4YO Who Steals/Hoards Food..WWYD?

[Wife_and_mommy]

DH/I are attending a parenting class. We were discussing mealtime behaviors. A mom asked what she should do about her 4yo stealing food constantly throughout the day. Her remarks were as follows:

-She'll steal food off the counter then hide to eat it. They find crumbs where she's hidden.
-She's taken 4 bananas and eaten them in one sitting.
-She acts like she's not fed by her family.
-There were a couple more but can't remember.

FYI, mom is a single mom and they're living with family. Mom has a sibling who is morbidly obese who, I believe, lives with in the same house.

She was advised to lock the pantry doors and give consequences for stealing the food, i.e. since you took the bananas you don't get ice cream when the family goes to the ice cream shop.

This child sounds seriously disturbed IMHO. Would love to hear others' thoughts. Would you suggest further evaluation of this child you don't even know?

[MamaMolly]

There is a medical condition, I don't know the name of it off hand, but IIRC the person with the disorder lacks the ability for their brain to know when the stomach feels full. These people feel ravenously hungry all the time, never satisfied. They have to be monitored carefully around food, and often all food in the house has to be kept under lock and key.

Did anyone suggest she seek medical advice? There may be a physiological reason for the behavior, not just an emotional one. I'd suggest she speak to her pediatrician. HTH

[Wife_and_mommy]

Molly, Thank you! I was struggling with how to discuss it without sounding judgemental(saying she was disturbed was not going to cut it). I will email my leader to suggest it could be something medically wrong. I'm not sure how long the behavior has been going on.

Thanks so much.

ETA: Prader-Willi! That's the name of the condition you described. I'll gather some info to pass along.

[DrSally]

Sounds like a major problem. I would suggest seeing an M.D. for medical problems and, if they don't find anything, a child psychologist for emotional issues who can evaluate and suggest a plan. It's better than doing things that may make it worse. I'm afraid using food as a punishment/reward, might exacerbate the food issues.

[brittone2]

Some things that pop into mind...

Food is controlled possibly in this house because of the obese family member. Maybe you aren't hearing the whole story and there is a lot of emphasis on food/weight. Even calling it "stealing" seems to be an odd way of putting it IMO :shrug:

THe consequence of saying no ice cream as a punishment for stealing food seems to me to possibly make it even more of an issue (now food is being used as a reward/punishment in a family where food may already be a loaded issue, kwim?)

One other thought is if there is a very tight budget and food is controlled/rationed a great deal perhaps the DC feels the need to hide/hoard food?

The final thing that comes to mind (but IMO seems less likely since my gut instinct is food=loaded emotional issue in that family based off of your description) is something like OCD.

The more they try to control access to the food, label it as "stealing" when a 4 year old takes food, the more they involve shame/punishment surrounding food, etc. the more issues this child is going to have.

At least, those are the first things that come to my mind in reading what you posted.

Can you suggest the Ellyn Satter book by any chance?

[Wife_and_mommy]

Sounds like a major problem. I would suggest seeing an M.D. for medical problems and, if they don't find anything, a child psychologist for emotional issues who can evaluate and suggest a plan. It's better than doing things that may make it worse. I'm afraid using food as a punishment/reward, might exacerbate the food issues.

My sentiments exactly. DH is of the opinion that the unstable family life is the issue. This sounds much more serious to me.

Thanks, Sally.

[kijip]

It sounds to me like the child needs counseling and frankly like the issues could have been developed by something in the home and the family might need counseling. Seems like there are control and power issues about the food for the child. Maybe those did not come from Mom, but it is possible Mom had something to do with it. Was the child made to worry about being fat or eating too much? Was the child told they ate too much/that feeding them cost too much (which might give rise to eating food in secret)? Without more details, it's impossible to say but what you heard was the mother's representation of the issue and not necessarily what has unfolded in the house. Seeing a MD could be in order as well.

I would be very reluctant lock my pantry down from my child (unless the child had some medical condition that made this necessary). That could contribute to stealing food because the idea that it needed to be stolen would be reinforced.

If the girl is hungry, why can't she just ask for food and get it? I guess I have a hard time seeing my child eating something as stealing. In fact that seems to be part of the problem IMO. I buy food. It belongs to my family. Does that mean T can eat all the ice cream whenever? No. But it does not mean that getting a cracker or a cheese stick or an ice cream is theft. Usually if he is hungry and wants a snack, he will announce it and ask what we have or if he can have X Y or Z that he has spied on the counter or in the fridge. Certainly regular meals and snacks should be established to avoid the child being hungry and the child should be taught to either get a certain variety of allowable snacks on their own or to ask when she wants a snack. If there is not enough $$ for food in sufficient amounts to allow for 3 meals and snacks, then she needs to see about getting help to supplement her groceries.

[brittone2]

My sentiments exactly. DH is of the opinion that the unstable family life is the issue. This sounds much more serious to me.

Thanks, Sally.

ITA that they should seek some medical/psychological advice as well.

eta: my gut though says the whole family probably needs counseling (as Katie said). The obese family member thing just raises a red flag to me that food and weight issues may be a loaded issue for the whole family. Obviously there's no way to know for sure, but it seems all too coincidental.

[crayonblue]

There's a mom on here whose son has Prader Willi. Hopefully she will see this thread.

I know one child who steals food. Her parents are so strict with her diet that she will snatch something off a plate and run with the "forbidden" item. It is really sad.

[brittone2]

Do they allow any snacking at all?

I wonder if they have a "no snacking between meals" policy out of fear of her becoming overweight?

[Wife_and_mommy]

Some things that pop into mind...

Food is controlled possibly in this house because of the obese family member. Maybe you aren't hearing the whole story and there is a lot of emphasis on food/weight. Even calling it "stealing" seems to be an odd way of putting it IMO :shrug:

THe consequence of saying no ice cream as a punishment for stealing food seems to me to possibly make it even more of an issue (now food is being used as a reward/punishment in a family where food may already be a loaded issue, kwim?)

One other thought is if there is a very tight budget and food is controlled/rationed a great deal perhaps the DC feels the need to hide/hoard food?

The final thing that comes to mind (but IMO seems less likely since my gut instinct is food=loaded emotional issue in that family based off of your description) is something like OCD.

The more they try to control access to the food, label it as "stealing" when a 4 year old takes food, the more they involve shame/punishment surrounding food, etc. the more issues this child is going to have.

At least, those are the first things that come to my mind in reading what you posted.

Can you suggest the Ellyn Satter book by any chance?

She specifically said the food isn't controlled for the adult. Some suggested child locks but there are new cabinets so it wasn't well-received.

The budget may very well be an issue...not sure.

From the outside in, IMO it's the food=loaded emotional issue for the child. I wholeheartedly agree with the Ellyn Satter philosophy. I was really uncomfortable with the descriptions I heard of how food was controlled during the discussion.

Thank you, Beth.

I'm going to call the leader this week so I can bring it up. I didn't like how it was glossed over during class and hope I wasn't the only one who thought there might be an issue.

[brittone2]

She specifically said the food isn't controlled for the adult. Some suggested child locks but there are new cabinets so it wasn't well-received.


Sorry, I wasn't very clear looking back at my first post. I meant that I suspect the mom controls the child's access to the food out of fear, etc. that the child will possibly become obese (so controlling the child's access because of the mom's own emotional issues/fears).

I think it is so great that you are going to try to offer some other ideas. It sounds like the advice she got was missing the ball.

[KBecks]

My child can eat 4 bananas in one sitting and I don't consider it an issue. I think kids diets go in phases sometimes, we have had a few huge banana fests at our house.

It sounds like there are issues for this family dealing with food and control but no advice. My kids are grazers and they can have reasonable food anytime, I figure it all balances out.

My kids open the fridge and pantry and it is annoying sometimes when they go looking for food but I don't feel comfortable locking the doors. I like talking to the kids about hunger and asking - how does your tummy feel? are you hungry? and letting them answer yes or no.

[M&Mmom]

I highly agree with PP's about seeking medical advice. If morbid obesity is in the family there may be something physiological going on, either Prader Willi or something else. At the same time I would seek psychological advice. It seems there are a lot of issues in this family regarding food and they may be contributing to the problem, whether it be medical or behavioral/psych.