Gift registries for kids birthdays-opinions?

[mom2binsd]

DD is invited to a party for a girl in her K class, they've never played together other than at school so I don't know much about her...in the invitation that we received in the mail it said she was registered at Target...at first I thought a little strange, but obviously we need to buy a gift and this made it so easy, there were plenty of items in the 15.99 and under price point (we got a Mermaid doll that was 15.99 for 8.00-yeah)....as I had no idea what this little girl would like I actually appreciated it.

So is this becoming a trend? It was a good thing in this case and I didn't really find it greedy as we all know you don't go to a party without a gift.

[Tondi G]

my boys have running wishlists on Amazon and I go on there from time to time and remove stuff they have received or have decided they don't "need" anymore (ie they aren't seeing commercials for that particular product anymore)LOL. My family likes it cause they can always check in on their lists and see what they are into these days. Another mom asked me what my DS liked at the moment and I told her about the wishlist.... she actually bought from it and told me she really appreciated it... made her life so much easier!

I wish more parents did it myself... when DS gets invited to birthday parties and I don't know the parents well I have no idea what the child wants! I am also kind of at a loss when it comes to buying for little girls cause I am SO used to buying for boys.... wishlists make it easier, for me anyways! :)

edited to add that I don't include the wishlist info on invites... I only mention it to any parent who asks and to our family! It helps ME keep track of the things that my kids have been asking for!

[LarsMal]

I have mixed feelings about it. I can see how it is definitely helpful to the invited guests, and like you said, you are going to buy a gift anyway.

OTOH, I kind of feel like kids need to learn to be appreciative of any gift they get- whether it's really what they wanted or not.

I don't know...I guess I haven't had enough experience with big birthday parties to really know what it's like to get a bunch of gifts your kid doesn't like.

But...I do know that I got a little snooty after my own bridal and baby showers when I would get things that *weren't* on my list. I had to get a grip and remind myself that these people took the time to pick out (and pay for) a gift. It was the thought that counted. Yes, I returned a few of them, but most of them I kept, and I still remember to this day who gave me the "unique" gifts. I can't remember who gave me the stuff I asked for!

[ha98ed14]

It was a good thing in this case and I didn't really find it greedy as we all know you don't go to a party without a gift.

While this may be true (except when the invitation specifically says no gifts), I personally find it VERY tacky to include a gift registry for a child's birthday in the party invitation. This is not a wedding. But maybe I am petty.

Personally I would not do a gift registry for my child, but if I did, I would share the info only with grandparents and someone who ASKED for gift ideas. I would not send the info unsolicited with the party invite. These people are your GUESTS! It is just plain RUDE IMO to tell them WHAT to bring you as a gift. If, as guests, "we all know you don't show up at a party without a gift," in the same vain, I think we should all know that as a HOST, you smile graciously and say "Thank you" to whatever gift your guest may bring, even if it is just a card!

[mom2binsd]

I think it is really trend whether we like it or not....most places where couples register for weddings or babies even have those little cards to put in the invitation (we did not include these in our wedding invitations though)....I guess in this situation it saved me asking the mom what her daughter liked and knowing I was buying something the little girl wanted.

After hearing from many friends who've done a lot of birthday parties it's nice to get gifts your child will actually use (a few friends have shared some stories about a lot of gifts that never get used)..so it's a fine line between obnoxious and helpful I guess.

When people asked about DD's birthday last year I just mentioned she loved bug collecting, puzzles, My Little Pony, and horses....she got some wonderful gifts, although the Elephant Webkinz is still just a stuffed toy (she already does Bella Sara online), and the Polly Pockets and Littlest Petshop stuff is is bags, the pieces are so small!!!!!!! She loved each and every present and it was fun to see her "fiance" from preschool smile as she opened his gift (he bought her a netted princess canopy for her bed).

[nov04]

I like the idea of a registry, but I would never include it in an invite and would be annoyed if it was included in one i received.

[kijip]

As I can barely tolerate registries in general, I have to say I am just plain opposed to expanding their use in any way. At most, I can see having a wish list for those that ask for it to choose from.

Invitations to anything should not include registry information as far as I am concerned, but I am aware that I am far behind the times.

[Asianmommy]

I haven't seen anyone doing registries for their kids in our area yet. It's not something I'd feel comfortable doing at this point.

[BeachBum]

I think including the info in the invite was super tacky!

I think having an amazon wishlist set up for those who ask is just fine. There is a indy toy store in town who has a big bullaitin board with "Birthday's this Month". It is a registry system but since so many people just shop there for gifts it works fine without being tacky.

[KrisM]

I just decided to make a registry for all three kids for Christmas because I can't keep straight what they want on their list and they keep asking me what's on it and are annoyed when I miss something :).

BUT, I will not let anyone in my family or my friends know about it unless they specifically ask for a list. I think it's great that I can make a list for my bookkeeping only.

I most definitely wouldn't stick it in the invitation. It is hard buying a gift for someone you don't know very well. Even if I know the child well, I don't always know what parts of something (Thomas trains, for example) the child owns already, so a list is nice. But, I'd much prefer to call on the phone and ask for ideas.

[egoldber]

I'd never heard of this until I was visiting my mom recently and stopped into a Learning Express store and saw the "registry wall". I thought it was kind of a good idea, but it never occured to me that people would put that info in the invitation!

I do have an Amazon wish list set up for the kids. DH and I have them for ourselves as well. Mainly it's just a tool for me to remember books, CDs and other items I run across during the year that I think the kids would enjoy. It is useful at Hanukkah and birthdays for my ILs who really do want a list of things to pick from. All my ILs have Amazon wish lists set up, it's the norm for them. But I would never dream of giving it to my mother or my family though.

[Puddy73]

I see how it could be helpful, but it seems a little tacky to me. I keep an informal list of things that DC would like just in case family or close friends ask, but I can't imagine sending out a list or registry link with an invitation.

[MelissaTC]

We did the birthday bucket at Learning Express one year and most of his gifts came from there. You basically select gifts you would like and place them in the bucket. When a party guest goes to shop at the store, you can ask for the name of the birthday child and get to shop from the bucket. The next year we didn't do it and people were actually disappointed.

I don't have a problem with gift registries. I would rather know what someone wants/likes and shop from there rather than try to guess. jmho...

[SnuggleBuggles]

I don't have a problem with it. It seems unnecessary but it's not a bad thing to do.

Ds1 always has an amazon wish list available (in a private forum) if friends or family want to check it out at b-day or Christmas.

Beth

[saschalicks]

We have one for each boy that is running on thethingsiwant.com. I mainly do it for family. I've never let his school friends know it's there. My family and DH's family love the lists and really appreciate knowing what direction to head in for the boys. Some don't stick to it and that's OK too, but not everyone knows their interests and it really helps narrow things down.

[WatchingThemGrow]

We keep a Google Document wishlist for family grandparents and people who ask. It has been great because we end up with stuff we actually need.

As far as putting it on an invitation, I'd probably be thankful if people did it, and not offended much at all. I'm certain they don't get upset if you gift a toy that's well-rec'd. A lot of the toy items I hear about on BBB are not well-known or found IRL.

I personally would rather give people things their kids want or need rather than what I have in my gift pile that may or may not be a good match for them. I have no idea what toys other kids have as hand-me-downs or whatever.

ETA: I don't think I'd feel comfortable putting it on an invitation. Just seems weird.

[beansprout13]

I can totally see the logic behind creating a registry/wish list for family. In fact, I may do one myself now. My family members specifically ask me to send links to toys or clothing for the boys and this would be much easier.

However, I think I would be put off if I received registry info for a child's birthday. If I want to know what to get the child, I usually just call or email the parents. I think it would be awkward deciding what to buy from a registry - I wouldn't want to purchase the cheapest item and what if there aren't reasonably priced items on the registry? Besides, some of the greatest gifts that DS has received are toys/items that I would never have thought of getting him - if I had a registry for him, he wouldn't be enjoying these gifts!

[KBecks]

Well, I am kind of anti-toy-extravaganza birthdays, and so I'm kind of anti birthday gift registries.

That said I am considering making a small Amazon wish list for Christmas for the boys and me, so maybe I'm a hypocrite.

[citymama]

I can totally see how it is useful, but thik it is inappropriate in so many ways, especially in terms of lessons learned for your kids. Life doesn't always give you exactly what you want but you need to deal with that with grace. I want my daughter to learn to accept gifts graciously and appreciate the sentiment behind them- even if it's not exactly the cool toy she is coveting.

I don't mean to be the big moralizer here - I know that we all have too much stuff and too much junk, and wish it could be different. I totally sympathize as both a giftee and gifter. One strategy for dealing with it as a gift giver, is to ask the bday kids' mom what s/he would like, and shop accordingly.

[brittone2]

The parties we attend have been leaning toward no gifts, etc. (or a swap of some type between the guests instead of a gift to only the bday girl/boy).

Our family will sometimes ask what our kids want or are interested in, and I'll toss out some ideas (always within the range that particular person tends to spend). I usually end up stressing that they truly need *nothing* at all and would be happy w/ just something small. If my relatives press on, I'll give them suggestions, but I would never email a registry list or put a registry in an invite (we have yet to do a big bday party other than DS's 1st bday party anyway).

[Melbel]

We have a wish list on Amazon for immediate family members and a few close family friends (Godparents for DC) to view, if they are interested in doing so. I like the list simply to quiet any "I wants" from DC during the year. We put the requested item on the wish list and they know that someone MIGHT purchase it for them for their birthday or Christmas. Out of town friends/family find it particularly helpful if they would have to ship a gift anyway. I also like to have a ready list of items handy. I could not possibly imagine including a link or reference to the list in birthday party invitations. Even when people (other than the aforementioned close family/friends) ask, I do not send them to the list, but rather, give general ideas. I agree that some of DCs' favorite gifts have been items not on their list and we certainly teach them to be grateful for any gift they receive.

[mom2binsd]

I think that the little girl who DD was invited to had created this list at Target for family (based on the more expensive items listed), however, I think the mom just included it on the invite, maybe not even thinking how it would seem?

I do think that the folks on this board tend to be a lot more polite/thoughtful and really think things through more than some parents (and those of us who obsess about clothing and carseats know who we are!- my DH always says I spend way too much time worrying about things....) but I think folks here are also very cognizant of things like writing Thank you's as well which I often find are lacking in the world! In general I think the BBB mamas and dads are a great group whose opinion I am always interested in hearing!

I personally don't think I'd put one together for a child's birthday, I'm probably not organized enough to do a registry and we have a small family so it's not really neede, but I wasn't totally offended....I get more irritated by the parents at school who ignore the no left turn and just about run over everyone in the parking lot (and don't put their kids in proper restraints!0

[DrSally]

I keep Amazon wishlists for the kids to keep track of things I'm thinking of getting them (cool things or books that come along that I don't want to forget about). I go back and delete or add occassionally). I forward it to family IF they ask for ideas. It has been helpful with family far away.

[mamicka]

:yeahthat:

It may work for other families, & that's fine. But this just doesn't fit with what I want to teach my kids. I guess a better way to say it is that I don't feel comfortable with my kids seeing me put together wish lists/registeries while then trying to teach them about being grateful, being aware of our blessings, & not being about "the stuff". I believe that other people are probably able to do both of these things but I don't think I can. That being said, I will probably, at some point in my mothering years, put together a wishlist of sorts to keep track of needs/wants. But I don't think I'd do it with anyone else's knowledge.

Anyway, I don't think its necessarily offensive to put a registry in an invitation. But I do think there's too much "gimme" & "stuff" in the world & I think gift registries don't help.

[egoldber]

FWIW, my kids are unaware that they have Amazon wish lists. :)

[Corie]

Invitations to anything should not include registry information as far as I am concerned, but I am aware that I am far behind the times.

Completely agree!

[Emmas Mom]

I would LOVE it if a party invitation came with a registry! I've never heard of it but I'm not surprised & think it's a great idea. I detest trying to figure out what to buy. Anything to make my life easier. lol That being said I think I'd feel weird doing it for our girls...except maybe telling our family.

[citymama]

This is the polar opposite approach to a registry, but funnily enough, the hardest parties for me are the "no gifts" ones - I end up giving something anyway, which runs contrary to the spirit of the hosts. At "no gifts" events I like having the option to contribute in some other way e.g. a book swap, bring a dish for the party, donation to kids charity, etc etc.

[Melanie]

I like the idea, if you're not running through target with the scanner with your child. I think it's a nice way to show people things they're interested in. For me, it's not a 'only these things' type of situatin. I don't put it in birthday invitations, but family members often ask.

[mytwosons]

I'm not a fan of the registry, but realize it's becoming the norm.

That said, I think one of the valuable learning opportunities associated with attending a party is shopping for the gift. I have my sons think about what their friends like and then they shop for a gift within our price range that they think their friend would enjoy. I think it's valuable for them to initially pick out something they want, and then go through the thought process of why their friend might not like it, and would prefer something else.

I still need coffee, so I hope that made some sense!

[Melbel]

:yeahthat:

It may work for other families, & that's fine. But this just doesn't fit with what I want to teach my kids. I guess a better way to say it is that I don't feel comfortable with my kids seeing me put together wish lists/registeries while then trying to teach them about being grateful, being aware of our blessings, & not being about "the stuff". I believe that other people are probably able to do both of these things but I don't think I can. That being said, I will probably, at some point in my mothering years, put together a wishlist of sorts to keep track of needs/wants. But I don't think I'd do it with anyone else's knowledge.

Anyway, I don't think its necessarily offensive to put a registry in an invitation. But I do think there's too much "gimme" & "stuff" in the world & I think gift registries don't help.

I think you make some excellent points. We are surrounded by many (not all) parents who purchase significant gifts year round. We only do gifts for birthdays and Christmas in addition to occasional $10-$15 reward gift for good report cards (or perhaps a trip to the ice cream store). I am also willing to buy books throughout the year. Otherwise, DC have to use their allowance $ for any wants. I like that once an item is on the list, I do not have to hear about it anymore. We have actually "banished" the words "I want" unless in response to a direct question (i.e. "do you want peas or broccoli?"). We work hard to teach gratefulness for any gifts regardless if on a registry. They do seem genuinely grateful for the gifts they are fortunate enough to receive. However, they are understandably disappointed w/ duplicative gifts that cannot be exchanged. We have donated dups to Toys for Tots or other charitable groups which makes DC feel good about sharing/giving. I totally agree that there is too much gimme w/ kids today. The wishlist is nonetheless working pretty well for us.