getting out of gift exchanges

[hollybloom24]

This makes me sound like a scrooge, and in all honesty I love giving gifts, but there are several families that we have fallen into holiday gift exchanges with that I would love to end.

One is a family that we have spent Christmas at their house a few times. The husband and wife have marital issues, and their kids are terrors - it is not fun to go there! Because of this and distance we tend not to socialize with them, and this year we are not spending the holiday at their home.

Another is my cousin's daughter's one year old son. I have not seen my cousin in 15+ years, I have never met her daughter, and have never met this baby. But my cousin has been sending my kids gifts (they are always horrible - not to sound like a total jerk - she buys them cheap ceramic figurines and then does not wrap them properly so they arrive totally smashed) so I feel the need to reciprocate.

These are just two of five examples.

Times are tough and we are in the middle of really expensive, mandatory home repairs - I just feel nervous. I am tightening my holiday belt down, cutting my holiday card list down, etc. Plus, although I like these people, they are not part of my daily life at all - it seems silly to have this "obligation" to buy these gifts (time, money and effort.)

My husband says we should just try to keep the peace and give something. I'm not sure I agree.

I just don't know how to get out of it without hurting anyone's feelings.

[Globetrotter]

You could say that, given the economy, you're looking for ways to cut back. Therefore, you won't be able to participate in these gift exchanges.

[deannanb]

Maybe you can send a canvas bag (99¢ and most places) at the beginning of November with a note that says something like.... in order to try and "go green" we are not planning to send holiday gifts this year. Hope you can use this bag and help the world be a better place to live. Happy Holidays.

[bubbaray]

Maybe you can send a canvas bag (99¢ and most places) at the beginning of November with a note that says something like.... in order to try and "go green" we are not planning to send holiday gifts this year. Hope you can use this bag and help the world be a better place to live. Happy Holidays.

LOVE this idea. I may steal it, LOL.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I just didn't send gifts last year. I sent cards instead. I took the coward's approach but I'm ok w/ that. :)

Beth

[bubbaray]

What about giving a "gift" of a donation to charity -- we do this with people and IIRC, the purchaser gets the tax receipt (I'm in Canada, not sure how that works in the US). Everyone I've done this with LOVES the idea.

I give to World Vision. They have a Christmas gift catalog -- you can give chickens, cows, there is a huge variety in items and costs.

[Ceepa]

What about giving a "gift" of a donation to charity -- we do this with people and IIRC, the purchaser gets the tax receipt (I'm in Canada, not sure how that works in the US). Everyone I've done this with LOVES the idea.
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http://www.theage.com.au/ffximage/2006/12/01/JTGEORGE_big.jpg

http://www.80stees.com/images/Hero/Seinfeld_Human_Fund-T.jpg

[KpbS]

http://www.theage.com.au/ffximage/2006/12/01/JTGEORGE_big.jpg

http://www.80stees.com/images/Hero/Seinfeld_Human_Fund-T.jpg

Nice one! :hysterical:

[MamaMolly]

I love the idea of green bags! I got one as a party favor, tied with raffia and a packet of flower seeds included. Cute! I think I'd do it with a packet of cocoa...

If you feel like you ought to give *something* you can do homemade goodies. It is really easy to dip pretzels in melted chocolate and dust with red and green sprinkles. Target has Halloween sprinkles in the dollar spot, so maybe they will have Christmas, too. You can knock out a TON of pretzels in just 30 minutes. I usually don't bother to dip the whole pretzel even if I do the twists. With the sprinkles they look really cute.

Also, we had a friend who made the yummiest snacks: ritz crackers and p-nut butter (we'd do Sunbutter ;) ) sandwiches dipped into melted chocolate. She even got the ritz bits minis already made and dipped them. They were sooo good, and about 7 big crackers filled up a decent sized take and toss.

I also like the charity idea, and we do this for a lot of our extended family. For my jerky dad we give a donkey to a family or village. Snarky but funny! This year I'm donating memberships to Kidswithfoodallergies.com and medicalert.com .

[KBecks]

Just don't give the gifts. Send a ty note to your cousin and a holiday card. Send a holiday card to the other family, and don't worry about it. I wouldn't feel obligated to give a gift just because you are given one. Gifts are supposed to be given and received freely, right?

[hollybloom24]

I just didn't send gifts last year. I sent cards instead. I took the coward's approach but I'm ok w/ that. :)

Beth

Would you mind if I ask what the response was? Were people upset? Did they confront you? I am just trying to not hurt people's feelings. I am extra sensitive because when I was just out of college I had no money and wrote to a college friend explaining I couldn't continue to exchange gifts with her, and she was really upset and the friendship has never been the same.

[lizajane]

i agree with pretty much, well, everything. you can just sent cards. period. the other folks will catch on and send cards next year, or if they WANT, they will still send gifts. but that is their choice.

you can send a token, like the green bag. a nice way to let them know that you are thinking of them, went to the trouble to get the bag and really can't do anything else.

you can send homemade treats or gift, same as above.

i wouldn't do nothing (as in, no card) and i wouldn't work too hard on explaining yourself. you could send a handwritten note that tells them you care about them and want to recognize them at christmas. and you will not be sending gifts to extended family this year because you had to budget. but honestly, i would just send the card. i think with the financial situation in the country, no one needs to explain their tight budgets.

[KpbS]

Would you mind if I ask what the response was? Were people upset? Did they confront you? I am just trying to not hurt people's feelings. I am extra sensitive because when I was just out of college I had no money and wrote to a college friend explaining I couldn't continue to exchange gifts with her, and she was really upset and the friendship has never been the same.

It is really strange to me that someone would be upset by this news. I am sorry about your friend. I would be really surprised in this economy that someone would react the same way. You could send them Thanksgiving cards and tell them you are thankful for them and let them know about the gift exchange that way. If they choose to give regardless I wouldn't feel the need to reciprocate.