need some good comebacks....

[newbiemom]

This is partly a b*tch, partly a need for some good comebacks - I am a very very petite mom - ...DH also not a very large guy - our boys are also naturally quite small. I grew up all my life hearing everyone - strangers, relatives, make comments about how small I was, and I always hated the one where strangers would guess how old I was, and be so shocked that I was much older, since I was so small (this continued well into college and adulthood even).
Well, now it's my sons' turns - and the mama bear in me wants to really chew out the strangers who try guess their age (always incorrectly) and then make some comment about how small they are. WHY do people try to guess ages of kids?? Do they not remember that kids of the same age are all different sizes?! IT's happened about 3 times in the past three weeks where people have guessed my 3 yr old to be a 2 yr old (and to be honest, he is the size of a 2 yr old, but STILL!)

Maybe I shouldn't be so sensitive about it, but to me, it's like going around to strangers, guessing their weight and making some comment like "oh, you're awful fat for your height, aren't you?" And I just don't want my boys to develop complexes about their short stature, or feel like a freak, the way I ended up feeling sometimes (you wouldn't believe the way people would go on about how small I was - it made me feel like a freak of nature).

Anyways, any ideas for good responses? I'll take anything, polite or not so polite, ideas!

[elliput]

"And how old are you? Surely, old enough to have manners!"

[gatorsmom]

How about ,"I'm 3yo just like you!" Or, if the impolite idiots don't get that one, maybe, "My mom says that people who call me short are mean people and i should stay away from them!"

I'm sorry you have to endure those idiots. hugs.

[MarisaSF]

I suppose you could say he's 2 and just really, really, really gifted. ;)

I (sort of) know it gets tiring. I have dark skin, dark hair and eyes. My son is alabaster pale, light blond hair, green eyes. I get "Are you his mother?" all the time. I grew up with it too. My dad has the same coloring as my son, so I heard, "Is that your real dad?" as a kid.

I've thought about joking with people, but usually just nod and say "Yes, this is my son." For conversations sake, I could go on with "He looks like his dad." I think your kids are less likely to develop a complex about it if you don't have a defensive comment or show that you are sensitive to the issue. Sorry... :hug:

[niccig]

I get the "he's 2 isn't he?". Yes the child using complex sentences and asking how men have beards is a 2!. I just correct and say his age.

My sister was visiting when DS was younger and a friend's husband who is always rude, made a comment about how his child who is 9 months younger, could beat DS up as he's much bigger than DS. Before I had a chance to say anything, my sister turned to DS and said "Don't worry dear, you're a thoroughbred." So, you could always try that line....

[nfowife]

I agree with Marisa. I would just be matter of fact about it. Being small for his age might be something he will deal with his whole life, and you don't want him to feel like he has to be defensive about it, kwim? There are big people and small people in this world, nobody is the same. If they were what a boring place it would be!

[maestramommy]

I get this all the time. I'm only 5'2", Dh is 5'6" and his family is very small framed. So the kids have always been peanuts. Dora is often the same size as other 2 yo. In fact she wears 18-24 month clothing LOL. There really isn't anything I can do about it. When people ask their age, and say, "oh she's so tiny!" I just agree and say, "yup, always been that way." I guess it doesn't really bother me, although it might've if my kids were boys. Is that sexist or what?:ROTFLMAO:

Anyway, my kids have always looked normal to ME. In fact I used to be shocked at how big other kids were. It's partly of function of our ethnicity, so I just leave it at that.

[lizajane]

I empathize. But for a slightly different reason. DH is 6'2" and i am 5'8". DS1 is the size of a 7 year old. He is 5. He ALWAYS gets the are you 6, 7, etc comments... and then "wow, you are tall" when they hear he is 5. DS2 on the other hand... he is 3.5. people ask me when he will turn 3. and he is kinda quiet sometimes, so then people think he can't talk. At age 2, he was 25th %ile. At age 3, he was almost 50th %ile. So here's to hoping he catches up! But when people say to his brother "WOW! you are TALL!!" like it is this really neat thing and then look right at Dylan and ask when he will be 3... anyway. It stresses me out.

as for comebacks..."We think he is the perfect size!!"

[JTsMom]

I like Liza's. I'm sorry you have to deal with those people.

[dcmom2b3]

I'll jump on Liza's positive energy train too. We get intrusive (rude?) questions/observations about our family's racial make up, and even though my impulse is to respond with a cutting remark, I stop short b/c I don't want to teach DD that lesson. At least not right now.

So "yes, isn't she great!?!?" is my standard reply to every inquiry -- even if it's non-responsive.

[Ceepa]

People are so bad at guessing age. The other day someone asked my 2yo if she was in Kindergarten.

Like pp, I'd try to stay positive. Not for those other people but for your DC. "Oh no -- he's three!" said very enthusiastically. DC will take their cues from you.

[mdb78]

I'm petite too (5') and dh is 5'7". So naturally, DD is petite also (she's in the 25th%). We don't get that many comments, but when we do it's usually "she's so petite or tiny!" In my head I'm like, "duh, look at me!".

[KBecks]

Correct them on the ages and then I would tell them how frustrating it was for you to hear those comments as a child. :) Nothing like a little honesty.

[stefani]

I have a petite DS, too, and I am 5'3" and Asian. I think sometimes people guess a child's age to figure out what to talk / to expect of the child. DS got used to me spelling out his name, so at 3 years old he would say his name and then spell it, although he didn't really have any idea about the letters. People are amazed that he could spell...and wondered how old he was.

So, I usually just say what his real age is. Now it is usually it is followed by whether he is in Kindergarten :-) No, he is not as he just missed the cut-off date, but that is OK.

The pediatrician said that he will take our attitudes about his size, so we want to convey a positive attitude about his size.

[ThreeofUs]

I like the matter-of-fact and affirming approaches.

DS has red hair. Really red. DH and I are the odd balls out in the family - we have brown hair. When people asked where he got the hair, we tried various approaches - the milkman, WalMart, etc. - but nothing worked so well as just saying, "he's so beautiful, isn't he?" And then saying something about how all of his cousins have exactly the same shade of hair, but that his dad and I are sports.

It diffuses the rudeness and makes an 'oddity' normal.

But I must say "the milkman" response really gave me some kicks - people would stop and have to think about that one!

[elektra]

I loved hearing the comments about just diffusing it for the sake of the DC.
I am actually tall for a woman (5' 10") and not skinny. DH is not tall but is a pretty big guy still. Well, DD has been in the 0-5% range for weight her whole life and under 50% for height. So people always comment on how small she is and sometimes I get these looks that are so probing, like wanting to know "the whole story" or something. There is no story though! She is my biological child but she is just little. Healthy but small.
I think I'll try the "yes, isn't she great?" line. It probably won't give me the short term satisfaction as something like, "yes she's actually going to be a midget. We are looking forward to signing her up for the circus next year" but it's probably the best for the long run and to not give DD a complex.

[jjordan]

I come from a very small family. We would frequently say "good things come in small packages!" I would try to keep it upbeat and positive. And, maybe the comments won't really bother your sons. In my family it bothered my older sister a lot more than it bothered the rest of us. In fact, for a while, my sister would get so incensed when a waiter/waitress would offer her a children's menu that my mom started paying her $1 if she was offered a children's menu and she didn't throw a fit.

Jill

[newbiemom]

Thanks for all the responses. I know I should try to be positive, for my kids' sakes, but I keep remembering the really hurtful and rude comments I would get from people sometimes and this one really snobby mom who looked at my son and compared him to her son who was younger but almost a head taller -it just burns me up. The innocent mistakes about age, I don't like it but I can tolerate them; it's comment's like "Oh, wow, is there something wrong with him?" or "Poor kid, he's so tiny" or "But he's so small for 3; are you sure?" that really get to me.

[WatchingThemGrow]

...and this one really snobby mom who looked at my son and compared him to her son who was younger but almost a head taller -it just burns me up.

I'm guilty here. DS is so long/tall and I've held him up to older kids just for the laugh. I'm glad to read your comments b/c it will make me more sensitive to it. I'm sorry people (like me) are rude in that way.

[newbiemom]

I'm guilty here. DS is so long/tall and I've held him up to older kids just for the laugh. I'm glad to read your comments b/c it will make me more sensitive to it. I'm sorry people (like me) are rude in that way.

No, it wasn't like that - she made this comment in this really snarky voice to her son about how even though my DS was older, her DS had to be really gentle because he was so small and couldn't tolerate how rough her DS usually is. Then she said something about how her son could just run right over mine even though my DS was older. And this woman was a stranger that happened to be at the play ground while we were there. Itt was her tone that just really got to me. My DS didn't hear her; I just didn't ven bother respomding.

[lmintzer]

I have two tiny (like 5%) boys as well. I know how annoying it is to get those comments. It gets worse when your child is old enough to be offended himself. What I've said before (when someone comments about Jack, most older son), is "No, he's actually 7. But wait until he opens his mouth--you'll think you are talking to a teenager."

Now, it's starting to get fun surprising people. Jack is playing soccer and is kicking some major butt at it. I love the look on people's faces when they see how fast he is and how well he plays. They are just shocked that the little guy has moves. It's fun to "show them" so to speak. : )

[MelissaTC]

People always think my DS is younger than he is because of his height and weight. Just this summer, someone at the YMCA asked me if he was 4. Um, no. He is 6. She was mortified. I told her it was ok, he is on the petite size. People have asked him if he is in Kindergarten this year and he gets totally insulted. He replies "I am a first grader!".

It used to bother me but he is who he is and he has no hang ups about it. My DH is about 6'1" and was a peanut for a long time. The Ped has already told me he thinks DS will be around the same height as his Dad. I may need to invest in a stool so I can scold him when he is a teenager!

[WatchingThemGrow]

No, it wasn't like that - she made this comment in this really snarky voice to her son about how even though my DS was older, her DS had to be really gentle because he was so small and couldn't tolerate how rough her DS usually is. Then she said something about how her son could just run right over mine even though my DS was older. And this woman was a stranger that happened to be at the play ground while we were there. Itt was her tone that just really got to me. My DS didn't hear her; I just didn't ven bother respomding.

Waaah on her. You know, now that I think about it, people DO comment often on how thin DS is 75th for height, 5th for weight. I had low supply and gave up nursing, pumping, meds, supplementing at 6 mos. but reflux and whatever else keeps him light and thin. I've heard "Are the doctors concerned about how skinny he is?" a few times. I should come up with something snappy like, "I'm usually that shape too (lie)."

[american_mama]

I get comments because of my family's racial makeup and sometimes struggle with how to respond. One idea is to reflect it back to the person in a way that moves the attention away from your child: "Well, people come in all sizes," and then talk about something related but non--personal ("Did you see that interview with the world's tallest man during the Olympics?") or something totally different ("Now, do you know where the X is in this store?" or just "Bye!"

Another idea for when your kids are older is to have a family code word if the kid is feeling uncomfortable with the attention (like if I person is going on and on, or touching their head or something). The example given was "Mom, I have to snark" and the parent gaily says, "Sorry, must run, gotta snark!" and sails away leaving the person confused.

If the comment is particularly botherson, you might calmly say "I can't imagine why you'd say that" and walk away. Or if the comment is rude, you say something about where are there manners/that's a rather abrupt question, whatever, and you leave.

Lastly, a line from a children's book I read once: "His legs reach the ground, right? He looks great to me."

[kijip]

"His legs reach the ground, right? He looks great to me."

I like this a lot. :)

We get the opposite thing since T is so darn big (though it is less noticeable now). I feel like telling people he is not a pumpkin at the fair- there is no medal awarded!