not sure how to title this - your gift interests for DC vs their gift interests

[firstbaby]

As I look at the gift ideas on my list for DS's, I am finding myself questioning my choices. While the gifts fit my criteria - not super big in size, not super expensive, lasting play value, quality made, etc - I don't know that they would be things the kids would immediately pick out. For example, DS recently saw a commercial for a Batman toy and was in awe. We often talk about commercials and how they are created to make us want something, etc, so he doesn't harp on anything he has seen on a commercial. But I can't stop thinking about the look on his face for how cool he thought it was. So it makes me wonder if I would get the same look of awe for the science kit that I want to put together for him. I know he is interested in science and I like the idea of feeding his interests, and I can see in my head how much fun we'll have together LOL, but I also don't see him jumping up and down unwrapping it, KWIM? Last year, we got them a few quality toys that fit our criteria and they have been played with every single day, so I know they enjoy what we've picked out in the past. I dunno, I just feel a little guilty if that's the right word that I can completely manipulate his play because I purchase the toys.

Any thoughts?

[SnuggleBuggles]

I go for a mix. I will buy some of the toys he really, really wants (or suggest them to others).

I love that ds gets an allowance now and can use his money at his discretion. It makes him think about what he really wants and I am not the bad guy for vetoing something just because I don't like it. We didn't start doing that till he was 5yo regularly.

Beth

[egoldber]

I think about this more and more as Sarah gets older. Now that she is 7, I realize that buying her things *I* want and that she doesn't want only leads to having stacks of toys and games that she doesn't play with. But that means I have to give up some of my fantasies of what she will play with. And honestly that isn't so easy for me.

There are some toys I have deliberately cultivated her interest in, like American Girl historical dolls. But even then she thwarted me by liking the dolls I didn't like LOL!!!!

Also, giving her an allowance has really given me a window into her head. Seeing what she thoughfully chooses to spend her money on has been eye opening for me. She's a HUGE reader, but doesn't choose to buy books. She prefers to use the library and buy computer and DS games from GameStop instead. And then deliberately chooses to buy used games so that they are cheaper and she can return them if she doesn't like them. Flabbergasted me I tell you.

[sarahsthreads]

I know what you mean. I just bought DD's birthday present tonight, and I deliberately didn't buy something *I* would have wanted for her. We have bins full of toys I've picked out for her, expecting her to love them for their "superiority" - their natural materials and open-ended play value. And while she plays with them here and there, they are not her favorite toys by any stretch of the imagination.

Somewhere along the line (at a friend's house) she was introduced to the tiny My Little Pony sets (Ponyville). She's been given or earned (through sticker charts) 5 sets now. And she really loves the idea of having a house for her ponies. So I just bought a big, honkin' plastic Ponyville Teapot Palace for her birthday. It's not what I would choose for her, but I know it will get 100% more play time than anything else I could have gotten because it's something she wants.

DD's wish list for this birthday and Christmas is entirely populated with things she's asked for - although not everything she asks for winds up on it. When she expresses an interest in a toy (either in a catalog, on TV, or in the store) we talk about what it is that she likes about it, and how important it is to her. Sometimes she'll look through a catalog and say she wants just about everything in it. Those are not days I bother to put things on her wish list!

Last year I made the mistake of convincing her to ask Santa for a doll house, because I wanted to buy her a doll house! She wanted another baby doll, even though we already have a half dozen of them all over the house. Does she play with the doll house? A bit. But her dolls...each and every one gets played with every single day. I keep hoping she'll grow into the doll house, but I've learned my lesson. This year she can ask Santa for whatever she wants and that's what will be wrapped up under the tree. (Within reason, of course!)

Sarah :)

[s7714]

My DDs rarely see commercials, but they still get influenced by what toys they see at their friends houses and at the toy store. If they are impressed with something enough that they repeatedly ask about it (and I mean over months, not just over a week or something) I'll seriously consider it as a potential gift provided it's not dangerous or blatantly inappropriate in some way. If it's just something they really liked while it was in front of their face, then no chance.

[elaineandmichaelsmommy]

As elaine has been growing up we've been seeing this pop up as well. This year she's asking for a few specific things but is still pretty flexible. Which frankly suprises me for 6 years old. But then again we've only made one trip to the toy store and target so we'll see what lays ahead.

[o_mom]

I'm with you. DS1 hasn't quite made the connection between what is fun for a day and what he really likes. He is completely suckered by packaging/marketing and wouldn't pick an open-ended natural material toy ever. However, those are the ones that end up getting played with over and over while the plastic MIC stuff ends up at the bottom of the heap. About the only thing that he does want that ends up lasting is Legos, but even there he is gravitated toward the less open ended ones (Batman, Indiana Jones, etc) and not as much to the ones that would offer a greater potential to be more than just the one on the package.

I do try to get something that he "really wants", but I do know what you mean when the things I have really thought about and spent more money don't generate the initial excitement that a heavily marketed toy does.

[egoldber]

Sarah doesn't really watch many commercials. We tend to watch DVDs or else we record shows and fastforward through the commercials. So that isn't our issue. It's just that she has her own personality and likes things other than what I woudl personally prefer.

[o_mom]

We do very little TV here - maybe once a week they watch one show. Movies/DVDs are for long car trips. He still gets marketing everywhere - on other toy packaging, in the catalogs that come in the mail, friends, etc. Going to the toy store is just another set of "who can package it best" marketing. Even at the local independent toy store he gravitated toward the stuff I knew wouldn't last and brushed off things like MagaTiles.

[egoldber]

Well, I think there are two different issues. One issue is kids being drawn to and asking for things that are marketed to them (either directly or indirectly). A different issue is when kids begin to develop their own tastes and preferences for things other than what you would prefer for them. I was talking about the latter, not the former.

I think that Legos are amazingly cool, but Sarah would rather do puzzles or play a game (not just video or computer, she also loves board games especially ThinkFun type games). One isn't really better than another (although I guess some might disagree with that) but she definitely prefers one to the other. If I ask her what she wants to do, her choice is invariably to do a game/puzzle of some sort.

As she has gotten older and her own personality develops, I am learning to follow her lead. Not to say I may not bring things to her attention that I think she might enjoy. Sometimes she likes these things and sometimes not. But even as young as 5 she began to show very definite preferences and now at 7 those preferences are pretty well established.

I know I had these fantasies in my head of her playing with dolls and Barbies (like I did as a child) and playing with lots of things that my family was too poor to afford growing up. Some of those things she likes, some of them are completely NOT on her radar as things to enjoy. I just find it facinating how I am having to learn to get over myself and appreciate her for who she is.

[Puddy73]

I know what you mean. I just bought DD's birthday present tonight, and I deliberately didn't buy something *I* would have wanted for her. We have bins full of toys I've picked out for her, expecting her to love them for their "superiority" - their natural materials and open-ended play value. And while she plays with them here and there, they are not her favorite toys by any stretch of the imagination.

We are in the same boat here. I've really had to restrain myself from buying things that I think DC "should" like because they just gather dust. For the past six months DD has been asking for a Snoopy Sno-Cone maker. I know they don't work and they are total plastic junk but she REALLY wants one and if Santa doesn't bring one I think she will be heartbroken. So, guess what Santa already has in his pack? :)

[o_mom]

Well, I think there are two different issues. One issue is kids being drawn to and asking for things that are marketed to them (either directly or indirectly). A different issue is when kids begin to develop their own tastes and preferences for things other than what you would prefer for them. I was talking about the latter, not the former.

...

I hear you. There are certainly things I would love for DS to love. I think the OP was talking about the first situation - that marketing trumps their past experience.

I do try to find things that can do both, but it is getting harder as he gets older. I am, however, loving having all the "boy" toys around that I never had as a kid (two girls) because nobody thought that I seriously wanted Legos. :p

[KrystalS]

I'm so happy I'm not the only mom like this! I search and search for great Christmas/Bday gifts for DD. She always just asks for the stuff on commercials or what she sees in the store. But the stuff I think she'll like never get the same play time as the items she really wanted. We have so much family that buy for DD that I let her make a wishlist and she can put anything there she wants. I let other family members buy this stuff and I buy her different stuff that I think she will like.

[firstbaby]

thanks for sharing your experiences with me and understanding what I was saying. Even as I was typing it, I wasn't sure I was expressing what I was thinking. But all of your responses were what I was looking for :) Your responses have me thinking I could to go with a hybrid approach this year and maybe get him the quality, long play value toys and give the grandparents toy suggestions that DS would love, even if they would break in a few days. I'm okay with one or two of them making their way in our house :)

Also, Beth, I love the insight that you shared for Sarah with the allowance. DS has a bank and we talk about saving money in our piggy bank to purchase things on his wish list, but that money normally comes in around holidays and birthdays. Allowance would give him a more "regular" source of income to make decisions with :)

[niccig]

This struggle has just started with us. Family asked for ideas and at first most are what I think he needs. Eg. we need more books that have longer, more involved stories. But DS isn't going to go crazy over a book. He loves reading time, but it's not a present he'll flip over. We've started a wish list this year, and many I'm Ok with him having eg. a pedal bike. He really wants a transporter for his matchbox cars and he wants a rocket like is friend has, it's also matchbox. We got him the transporter and my sister is getting him the rocket. He told me he wanted legos like he has at school, and it turns out it's gears gears gears, so I'm talking that one up with the grandparents.

I think we're going to have to balance it - he has to get some things that he wants, even if I think it's an awful toy. I remember my cousin's reaction at 5 when all she got was clothes - her mother had recently separated from husband, no money and the daughter needed clothes, so we all gave her that. We should have given a small toy + clothes.

[linsei]

I have been thinking about this lately. Mostly it was sparked when I heard a boy at preschool bragging about a cool Batman toy that he has. Ds1 responded with "Oh yeah? I have a Spiderman TOOTHBRUSH!"

I have been trying to avoid super hero toys, but it looks like I might have to give in a bit. I felt really guilty when all he had to brag about was a toothbrush.

He has a great imagination. I play "spiderman" and "Diego" all the time. He does not have any of the manufactured toys for either, it is all imaginative, but I think we probably will relax our standards a bit to let him have some of the things that are interesting to HIM, instead of what WE want him to have.