So..is it just me?

[jgenie]

We're going to visit my family for the first time next week. DS will be 9 months old - this will be his first plane ride (4 hours) and first time sleeping somewhere other than home. My mom has a 10 year old crib that was purchased years ago so her grandchildren could come spend time with her and have a safe place to sleep. I have no issues with the crib and thought it was really great of her to set it up for us. Here's the problem...with all the recent crib recalls I asked her for the brand of the crib so I could check to see if there were any recalls on it. She got upset and said "If there has been recall does that mean you won't use it?" I said, "That's correct, I'm not going to put my son in a crib if it has been recalled for safety reasons. There have been babies that have died because of faulty cribs." She got upset and thinks I'm paranoid. She did not go out and buy this crib specifically for my DS nor has it been set up yet. I figured if it has been recalled I would save her the trouble of setting it up and then not using it. I'm so upset I can't believe she would want me to put my son in a harmful situation just so the crib could be used. Am I being paranoid? Would you use a crib that has been recalled? Was I out of line to ask?

If you made it this far, thanks for reading. What do you think?

[elektra]

I don't think you are paranoid at all. Hopefully, you get it all worked out with the crib but if I were you I would bring my pack n' play as a backup no matter what.
(I actually have always used my pack 'n play as a crib for DD every time we've traveled.)

[Tondi G]

No, you are not paranoid and NO I would not put my child in a crib that has been recalled! Are you willing to chance your childs life to make your mom happy.... NO! Baby Products change a lot in 10 years!

If you aren't sure about the crib, just bring your pack n play along or buy an inexpensive one when you get there and leave it. At least you know your child will be safe in it!

[SnuggleBuggles]

That's a strange reaction on her part, imo. My mom takes my word on baby safety issues. :)

If you can't reach a compromise with your mom you can always just pick up a Pack N Play there (or she can borrow one, maybe?). They are handy for more than just sleeping in a house that may not be totally child proof.

Beth

[srhs]

I can relate. It's weird how moms and MILs react about things like this. You'd think they'd be THRILLED that you put so much effort into keeping their grandkids safe!

If you are being paranoid, I am too and all other educated moms who are smart enough to know we have to avoid the dangers that we can because there is much we do not have "control" over. I would check the recalls in a second. I would be annoyed with your mom myself, BUT I have learned the better reaction for your relationship is to make an effort to make sure mom doesn't feel judged for what she recommends, provides, or did with her own kids. At the end of the day, I would not use the crib if I didn't KNOW it was safe, but I would put in that effort to make her feel appreciated. It saves some grief.

[jgenie]

I can relate. It's weird how moms and MILs react about things like this. You'd think they'd be THRILLED that you put so much effort into keeping their grandkids safe!

If you are being paranoid, I am too and all other educated moms who are smart enough to know we have to avoid the dangers that we can because there is much we do not have "control" over. I would check the recalls in a second. I would be annoyed with your mom myself, BUT I have learned the better reaction for your relationship is to make an effort to make sure mom doesn't feel judged for what she recommends, provides, or did with her own kids. At the end of the day, I would not use the crib if I didn't KNOW it was safe, but I would put in that effort to make her feel appreciated. It saves some grief.


I have tried to make her feel appreciated. I try to call her when I have questions about DS and I truly want to know her opinion. As she's been preparing for our trip she came across bedding that was girlish and was planning to go out to buy boy bedding, but I told her it didn't matter to us what the bedding looked like so long as it was clean. I try really hard not to judge her or to make her feel like her choices were wrong. I just couldn't believe how upset she got and I thought maybe I was out of line. I would NEVER put a child - mine or anyone else's - in a crib that was not safe - I'll take the flack for it. I am just stunned. It's put a damper on the trip now and I hope it doesn't ruin our stay. Unfortunately, Mom & I are the type to stew over things instead of having conversation to get things out in the open. I guess I can only do my part.

[Ceepa]

My MIL went out and bought a portacrib at a garage sale. She wanted to clean it and have DS use it during visits. There were safety concerns so we declined to use it at her house or take it to ours (her original intent). She was MAD and thought we were ungrateful and overreactive. That thing is still sitting in her basement.

Do what's best for your baby. Can you bring a PnP?

[niccig]

We have the same mother.

I did allow use of the crib I had when I was a child, because my older sister was there before we arrived and she checked it out for safety. She found guidelines on line and the crib passed those.

She bought an old wooden high chair, I wasn't happy about using it, but was very careful when DS was in it (only one visit as we visit Australia every 12-18 months.

She bought a booster seat from a friend, it was 10 years old, says from age 1 and up. Yes, a booster, no harness. That I refuse to use and she is still pissy about it and still mentions it when we visit "don't bring a car seat we have the one I bought". I've told her several times DS will NEVER EVER ride in it. She then doesn't talk to me for a couple of days...oh well.

You make the decision. They have to live with it. If you try to convince her why it's not safe, you could get into an argument. What often works for me is "he's my child and I make the decisions". If you decide not to us it, you could offer to pay her back, so she isn't out any money and then you won't hear about all the money she spent that is wasted.

And if she is like my mother and gives you the cold shoulder for a few days, well at least you'll get some peace and quiet!!

[Fairy]

You're not paranoid. I'm not surprised by this reaction. The intense scruitiny on the baby and toddler gear market is something logical to us and that we can't imagine being without, but it wasn't there when we were growing up. So, our parents think, "it was good enough when I was a mom, it's good enough now." I've been pretty lucky with these kinds of situations with the generations above ours, but there have been moments.

You have to do whatever is best for your child, and sometimes that's going to mean our P's and IL's take offense. It's unfortunate, but yeah, I'm not surprised.

[shawnandangel]

You should do what you believe is best for your child. Period.

I think we all have the same story. My MIL wanted to buy a crib for dd for when she stays over at her house. After researching cribs DH and I decided not to buy a drop-side crib for safety concerns. Well off MIL and I went to BRU and she just had to have a wood drop side crib. I told her I wasn't comfortable with that crib and she bought it anyway. Well I know it passes all the requirements I still don't feel comfortable with DD being in a dropside crib. DD hasn't been to MIL's house yet but the husband said he would look at it when we go over there and if he feels it is not safe he will tell his parents to use our PnP.

She was also upset I didn't want her to use bumper pads in the crib out of SIDS concern. . .

[maylips]

I am right there with you only our issue is the carseat. Yes, the dreaded carseat. My mother would tell DD "I am so sorry you're sad and if mommy wasn't here Gigi would pull you out of the carseat and hold you." - this is WHILE WE ARE DRIVING. For the longest time, I heard "well we didn't have _____(insert some safety object I insisted and/or required by law to have)____ and you turned out okay."

It's like one of the PP's said - they didn't have all of these things when we were growing up and just don't understand. But we support you - you do what YOU feel you're comfortable with, mama!

[firsttimemama]

You're being smart and she's being crazy.
No I would not use a recalled crib.
In fact, I probably wouldn't use a 10 yr old crib. But I'm an extremely cautious person.

[newmomto1]

I can SO relate to this!
No, I would NOT put my DC in a recalled crib!
And, this sounds like a typical reaction from my MIL & FIL.
All my ILs think I am paranoid..not only because I worry about safety issues..
but because I always make my DC's wash their hand before they eat.
If we are at a restaurant, I'll get out the wet ones or purell when the food arrives. I can see them all rolling their eyes...drives me NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jgenie]

Thanks for all of the support! :) I guess I need to get used to the fact that my parenting choices won't always be endorsed by my family.

[DrSally]

She got upset and said "If there has been recall does that mean you won't use it?"

That's right, that's what recalls are for. I agree it was thoughtful for her to buy it, but it doesn't mean you won't check it out and make sure it's ok.

[gatorsmom]

Insert smirk. I just LOVE all those people (not just grandmas- i've recently run in to moms at our preschool who say this) who use the phrase, "well we used that product and we turned out ok." Mmmmhmm except for those of us that didn't turn out ok.

I think you are making a wise decision not to use a crib that you don't feel safe with. Recalls and product information are there for a REASON. You'd be foolish not to use the information that is out there to protect your child.

[saschalicks]

I'm sorry your mom made you feel like you were overreacting but child safety is nothing you are overreacting to. I just told my parents they had to get rid of DS1's car seat in 1.5 years b/c it will be 6 yeears. My mom said "OK". I mean come on here! Common sense is unsafe means do not use. {HUGS} to you!