Please tell me I'm not the only one!

[awoodm]

Well, my typically loving and mild-mannered DS informed me today that he didn't like me and he didn't want me anymore!!! :32: I never thought this would happen to me! I will preface this by saying that he had just come back from an overnight trip to my parents house and had preschool all day. STILL! I think it ripped my heart in two. And it wasn't like he just said it once, it was several times throughout the evening. I just told him "it's not nice to say hurtful things to people" and "that hurts mommy's feelings when you say things like that." He eventually acted somewhat remorseful, but I am sure it was only to secure a few bedtime stories. Anyways, I am curious to know about other moms experiences and how you reacted. I really don't want him to continue saying things like that- esp. when I am so hormonal and emotional as it is with the pregnancy!

Thanks in advance!

Anna

[writermama]

DD1 decided she hated me about the time DD2 arrived. Yes, it hurt. Yes I cried. But she still loved me even though she hated me too ... and she never had any bad feelings about the baby. She loved the baby. So when she took it out on me, I would tell myself at least it's me and not the baby because I can take it.

Hang in there, mama, and hugs to you.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I let it roll right off my back and would usually reply, "I am sorry you feel that way. I love you."

My mom cried when ds told her that he didn't like her. The 2 of them are best of friends so it was out of the blue. I told her he was just saying that and didn't really understand the words. I told her not to be so upset. He is just testing out the impact of words. Especially as young as your ds.

Try not to let you get it down. Just watch, he will always cme running to you to share the good and the bad in life. He still loves you just the same. :)

Beth

[DrSally]

I dread the day this will happen (and it will). I think it would rip my heart in two as well. It's just kids expressing their anger. Everyone loves and hates significant people in their lives at different times.

[beansprout13]

The other day, DS1 told me "Mom, I'm not liking you today. You're not my friend." I told him that I'm sorry he felt that way and that I loved him. I tried not to show him that I was bothered by it. He just said it out of the blue and for no reason (that I could tell). But today, he told me that he loved me and that I was his best friend. I guess it is just part of being 3!

[Momof3Labs]

He's just looking for a reaction or testing you, and you're giving it to him. He's not expressing what is truly in his heart (which is all that matters, right?). DS1 was doing something like this for a while when he was 5yo-5.5yo, and I'd just shrug and reply "that's okay, I still love you. I'll never, ever stop loving you, no matter what."

It did grow old and it has been a while since he's said something like that.

[carolinamama]

I'm impressed you made it to 5 before it happened. DS didn't even make 3 yo before he figured out he could say this to us. It is usually in an effort to get our attention or when he's really mad at us. He does it more to dh because it gets more reaction - he gets upset and tells him that it's not nice, it hurts his feelings etc. I just say that I love him and don't make a big deal out of it.

I really doubt that any young kids (and probably teens too) mean it, but are either so out of control of their emotions or are looking for a reaction. I'd take it with a grain of salt.

[traumarn]

nope...many parents get that one, at least once...so don't fret too much...
and here's what some of the 'experts' say about that exact statement coming from your kids:only a loved child that feels secure will make that kind of statement- he knew he wasn't going to be deprived a dinner, for example...it wasn't a 'conscious thought'- but he knows.
what they say you should do: respond with something along the lines of ' i'm sorry to hear that. i love you very much, and i will still love you, no matter how you feel'.
(i had read this exact question on cnn's health page a while back- still rememeber the response.)
good luck!!!

[kep]

I hear this from time to time, especially when my five year old gets mad. It doesn't bother me too much, honestly. It's not my job to make him like me, my job is to be a good parent. If we continue to be friends along the way, terrific, but that's not the end-all goal, KWIM? Most days my son and I get along great, but we certainly have our moments where we but heads. He is just as hot tempered as his parents, so I try not to get too worked up about things that he says. He will be back to hugging and kissing on Mommy in no time. ;)

[mecawa]

My daughter recently started this too. She is four and I noticed it started right around the time preschool started. She also has a sister due in a few more months so we have been preparing for that and I think she is feeling it. I just say something to the effect of "Well, I love you" or "Sorry you feel that way" She is actually starting to do that less, so hopefully she is over it, although I am sure it will start up again as she gets older. I think they are just looking for a reaction.

[alexsmommy]

He's just looking for a reaction or testing you, and you're giving it to him. He's not expressing what is truly in his heart (which is all that matters, right?). DS1 was doing something like this for a while when he was 5yo-5.5yo, and I'd just shrug and reply "that's okay, I still love you. I'll never, ever stop loving you, no matter what."

It did grow old and it has been a while since he's said something like that.

I agree with Lori. I usually respond with, "Oh, I'm sorry you are feeling like that today. I'll always love you." Other times we talked about you can be angry or not like someone and still always love them.

[DrSally]

and here's what some of the 'experts' say about that exact statement coming from your kids:only a loved child that feels secure will make that kind of statement- he knew he wasn't going to be deprived a dinner, for example...it wasn't a 'conscious thought'- but he knows.


That's very true, only a secure child can express his strongest "negative" feeings without fear of repraisal.

[Asianmommy]

Yes, when my older DD was 3, she told me that she didn't like me. I was pretty upset at first, but then I figured it was because I don't grant her every wish, which I really can't do as a parent. So, I had to accept that.