DH might work in Tokyo for 6 months, wants me to come-argh!

[AddiesMom]

DH travels for work and looks like he is offered an assignment in Tokyo for 6 months. He thinks DD (almost 3) and I should just pack up and live there for 6 months! She just started preschool, ballet, I am near my family. I heard cost of living there is out of control. I don't want to be poor, bored and wishing I never went, but don't want to miss on a great opportunity.

Of course he has no answers yet (pay, my expenses, taking care of our house, etc) and they are ready to put him on a plane next week!

Opinions?

[o_mom]

What an opportunity! :)

Seriously think about it - there is no right answer here, but I wouldn't rule anything out until you have all the details. Find out about expenses and all that. The company I worked for BK had quite a few people who did short term assignments overseas. Typically they paid all housing and vehicle expenses plus a per diem while they lived there. They also paid for a certain number of trips back and forth, the exact number depended on how long the assignment was and usually included business class travel for the whole family. They also supplied tax accountant services for the years during that time to deal with the extra 'income' and usually would 'gross up' the amount to cover any additional taxes.

At three, school is not of huge importance. It would be much harder to do 5 or ten years from now.

[brittone2]

What an opportunity! :)

Seriously think about it - there is no right answer here, but I wouldn't rule anything out until you have all the details. Find out about expenses and all that. The company I worked for BK had quite a few people who did short term assignments overseas. Typically they paid all housing and vehicle expenses plus a per diem while they lived there. They also paid for a certain number of trips back and forth, the exact number depended on how long the assignment was and usually included business class travel for the whole family. They also supplied tax accountant services for the years during that time to deal with the extra 'income' and usually would 'gross up' the amount to cover any additional taxes.

At three, school is not of huge importance. It would be much harder to do 5 or ten years from now.

Yeah to the above. I'm strongly consider it :)

[cdlamis]

Honestly? Sounds like my ideal situation! I have always wished that DH had a job that would take us out of the country for a set period of time- and that we'd still have a home to come back to. And at age 3, your DD is the perfect age. She can sightsee with you, enjoy the new culture, etc- all while not missing much at home (school, etc).
My 3 yr old DD is not in preschool and will not attend until next year- I look at this year as her year to explore her interests and do fun things with me- which is exactly what your DD would be doing. Hope you consider it. Keep us updated!

[JTsMom]

I lived in Japan for about 2 1/2 years when I was 18. We were way out in the country though, and aside from the airports, I have no experience with Tokyo.

I'm with everyone else- find out the details, and if you could make it work, I'd go for it! It's a once in a lifetime experience! It all depends on your personality, of course, but I'm always up for a good adventure. :) Plus, it's only 6 months- even if you hated it, you'd be back in the states in no time.

I can not imagine you'd be at all bored- you'd have a whole new country to explore!

[egoldber]

In that situation I would go. It sounds ideal. (Assuming the compensation is appropriate.)

[DietCokeLover]

What an incredible opportunity for your child. Seriously, how many other kids get this kind of cross cultural exposure at an early age.
I think I might be jealous! :wink2:

[marit]

You'll be anything but bored.

If you're DD were in school (first grade and up) there might be a reason to consider staying but ballet lessons? are you kidding me? Think about what an opportunity it is for her to see another world and for you as well. I would jump on the adventure (in fact I once did, and I'm still here 8 years later...)

[BillK]

Having been to Seoul, Korea to get Ben back in February - I'd think Tokyo would be a great opportunity. Seoul was amazing and I really hope that we all can go back as a family someday to experience it together. I'd definitely give Tokyo some serious consideration.

[luvmypeanut]

I lived in Tokyo for 10 years and DS was born there. It was a fantastic opportunity. I got to experience it as a single working woman and as a SAHM. The city is so much more foreigner-friendly now than it was in 1994. You shouldn't have much trouble navigating the city without knowing the language. The expat community is great and a wonderful source of knowledge and support. Do you know if your husband will have access to the American Club? It was a lifesaver for me, especially when I had children.

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions. I've been back in the US for 3 years now and I'm ready to go back overseas! Good luck!

[mommy111]

We did it :) Not Tokyo, but moved to China, took a paycut (working with a non-profit) and love every day. Plus we may be posted to any other country in Asia after 6mos-1 year here. We plan on doing this for the next 3-4 years, just for the fabulous experience and broadening of horizons it provides us.
But....you definitely have to be a certain personality type to do this. If you're going to let it stress you out, then don't do it....looks like, with family nearby, you have a great support system and may be able to do fine without DH for 6 mos, so that's an option. And I see you live in Boston, which is my parents' home base, so I know what a huge deal ballet is for most kids there (as well as how hard it is to get into a decent preschool)

[anamika]

I'd be packing my bags - but that may be just me. I would think of it a fantastic opportunity for my DD.
MAybe you could move with the option that you can come back earlier if needed - don't know if you could arrange something like that?
GL with your decision.

[linsei]

I agree with everyone else. It sounds like a great opportunity. I would wait for the details and then make a decision. GL!

[mamicka]

Go! I wouldn't miss an opportunity like this.

[fivi2]

I think it sounds like a great opportunity, but I think it really depends on you. I am a homebody and depending on my mood, I freak out when I am out of my comfort zone. Add a child and not speaking the language (unless you do speak the language...?) and I would have a really hard time. Some days I would think woo hoo - let's go! Others, I think I would hide in my closet! :) So, I think this is something only you can answer. If his company would pay for a few trips back and forth for you and dc to visit, that might be more in your comfort zone?

I am just trying to say - do whatever feels right for you. Don't feel pressured just because someone else thinks it would be a blast. Some people have a harder time with changes like this - there is nothing wrong with that! imo.

[TonFirst]

I say go!

Is he with a big company? Would they give you a relocation coordinator to help you with the transition? Could the preschool hold your place, as this is such an amazing opportunity?

Also - do a google search for "expat Japan" - you may be surprised by all the expat resources that are out there.

[irie i]

I agree with the others who say this could be an amazing opportunity. It is only 6 months and your daughter is still young enough that she is not in school yet. Sounds fantastic! I believe it is good to broaden your cultural horizons. Also, as far as someone looking after your home, you say your family is near there so I bet they would happily keep it up and pick up mail and such for you. :)

[miki]

GO!!!!! What an amazing opportunity!

[CAM7]

I'd be all over that opportunity like white on sushi rice.

[CAM7]

At three, school is not of huge importance. It would be much harder to do 5 or ten years from now.

Agreed but possible even then! I took my 10 year old daughter with me on my study abroad semester to London.

[o_mom]

Agreed but possible even then! I took my 10 year old daughter with me on my study abroad semester to London.

Absolutely possible! Just harder conceptually for most people. I personally would jump at that chance even into the early teens. High school can be harder to work around, but even then could be worth it.

Then again, I don't intend to put the fear of "permanent record" into my kids. I spent far too much time worrying about how school would affect The Rest of My Life (tm) which turned out to be useless - nobody gives a rats rear-end what math group I was in in 8th grade. :rolleye0014:

[tylersmama]

I have to join the chorus. If the compensation and benefits are appropriate, I would go in a heartbeat! What an opportunity! And when you think about it, 6 months is SUCH a short period of time, even if you don't like it when you get there. And I'd be willing to bet at least some of your family members would probably jump at the chance to come visit you while you're over there! I would if I was related to you! :)

[niccig]

DH travels for work and looks like he is offered an assignment in Tokyo for 6 months. He thinks DD (almost 3) and I should just pack up and live there for 6 months! She just started preschool, ballet, I am near my family. I heard cost of living there is out of control. I don't want to be poor, bored and wishing I never went, but don't want to miss on a great opportunity.

Of course he has no answers yet (pay, my expenses, taking care of our house, etc) and they are ready to put him on a plane next week!

Opinions?

I didn't read the answers, but I would go in a flash. I lived in Japan for a year when I was 16. I loved it. I would do all I could to make it work for 6 months - it's only 6 months.

ETA if it's Tokyo - a lot of people speak English. It gets annoying if you want to practice your japanese and eveyone insists on speaking english. Organise to take a class so you can learn some Japanese, it's not difficult to learn and it helps break down barriers if you're trying. Tonnes of things to do in Tokyo. Big expat community. Very easy to get around the city on the subway. You can get a job teaching English - I did it on the side to friends of my host-family. I helped their kids with English homework. If you do decide to go, be open to the cultural experiences, yes it can be very different and they'll be times when you're feeling lost, but the benefits are worth it. Oh, how I wish I could go... I loved riding the subway, visiting different places, buying red bean paste buns from a local vendor, and just exploring....

[blisstwins]

I lived there for a year and it is a great city. It is unlike anywhere I have been before, but 6 months is a discreet amount of time and what an experience. I would not pass it up.

[nfowife]

Go! What a great opportunity! We just moved to Italy for 2 years and so far we love it :) !

[ellsie22]

I am old hat to the internet, but I am new to the board posting society. I don't understand all the lingo. I am interested in more info about living in Japan, but I am not sure what "PM" stands for. We will likely be loving overseas 3-4 months after baby is born. Top choice is Japan, but the Middle East is a possibility as well (we'll see where job offers come from). How would I contact you about further info?

[pinkmomagain]

I would totally do it if I knew it was just for 6 mos and my dc were still young (ie. elementary school age).

[s7714]

I guess I'm the sole voice of discontent here...if the company is going to provide enough $ for you guys to be there, then I'd definitely consider it, BUT I think you've got some valid concerns to iron out before jumping on a plane. If my DH were going on a job like that, it'd probably mean I'd only see him for a couple hours in the evening, if that...so it's not like we'd be happily sight seeing together all the time. And who wants to be a virtual single parent in a totally unfamiliar environment? If your DH will be "home" and working on a normal schedule then it'd be great. Of course OTOH would seeing your DH for those few hours each evening in a different country out weigh the negative of not seeing him for months at a time?

Personally I'd suggest waiting until he's over there and knows more about what his schedule will be like, where he's living, etc. before jumping the gun. When my DH went to India we thought it'd all be fine and dandy. Then he discovered the apartment they'd rented for him was still under construction (the place literally had no front door but they still wanted him to leave his stuff there!) and other not so great things like that. I would have been out of my mind if I'd shown up with kids in tow under those circumstances!

In regards to preschool and ballet, I wouldn't be too concerned about leaving those behind for six months considering what an experience it would be.

Good luck! I'd at least be happy you have the chance to consider such a experience, most people never get that kind of opportunity!

[mommysammi]

I probably would not do it but that is me. Six months is a very long time to sightsee especially if you will likely do it without DH most of the time. I've been moving every year since college, not exaggerating. Now that I have kids and am a SAHM, it's not as fun anymore to move around. It's rough finding things for DC and me to do together without DH. Also, it takes time and effort to find other moms to hang out with. Whenever we move, DH jumps into his new assignment and naturally meet new friends/colleagues. I need to go out and make friends. It can be very challenging bc the move itself is very exhausting. Also, I would be very concerned with taking DC out of preschool bc the school may not let DC return six months later. Finding and getting into a good preschool is very hard as it is. Also, kids like routine too and may not adjust to drastic changes.

The con to staying is that you will separate DC from DH for six months... I'm sorry that you have such a difficult decision to make. Should you end up going, remember you'll always have us to chat with if you feel a little lonely at first.

[Neatfreak]

I've been living overseas (in Bangkok) for nineteen months now, and I am not spending my time when my husband is at work sight-seeing!

Us non-working partners in the ex-pat community here are going to playgroups, doing the grocery shopping, working out, volunteering ... kind of the SAHM stuff I envision that I would still be doing in Canada. I think that six months will be a blip in your life and if your DH's company is taking care of things financially, it would be one of those once-in-a-lifetime opportunities.