Maybe I was born on the wrong side of the Mason-Dixon line but...

[mariza]

can someone please help me politely tell MIL that I do not want my DC's to address me as Ma'am!!!
MIL is staying with us and whenever one of the kids speaks without properly addressing me or DH she will correct them and say "Say yes Ma'am or "Say please Sir". I know it is the "Southern way" but:
1. We live in the North
2. I want my kids to call me Mom, mommy, etc. NOT Ma'am

I really hope I don't offend anyone and I don't mean to disrespect this tradition. If DH wants the kids to call him Sir I have no problem with it. I do teach the kids to say "yes ma'am" to all the women in his family. But for me personally, Ma'am sounds like something you call a stranger or someone you do not know very well and I do not want my kids to call me that.
I have tried to correct them before MIL can by telling kids, "Say please MOMMY" and once DD even called me Ma'am in front of MIL and I said so they could bother understand "You call Grandma Ma'am, but you always me call Mommy.
She continues to correct them, grrr! I even talked to DH about it and he just thought I was picking on his Mom.
I know it may sound petty, but it is like nails on the chalkboard to me (worse!) to have my kids call me Ma'am. WWYD?

[Emmas Mom]

Ugh! How long is she staying with you?? Honestly, I don't know what kind of relationship you have with her but I'd flat out tell her, "I want my kids to call me Mom (Mommy)...not Ma'am".

[teedeedee]

I was raised in Mississippi. I'm over 30 and I STILL can't break the habit of calling elders ma'am or sir.

DH is a mid-western boy. Our DD is only a few months so I haven't even given thought to how we will handle this situation if it arises or if I want to follow that Southern tradition. We won't be living down south...so probably not.

I would have to have a heart to heart with my MIL. Tell her that you understand she just wants your DC to show respect, but that they are your children and that she needs to respect your wishes.

We Southerners love our silly traditions. I hope you can work it out with her without tension!

TD

[mecawa]

That would bug me to no end (I have a MIL that insists on doing what she wants when it come to my DD so stuff like this gets me very frustrated) !!!!! Especially if you are correcting them in front of her and she continues to do it. I think you may have to just come out and say that that is not the way you want your children to address you. Maybe just a simple "I really prefer for them to call me mom, mommy, etc." You could even just bring it up the next time she tries to correct them. Hopefully she'll respect that. Good luck!!

[JTsMom]

I think you need to do it the southern way. Give her a big smile while you tell her to shove it where the sun don't shine, then bless her heart. ;)

In all seriousness though, I'd just tell her flat out that you understand that it's her tradition to do things that way, and that you know it's important to her- which is why you tell the kids to speak to her side of the family that way- but it's confusing to the children when she tells them to address you in a way you've told them not to, and that they are actually showing you respect by addressing you as mom, as you have requested.

And then if she continues, I'd correct her on the spot every. single. time. Her traditions do not trump yours.

[Corie]

My DH is 40 yrs. old and he still calls everyone "sir" or "ma'm".

I actually like it. :)

[SnuggleBuggles]

That would drive me crazy. I hope her visit isn't much longer or that you can get her to come around to "mom" instead. Ma'am just seems so impersonal.

Beth

[MelissaTC]

I understand how you feel. We are in NC and DS's teacher this year was born and raised in TN. She makes all the kids say "ma'am". So imagine my surprise when I became stern with my little guy, asked a question and got a "yes ma'am" as a response. I told him that he can say "yes or no Mama or Mommy". I admit that it is a nice sign of respect when he says it to other people but I want to be called Mommy or Mama still. I imagine those days will be gone soon enough and I will be just Mom.

[mariza]

Corie, my DH does the same thing and ITA with you, I think it's nice when he addresses others as Ma'am and Sir. I don't even have a problem with my kids calling thier teachers, elder family members, store clerks, etc. Ma'am or Sir. I just don't want them calling *me* that. On the other hand I don't mind his nieces and nephews calling me Ma'am, I know it is their tradition and how they have been taught to address others. I would never correct them because it would be confusing for them. I don't know how to rationalize it and as I write this I know it is a petty thing compared to what others here are dealing with right now. But I just don'.t want to be Ma'am to my kids. Maybe I've seen "Mommy Dearest" one too many times :)

[Fairy]

So not kosher to tell your kids what to call you. However, it might be that in her eyes, they're not respecting you by putting a moniker after the yes or no. You are as respected as you feel, and whatever you are teaching your kids is right for your family. While I understand the stress of confronting your MIL about this, I think this is the message you have to convey to her. When DS was born, she insisted on calling him by his two initials, which I'll call DJ. I hated that, and I said, please don't call him that, he's either Daniel or Danny. Not DJ (not really his name, just giving commensurate example). She wasn't happy with me, and now refuses to call him the shortened version of the name that every single other person calls him, and will only call him the full name -- in protest. But it was that important to me that if shew wants to be annoyed all this time later fine. I hope you don't encounter that kind of resistance, but I would not let her tell your kids to call you ma'am if that's not what you want. And it sounds like you may ahve to directly tell her, hey please don't do that.

Good luck!

[mariza]

I would never call it a silly tradition! We even considered moving down south at one point, I really like it there. I would definately install that tradition in your DD, and however you are comfortable with her addressing you. I guess I just think that when my DC's call me "mommy" or "mama" there is no sweeter sound in the world. I know they will grow up and change to Mom at some point, but I do not want to be a Ma'am to my own kids KWIM? They can call every other women in the world Ma'am but they only have one Mommy!

[sunriseiz]

Ok, so I am from the south, so I may have a different opinion, but I want my kiddos to say EITHER "yes ma'am" OR "yes mama" when I ask them to do something. That's the only context in which we use it, so maybe I don't understand. I think "yes ma'am" is completely appropriate for use with teachers or grandmothers etc. HOWEVER, I wouldn't be comfortable with MIL correcting on this on unless it was in reference to her! :)

[lizajane]

on DH's insistance, we are teaching the DCs to say yes ma'am and no sir. BUT at my insistance, they do NOT have to say it to us. if they are in trouble, they do. DH tells them to, when they are in trouble. i don't usually ask for yes ma'am unless they are in BIG trouble. but for the teachers and our adult friends, we do ask them to use it. my mom, on the other hand, remarked, "we didn't make you all do that" when she heard me tell DS1 to say yes ma'am. i reminded her that **I** don't make mind do it, either. their daddy does.

i think i would just flat out tell her. "MIL, i really want the kids to call me mommy and not ma'am because i want to distingush myself from all the adults in the world to whom they must show respect. my relationship with them is different than anyone else in the world and i want them to address me in a way that shows this difference."

[bubbaray]

I think you need to do it the southern way. Give her a big smile while you tell her to shove it where the sun don't shine, then bless her heart. ;)

Second time today I'm saying :yeahthat: !

[ThreeofUs]

I *was* raised south of the MD Line, and I still sir and madam everyone I meet. It's a habit that was (sometimes literally) beaten into me and I swear it's like toilet training: I feel guilty when I don't.

That said, you have every right to be called what you want. ITA with Lori, though, on how to correct your MIL. Do it the Southern way, where you can say just about anything you want as long as you say it with a smile (that reaches your eyes) and a pat on the arm. (The reason is that she might understand better if you say it that way.)

Like this:

"Oh, MIL! Now you know I want my babies to call me 'mommy' and not 'ma'am'. I'll just hate you forever if you keep correcting them that way." (smile smile bat eyes pat arm)

"I'll really just faint dead away if they call me ma'am, and you don't want that, do you?" (hug child/ren, smile)

"Oh, aren't you just the sweetest thing! But I really want to be mommy to my babies and it would just hurt me so if they called me ma'am." (smile kiss on cheek pat arm)

But, like a puppy, you're going to have to get her every single time.

(Please note no disrespect is meant or implied here. I am a Southerner by birth and rearing, and I have even recently spoken with my Southern relatives this way - they've talked that way to me since I was spending my summers in TN and KY with them. But I stipulate it might be a regional thing.)

[mariza]

[QUOTE=JTsMom]I think you need to do it the southern way. Give her a big smile while you tell her to shove it where the sun don't shine, then bless her heart. ;)

I meant to reply to this one this morning, but I wis busy wiping off the coffe you made me spit all over the screen :) I needed that, thanks!

[wellyes]

I'm sure she means well, and if you're going to correct her, it's best to do it quickly and casually.

I'm not a Southerner and I don't think I've ever used those terms when speaking to anyone except the very elderly. I'm kind of surprised to hear that it's common to instruct kids speak that way. If I hear young kids using the terms sir or ma'am, I always assume that at least one of their parents has a military background.