What in the heck just happened?? PLEASE HELP!

[irie i]

:help:

My younger cousin...lets see he is probably 27 now...called me about 4 months ago. He explained that he was in the hospital and after about 30 minutes of coaxing I finally got it out of him...he was there to be circumcised.
I hadn't even spoken to this cousin in at least 3.5 years and we have never been particularly close! All of a sudden he is calling me from the hospital talkin' about he wishes his cellphone had a camera so he can send me a picture of his wee wee because I told him I had never seen an uncircumcised one! Uh excuse me...whaaat? :eek:

That entire conversation was really weird...he kept asking me what I thought and if, as a woman, I would like it more circumcised or uncircumcised. He kept asking me to SAY it...to say circumcision...and whether or not I knew what it meant and to describe it. It seriously gave me the friggin' heebie jeebies. And when I tried to change the subject he just kept PUSHING me. ewww I am getting grossed out just talking about it.

So he called me again tonight. I hadn't heard from him at all since that creepy conversation. Apparently he has heard that I am pregnant. At that time nobody, not even my closest family...my mom and brother and sisters...knew I was pregnant...and because I am not very close to my extended family I just figured they would 'hear it through the grapevine.' It was obvious he wanted to hear me say I am pregnant but he wasn't going to say that he already knew...so he started saying MORE weird stuff...like if I still look the same because I was always "attractive and voluptuous." :sick: He kept asking his way around and I finally asked him if he had something in particular he wanted to ask me or he was expecting me to say...and finally told him that I am pregnant.

THEN HE STARTS TALKING ABOUT HIS DAMN PENIS AGAIN! And again he wanted me to "Say what its called" and "describe what it is." He said he didn't go through with the surgery and he has to go back to have it done. During the first conversation he claimed he was already anesthetized and he certainly sounded like he was...but he recalled every single thing we talked about...and how I told him I haven't seen very many penises and I hadn't seen any uncircumcised ones.

What the hell? Am *I* the weird one for feeling creepy about this? Its also really weird...both times he has called me from "RESTRICTED" numbers...WHY is he doing this? Is something wrong with him? Maybe being in the Army f'd his head up...I really don't know. I have NEVER been THAT close to any of my cousins...not even my closest female cousins...to discuss sex or anything related with them.

I just don't feel good about this...am I weird? I am going to go to all lengths to avoid him...ugh just thinking about it gives me the willies. Am I wrong?

[ellies mom]

You are not weird. You are not wrong. He is acting beyond inappropriate. Cousin or not, I'd ask him to stop contacting me and if family wanted to know why, I'd probably tell them.

[irie i]

You are not weird. You are not wrong. He is acting beyond inappropriate. Cousin or not, I'd ask him to stop contacting me and if family wanted to know why, I'd probably tell them.

I immediately sent my sister who is quite close to his mother a text message telling her never to give him my phone number again. She said she didn't give it to him. Last time he called I sort of told my Mom about it...I didn't tell her exactly what he said and how he acted but I told her he creeped me out and the purpose of his call. My Mom said she didn't give him my number. So now I have no idea how he even got it. I haven't had it for very long and nobody other than my family knows it. WEIRD. I don't even know how comfortable I will feel telling my own Mom everything that was said.

[amldaley]

You are not the weird one.

Just reading about it made me feel oogie.

There is something wrong with your cousin.

This is not in any way, shape or form "normal" behavior.

For your sake, for peace of mind, I would tell someone - at least your mom. You need to have aomeone else near you who knows what's going on. What if the calls continue? What if he shows up at your door?

My educational background is in Behavioral and Social Science. I am not a clinician, but I can tell you that things are not right, his behavior is highly inappropriate. You will have to get over the akwardness of telling someone in order to make sure you and your dc are safe. What if he calls someday and dc answers the phone?

You have every right to feel heebie jeebied. That feeling is your gut instinct that something is wrong...listen to your intuition.

[american_mama]

It sounds completely weird and odd to me and I would either hang up on him or immediately say "Our last two conversations have been very uncomfortable and I don't want to talk to you again. Please don't call again." And then hang up on him for any future calls.

I wonder if he was either drunk or high in one or both conversations. It certainly sounds like the whole circumcision, being in the hospital thing was entirely made up. Maybe he's also had a crush on you in the past - it happens, even with cousins - which is why he dragged you into this bizarro, pseudo sexual conversation.

From what you described, I personally wouldn't be worried about him in any way except the irritation of him calling again. I wouldn't feel the need to tell anyone from a safety perspective, but heck yes, for venting and heck yes, if he calls again. I think lots of creeps who keep it on the DL don't like their actions exposed to sunlight and maybe the threat of telling someone close to him about his bizarre conversations would be enough to definitively end it.

He is weird and you are normal.

[MamaMolly]

caller ID is your friend. Use it!

[heidiann]

well your definately not the werid one.
Does he happen to have a history of drug or alcohol abuse? when you said he sounded anesthetised maybe he was drunk?? Just a possibility b/c that sounds like a totally strange conversation.

[M&Mmom]

Does he live nearby?

[Laurel]

You have every right to feel heebie jeebied. That feeling is your gut instinct that something is wrong...listen to your intuition.

This.

And, he is taking advantage of the fact that you are being polite- next time he calls you need to say "this conversation is making me uncomfortable, and I am hanging up now". Do not worry about being rude. By continuing with such uncomfortable conversations you are giving him your consent to continue such behavior. He's not going to get the "hint" to stop unless you are blunt about it.

I highly recommend reading a Gavin DeBecker book or two if you need some support that you are right to feel creeped out by this!

[Sillygirl]

Substance abuse or head injury is my guess. Work on your boundaries - you need to feel it's okay to tell him to f*ck off and hang up. Tell him you don't want to hear from him again.

[stella]

psychotic episode?
seriously, if this is out of character (and it sounds like it is) and out of the blue, then you have to assume that there is something wrong with him - and while he may or may not be dangerous, he certainly needs some help.

Can you call his parents and tell them that he is making obscene phone calls to you, and that you are concerned about his mental state and figured that they would want to know.

I would not be as offended as I would be worried about him.

[mamicka]

Ewwww! That's creepy. There definitely may be a medical problem that's causing this strange behavior, but its still creepy & you should avoid him for your sake (or your child's sake, rather). I think its fair to call someone (his mom or the like) & let them know what's going on.

[MontrealMum]

ITA with all of the above. Just because no ones said it explicitly yet, I will.

..you don't have to be nice or polite to him just because he's your cousin. Tell him to f*&^ off and hang up. Get caller ID. And block his number. Treat him like any other sexual predator or stalker ex-boyfriend. He might be high or something else, but no matter, you need to distance yourself from this, and fast.

[wolverine2]

Agree with the above suggestions.

I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't even in the hospital the first time he called you. There is something wrong though. You should not talk to him anymore if he calls, and someone who cares about him needs to know exactly what has happened because he needs help. Is there anyone in the family you could tell this to? His parents?

[american_mama]

Not to gross you out further, but re-reading your post about the length of the first phone call, the details he wanted you to describe and say, how he described you, almsot like it was a turn on for him - umm, do you think maybe he was doing something else while you are were on the phone with him?

Be glad he DIDN'T have a camera on his phone!

[JustMe]

This is weird, creepy, and not okay. I agree with others that it could be something psychotic going on or just that this inappropriate part of him is coming out now. I disagree with others around using curse words if/when he calls again, but I would say "Please do not call me again" and hang up. I don;t think I would even get into any explanations and, as I said, would not use curse words, angry words, etc. I would just make that simple statement and hang up. Yes, I would check around with your other family members to see if they have any info, if he has done this with anyone else, and maybe even so he can get help.

Sorry this happened to you.

[WatchingThemGrow]

Ok, just to add another weird thought...Do you think he really WAS in the hospital or just making that part up to get you to explain circumcision for some twisted pleasure?

[buddyleebaby]

Oh puke.
I'm sorry that happened to you.

[Fairy]

This was wrong. Period. There's a sociopathic vibe I'm getting from this. The next time this happens, you need to tell him to leave you alone, his actions are not appropriate, and that if he calls you again you are going to take action. You need to contact his mother directly and say, look, Aunt Whatever, I am sorry to bring this up to you, but your son's actions are harmful to me, and here's why. Is he ok, what is going on, and why is he doinf this? I'd become very clinical very fast, and start telling your family about this incident in a clinical way and ensure they are aware and that it's not ok.

I'm so sorry. Please don't take this again. Reach out to your family now and tell themw hat is happening. Then find out what number he is calling from (your cell company will have it) and have it blocked so it can't ring you.

[brittone2]

Very weird on his part. ITA with possible head injury or some other sort of psych issue, or substance abuse.

There are also circ fetishists...in fact, some of them run very "pro circ" websites that look very official. Perhaps a fetish for him, but IMO...something else beyond that could very well being going on for him to go out of his way to contact *you* about it...

Can you ask any of his family members if they've noticed any unusual behavior from him, in case he is in need of medical intervention? Head injury, etc. is being overlooked by military medical personnel in many instances. While it is totally icky and I wouldn't want to have any more contact with him, at the same time, it would be good for someone in the family to keep an eye on things (not your job after what he did, IMO...you need some distance, but I'd hate for him to not get help if he needs it. If it is something like a head injury, it may not be in his control...he may be highly impulsive as a result of a head injury).

Does anyone in your family know if he sustained any kind of impact, injury, etc. while he served?

[irie i]

Whew! I feel better now knowing that this isn't normal. Since I haven't had a very close relationship with my extended family members and never discussed anything about sex and stuff with my brother and sisters I thought it could just be me...and that perhaps other people were more comfortable talking about that stuff. I did find it really weird that he asked me where my husband was...and said he didn't want to get me "in trouble." My response was "you are my cousin...he's not an idiot..." And my cousin told me that you never know sometimes guys get jealous even when they shouldn't.

Like some of you I do believe that the initial phone call was NOT coming from the hospital. Maybe his wife made him feel bad about his uncircumcised penis and he was calling me because he was considering the surgery...but he was DEFINITELY on SOMETHING. As far as I know he has never had a history of alcohol or drug abuse or any injuries in the military. He just hated it not unlike most other people I know that have been in the Army.

When I was in college and he was in the military he was stationed pretty near me and came out to stay a few times. He never acted weird like this and he never drank or did drugs...not even a beer. Luckily, he doesn't live near by. He is in the Houston area and I am in Los Angeles.

As far as the caller ID I don't have a home phone...this is my cellphone he has been calling...and like I said both times he has called the number shows "RESTRICTED." I have a friend that is a doctor and calls me often and his number automatically comes up restricted so I don't think anything of it and pick up...I will just have to start screening my calls. And I did tell him a few times during the first conversation that I felt weird/uncomfortable talking about that stuff with him...but because I thought he was really scared and under anesthesia I let it go on for longer than I ever should have...and even then it didn't seem right to me that the conversation lasted such a long time. I have had surgery before and the anesthesia knocked me out damn near before I had a chance to answer the anesthesiologist's second or third question.

As far as it being a psychotic episode ... I'm not sure about that. Because if it was would he have remembered every detail of our conversation months ago? I don't know...possible, but perhaps not likely. I don't know whats wrong with him, I really don't...and at this point I am starting not to care...I just want him to leave me alone.

AMERICAN_MAMA as far as your suggestion...I am not even going there!!! SSDFKJSL:DKJFLSKJDF:LSDJF:LDSJDSLKFJSDF OOOOOGIE!!!!!!!!! *cry*

I am going to call my Mom and talk to her about it. I don't think I will call my Aunt...I haven't spoken to her in years and it might be a little too weird. Depending on what my mom says I will decide what action, if any, I should take next.

[Fairy]

That he's married makes this even worse. There is something wrong, here, Irie. WRONG. I'll agree with a PP, just cuz he's your cousin doesn't mean you should treat him with kid gloves. Get on this immediately.

Additionally, just cuz it's restricted on the caller ID on your cellphone doesn't mean there's no record of where the call came from. If it comes to that, the cellphone company HAS the info.

[irie i]

OK so just spoke to both my Mom and my sister...this gets even more freaky.

I spoke to my sister first. She said that my cousin is A PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR...THAT is how he got my cellphone number. I highly doubt I will be able to acquire the phone number he was calling from. I've tried to do this in the past with even bigger phone companies (Sprint and T Mobile) and they couldn't give me any information...but I will try and if it doesn't work I will simply screen all of my calls.

And, this is even creepier...I mean REALLY creepy...my Mom just told me that my cousin IS circumcised...he was circumcised when he was 8 years old after an infection. She also said that my Aunt has told her that "he didn't come back the same" after the Army. So that means that this weird S.O.B. was never considering circumcision...he was just calling me to talk about his friggin' penis!!! *shudder*

WHAT. THE. F?! I asked my sister to broach the subject with my Aunt. I am extra concerned now because my cousin does have a little girl. If he doesn't know his boundaries with his female cousin why should I believe his child won't be a victim of his sexual perversions?

[kijip]

If he calls again, tell him you are not willing to talk to him and hang up. Call the police and report it as telephone harassment/stalking if he keeps calling.

Block restricted callers. Your friends can manually unblock their numbers when calling you if they need to call you from a restricted line.

[crayonblue]

My guess is he is on something or having a psychotic break. He has lost all inhibitions and for whatever reason is targeting you.

[Fairy]

Why are you not speaking directly to your aunt?

I'm telling you, you can get teh records if a reason comes about. They don't just give 'em to anyone, but if a civil or criminal action is filed, they'll dump your phone and get the number for the purpose of discovery (evidence).

If he calls you again, you tell him that you want nothing to do with him and to stop calling you. Don't react to anything he baits you with, don't address any penis talk or circ talk, etc. Just clinically says, Cousin, this is not acceptable, do not call me again, and if you do, I will call the police.

Then call them.

Ugh. Awful for you.

[irie i]

Why are you not speaking directly to your aunt?

I'm telling you, you can get teh records if a reason comes about. They don't just give 'em to anyone, but if a civil or criminal action is filed, they'll dump your phone and get the number for the purpose of discovery (evidence).

If he calls you again, you tell him that you want nothing to do with him and to stop calling you. Don't react to anything he baits you with, don't address any penis talk or circ talk, etc. Just clinically says, Cousin, this is not acceptable, do not call me again, and if you do, I will call the police.

Then call them.

Ugh. Awful for you.

I am not speaking directly to my Aunt because I haven't spoken to her in at least 7 years...also, when I spoke to my sister earlier she informed me that she would talk to my Aunt when she feels the time is right. Apparently my Aunt is going through menopause and is extremely sensitive right now...so my sister has to feel for when to tell her. My sister and my Aunt are very close...it makes more sense for her to mention it than for me to call my Aunt that I haven't spoken to out of the blue to tell her that her son is a pervert.

I plan on avoiding all of his calls and if I should happen to answer I am going to tell him not to contact me, ever again. I do have to say that the whole private investigator thing worries me, though. That he went out of his way to get my number that way rather than ask my Mom or sister is strange...it must be just as easy for him to get my address and that scares me even though he does live several states away. Now that I told my sister and she will tell his Mom he is going to be very angry. If it wasn't for the fact that he has a toddler girl I would have just told my Mom and sister, ignored him and been done with it.

[Sillygirl]

Private investigators are licensed, I would imagine, to have access to the things they have. Call the state board and report his inapproipriate behavior and your concerns that he is using his status to harrass you.

And your aunt is too hormonally sensitive to hear that her son is either a first-class perv or having a mental breakdown? WTF? I think people are being too sensitive about her feelings.

[kijip]

And your aunt is too hormonally sensitive to hear that her son is either a first-class perv or having a mental breakdown? WTF? I think people are being too sensitive about her feelings.

:yeahthat:

Seriously, he needs to get help before he commits an even more serious crime .

[tarabenet]

Everything they all said! But I'd add one twist to the advice about telling him to leave you alone: don't say anything about it making you "uncomfortable". Part of his pleasure, obviously, is in manipulating you and evoking an emotional response. Don't give him that. No fear, no anger, nothing. It gives him power and increases the chances he will escalate. Tell him very calmly that his calls are inappropriate and you will not talk to him, and hang up. If you feel the urge/need to threaten him with anything (calling his mother, the police, whatever) then that is *your* screaming red flag to take that action immediately. Don't tell him about it, just do it. Trust your instincts!

[Fairy]

Everything they all said! But I'd add one twist to the advice about telling him to leave you alone: don't say anything about it making you "uncomfortable". Part of his pleasure, obviously, is in manipulating you and evoking an emotional response. Don't give him that. No fear, no anger, nothing. It gives him power and increases the chances he will escalate. Tell him very calmly that his calls are inappropriate and you will not talk to him, and hang up. If you feel the urge/need to threaten him with anything (calling his mother, the police, whatever) then that is *your* screaming red flag to take that action immediately. Don't tell him about it, just do it. Trust your instincts!

Exactly this.

[Globetrotter]

Wow, this is creepy!

Something is up with him, possibly drugs or mental illness or some other medical condition. Either way he needs help, but I agree you are NOT the one to help him, other than reporting his behavior to someone who can. His mother needs to know asap, and since she is close to your sister she should tell her first because it might not have the same impact coming from you, given that you're not in touch with her. Once she does that, you could call her with details. What about his wife? Is anyone in touch with her? I would be concerned for his daughter...

He is clearly trying to get a reaction from you so don't give him one. Tell him "I will not talk to you, don't call again," and hang up.

[DrSally]

Sounds like inappropriate crossing of sexual boundaries to me.

[irie i]

Private investigators are licensed, I would imagine, to have access to the things they have. Call the state board and report his inapproipriate behavior and your concerns that he is using his status to harrass you.

And your aunt is too hormonally sensitive to hear that her son is either a first-class perv or having a mental breakdown? WTF? I think people are being too sensitive about her feelings.

This is a 27 year old man we are talking about, though...should I really be that insistent on calling his Mommy and tellin' on him? If I knew his WIFE I think thats a more important person to speak to...so she can watch his behavior around their daughter...but I don't know how to get in touch with her.

[irie i]

Thanks tarabenet for your advice...I think you are right...I am not going to tell him that its making me uncomfortable, just tell him not to call anymore and that he is being innappropriate.

I got a restricted call earlier today...I didn't answer it and there was no message left.

[shawnandangel]

screw telling his mom. I'd call his wife.

edit: irie posted at the same time I did and therefore I did not get a chance to read her post saying she did not know how to get in touch with wife.

[Fairy]

This is a 27 year old man we are talking about, though...should I really be that insistent on calling his Mommy and tellin' on him? If I knew his WIFE I think thats a more important person to speak to...so she can watch his behavior around their daughter...but I don't know how to get in touch with her.

Hon, there's just gotta be a way. This is just some scary sh*t. It's victimizing and wrong for you to have to deal with -- and who knows who else he's calling like this. If you don't feel right, then don't. But someone on his side of the fence needs to be told what is happening.

[stella]

Someone needs to know that can get him some help.
Your part in it is over as you are not going to take his calls anymore, but he will probably move onto someone else.

You are not telling his mother or wife to tattle on him - you are telling them that he has a serious problem going on and that you are calling because you care about him (as a family member and former well-liked cousin).

Don't you want someone close to him to try to stop his behavior, get him some help, or even be able to protect themselves if they need to?

I would be freaking out, but I think YOU need to call his people as this happened to YOU and you want him treated or assessed or something before someone is really hurt.

JMO.

[irie i]

Don't you want someone close to him to try to stop his behavior, get him some help, or even be able to protect themselves if they need to?

I would be freaking out, but I think YOU need to call his people as this happened to YOU and you want him treated or assessed or something before someone is really hurt.

JMO.

Yes I do want someone to help/stop him which is why my sister is going to talk to his Mom. Its not like I am sitting around not doing anything. I have said I am concerned for his daughter. He grossed and freaked me out but I'm not going to be traumatized for the rest of my life over this..it's his little girl I am concerned about...and possibly other family members if he chooses to (or has) done this to anyone else.

I am NOT going to call my Aunt. Even though I haven't spoken to her in years we have always had a decent relationship and I don't want to be the one to break this to her. Now, if she wants to talk to me after she has spoken to my sister I will have no problem doing that. I am just NOT going to call her after damn near 10 years to tell her this when she is going through a hard time...my sister is going to talk to her and thats all there is to that.

[Swimfreak78]

I'd suggest calling your cell company. I believe they can trace restricted numbers if you file a complaint about harassment. If not, it's worth a call to the police department. Together I'm sure they can come up with the number and block it. I'm sure you don't need this stress.