Opinions: Conflict with DH over what we call DD

[ha98ed14]

18 mo old DD is really starting to pick up on language (thanks to that SLP we got). I know she understands more words than she actually says. A couple weeks ago, she made the connection between the word baby and her baby dolls and pictures of babies (on the TV) and walked around with her doll saying "baby." And she pointed to herself and said baby. Now she points and says "baby" whenever the baby shows up in the video.

So this brings me to the conflict. DD is our only child, and we have never called her by her name. In the beginning we called her "the baby" which morphed into "Baby" and that morphed into "Bubbe," which is Yiddish for Grandma which is who she is named for (my grandmother.) Now Bubbe is all we ever call her. We hardly ever use her name. She responds to "Bubbe" as if it is her name. DH is worried she will never feel comfortable with her own name and will insist on being called by this childhood nickname (that no one but us can pronounce. It always comes out "Boobie," which will never do.)

IRL, we know two people who kept their childhood nick names into their elementary school and adult lives. One is "Boo" and one is "Fluffy." And yes, they are people, not animals. And no, I am not making it up.

DH wants to start using DD's name. But it just doesn't feel right to me. To me, she is Bubbe. (Btw, we never called my grandma that, so I do not have that association.) So what do you think? Should I force myself to get over it and use her name or can I keep calling her Bubbe with the confidence that she will not go to school that way, which is what DH is afraid of.

[niccig]

You could try using both, rather than only one, which sounds like it doesn't feel right to you.

I call DS by his name, and by several other - munchkin is the main one.
DH also uses DS's name and Buddy. Buddy got used so much, that DS has 10 imaginary friends, called the Buddies.

[s7714]

I wouldn't be worried about her going off to school only answering to the nickname, but I would start using her given name on a regular basis so she knows what it is. IMO it's important for kids to recognize their own name.

I know a guy in his late 70s who has always gone by the nickname Babe and only uses his real name on important legal things. His brother (who wasn't much older than him) called him that one day during an emergency because he couldn't say his brother's real name and it just stuck with everyone. I think many people just assume it's his given name.

[Mommy Of A Little Angel]

Well we have called DD baby from birth. When she was around your DD's age, she called herself baby. If you asked her her name, that's all she would say. Honestly though, she has a long first name so I knew it was way too hard for her to say. I didn't worry about it too much, she figured out her name around 2 (could actually say it) and she knows herself as it. Now with another on the way, we really need to cut back on calling her baby, but it's so hard! I wouldn't worry about it too much. She probably won't call herself baby forever!

[wellyes]

Personally, I'd stick with Bubbe and not even worry about school. It may change on its own, the way babies go from saying 'mama' to saying 'mommy' to saying 'mom'. Or, if it doesn't, would it be so awful for her to go by Bubbe? I think it's so sweet how you wrote "to me, she is Bubbe". I kind of love the idea of a little girl named Bubbe starting out in school. I think you should follow your instinct on this one.

[MamaMolly]

DD's nickname is Bunny and at around 17 months we realized that she responded to Bunny but not her name. We made an effort to use her name more, and now (26 mos) even she uses it.

And FWIW she recently started calling me 'honey'. Like when I'm upstairs she'll walk around downstairs calling 'honey? waaa are ooooo? Honey?' Wonder where she got that ;)

[elektra]

One of DH's brothers is "Scooter" and his real name sounds nothing like that. The rest of the 5 kids go by their given names, and two of the siblings even have longer names that usually get shortened but in the family they use the full name.
So Scooter is Scooter to everyone in the family. It's like that's just his name. But at work, school etc. he just goes by his given name. I'm sure he had to do some explaining to friends when his whole family was calling him Scooter, but it somehow works.
I would say stick with calling your DD what feels right, and worry about the rest later. By the time she is in school, she will know the difference between her nickname and given name and I don't think it will be a big deal to again go with whatever feels right at that point too.

[ha98ed14]

Thanks all for the replies and reassurance. I read them to DH and he feels more confident that she won't go to school that way.

ETA: Ceepa said its all relative and she is right. Now that I think better of it, I shouldn't have posted a link to an article that some may find offensive.

[amldaley]

DD's nickname is Bunny and at around 17 months we realized that she responded to Bunny but not her name. We made an effort to use her name more, and now (26 mos) even she uses it.

And FWIW she recently started calling me 'honey'. Like when I'm upstairs she'll walk around downstairs calling 'honey? waaa are ooooo? Honey?' Wonder where she got that ;)


Is that what your DH calls you? b/c my GF's dd called her Lisa in the beginning b/c that is how her DH addressed her, they never called each other Mommy and Daddy.

[amldaley]

You could try using both, rather than only one, which sounds like it doesn't feel right to you.

I call DS by his name, and by several other - munchkin is the main one.
DH also uses DS's name and Buddy. Buddy got used so much, that DS has 10 imaginary friends, called the Buddies.

:yeahthat:

[Ceepa]

Thanks all for the replies and reassurance. I read them to DH and he feels more confident that she won't go to school that way. In an effort to show him it could be worse, I googled "crazy given names" and found this BBC article. We both laughed at the idea of people naming their kids, using Bong Bong, Bogi and Hitler as given first names. Here's the link:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/from_our_own_correspondent/4609892.stm

Filipino names are a cultural phenomenon there; it's all relative.

[octmom]

When I was a kid, there was a girl on my swin team called "Puppy." Not her given name but that's what everyone called her. IIRC, she was in her early teens at the time. (I was younger, so I don't remember exactly how old she was.) Just saying that sometimes nicknames stick around a long, long time. I like the idea of using a mix of nickname and given name. My kids both get called lots of nicknames, but we also call them their real names.

[elephantmeg]

We called DS munchkin a ton and at about 1.5 realized that we needed to start calling him his name more. And now munchkin seems strange :(. I think I would introduce the real name too. I remember being called mostly my name but also pru'in (whatcha doing pru'in). My dad still calls me that sometimes :) And I call my kids that too. With DD we are much better at just calling her her name.

[pinkmomagain]

Haven't read through all the posts, so sorry if this is a repeat, but you may want to consider using her nickname in the house, but outside of the home, using her given name. I have 2 preteen daughters so I'm just thinking ahead....