nope. Will I ever regret working too much and not staying home and enjoying the boys as babies? Probably. So, that's my answer.

I intend to go back in some capacity when the boys are a little older, but for now, I am happiest at home. I say "happiest" b/c I can't say that I love being a SAHM 100% and I don't consider it a luxury. It's hard! More exhausting than my job before and I worked 80+ hr wks regularly. I had to balance all of the above out, and pick what was best for me and my family. Working and being a SAHM both have their distinct drawbacks, IMO.

Take what I've said with a grain of salt. Your choice to work or stay home or a combo of such are your choice. Only YOU know what's best for you & your family. DH & I had a huge fight last night/this am, so I'm a little unhappy right now and wishing to go back to work. *sigh* Most of the argument revolving around how he comes and goes as he pleases, and I don't get breaks at all from the kids. I'm becoming a little resentful, I think, and need to work that out.

Hmmm, does this post sound a little pessimistic? I don't mean it to. I am glad that I chose to be a SAHM and I am happy to be with my little boys, but bottom line, it's not easy or fun ALL of the time. Nothing is. But, certainly, working may be easier sometimes, though not nearly as fun. ;)

[jjordan]

I agree with most of the pp. It is not a luxury, it is a huge priority for us. We pretty much planned our (married) lives around being able to have me stay home when we had little kids at home. So, we have a small house that we can afford on one income, we have lived like paupers at times to avoid consumer debt, we drive old (but paid for) cars, etc. I do plan to get at least a part-time job when all our kids are in school.

Jill

[LarsMal]

I don't consider being a SAHM a "luxury" because it's not easy work! I definitely appreciate the fact that we can afford for me to stay home with the kids, but there are times when I just want to find the nearest daycare and head back to work, full-time!

We knew before we had kids that I would be staying home. Daycare would pretty much eat up my salary, so it didn't make much sense for me to work. I made it perfectly clear to DH, though, that our children were my first priority- I am not a "housewife". Yes, I keep the house in shape, but DH has to help out with cleaning, too. I guess that was my way of trying to hold on to the feminist in me!

I'll go back to work eventually, probably part-time when the youngest gets to preschool and then full-time when they are all in elementary school.

I definitely don't have any regrets about staying home, but I do miss adult conversation and interaction on a daily basis.

ETA: While I don't have regrets, the one thing I don't like about being home is not contributing financially. When I worked I would spend money w/o worrying about what DH would say (nothing we couldn't afford) but now I feel like any penny I spend has to be explained to him. I really don't like that feeling of financial dependency and needing "permission" to spend money. (Of course DH thinks I'm silly for thinking that, but I can't help it!)

[Laurel]

I don't think I would ever use the word "luxury". This is the hardest "job" I have ever had.

Do I feel lucky that I have the option? Heck yes! My DH is a teacher and that isn't the hugest income to be the only income. It takes a lot to make it work in CA.

We live in a small house in not our favorite neighborhood, drive an older car and have to budget more than we would like to. Nothing can go on credit card, either, we can't afford the payments/interest. I also miss having a job sometimes. My ideal situation would be to work about 15 hours a week while my kids were with an excellent nanny at home. I don't see that happening anytime soon.

All in all, I'm just thrilled that it is an option and that I don't either "have to" or "can't afford to" work, KWIM?

[MelissaTC]

I feel extremely lucky and blessed that my DH has an income that allows me to be a SAHM with few financial sacrifices.

[Globetrotter]

I don't consider being a SAHM a "luxury" because it's not easy work! I definitely appreciate the fact that we can afford for me to stay home with the kids, but there are times when I just want to find the nearest daycare and head back to work, full-time!

We knew before we had kids that I would be staying home. Daycare would pretty much eat up my salary, so it didn't make much sense for me to work. I made it perfectly clear to DH, though, that our children were my first priority- I am not a "housewife". Yes, I keep the house in shape, but DH has to help out with cleaning, too. I guess that was my way of trying to hold on to the feminist in me!

I'll go back to work eventually, probably part-time when the youngest gets to preschool and then full-time when they are all in elementary school.

I definitely don't have any regrets about staying home, but I do miss adult conversation and interaction on a daily basis.

ETA: While I don't have regrets, the one thing I don't like about being home is not contributing financially. When I worked I would spend money w/o worrying about what DH would say (nothing we couldn't afford) but now I feel like any penny I spend has to be explained to him. I really don't like that feeling of financial dependency and needing "permission" to spend money. (Of course DH thinks I'm silly for thinking that, but I can't help it!)

:yeahthat: Wow, I could have written that post! My dh works long hours and is often gone overnight/weekends/you name it so I often have to handle things myself. Plus I wouldn't have made a huge salary so it makes financial sense, to some degree. I do some occasional consulting to keep in the field because I love it and I also think it's important for me in case I ever need to go back. I also like having some money of my "own" even though it's not much.

We belong to a few playgroups and I have lots of friends, so in that sense I'm fine. In fact, two of my playgroups are so close we are like family now. My dd's group has been meeting for EIGHT years!! (now we meet once a month) I am a very social person by nature so I NEED that interaction :) I'm also a coleader for my dd's girl scouts troop, and through that I've made some wonderful friends. All in all, my only regret is that dh holds the financial reins, and we do fight about money, but I think he's finally realizing that I am pretty careful about how we spend money and I resell things, etc... He also grew up without much (his family was incredibly wealthy but they lost everything due to political changes, and they never adjusted well to their new status) so he gets very anxious about money, even though we are quite comfortable.

[niccig]

I don't consider it a luxury - it's difficult at times, and I always end up with the dirty house jobs as DH is at work. I do feel lucky that I don't have to be pulled into different directions by balancing work and caring for DS. My previous job wouldn't have covered childcare costs for an infant, and I was looking to change jobs. I do resent the house side of the work - I'm always the one running around/making phone calls/doing the dirty work. I get annoyed. DS is now in preschool longer days, and I'm trying to organize part-time work while he is in school. DH will have to do more then eg. get DS ready in the morning and drop-off at school.

I have heard some people say that SAHP have the luxury of time. Yes and No. Yes I can grocery shop today or tomorrow, DS can come with me for those things. But I used to have difficulty scheduling appointments when he can't be there as I didn't have anyone to look after him - he's in school now so it is easier. DH goes to those appointments on his lunch hour or during the day and makes up the time with work.

I'm glad I stayed home with DS, but now that he's getting older, I am starting to do more things for myself including thinking about part-time work. It'll be nice to be around adults, working with a team on a project, and having a little extra money for savings - we're OK on the one income, so we're going to save anything that I make.

[Octobermommy]

No, I don't consider it a pure luxury. It is a choice that we made and we are happy about. I don't consider it luck either, I consider it a blessing. It is what I have always wanted to do and we knew we would make it happen. We have two old cars and have not had a real vacation since our honeymoon but it is worth it.

Once my kids are in school I would like to return to work part time. I still want to pick them up from school and be there for them in the afternoon.

[HIU8]

I don't really see it as a luxury. It's a choice DH and I made when DD came along mostly because we had missed so much with DS. Secondly b/c pretty much my entire salary was going to be eaten by daycare costs. There was no way I was going to work FT and have it only cover daycare for DD and DS with nothing left over for other expenses. I still work PT from home a few hours a week just to cover a couple of things. I feel very lucky that we are able to do this. I do not think I will be going back to work FT until my children are grown if we can swing it.

[elliput]

Luxury? Yes and no. :)

I was a WOHM for three years first and would most likely still be if DH had not had a change of employment which moved us to an area with a lower cost of living. I really enjoy being able to spend time with my DD, but I also miss the day to day interaction with adults other than my DH. I really consider being a SAHM just a career change at this point (though I am hoping to not have to return to WOH if I can avoid it). With a second DC due to arrive at any second, it does not make sense for me to work as our combined incomes put us in a higher tax bracket and most of my take home pay would go to paying for daycare and my work related expenses (work clothes, lunches, gas, insurance, etc).

[lizajane]

absolutely not a luxury. we do not live nearly the same lifestyle we would if i had a similar income to DH. because of my interests, it would be a lot less. but when i started staying home, we were not so far apart. and it was not a luxury or luck or a blessing for me to stay home. i worked hard and planned for it. we saved all our extra income so that we could use that savings instead of an income for me. do i feel blessed? everyday!!! but blessed that we were able to accomplish our goal for which we worked hard.

staying home was not even a "decision" for me, as i never considered otherwise. most families i know with incomes similar to DH's when i started staying home said they "could not" stay home because they didn't have enough money. it wasn't a matter of money for me. it was GOING to happen. even if we had to move into a much smaller house.

my lifestyle/home and my taste are VERY different. if i had the money, i would have "real" furniture that wasn't old, scratched, damaged, coming apart, stained. but what we have is FINE and more than many others have. so i am grateful for what i have and for being able to manage being at home without giving up food or clothing or gas money or dates with DH.

i feel that we have plenty, and frankly, a lot! even if i do get greedy sometimes! and i would not change a thing. (except trying to work from home too much too soon so that i could have more spending money. BAD idea and big backfire!)

i am very proud of my working friends and family who have children. it just isn't for me.

[Asianmommy]

This is the hardest job I've ever had, but I don't regret it. Being home with them and watching them grow and being there to guide them is important to me. I am fortunate to be able to do this.

[salsah]

it is not luxurious! it isn't a luxury either. it is a necessity. i don't stay at home because we don't need the money. we cut back our spending to make it possible for me to stay at home because my being home is a priority. we are blessed that we can live off of just dh's income, even though we have to be careful with our spending. we could certainly use a double income (it would be nice to be able to afford to buy a home instead of renting -- among other things) but i know that my being a sahm is the best thing for our family. so unless i absolutely have to work (to afford basic necessities), i'm at home. i don't love it so i do plan to go back to work after the kids are in school but i will work part time so that i can be home with them everyday after school. i certainly do not have any regrets. there wasn't a decision to make because i know that our family will be happier with me at home then we would be with more money or more things.

[Nooknookmom]

nak-i consider it an absolute blessing to be home w/ dd2. i do wah some b/c dh & i own a painting company. i used to be on the jobsite painting & very involved in business. but a bad back injury & the baby put me at home.

we have had to make a lot of sacrifices for me to be here & it is not easy.

dd had reflux/gi/allergy issues from birth & i don't know what i would have done if i had to leave her.

i had to work w/ dd1 13 yrs ago (in hindsight dh & i could've managed) and she went to a sitter 5 days a week. i sometimes worked 45-50 hrs & went to school at night.

i cried alot of days i had to leave her.

So when i get frustrated at dd hanging on me ALL the time + her constant comfort nursing - I remember that I am very lucky to be here with her and give her a giant hug!

[annasmom]

I guess I am really different, because I do consider it to be a luxury somewhat. I just stopped working a year ago though, so that might taint my perception. The whole time I was working, I desperately wanted to stay home, and I am so glad that I do now.

Is the work luxurious? Lol, obviously not. But I really do consider myself really, really, really lucky to be able to stay at home. Most of my girl friends from grad school are the primary bread-winners in their family, and I am the only one of my friends from back home who is able to stay home.

[kijip]

ETA: While I don't have regrets, the one thing I don't like about being home is not contributing financially. When I worked I would spend money w/o worrying about what DH would say (nothing we couldn't afford) but now I feel like any penny I spend has to be explained to him. I really don't like that feeling of financial dependency and needing "permission" to spend money. (Of course DH thinks I'm silly for thinking that, but I can't help it!)
Just want to remind all you hard working mamas out there that being a SAHP is a huge financial contribution to the home! You are not only saving a lot of money in many cases, statistically speaking you are helping to increase your partner's income. Frankly even though my husband is not a SAHP (he is a student and works pt on fridays and saturdays), I can attribute some of my sucess and thus raises at work to my husband's support at home with daytime parenting responsibilities and also to him just helping me from time to time on special projects (bouncing ideas off him, attending special events with me) and finally, to him being available when I am very occasionally not available at odd hours- late night board meetings etc. My husband and I view all income as equally ours, even when my husband was not working. We also maintain seperate accounts so we don't feel like we have to share every little purchase with each other. When he was not working at all, we just transfered $$ from the household funds to him every month that was roughly equal to my own non-household spending amount. We have an agreement that we don't consult each other unless what we are getting is more than about $75-100 and has no general household/school/necessary use. All this said, I am not cut out to be a SAHP of young kids (ironically, perhaps to older kids) and am happy to work outside the home even though I really don't need to work full-time $$ wise. My position is flexible, which helps me avoid the stress some WOHMs have.

[megs4413]

I guess I don't consider it a luxury just because DH and I NEVER considered an alternative....I'm very blessed that this option works for us and I don't forget that. I don't have any regrets, but in the interest of full disclosure, I am considering working in the next few years. I had never intended to work, but as time has gone on, i've realized that I'd like to expand my life beyond the walls of my home. It's hard reconciling that desire with my desire to be at home, but hopefully we'll find a way to work it out. I"ll be at home until DS (our youngest and last) is 4 in any event.

[mecawa]

Do you consider the opportunity a pure luxury? Do you have any regrets? What weighed on your decision and how do you feel about it?
I guess in a way I consider it a luxury, just because I have a few friends who would love to stay home with their children but just financially can't make it happen. It can be hard work, but I feel really lucky that I have been able to stay at home with DD since she was born. I don't have any regrets at all. I loved my career but suprisingly do not miss it at all. I had always wanted to stay at home with my children and my husband wanted the same thing. My husband travels a lot for work and works very long hours, his schedule is very hectic and stressful and it is a lot easier for us to have me at home. I am happy to be at home with her and will be at home with DD#2 as well. When the kids are all in school full time I may go back to work part time but I still want to be able to attend all of their school functions, etc., because I wouldn't want to miss those, and DH can't attend most of those things, so as long as we can continue to afford it I will stay at home.:)

[fivi2]

I don't think luxury is the right word for me either :) Like a pp, I intended to go back to work until we discovered we were having twins. Double daycare expense would not have made the job I had at the time worth it financially (I was a gov't employee). I could have left that job and made more in private practice, but then my hours would have been insane. DH also works insane hours, so I am not sure who would have picked up the kids when we both had to work late. or who would have been able to take sick days. So I stay home. I am happy, but I consider it hard work, not a luxury.

Like pp, I think dh has been able to advance in his career because I stay at home and handle most of the day to day home/family responsibilites. I consider it "our" money for the most part. We have one joint account and then separate ones for spending and extras. We are each comfortable spending whatever we want without asking each other for permission (within our agreed on limit!). I would go back to work if we needed it, and will probably do something once the kids are in school. If dh's career stays as is, my job will most likely always be part time so that I can pick up the slack on the kid duties. Like many others, we have made sacrifices to make it work, but so far it has been worth it!

[scrooks]

I work 20 hours a week so I'm not a true SAHM. I am very grateful that my husband makes enough to support us and my income is a nice bonus. I do consider the time I am at home a huge luxury. I often wonder if I would like being at home full time and I think I would but I also think me being out of the house 2.5 days a weeks is good for me and my daugher. I may feel differently after I have another child. I guess I will have to reevaluate.

[maestramommy]

Well, for me it was a luxury in the sense that we are comfortably off without my income, and my Dh was all for it. He was all for one of us staying home and my income was a fraction of his, so easy choice. Besides, at the time I wanted to do it.

However, it's not exactly a luxury in the sense that I sit around eating bonbons and watch TV or surf the net all day. Some days are extremely hectic, some days are rather boring, some days are just your everyday. It's like when I was working, just different. Not as intellectually stimulating though, so I have to find ways to make that happen for me. Luckily Dh is very supportive of that as well.

I don't regret any of it, although like every other decision in life, it involves sacrifice.

[AngelaS]

I don't consider it a luxury either--it's a priority for us. We discussed the idea of me staying home w/our children before we were ever married and I'm grateful to my man that he feels our kids are the priority. Now that I homeschool, God willing, I'll be home for many years to come. :D

[pinkmomagain]

I really love being a SAHM and don't miss work at all. It's been 9 years. I worked a few years with my first and that was ok....I was very lucky that I had a daycare in my building so I had lunch with her everyday and checked on her whenever I wanted.

I really love "being there" for my kids.....MUCH more that they are older, than when they were babies.

Sometimes it gets overwhelming....I do wish I had more time to be in my own head....I'm doing alot for others all day long and have little "me" time. I know you think WOHMs don't have much me time either....but little things like driving to work, grabbing lunch or a coffee -- without someone pecking at your head....is a luxury to some!

[JTsMom]

I don't think I'd use the word luxury b/c it's such a high priority for us. I am certainly grateful that we are able to pull it off, but I'm also grateful that we have food on our table, health insurance, a reliable car, etc. I hope that makes sense. I guess in my mind, a luxury is something more frivolous- an expensive purse, gourmet meals, jewlery, etc.

[lizajane]

I don't consider it a luxury either--it's a priority for us. We discussed the idea of me staying home w/our children before we were ever married and I'm grateful to my man that he feels our kids are the priority.

:yeahthat:

(except when DH realized how hard it has been on me, he has been more interested in seeing me do something else. but i think we have worked "that" out and we are back on the same page again.)