Thoughts?

[hillview]

This isn't a bitch just a need some advice.

DH is wonderful and I really love him. That said, he has some challenges. He is sort of a very smart space cadet and also does not share my need for DS #1 to sit at the table and eat and not stuff peas into his nose etc. he is also on his blackberry a lot and has a hard time focusing (ADD and I am not being flip).

When I am home, this is an issue but largely handled as I run the show. [there is a whole other discussion on whether this is a good long term solution but trying to stay focused].

I was out of town for work for a few days and this morning when I saw my mom and dad (who live downstairs and take care of DSs) she mentioned this dinner time issue with DH and DS#1 and how that wasn't very good and I needed to do something about it.

I am going out of town again next week ... ugg.

If you read this far thanks! Any thoughts? Anyone btdt? Help?

TIA!
/hillary

[mommylamb]

Maybe you can work something out with DH, like on Fridays you order pizza and everyone can sit in the living room and use TV trays, but the other days you need to be at the table. Either way, I think it's an issue between you and DH and not really the grandparents' business. As far as DH letting DS eat away from the table while you're gone, if it were me, I wouldn't care so long as DH cleaned up after DS. But, that's just me, and if it's something important to you, DH should respect that.

[AngelaS]

Daddies and Mommies some times have different rules and sometimes that's okay. It's better that you know what 'wrong' things he's doing rather than being surprised later. As long as you agree on key safety things, morals and such, let the little stuff go.

[egoldber]

I know that for some people the eating at the table is a big issue, but for others it's not. I would try and find a compromise about this because IMO it's not something to create strife over.

And I agree it is absolutely none of the grandparents business.

[bubbaray]

There are some things I'm willing to "let go" with respect to DH's parenting. Safety things (like making sure to take DD#2's EpiPen everywhere she goes -- can you believe he doesn't? Grrr) I freak out about. Other things, not so much. Generally, he's a more relaxed (and IMO better) parent than I am. If I find food crumbs all over the house, I do get mad at him (I only allow the girls to eat in the kitchen in their seats). But, those food crumbs could just as easily be from him as from him letting the girls eat wherever (he eats constantly and still looks fit and trim. sigh).

Maybe remind him of the reasons why you eat at the table (teaching good manners, contains the food in one area, etc). If he still lets your DS eat in front of the TV, can you compromise and have him at least clean up afterwards so you don't have to see the evidence??

Like the PPs, I wouldn't be too thrilled with the ILs putting their noses into things.

[KpbS]

I would simply tell him gently that the blackberry/pda use during mealtimes really bothers you and ask him to take a more supervisory and interactive role during dinner esp. for the DC. You can tell him that you'd like to teach them/model for them manners and that mealtimes are for eating and pleasant conversation/interaction.

I'd try to be really clear in your request (whatever it may be) and let what has happened in the past stay in the past. Don't bring up the fact that your parents both pointed it out to you!! He will feel criticized and it could strain their relationship. I would simply present it as something you have been thinking about lately. Set things up so he can succeed. If it is important they stay at the table--strap them into booster seats, tell them about the new(?) rules, etc.

hth

[mommy111]

If you trust him enough to parent when you are out for a week, then I would trust him enough to parent his way. There are things to be learnt from eating at the table and things to be learnt from eating off :)
In any case, I don't think its very wise of the grandparents to interfere in this small (to my mind) issue...but I can see how it may be a big issue for some people

[hillview]

Thanks everyone -- needed someone to get my head on straight.

I have been trying (with success) to let DH do DH parenting when I am gone. And agree with not letting ILs get involved.
/hillary

[AuGoldie]

Maybe it's not such a good idea that you run the whole show. Maybe you don't agree with his lax parenting but you did marry him and should respect his attitude towards things. Is it possible that he's gotten more out of focus and less involved with the family as you have taken on more and more roles that should be shared by both of you? It just seems that there are deeper issues here than whether your boy sits at the table or not. And I would try to take a look at these things. Maybe I'm way out in left field but this came to mind and I thought I'd share.
Jackie