Shower pickles.

[kijip]

Ok, this is my second baby and I am not one for showers in the first place and, like I said this is my second baby. THREE people have indicated to me that they plan to throw me a shower. Is there any reasonably polite way to quash this or at least convince them to keep it toned down and not play embarrassing games? I am thinking of breaking my rule about not dictating gifts and asking them to consider gifts to charity instead of to me.

It's not like I don't appreciate their happiness at our happy news or whatnot. But I can't stress enough how un-girly I am on this front. Of the three, I know that 1 is simpatico with me on these things and will likely not do the single gender, game laden thing (which is great for people that like it, I just don't). However the remaining 2 are through less personal connections- work and church (newer church for us). Is it ok to put the church person in contact with the simpatico friend and have them combine efforts (at the very least thereby reducing the number of events for me?) The work thing does not bother me, because I know that is certainly a mild group.

Or do I just have to suck it up and test taste baby food blindfolded and be subjected to belly measurement guessing games?

ETA: I know, if this is what I am worried about, I am spoiled. Again, I am just not a shower person, more so as the past few years have passed.

[new_mommy25]

Can you just make it known that you would love a lunch out with girlfriends, no gifts, no games. My friends and I have done that a few times for baby and bridal showers (renewal of vows).

[WatchingThemGrow]

I'd casually mention it to them they can combine efforts if they want to, but I'd also give them a chance to do it. I really appreciated the little events a couple friends held to celebrate my 2nd. They even brought a camera so I'd have pictures for the baby book :) Granted, I can't find them now, but they do exist in this world... I'd just go with it and register for some things you didn't have last time around.

[CiderLogan]

Just tell them you're so flattered that they care so much but you'd like a low-key affair...nothing fancy, no games/favors, just a chance for some friends to get together and celebrate the new little one. I think if you phrase it nicely and suggest something easy for them, they'll happily go along. Lunch out with friends, where they happen to bring a few gifts, is fun.

And I actually would think it's fine to put the church person in touch with the other friend, personally. But I'm no expert.

[maestramommy]

YOu can always just tell them a little of how you feel, and could they not play games and such?

[KHF]

My SIL and my cousin (in law) both said they were planning on throwing me a shower. I just told them that I didn't feel it was right to have an "official" shower since it's my second child and my first child is only 3. That, combined with the fact that the baby will be born right before Christmas, leads me to believe that I definitely do *not* want a shower this time around.

Since it was family that wanted to do it, I felt comfortable telling them thanks so much for thinking of me, but I'd prefer to not have one. Your situation may be a bit more difficult since it isn't relatives.

[MontrealMum]

I think the idea of combining is great, or lunch out with the "girls". Also, if you're looking for a way to break it to the less sympatico friends, can you tell them that you'd feel awkward having to invite some people to so many showers, or that you don't feel you know enough people to invite? Sorry, I can't seem to word that correctly, I'm a little foggy today...my point is that sometimes the same friends and family get invited to more than one, or that people that you aren't that close to will get invited, and it can be a financial burden (or one of time). Even in your case if it's not, can you try to stress that aspect as being a reason for combining, and replacing one with a lunch or fun girls time out? I've used this, and heard it used, as a reason on more than one bridal/baby occasion.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I like the idea of combining things.

But, honestly, it won't kill you to go to a cheesy baby shower. Go in there knowing it will be cheesy and embrace it. :) If you set your mind to being annoyed, bored, unhappy...then you will be. If you take it lightly I think it could be enjoyable. (Same spiel I give my ds all the time!) That said, there is nothing wrong with trying to pass on your preferences. One of your friends can speak for yu and hopefully keep things more in check with your likes. :)

Beth

[egoldber]

Can you just make it known that you would love a lunch out with girlfriends, no gifts, no games.

:yeahthat:

Some friends threw me a shower for Leah and since it was a girl and I needed nothing, they got me a GC to the Red Door Spa. I really appreciated that!

[kijip]

Thanks for the ideas and reminders, I am over thinking it. My simpatico friend is not going to embarrass me for one so I have no need to worry. :) Besides, embarrass me and I'll just have to go overboard when she has another baby :ROTFLMAO:

It more the present overload at the prospect of so many different showers that bothers me as one we have a small house and two I feel lucky to be prepared for baby pretty much already. We don't have space or inclination for a huge amount of gear and have already obtained much of what we need or just want for cheap or free. Also, a group of parents who I led a parenting group for recently gave me a more than generous gift card to a baby store and I found what I was going to buy new with it used, so I have a little reserve for the misc stuff like robeez. :)

And for the church group, I am going to suggest a donation shower. Since many weddings there are like that, I don't think it will be an issue, and people know where I work serves families who need help with the basics. People can bring diapers and baby gifty/essentials stuff for me to take to my organization. I am sure they will like that a lot, more than if I told them no gifts.

[maylips]

I think it is perfectly appropriate to tell them "thank you so much for even thinking about honoring me. However, we are so blessed on many fronts and really don't need anything." If they insist, or tell you it's not about the presents, then definitely go for a donation shower. You can also have a diaper shower, where you just get diapers (everyone needs those!).

The other option is to ask them to wait until the baby is born and host a 'sip 'n see.' That way, they can see the baby, avoid the cheesy games because an infant can keep them entertained, and you can still push for donations in the baby's name to less fortunate people.

[Thatchermom]

One group of my friends goes as a group to get pedicures just before the baby is due as our "showers". We figure if the new mom is going to have to look at her toes while pushing, they may as well be pretty. :) We treat the mom and go out for coffee and dessert after. Fun alternative.

[carolinamama]

I love a stocked freezer when I bring a new baby home - maybe a low-key pot luck shower without games etc if you know the people well enough to eat out of their kitchen or suggest going to a meal prep place (ala Dream Dinners, My Girlfriend's Kitchen) and making the meals together as your shower. No cheesy games and a very useful end product. If the group is too big, we have collected money from people and several of us have gone to make the food and then delivered it to the expecting mother. No typical shower, but family has still benefitted.

People just really like to give baby gifts. And they want to help you out. Hope you come up with something that works for you.

[Twoboos]

Hey I hear ya on the no-typical-shower thing. I did lay down the law for mine. No silly games. And no having me sit and open gifts.... booooring. I had a no-wrap shower (inspired by a friend). The gifts were laid out around the house for everyone to browse/see and talk about. It allowed everyone to mingle more, and was more like a party surrounded by baby stuff, lol! People loved it, and lots of people started doing it!

good luck in keeping the events "under control!" :)

[Corie]

I was offered by several different friends to host a baby shower
for my 2nd child. I just told them how much I appreciate their
offer but no thank you.

[gatorsmom]

Ok, I know you said you were over thinking about it but in case you aren't...

If you are really weirded out by it all, what about a couple's shower? I got that with my first baby. DH made it funny by opening up the little outfits and saying things like, "ah, that's so cute!" Or, like another poster said, a frozen meals shower would be GREAT to have.

And I've never been to a shower-either for myself or anyone else- where the shower was thrown at the guest-of-honor's home. YOU should not have to worry about where you are going to put everyone or doing any of the cleanign up afterwards! It should definitely be at someone else's house.

I agree with Snugglebuggles and say embrace the cheesiness of it all! Honestly, how often do you get a baby shower in life? What a fun, silly celebration of something so exciting. These are moments to cherish.

[kijip]

And I've never been to a shower-either for myself or anyone else- where the shower was thrown at the guest-of-honor's home. YOU should not have to worry about where you are going to put everyone or doing any of the cleanign up afterwards! It should definitely be at someone else's house.


Oh, just to clarify I meant that I don't have space for a clutter of baby gifts to deal with afterward. Never been to a shower that was at the mother's house either. I am sure the hosts are planning for their houses or some other venue.

I totally agree that these are life moments to cherish. I want to celebrate with friends who have graciously offered to host parties, I just don't want to be showered with gifts from so many different groups. If it was 1 shower I would not be worried about the volume of stuff but three seems an excessive number of gifts to unwrap.