WWYD-Party Invite by Flirty Mom

[rachelh]

So this is one of those WWYD in this situation. Theres a lot of history here but I will be as concise as possible.

Basically DH and I got an invite to a bat mitzvah party for a "friends" kid. Friend is in quotes because I don't really have much to do with this couple - they invite us over to dinner at there house on the weekends about every few months and they are very sweet

BUT

1) The woman is very flirty with DH. She will drink wine when we are there and get all tipsy and want to sing songs with DH and just do things that I think are not so appropriate - just the way she bats her eyelashes, giggles with him, and talks to him is flirty. Oh, and DH works from home (she knows that) and the other day I happened to be working at home as well (she was unaware of that) and she hand delivered the invitation to DH instead of sending thru the mail which I thought was weird.

2) The woman is always doing the inviting and she calls DH on his cell to invite us which I hate. She never calls me (honestly I am fine with her not calling me but don't call DH.)

3) So basically this woman and her circle of friends are much different than me which is fine but I always just feel odd being in their company. I basically dress very modestly while they will go around with skin tight jeans, cleavage showing, and midriffs showing. It makes me feel very uncomfortable as I always feel like I don't belong.

Although DH and I have not discussed the bat mitzvah yet, we have discussed previously that we should try to politely decline invites to their house. So...knowing all that but also knowing that this couple considers us (probably more DH) good friends of theirs and would be insulted if we don't go, what should I do?

Help!

Rachel

[ha98ed14]

Send a small gift and congratulations to the young lady and don't go. Or just go to the service but not to the reception. Your DD is no where near the same age, so they are not classmates. Even if they are family friends, you have a young child, so that is reason enough to skip the party. Really, why put yourself and DH in a place where this woman will have more access to alcohol and your DH? I'm sorry you're going through this. At least your DH agrees with you. Thank G-d for good DHs :).

[bubbaray]

Send a small gift and congratulations to the young lady and don't go. Or just go to the service but not to the reception. Your DD is no where near the same age, so they are not classmates. Even if they are family friends, you have a young child, so that is reason enough to skip the party. Really, why put yourself and DH in a place where this woman will have more access to alcohol and your DH? I'm sorry you're going through this. At least your DH agrees with you. Thank G-d for good DHs :).

:yeahthat:

Ugh, what is WRONG with some people? Seriously, I just don't get that kind of behavior.... Sorry you are dealing with this.

[MamaMolly]

Honestly Rachel, I think you should listen to your heart. This is clearly a family (woman) you are not comfortable with and I think you have very valid reasons to feel that way. You are smart to limit how much you have to see them.

I haven't been to a bat mitzvah but I imagine that the Mom would be very busy with all the guests, which would take the pressure to socialize with her personally down a notch or two. I would be more inclined to go to an event like this than to go for dinner, KWIM?

So I guess I'd advise you to whip out your miracle bra ;) paint on your britches and make a night of it. But I wouldn't go back to her house for dinner...and I'd keep my eye on her...

[MMMommy]

Trust your instincts. If something doesn't feel right (namely, her intentions), then something isn't right. Politely decline (you have a prior engagement) and minimize contact whenever possible.

[KpbS]

YUK! Don't go. Forget the party and forget them as "friends." She has ulterior motives. Period. End of story.

[Fairy]

I am very friendly with both genders of our couple friends. I'm more friends with the females, no doubt, but I can totally see myself calling the husband instead of the wife, simply cuz my DH does very little of the calling, that's more me. I'm the chatty one :-). Is it possible that she just is kinda ... friendly and outgoing? Eh, either way, you're uncomfy and don' really wanna be friends with them, so that's valid for whatever reason. I agree that you should just have a previous commitment and not be able to go, but send a gift and your very best. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. I didn't go to my best friends' son's bris cuz I had a real live commitment I couldn't get out of. They happen. Don't feel bad for not going; if you don't feel right about it, then there is no requirement that you go.

[niccig]

I'm in the No, don't go if you don't want to camp.

Re. her behaviour - some women need male attention to feel good about themselves. My sister is like this. So, this could also be this lady's intention, to get flattering attention from a male, especially if she's not getting attention from her husband.

But, if her behaviour makes you or DH uncomfortable, then cut down on time together. It doesn't sound like either she or her DH are close friends, you don't have to spend time together.

[citymama]

I'm absolutely in the No, don't feel obligated to go, trust your instincts camp! And I am sorry you are dealing with it. I hope your DH feels the same way and agrees that her behavior is inappropriate!

Just curious - any idea if she is like this with men in general, or is it just your DH? If the latter, hmm, I'd suggest a conversation with your DH soon about staying far away from her!

[niccig]

Just curious - any idea if she is like this with men in general, or is it just your DH? If the latter, hmm, I'd suggest a conversation with your DH soon about staying far away from her!

Good Point.

[irie i]

I gotta agree with most of the others...don't go. To be honest if it were me I would also completely nix them out of our lives. There are plenty of lovely people in this world...you don't need her. Don't worry about hurting her feelings...she isn't considering yours when she is flirtatious with your husband or stops by unannounced knowing you aren't home. She makes you feel uncomfortable and you should trust your instincts. Even your husband agrees that you both should start declining invitations to this couple's home so obviously it is making him feel uncomfortable, too, whether it be because of your feelings or his own. She sounds like a total creep.

[maestramommy]

Yuck. I'd declin.

[happymomma]

I also would decline. I think you should trust your instincts. Just send a gift with and decline the invite.

[KBecks]

Does she live in your immediate neighborhood? That would make hand delivering the invites OK, like saving the 0.42 and walking it over.

Midriffs showing? Eeewww!!!

It doesn't sound like a fun party. Agree that you should send a gift and be done with it. Or go for a very very short time and leave before the alcohol gets going.

Don't waste your time doing things that make you feel bad. Life is too short!

[specialp]

Trust your instincts. If something doesn't feel right (namely, her intentions), then something isn't right. Politely decline (you have a prior engagement) and minimize contact whenever possible.

Don't go. She has little or no respect for you or herself to behave that way. Wine or not.