How would you respond to this?

[gatorsmom]

Your DH (or DPartner) comes into the room you are in and says, "Can I take the boys (ages 5 and 3years) to a farm this weekend? Coworker Tim has a buddy who has a thing at his 10-acre farm every year and says I should bring the boys." These were his exact words.

I responded a certain way that I think most of you moms here (and dads) would agree with but DH thinks I'm being paranoid and ridiculous.

Seriously, I'd love to know how you would respond to that. DH added that he would be there to supervise (this doesn't instill much confidence in me, however). What would you say?

[Melaine]

Hmmmm..."what kind of "thing"?" would be my first question "who's going to be there?" etc...

[lovin2shop]

Your DH (or DPartner) comes into the room you are in and says, "Can I take the boys (ages 5 and 3years) to a farm this weekend? Coworker Tim has a buddy who has a thing at his 10-acre farm every year and says I should bring the boys." These were his exact words.

I responded a certain way that I think most of you moms here (and dads) would agree with but DH thinks I'm being paranoid and ridiculous.

Seriously, I'd love to know how you would respond to that. DH added that he would be there to supervise (this doesn't instill much confidence in me, however). What would you say?

Hmmm, that A LOT depends on the specifics of the "thing". I might say no way in you know what or I may blow a kiss to his buddy in appreciation for a little free time of my own.

[megs4413]

i would need more details.

[MamaMolly]

ITA you need more information. What is the 'thing'? Hog slaughtering? Cow Pie bingo? Campfires and hotdogs and tents? Hayrides?

And how long? Overnight?

And who is going?

Dying to know what you said that got him hot!

[gatorsmom]

ITA you need more information. What is the 'thing'? Hog slaughtering? Cow Pie bingo? Campfires and hotdogs and tents? Hayrides?

And how long? Overnight?

And who is going?

Dying to know what you said that got him hot!


Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I simply started asking questions like this-What is this thing? Are there going to be animals there? Are there going to be guns? Is it a working farm with animals? How are they contained? What does he plan to do? I think these are reasonable questions.

DH tried to answer some of the questions with, "I'm sure it is no more unsafe than the local pumpkin farm we visit every year." Except that pumpkin farm is a business that makes money off visitors. They have to be safe. This guy doesn't.

I asked a few more questions and DH couldn't answer them and huffed out of the room and said, "forget it." The truth is, he doesn't know anything about this farm, probably didn't want to go anyway and was likely looking for an excuse to get out of it. Now he can use me as an excuse. Lovely.

But it feels good to know that I was NOT being unreasonably suspicious or paranoid in asking these questions. DH can go suck an egg. or play cow pie bingo with fresh pies :).

[spanannie]

nak

i would be concerned about this. ds has had 2 bad accidents--one very serious and they were both on dh's watch. he is a great dad, but does not watch the kids as well as i do and trusts the kids more than he should.


Your DH (or DPartner) comes into the room you are in and says, "Can I take the boys (ages 5 and 3years) to a farm this weekend? Coworker Tim has a buddy who has a thing at his 10-acre farm every year and says I should bring the boys." These were his exact words.

I responded a certain way that I think most of you moms here (and dads) would agree with but DH thinks I'm being paranoid and ridiculous.

Seriously, I'd love to know how you would respond to that. DH added that he would be there to supervise (this doesn't instill much confidence in me, however). What would you say?

[pinkmomagain]

Considering that my DH very rarely offers to take all my kids off of my hands for a few hours (without any prompting from me at all), I, personally, would be shocked and thrilled! That said, I'd want a good idea of what the kids would be encountering and assurance that it would be safe.

[saschalicks]

I'd say have fun! I'm sorry but for me the fact that DH wants to take the kids on any outing that would be fun and entertaining to me is nice. JMHO! I trust his judgment and know he would never take them anywhere that he didn't think was right for them.

[kijip]

I'd say have fun! ... I trust his judgment and know he would never take them anywhere that he didn't think was right for them.

I agree. I can't fathom my husband taking T anywhere that I would not be willing to take him. But of course, I also know that my husband would have an answer as to what this thing was, because he would not be interested in going unless he knew.

Of course, the fact remains that if he said he was taking T to a farm, it would likely be to buy apple cider or something similarly tame like picking up chicks in the spring for our coop or something. It's out of my frame of reference that it could possibly be anything risky or bizarre.

[jenmcadams]

My DH takes my kiddos on his own pretty frequently, so I would actually be somewhat put off by his asking if he was asking for permission. He would probably say something like "I'd like to take the kids to a farm with some guys from work...would that work with our schedule this weekend?" He would be asking to make sure it worked in our plans, not b/c he needs to get permission from me. I'm sure I would ask about details, but only out of curiosity, not b/c I need him to clear the event with me. Having said that, he's awesome with our kids and I trust him completely -- he's as good or better than I am with both kids (6 and 3) on outings and often takes them so I can do something on my own.

[ThreeofUs]

But it feels good to know that I was NOT being unreasonably suspicious or paranoid in asking these questions.


Sheesh, of course not! Sounds to me like your DH was just askin' for you to respond exactly the way you did.

[cvanbrunt]

I simply started asking questions like this-What is this thing? Are there going to be animals there? Are there going to be guns? Is it a working farm with animals? How are they contained? What does he plan to do?

I might have asked the first question out of curiosity. But I can see why he got huffy. Do you really think he would know how animals are contained? Its a farm. The litany of questions suggests you don't trust him to look out for the boys' safety. Well, that's what my DH said, anyway.

I say send them on their merry way and hope they have a great time out with their dad.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Without reading anything but the OP I would say "yes" without hesitation. Sounds like a great experience...and I'd be happy to have some quiter time at home. :)

Beth

[Laurel]

I'd LOVE it if DH took the kids away for the weekend.

However, I can't imagine him getting huffy if I wanted a few details about his plans.

I think you're right about him wanting to use you as an excuse not to go. I'd be really annoyed.

[MelissaTC]

I would be inclined to say sure...then ask what kind of thing just so I know. DH takes DS on outings and such and all has been well. I don't worry and trust DH's judgement.

[AuGoldie]

I trust DH and wouldn't give it another thought. I guess I might ask what they were going to be doing out of curiosity but I wouldn't be asking because I was afraid that he would put the kids in danger. And if he didn't know then it wouldn't be a big deal either. Not an issue w/ DH and I, he is just as safety conscience as I am.
Jackie

[DrSally]

What is the thing exactly and who are the people?

ETA: both my parents have lived/worked on farms when they were kids, and there are some really scary stories about farm accidents. I would want to know if there would be working equipment going (like a threshing show). And, I am in the same boat as pp, that DH is very responsible, but just doesn't watch DS as closely as I do, or think of the same things that I do. i.e, standing on a dock with DS and not keeping his eyes on him the whole time. No, just standing on the same dock with DS running around and you looking the other way for 15-30 sec intervals does not constitute supervision around water IMO.

ETA: I would be fine with them going, but I would just ask the above questions and mention to DH to watch DS so he doesn't go by the equipment and sanitize his hands after touching animals. He would prob be annoyed or huffy about it, but I would err on the side of caution and say it b/c I'd rather be safe than sorry.

[maestramommy]

It really depends on your Dh and what he's like. If my Dh were to bring up an outing, he wouldn't say "thing" he'd say exactly what it was. He might be sketchy on the people though.
I will say Dh in some ways is more accident conscious than I am, so I would trust him to take the kids somewhere.

[kransden]

ITA you need more information. What is the 'thing'? Hog slaughtering? Cow Pie bingo? Campfires and hotdogs and tents? Hayrides?


Cow Pie Bingo!!!! :p ROTFLMAO!!!

[gatorsmom]

What is the thing exactly and who are the people?

ETA: both my parents have lived/worked on farms when they were kids, and there are some really scary stories about farm accidents. I would want to know if there would be working equipment going (like a threshing show). And, I am in the same boat as pp, that DH is very responsible, but just doesn't watch DS as closely as I do, or think of the same things that I do. i.e, standing on a dock with DS and not keeping his eyes on him the whole time. No, just standing on the same dock with DS running around and you looking the other way for 15-30 sec intervals does not constitute supervision around water IMO.

ETA: I would be fine with them going, but I would just ask the above questions and mention to DH to watch DS so he doesn't go by the equipment and sanitize his hands after touching animals. He would prob be annoyed or huffy about it, but I would err on the side of caution and say it b/c I'd rather be safe than sorry.

Wow. I've found all these replies very interesting, especially Cvanbrunt's reply. DrSally's post hits the nail on the head as far as my concerns. I've been on enough farms to know that there can be some very, very unsafe situations. Not just with farm equipment laying around but also with animals running about unhindered. Not all farms are as well maintained as the cute pumpkin patch farm we visit every fall. DH has very little experience with farms as do some of the posters here apparently, and probably naively thinks, "What could happen?" And as for the hand sanitizer- um yeah. Dh wouldn't even think about that. So, that is what spurred my indepth questions. Especially given his vague initial question about taking the kids to a thing at some random person's farm.

I do trust DH and he is great with the kids for the most part. He takes them pretty often giving me some time in the house with just the twins to take care of. But like DrSally's DH my DH just doesn't watch the kids as closely as I do. Places with potentiallly serious hazards like a boat dock or random farm are beyond his supervising abilities.

Thank you for your replies. I was mad at the time I posted but I've calmed down now. DH and the boys are going to finish their Halloween decorating instead of going to the farm. all is good. :)

[Asianmommy]

I would say, "Um...O-kaaayyyyy...", and then pepper him with a zillion questions. I'm sure he wouldn't be able to answer them, but in the end, since there's no doubt that he would be there to supervise them, I'd be OK with it.

[R2sweetboys]

I might have asked the first question out of curiosity. But I can see why he got huffy. Do you really think he would know how animals are contained? Its a farm. The litany of questions suggests you don't trust him to look out for the boys' safety. Well, that's what my DH said, anyway.

I say send them on their merry way and hope they have a great time out with their dad.
:yeahthat: This is how I feel as well. I would think it was wonderful that my DH took the initiative to plan a day with the boys. And I don't happen to think that I'm naive about farms either. Of course there might be things that are dangerous, but I'm pretty sure my husband would do his best to keep our boys safe.(as I'm sure your DH would :) ) I would not want to deprive them of what could be a really fun experience because of my own fears. As for the hand sanitizer- give him some and ask him to use it. If he did happen to forget, it wouldn't be the end of the world would it? :shrug: It sounds like this farmer does this "thing" every year so it's likely organized somehow and I'm sure he does not want anyone getting injured.

[saschalicks]

DH has very little experience with farms as do some of the posters here apparently, and probably naively thinks, "What could happen?"

While I've been here long enough to know you would never purposefully try to offend others I found the above statement to be a bit condescending. My response is BASED ON MY DH. Your DH does things differently. Your original question was: what would I do? So, I answered I'd let him go. That's b/c MY DH would never go to a farm w/out knowing the details your DH couldn't supply to your satisfaction. I get that everyone is different and feel your questions to YOUR DH were justified given the way you know him. He got upset for his own reasons, but as you said he's not the best at the details you need.

I guess my point is to blatantly say some don't know the dangers simply b/c we'd let our DH's take them is just not a fair statement to make. JMHO!

[gatorsmom]

While I've been here long enough to know you would never purposefully try to offend others I found the above statement to be a bit condescending. My response is BASED ON MY DH. Your DH does things differently. Your original question was: what would I do? So, I answered I'd let him go. That's b/c MY DH would never go to a farm w/out knowing the details your DH couldn't supply to your satisfaction. I get that everyone is different and feel your questions to YOUR DH were justified given the way you know him. He got upset for his own reasons, but as you said he's not the best at the details you need.

I guess my point is to blatantly say some don't know the dangers simply b/c we'd let our DH's take them is just not a fair statement to make. JMHO!

No, I didn't mean to insult you and after rereading my last post I realize it didn't come out the way I intended (which was with a sort of chuckle as I was typing). I kind of felt some posters were giving me grief about the questions which is what generated my last post. I should have expected any kind of answer, though, since I asked for it. I'm really sorry if my last post offended anyone.

[saschalicks]

It's all good, I was hoping it wasn't what you meant. I do have to say though in all honestly my DH would never take them b/c he's not a "farm guy".:ROTFLMAO: He'd want me to go and there ain't no way I'd go. :hysterical:

[kijip]

And as for the hand sanitizer- um yeah. Dh wouldn't even think about that.

See, in my family J would be the one with the hand sanitizer whipped out at every opportunity and I would be the one who forgot to bring it :hysterical:. I agree that everyone answers WRT what they know their own spouse to be like.

[Melanie]

I'd say it sounds like it could be fun, but what kind of thing and who else will be going?

I would bet the friend only gave vague details, and being a man, your husband didn't ask for anymore and doesn't have a clue. Just wants to go!

[C99]

I'd say have fun! I'm sorry but for me the fact that DH wants to take the kids on any outing that would be fun and entertaining to me is nice. JMHO! I trust his judgment and know he would never take them anywhere that he didn't think was right for them.

This. I think I'd also say, "Are you taking the car or not?" (we only have one, so I'd be relying on PT all weekend w/ DS2 if he did).