Really - are you TRYING to kill my DS?

[tnrnchick74]

Ok, against my wishes, my Mom started feeding DS solids besides cereal. He turns 5 months tomorrow - and at our 4 month check-up my pediatrician stated that DS was showing all signs of being ready for foods, to start cereals, but wait on other solids until 6 months if possible.

THAT was the plan. But no, a few days later my Mom claims that DS won't eat the cereal unless it has apples in it. Ok. I can't undo what she's been doing.

But I told her that was all, that *I* would introduce any new solids and let her know what he can and cannot eat.

Today I come home and find she has gone out and bought a TON of (crappy) babyfoods...AND fed DS bananas! First of all, I wanted to wait until he was a little older for ANY more solids. AND I GET HIVES FROM BANANAS...which means DS COULD BE ALLERGIC TO THEM AS WELL! My ped gave me a detailed list (which HAS been provided to Mom) regarding the order in which to introduce foods to my son based on MY horrible food allergies. Bananas were at the bottom, along with peas. My Mom claims that I don't have allergies to those... Sigh. I THINK I KNOW WHAT FOODS I'M ALLERGIC TO!

So, I took all the foods out of the cupboard, hid them in my room under lock & key & will only allow the foods that *I* have introduced into the kitchen.

Oh yeah, DS has to be on hypoallergenic formula because of his milk protein allergy. SO HE'S ALREADY INHERITED MY ALLERGIC TENDENCIES! But not, my Mom claims that the new studies are "hogwash" and if you are allergic, then you are allergic but you don't develop allergies.

AND I HAVE TO LIVE WITH HER RIGHT NOW!!!!

I send her an email about the studies, but I doubt it will do anything.

[Wife_and_mommy]

I'm so sorry. Good for you for hiding the jars. I couldn't leave my kids with my mom as infants. There was no telling what she'd feed them. I didn't have to live with her, though.

Here's hoping your mom will read and acknowledge the info you sent. :hug:

[LBW]

Can you bring with her to the next peds appt? Maybe hearing it from a doc would help.

I don't think our parent's generation needed to take food allergies as seriously as we do today. Sure there were children with food allergies a generation ago, but the problem was not as widespread as it is today. They really need to be retrained to understand why it's important to take a potential allergy seriously.

Also...does she know how to recognize the signs of an allergic reaction? Do you have benedryl in the house? If she's feeding him, and being so cavalier about it, I'd make sure she knows what a reaction would look like and how to treat it. Maybe write up an allergy action plan, review it with her, and post it in the kitchen.

[Ceepa]

First, it's great that she watches Parker and is so involved in his life, but her stepping over food boundaries would be completely unacceptable to me. I would take her to the pediatrician appointment and have it explained to her that you have a schedule in place for introducing new foods. She is welcome to help you introduce agreed upon foods to Parker but THAT IS IT.

It is very important that she understands the seriousness of feeding a child something that may possibly cause a dangerous reaction.

I'm sending you calming vibes because I would go crazy if someone started feeding my new baby foods on a whim and then discounted my concerns with antiquated talk of medical conditions (e.g. food allergies) being "hogwash."

[tnrnchick74]

I attempted to discuss it this morning with her, when she asked where the rest of the food was. I told her that there is a schedule of foods as to when they will be introduced on the fridge, and if she was not going to follow the schedule PRESCRIBED by my "MD, then I would ask her NOT to feed my DS. She immediately got hostile towards me...oh well. She claims I'm being overprotective. I responded to her with "Isn't that my job as his mother?"

She HAS been at the peds when this was discussed IN DETAIL...so I have no alternative but to hold the food captive and pray she doesn't buy more without me knowing. I have left a list of the foods that are ok for him to eat right now in several places.

I'm so upset I can't see straight. And her response to my question "do you know the SUBTLE signs that can indicate an allergic reaction?"...her response was - if he doesn't stop breathing it isn't an allergic reaction. :32:

[LBW]

I know it's hard (believe me, I know!), but I think you need to revisit this with her when you've cooled off. She means well, she really does. In her mind, I'm sure she thinks her grandson would benefit from a variety of foods. It's not going to help any of you to talk to her about it when you or she are upset.

So, in the interest of your son's well being, approach her again in a very friendly manner. Give her some info to read about the signs of an allergic reaction, and a list of things to do if there's a reaction. Put the Benedryl in the kitchen where she can find it easily. Post the list somewhere so that she has it handy. Tell her that you know she's a great grandma, and you are glad she's watching DS, but you just need her to have the information handy IN CASE something bad happens. Also, ask her to please humor you, as his mom, and follow the steps for intro-ing new foods that your doc gave you.

[Radosti]

When my nephew was little, my mom let him drink water from her thin crystal glass. I said, "It might break in his mouth as he doesn't know not to use the baby chompers on it yet!" She ignored me and on the third sip, he had a mouth full of broken glass. We all freaked out, got the glass out of his mouth, then sat there reconstructing the glass to make sure that we didn't miss a piece and he swallowed it. Luckily, all the pieces were accounted for, but I told her that if she ever did something like that again, she wouldn't be allowed to babysit anymore.

[sste]

Do you have the option not to leave your baby alone with your mom for awhile? It sounds like its unclear whether she is going to do what you want and I agree with you its dangerous. And I also don't think its all that healthy at his age to start filling up on solids. I don't think the gut completely closes or some such until 6 months and that, along with the baby's nutritional needs, is why breastmilk or formula exclusively until 6 months is the gold standard. I waited until seven months before introducing solids to be on the safe side.

It sounds like your mom realized she was in the wrong and got defensive. I don't blame you for being pissed.

[WatchingThemGrow]

Do you think you could get her to read the Ellyn Satter "Child of Mine: Feeding with love and good sense" book? I'd get it, read it and have her read the chapter about his current age and stage. Like with DH, he participates a lot in the feedings, so I felt like he needed to be as informed as I am. It's great she's there to help, but you can't be the only avenue for her to learn the latest recommendations (and safety precautions). I'd even give her a little bit of "purpose" in asking her if she'd pick the book up for me at the bookstore if she'd be willing to do something like that.

[tnrnchick74]

I have to rely on my Mom for help with DS. I sent her an email (along with some other people) with some good links to scientific articles/studies about delaying feeding. MY Mom claims she read them, and though she isn't 100% sold, she agrees that if this is the AAP's guidelines, then she will have to trust them.

So, for now, we stick with cereal, apples, and pears. DS has a small bit of a rash this morning/today and is scratching his face more than normal...so NO MORE BANANAS! And I'm calling the MD tomorrow.

We also had the discussion of "I'm the Mom; you are the grandma" topic. I told her that I always listen to her suggestions, and take most of them...but there are certain things that I will not budge on and this is one of them. I told her that I don't care about things like his outfits, not real rigid on his schedule, but food and carseats are the 2 things I have STRONG feelings about. I guess that's as close to a truce as we will get...

[DrSally]

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would be freaking out with a DC with allergic tendencies and a relative introducing foods behind my back, and before 6 months.
I'm so sorry!
Can your ped talk to her?