DS won't do activities without me or DH

[HIU8]

DS will be 4 on Thanksgiving. We put him in karate this year (a special program for preschool children). He has never participated in the class. He sits in the back. The first 3 weeks he cried uncontrollably (he is taken there during school/daycare and brougt back to his daycare class afterwards--it's in the same building). He had a karate belt program yesterday and freaked out. We have been talking to him about this for weeks and he has never told us why he won't participate. Yesterday he finally told us that he doesn't want to do the class because DH can't do it with him. Ok, fair enough. We get it. HOWEVER, DS is at the age where they stop doing parent participation classes for any sport around here (karate, soccer, swimming etc...). Would you, hold your DC back in a program with parent participation with children who were a full year to 18 months younger also in the class? DS asked to do soccer with his daddy again (next session starts in a few weeks). I'm going to sign him up for the class that expects parent participation and not the class that his friends are going into in which parents watch but don't participate (I have no idea how DS will react to this knowing that he isn't in a class with his friends, but I think the fact that daddy is playing with him will override that--I hope).

If you made it this far and you have a child who reacts this way, at what age did your DC finally gain the confidence to go out there by themselves and participate?

Thanks :wavey:

[deannanb]

I think it depends on the activity.
DS (13) takes kung fu... the instructor says that he won't start children until they are 5 - unless the child can actually focus and participate. I remember watching one of the younger children and he was having a HARD time staying focused.

DS (4) participates in activities at school.. gymnastics and a gym class - so both very active activities.

I think your child may be young for karate. Is that the only activity they offer at school? I would suggest waiting and not pushing him into the activity unless he is reallllly into it.

[HIU8]

He at first really wanted to take it. Now not so much, so we are just pulling him out since he said he would rather do soccer again. The karate is called lil dragons and is designed for 3-6 yr olds. The majority of the kids in the class are 3 and 4. DS just seems to not be ready for a class like this so they are actually going to refund 1/2 our $$. I'm happy, DH is happy and DS is happy that he can go back to soccer.

[niccig]

I'm experiencing this with DS with soccer. It's very laid back 6 x 3-5 year olds. He wants to do it, but when we're there, he won't participate. I finally worked out that he doesn't want to do it, as he's not as good as the other kids, who've taken the class longer. The coach is fine with parent's getting involved, so the first half the class, I need to be out there with him, and then I can move to the sidelines and watch. Each week, I've been on the field a little less. 2 other parents are also out there with their kids.

Last year we had to take DS out of the preschool dance movement class, as he wasn't participating - the teacher asked us to take him out as it was obvious he didn't want to be there. He loves to dance at home, but he doesn't like to do it in front of other people. He also didn't dance at our music class, but he loved the instruments. So, no dance at school and we're looking for a music class that is more about playing music than dancing to it. This year though, he's been dancing in his normal preschool class, and I've told him he can do the optional class if he wants to.

I think I would talk to DS and explain that if he wants daddy to be part of the class, that it won't be the same class as his friends as they are in the class without parents. Let him think about what he wants and choose. If he wants to do it with your DH, then put him in that class. Maybe he just needs more time to warm up to doing classes by himself.

One friend's daughter never participated in dance class, she just sat and watched. Her mum suggested not going, and the daughter wanted to be there, she just didn't want to get up and dance. But she did dance for the first time at the recital in front of hundreds of people, so you never know when they'll actually do it. Her little girl is now 6 and she's in dance, gymnastics and soccer.

[HIU8]

Glad to know that I'm not the only one out there experiencing this with DS. Thanks.

[wolverine2]

I have this issue with swimming. I hadn't done the swimming w/parent classes, but signed him up for lessons this year, and it was a disaster. We dropped out after 2 weeks and I just take him myself during open swim, which is by far more effective. He does say he likes soccer, but when we did it he generally sat under a tree and ate the snack (but 1/2 the other kids did this too, so no big deal- it was really laid back).

I think in general DS hates any kind of class. He doesn't know the kids well, his anxiety is raised, and it's not worth it. He participates in stuff at school just fine (music, yoga) so I'm just going to save my $$ till later, when hopefully he'll be more into it.