Dear DH,

[theCAS]

When you're done in the kitchen can you clean up after yourself?
When you see that the laundry baskets in DD and our bedrooms are full can you take them downstairs and could you sort the laundry (OK ... might be asking for waaayy too much on that)
When the trash can is full can you empty it?
When the dishwasher is full can you empty it?

Seriously, why do I need to ask you to do any of these things? And why do you expect me to do e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g around the house? Yes, I am on maternity leave and am at home during the day but does that mean I'm also a maid? NO. :32:

Sincerely,
your loving-but-kind-of-pissed-off (right now) wife

OK, just had to get that off my chest. Oh and as a bonus, today he has a sore throat and doesn't awnt to be around DD. Probably a good idea but just adds to the list.

[happy2bamom]

I could've submitted the exact post. I just shared my frustration with DH yesterday and he said "you know that I"m happy to help out, just make me a list". Ummm..... no one makes me a list. Somehow I am able to figure out that when the sink is piled high with dishes, that we probably need to do dishes. I'm also able to figure out that when we are out of underwear, we probably need to start a load of laundry. I mean seriously, I know that he is an intelligent man.

My other "favorite" is when he takes out the trash. On trash days he rolls out the big trash can to the end of the drive. Anything that is not in the big can, doesn't get taken out. So unless I go around and empty all of the trash cans, they all stay full. Nice!

All of this to say, I empathize with you.

[gatorsmom]

I think when we are pregnant, all rules are out the door. We need to be sitting on a pedestal being worshipped while the DHs are taking care of these tiresome and exhausting tasks. And of course we are only thinking of the health of the baby, right? I'm right there with you. :)

[WatchingThemGrow]

That stinks! You should sign him up for FlyLady emails and get him hooked on the morning routine - or even adapt one to the things you need help with. Seriously, you can't care for the baby and take care of everything else. It's just not right.

Oddly, our situation is reversed where DH probably asks why I can't ever empty the dishwasher or take out the trash or bathe the DC or change the sheets. I guess we made a list of all the household tasks and each picked things we thought we could do. I'm sure I picked something, I just can't remember what all it is. I guess cooking and cleaning the bathrooms...

[theCAS]

My other "favorite" is when he takes out the trash. On trash days he rolls out the big trash can to the end of the drive. Anything that is not in the big can, doesn't get taken out. So unless I go around and empty all of the trash cans, they all stay full. Nice!

LOL ... this is also apparently a foreign concept to DH, too.

[lizajane]

i hear ya, mama. i asked DH to please stop putting dishes in the sink RIGHT next to the dishwasher when i have interupted MY day to unload it and have it ready for dirty dishes. he got all mad like i had asked him to please repaint the exterior of the house by the end of the day. COME ON!!! JUST PUT THEM IN THE DISHWASHER!!!

[Laurel]

Time to divide up the household responsibilities! I have found it is so much easier when DH and I each have our "stuff".

I don't really ever cook or take out the trash (including emptying inside containers), and he doesn't really ever clean or do laundry or grocery shop. I'm a sahm but evening kid duty is shared about 50/50. This system works- the proof is when he leaves dirty clothes on the floor instead of putting them in the hamper I don't want to kill him.

[niccig]

Time to divide up the household responsibilities! I have found it is so much easier when DH and I each have our "stuff".

This is one of the issues DH and I fight over - you know the revolving argument, you have it once and then again a few months later and again and again....

5 years of marriage and we're just now getting better with it. DH does dishes after dinner and I unstack dishwasher during the day and put dirty dishes in. I cook dinner. DH does laundry. About equal with trash cans. It doesn't always work out equally and I sometimes have to tell him I need to go commando if the laundry doesn't get done that day. It's still a work in progress, but we're figuring it out otherwise in 10 years will be having the same argument.

[sarahsthreads]

Time to divide up the household responsibilities! I have found it is so much easier when DH and I each have our "stuff".

I don't really ever cook or take out the trash (including emptying inside containers), and he doesn't really ever clean or do laundry or grocery shop. I'm a sahm but evening kid duty is shared about 50/50. This system works- the proof is when he leaves dirty clothes on the floor instead of putting them in the hamper I don't want to kill him.

That's pretty much our division of labor too - adding that DH does pretty much all outdoor maintenance and is the primary dog caretaker - and it works for us. Sometimes I ask him to do stuff (like when DD2 was brand new he did a few weeks of the grocery shopping) and sometimes he asks me to do stuff (like if work is going to make him a little late in a given week I'll take over the dinner and dog duties) but for the most part we each know what needs to be done.

I will say that it took several years of marriage to get to this point, and I had to give up on the idea that if something wasn't a regularly scheduled task that DH would notice that it needed to be done. He just doesn't seem to notice things like the laundry bins overflowing, although he's more than happy to put things in the washer if I ask him to.

Sarah :)

[WatchingThemGrow]

... and I sometimes have to tell him I need to go commando if the laundry doesn't get done that day.

The trick here and what Sarah said about the laundry bins over flowing is just to make sure you have one pair MORE of underwear than he does. I guarantee that if HE runs out of drawers/shirts/pants before you do, he'll be hopping on that task. Works like a charm here :)

[ha98ed14]

I could've submitted the exact post. I just shared my frustration with DH yesterday and he said "you know that I"m happy to help out, just make me a list". Ummm..... no one makes me a list. Somehow I am able to figure out that when the sink is piled high with dishes, that we probably need to do dishes. I'm also able to figure out that when we are out of underwear, we probably need to start a load of laundry. I mean seriously, I know that he is an intelligent man.

I think I married your DH's clone. He ALWAYS asks me to "make him a list."
WHY DO YOU NEED A LIST TO TELL YOU TO PUT YOUR CLOTHES IN THE HAMPER AND CLEAN UP THE BITS OF FOOD THAT FALL ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR WHEN YOU COOK! AArrrrrGGGGHHhhhhh!!!!!



(thank you. I feel better.)

[Emmas Mom]

My other "favorite" is when he takes out the trash. On trash days he rolls out the big trash can to the end of the drive. Anything that is not in the big can, doesn't get taken out. So unless I go around and empty all of the trash cans, they all stay full. Nice!

:yeahthat: Yep, here too. Drives me NUTS that taking out the trash doesn't equally emptying the damn trash cans! Hello! I swear I have to hand him an empty trash bag & tell him to go around & empty the trash cans for him to get it! Ugh.

And don't make me pick up your dirty laundry that you left RIGHT NEXT TO THE LAUNDRY HAMPER!

[niccig]

The trick here and what Sarah said about the laundry bins over flowing is just to make sure you have one pair MORE of underwear than he does. I guarantee that if HE runs out of drawers/shirts/pants before you do, he'll be hopping on that task. Works like a charm here :)

DH has 3 weeks of underwear and enough shirts, pants to last that long as well - hang over from early bachelor days when he didn't do laundry very often. I tell him I have no underwear when I have 2 pairs left, so I don't get caught out.

[WatchingThemGrow]

DH has 3 weeks of underwear and enough shirts, pants to last that long as well - hang over from early bachelor days when he didn't do laundry very often. I tell him I have no underwear when I have 2 pairs left, so I don't get caught out.

Wow! We are seriously understocked here. We each have MAYBE 6-7 pairs and fewer shirts and pants that we actually wear. Small house= more work, I guess. Our system is that he starts and changes over the laundry on Sundays and Wednesdays. I fold and put it away when it is all piled up on the futon next to the washer.

[niccig]

Wow! We are seriously understocked here. We each have MAYBE 6-7 pairs and fewer shirts and pants that we actually wear.

I have the same number as you. DH has a fully stocked closet. Many of his clothes are years old though. We've been together 6 years and some of his shirts/pants pre-date me. I don't have as many clothes and it irks him as he likes to go longer between laundry days, but I need clean clothes. I don't intend to buy any more as stale/dirty laundry sitting for too long in the closet skeeves me out, plus stains set. I think DH could go 2-3 weeks with clean clothes and no laundry.

[DrSally]

Man, I was just going to come and post a similar post:

1. When you use the last paper towel, put the next roll on the paper towel holder, not just on the counter

2. Don't make food and leave half of it on the counter all day. put it in the fridge to eat later!

3. When you help DS go potty, don't rinse it out and leave it in pieces on the counter or in the sink. Wipe it out and put it back together!

4. Put something away, anything. Don't just lay it down where ever you are making this place a disaster area. And when you see something on the floor, don't just kick it out of the way.

5. Please bring stuff up and down the stairs when you go so I don't have to be the only one to do this (while I'm taking 2 kids up and down as well).

6. Don't get mad when I ask you to do these things b/c you obviously can't remember and they may seem "little", but they all add up.

Don't mean to hijack, but this mess is driving me crazy too!

[niccig]

Man, I was just going to come and post a similar post:

1. When you use the last paper towel, put the next roll on the paper towel holder, not just on the counter

2. Don't make food and leave half of it on the counter all day. put it in the fridge to eat later!

3. When you help DS go potty, don't rinse it out and leave it in pieces on the counter or in the sink. Wipe it out and put it back together!

4. Put something away, anything. Don't just lay it down where ever you are making this place a disaster area. And when you see something on the floor, don't just kick it out of the way.

5. Please bring stuff up and down the stairs when you go so I don't have to be the only one to do this (while I'm taking 2 kids up and down as well).

6. Don't get mad when I ask you to do these things b/c you obviously can't remember and they may seem "little", but they all add up.

Don't mean to hijack, but this mess is driving me crazy too!

7. Please pick a job that needs to get done and then DO IT and then CLEAN UP after yourself.

[theCAS]

I do feel somewhat better knowing I'm not alone in my frustrations. Strength in numbers ...

[srhs]

Might I add: "DH, you aren't 'helping' me when you do these things. You're merely participating as a functional member of this household!"