Childcare help on vacation? To what extremes would you go?

[sste]

This is a follow up to the thread on is a vacation with a baby a vacation. My husband and I really, really need a relaxing vacation. Lest I sound like a spoiled brat I have taken at least EIGHT plane trips with my eleven month old - - 3 conferences and five family visits to relatives with health issues. So, flight and travel #9 with a baby is the furthest thing in my mind from a relaxing trip - - and DH and I are running on fumes.

Can you comment on your experiences with any of the following or provide any other suggestions:

1. Leave baby with inlaws for five days (I am very comfortable with quality of care, but I am upset I can't explain to my baby that we are coming back, he is just too little to understand. Maybe this isn't the big deal I think it is, I have no idea.)

2. Travel with a relative, probably my sister, and pay for their flight and lodging in exchange for part-day care - - this seems ideal but the people that come to mind, our two sisters, are not exactly worker bees when it comes to childcare.

3. Travel with babysitter and pay for flight, lodging, and hours of childcare provided: I would love to do this and when DH starts his post-medical training job we could afford it, though the amount of money makes me cringe no matter whether we can afford/not afford. We could even splurge on it this this year but I wonder if I would be so stressed about the enormous cash outlay that I would not be relaxed! If anyone has done this do you pay your babysitter normal rates I assume as well as food, lodging, flight?

4. Hire babysitter at trip location. We did this once for one night with a very well-respected service and were able to specify that we wanted a grandmother who had been with the company five years and the company gave us a list. It worked out fine but by the time we were done with tip, cost, and travel fee it was over $20 per hour. And I was somewhat stressed about having a sitter I hadn't chosen. Also, our baby is in a stranger anxiety period so its not ideal on that front.

Any other suggestions? Or views on which of these is best for an almost one-year old and his haggard parents?

[hillview]

If you can do it, I'd leave DC with the inlaws. Other option is to say take inlaws with you.

Good luck!
/hillary

[blisstwins]

Honestly, I would also do the inlaws. All other options and expensive and complicated. Your child might miss you, etc, but you will also be strengthening the relationship between your child and the grandparents and that is such a special thing.

[M&Mmom]

Leave baby with in-laws!!! My SIL did this with their first at about 15 months for a week and they have done it at least once a year since (he's 13 now). They love it. granted, BIL travels for work a ton so this is their quality time together. DH and I keep meaning to do it but it hasn't worked out for various reasons. It gives you a real vacation - no worries about baby and their care. DC will have a ball and so will G&G. Have fun!

[egoldber]

Hmm. Personally I think that 11 months is both too old and too young to leave with grandparents for that long. Old enough to really miss you and too young to understand that you'll be back soon. I would have a hard time with this one. Bringing an IL with you could be a plan though.

OTOH, could you do a shorter trip. A weekend away at a not too far B&B vs 5 days away. Or just have them sit for you more often at home. Getting away for a night out every week to *me* sounds more relaxing and recharging than taking a long trip away where you will stress about your kid while you're away.

[KpbS]

Hmm. Personally I think that 11 months is both too old and too young to leave with grandparents for that long. Old enough to really miss you and too young to understand that you'll be back soon. I would have a hard time with this one. Bringing an IL with you could be a plan though.

OTOH, could you do a shorter trip. A weekend away at a not too far B&B vs 5 days away. Or just have them sit for you more often at home. Getting away for a night out every week to *me* sounds more relaxing and recharging than taking a long trip away where you will stress about your kid while you're away.


I agree--my vote would be in-laws at your house for a long weekend. Plan the 5 day trip for next year when your DC can better understand you coming back and knows the in-laws even better.

2nd choice, take an in-law with you--but this may be tricky for your relationship. It is difficult to communicate expectations and easy for feelings to get hurt and relatives to feel unappreciated. Unless they are offering to care for the DC at your vacation destination while you go and have fun I wouldn't. It is also a lot more challenging to take care of a child in a non-childproofed environment without the familiarity of home with toys, crib, etc. Your child may still have a difficult time and it would be a lot harder for you to relax over dinner or sleep in knowing that your child is "next door" upset.

Go for the 3 day weekend and have a great time.

[mommy111]

I agree wth Beth, 6 months ago you could've left him with the ILs and a year later, you may be able to do that as well, but this is a bad age to leave him alone for 5 days without mommy AND daddy. I would go for the relative with you option if that would mean enough relaxation for you or the sitter option if you can afford that. I've done that (ETA for a meeting, though, not a vacation) in the long-distant past when I made enough money to afford it. Maybe work out a lower hourly rate for the sitter in exchange for her getting a day off or something to be able to have a vacation herself?
My philosophy is, if you have the money and really NEED a vacation, then just do it and don't stress the cash outlay.

[bubbaray]

Hmm. Personally I think that 11 months is both too old and too young to leave with grandparents for that long. Old enough to really miss you and too young to understand that you'll be back soon. I would have a hard time with this one. Bringing an IL with you could be a plan though.

OTOH, could you do a shorter trip. A weekend away at a not too far B&B vs 5 days away. Or just have them sit for you more often at home. Getting away for a night out every week to *me* sounds more relaxing and recharging than taking a long trip away where you will stress about your kid while you're away.

ITA. I wouldn't leave an 11mo for 5 days.

[brittone2]

I personally wouldn't feel comfortable leaving an 11 month old for 5 days, but that's obviously an individual thing.

Would the ILs be willing to go along?

Is there anyone else in your life besides your sisters who are reliable with child care? When I was in high school my best friend and I both babysat for an amazing family with 2 great kids. THey usually took both of us on vacation (we often met up with another family they were friends with, and they had two kids of their own). They didn't pay us much, but picked up the tab for some fun stuff entertainment-wise, and they gave us one night out on the town with their car, which was fun (we were over 16).

I hope you can find a way to work it all out :)

[traciann]

I would do the in-laws. I don't see a problem as dc will be well cared for by loving grandparents. It seems like you and dh need a trip to recharge yourself and I see nothing wrong with that...heck for me it would be a priority.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Well, if it were me I would just ride out the strong desire to travel because I always find that I get to the point where I reall, really need a vacation but don't usually get a chance to take them. In not too long I feel relaxed and centered enough despite not having a vacation. These things tend to work out, imo.

I'm not a big fan of leaving baby behind at that age so I would probably chosse an option to bring a trusted person with us. I would look to rent a house or condo on the beach and all stay there.

ETA- I agree with the others that a short getaway would be ok but 5 days is too much.

Beth

[kijip]

Personally, I'd take a shorter trip and leave him with the in-laws. 2-3 nights instead of 5.

However, if he is really comfortable with/familiar with the in-laws and you are comfortable with it, I would leave him with the in laws for 5 nights.

Traveling with baby and sitter/sister/inlaws whatnot does not sound like much of a vacation with my husband to me.

[BeachBum]

How about a resort that had childcare/ kids club...Club Med or something similar?

[carolinamama]

I'd leave dc with the inlaws. When ds was 15 months old, we left him for....gasp....2 weeks with my parents. He had wonderful care and dh and I got our much needed vacation. I was a recharged parent when we got home and my marriage was better for it too. Yes, he was slightly older, but still not able to understand what was really going on. My parents reported that he was happy and he acted just fine when we got home and reunited with him.

Is your dc close to your inlaws? If so, I don't see a problem with leaving him/her.

[shilo]

i think you have several 'options' listed in your OP or by others that i _personally_ would have felt comfortable with, but it's such an individual thing and depends so much on the temperament of the child.

at 11 months, i would have considered one (or more) weekends away, leaving him with my parents (whom he's closest to). we didn't do this until closer to 17 months b/c we were still nursing until close to 15, but i/we/he would have been ok for 2 nights at that age otherwise. it's enough of a 'breather' that one or more trips like this could probably tie you over pretty well until a longer vacation arrangement could be made. take a few books, make dinner reservations out or just order in and stay in your PJ's all weekend ;). the long weekend trip has saved and recharged my bacon a few times now.

i also would and did travel with him to a vacation destination and took family with us at about 15months old. it gave us several daytime and night opportunities to have some downtime together away from DS. while it's not anything like pre-kiddo 'vacation' was, it's just different, and enough for me.

in subsequent trips back, we have used this service and i was extremely impressed with them. http://www.thenannyconnection.com/ you do get a choice from resumes as you described. they will try to match nannies with your requests. and if you book ahead a bit, you can have the same person come each time. not cheap, but a regular sitter here in my area is $15 and hour anyway, so $18 in maui wasn't horrendous to allow us to get out a few nights together and reconnect, you know? i would use them again without hesitation next summer (we'll have family with us again, so may not be necessary).

so any of these three types of choices would/did work for my family, but again, totally respect that it's different for everyone!
lori

[StantonHyde]

We left DS for a 4 day weekend at 1 year and then at 17 mos. He did just fine. We left DD M-F when she was 15 mos with a babysitter (and she had her older brother (4 yrs) in our house and they did fine.

[mom2binsd]

Our next door neighbors "babysat" their 14 month old granddaughter for an entire week while her parents went to Mexico...the grandmother took the week off from work (both grandparents still work full time at a large insurance corp and have lots of vacation time and are in their 50's)- both the grandparents and baby had a ball....and baby did not once have an issue...and she lives in Louisiana and grandparents are here in IL so she isn't that familiar with them....I think the parents had a harder time than baby!

I think baby will be fine if you leave him/her with family at home-of course yo know what is best but taking a baby on a vacation is so much work and it sounds like you really need to get away from everything and decompress!

[bnme]

If I were comfortable with leaving DC with parents/in-laws for that long, and felt comfortable that grandparents wouldn't mind or it wouldn't be too much for them I would do it in a heartbeat! The other options don't seem nearly as good to me. But I feel OK leaving a child that young. I don't think it'll be traumatic to the child at all. Assuming they easily separate in general. Go for it!

FWIW, I never left my kids over-night that age but never really had a situation that I had to consider. I did leave a 3 and 5yo with my parents for 2 weeks while DH and I were out of town for his surgery and I'll say that it was MUCH harder on me then them. Also, I would not have felt guilty for enjoying a vacation w/o kids while they were that age. But I would feel guilty not letting them come somewhere and experience the vacation with us now.

[sste]

Thanks everyone! This advice and perspective from experienced parents is extremely helpful. I was leaning toward five days because we live in an ARTIC TUNDRA of a midwestern city and so we want to fly somewhere warm.

I am glad to hear about the positive experiences those of you have had who left young DCs with grandparents. My situation is a little tricky because grandparents were out of town in second home for the past five months so DS is just getting reacquainted with them. Based on that, I think I am leaning toward the 3-day trip even if its just a local b&b, and maybe a slightly longer trip a little further down the line.

Though I am also extremely interested in the nanny service and the Maui nanny!! I have some serious frequent flyer miles saved up and this may be the time to splurge . . .

[maestramommy]

Not read any of the replies yet, but I think the first option is your best bet, esp. if your DS knows them well. I think it would be less havoc on him to be at home with people he knows well, rather than traveling and then being left with a stranger. And he would stay on routine, which is always good for a little one!

Some of my friends took a weekend or a week off when their kiddo was about the same age as yours, and it was just fine. Course it depends on the kid, but if you trust your caregiver, I think it makes a big difference.

[Nooknookmom]

Just my 2 cents, I would take the Grandparents with if it were me.

My DD2 is VERY attached to me and I had some business to take care of when she was just turning 1. My Mom was out from Georgia and although she was here when DD was born, visited again when she was 5 months, DD had a really tough time staying w/her all day. Now (at 17 mo) when she see's my Mom she won't go give her a hug or stay with her. I think DD see's her as the one who took her away from Mommy! She even gives DH the cold shoulder if I leave her w/ him for long (yes, she is a little too attached to Mom).

Like PP said though, 12 mo is just old enough to notice Dad & Mom are gone, but not old enough to know that they will return :)

[nfowife]

When DS was 14 months and DD was almost 3, my in-laws came to us and we went on a ski trip with BIL/SIL for 6 days. It was a bit hard leaving them but my IL's are fabulous and totally followed our schedule to a "T". And the kids know and love them so much. For us it worked out better to have them come to us- less transition for the kids, in their home environment, toys, etc.
It was so nice for DH and I to get away without the kids....we had a great time and the kids did awesome!

[DrSally]

Inlaws, less stressful for you and the baby. Eventhough the baby is only 11 months old, you can try explaining it in simple language. I might not be the one to ask though, b/c I never even had a babysitter for an evening until DS was over 2 1/2 years old!

[gatorsmom]

Not sure this is helpful but if you can afford it, I say take baby (and endure the long plane ride) to one of the Club Med resorts with Baby Welcome and child care. That way you can have the best of both worlds- baby is near you but you still get some free time. We've been to the Club Med Sandpiper Resort in Florida 3 times and had all 4 of our children in the day care. If you have ever read my posts you get the feeling that I"m paranoid about my children's care and honestly, I feel at ease about the care they get there. The Sandpiper resort is not plush, but they've recently renovated their Ixtapa, Mexico resort and it sound fabulous. You can check www.tripadvisor.com or www.frommers.com for more reviews.

[khalloc]

Definitely leave the baby with the inlaws. We went to Aruba for a week when my DD was 16 months old and it was the best vacation ever. I did miss my DD but being in paradise helps you forget real quick. She had a great time with my parents. But I will say she was a little testy when we came back. But my mom said she was perfect all week long.