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sste
12-12-2008, 03:46 PM
My DH and I are seriously on the edge about his chronic disorganization. I know many have this complaint about their spouse but you will have to trust me that this is VERY severe, especially given the hours he puts in at work. Our life is chaos and our marriage is suffering for it. I resent having to do everything, I mean everything that involves a paper, form, or appointment. DH does a great job with the baby, the dog, and cooking dinner but everything else turns into a nightmare -- miscopied tax forms, forgot the correct night of his own work holiday party, double-booking things, losing health care receipts, missing appointments, any one of these not a big deal. All together its very stressful.

We are at the point we are happy to hire any professional, therapist, coach, organizational expert who can help him. Any suggestions? Anyone ever heard of such a thing?

vludmilla
12-12-2008, 03:52 PM
I am leery of hiring someone because there are many people ready to take your money and not all of them can/will be helpful. Have you or he ever read any books on executive functioning or ADHD? I'm not trying to diagnose your DH but his experience sounds similar in some ways and so the interventions that work for someone with executive functioning deficits could also work for your husband even if he doesn't have ADHD.
I think I would try some books first before hiring someone.
Guare is the author of some really nice books on the topic. George McCloskey also writes some nice stuff and has a new book coming out but it might be too textbook-like, I'm not sure since I haven't read it.
You could even just try googling executive functioning deficits and start there.
Good luck!
-Victoria

niccig
12-12-2008, 04:16 PM
I know there's a professional organization for organizers - I sometimes watch NEAT on HTV and I'm fairly sure that lady has a professional membership with some organization. I would use someone like that. Also, DH's aunt is a Life Coach - I know she has a professional membership as well.

vludmilla
12-12-2008, 04:30 PM
The problem I have with these professional organizations is that anyone can create one and then start "certifying" people as coaches. The training for membership in such organizations is usually minimal. The associations and the training they offer are rarely associated with colleges and universities that are accreditated. They are also not regulated as licensed professions are so if you have a problem, you really have no redress. I guess I view these professional organizations as more interested in increasing membership through the payment of dues than ensuring that their members are actually qualified to perform the services they sell.

niccig
12-12-2008, 05:01 PM
The problem I have with these professional organizations is that anyone can create one and then start "certifying" people as coaches. The training for membership in such organizations is usually minimal. The associations and the training they offer are rarely associated with colleges and universities that are accreditated. They are also not regulated as licensed professions are so if you have a problem, you really have no redress. I guess I view these professional organizations as more interested in increasing membership through the payment of dues than ensuring that their members are actually qualified to perform the services they sell.


I agree with all of this, but it could give the PP a list of names, then she can call ask questions, get list of references etc. I would also ask around, talk to your doctor etc. Maybe a marriage therapist would be a good place to start to talk about issues and then find someone to help with the practical side of DH's organizational problems.

I know DH's aunt takes her work very seriously as a life coach and she always does courses for continuing education. My sister also saw a life coach in the UK. I'm not sure if this person was a licesned therapist or not, but she helped my sister figure out her work issues - had her do certain homework, had to report back etc. She gave guidance and kept her on track, and previous self-help options didn't help my sister at all.

WatchingThemGrow
12-12-2008, 05:11 PM
I'm the worst with papers, etc, but Google Calendar where DH and I (and MIL-- not for all people but we do) all can see one another's online calendars. It is GREAT!!!! DH pulls it up on the iPod Touch very easily. Same thing for his RememberTheMilk.com to do lists.

DH keeps one calendar for his work and one for his personal stuff. I have just one. MIL has just one, and we can see when she's babysitting to cover our OB/ped appts. DH can see when I have a haircut, etc.

We also keep info in Google Documents so it isn't lost- like our Contacts- for Christmas cards, birth announcements, etc. Before, it was a mess b/c I would rip off return addresses, stick them in a bag or a folder, never know where they were. Now, DH or I can enter them easily and toss the paper. Paper clutter is the worst, and some of us just aren't wired to deal with it. Going digital has really helped me tremendously.

Also...setting up notebooks customized to what I'm doing has helped a lot, although I'm bad about cleaning them out and reorganizing them. At least I *know* there is a place something should go into.

Wouldn't a regular professional organizer who has experience with clients' offices be able to help?

sste
12-12-2008, 05:33 PM
Thank you everyone for the great suggestions!!

Sadly, we started using google calendar only to find out that my husband is TOO FREAKING LAZY to check the times and enter the correct times for appointments and events. So, he will just write down whatever he thinks it *may* be or even a random time. This causes alot of chaos since we have a shared calendar.

We also have google docs but he usually won't check it - - I think I may try this remember the milk so I can firebomb his email.

As for the ADHD, I think its a possibility. Either that or he just doesn't care - - the only reason I question ADHD is that he has a job with tons life and death responsibility, endless details, and he does NOT flake out on the job.

Maybe I should have put this in the bitching post section . . .

niccig
12-12-2008, 05:43 PM
Thank you everyone for the great suggestions!!

Sadly, we started using google calendar only to find out that my husband is TOO FREAKING LAZY to check the times and enter the correct times for appointments and events. So, he will just write down whatever he thinks it *may* be or even a random time. This causes alot of chaos since we have a shared calendar.

We also have google docs but he usually won't check it - - I think I may try this remember the milk so I can firebomb his email.

As for the ADHD, I think its a possibility. Either that or he just doesn't care - - the only reason I question ADHD is that he has a job with tons life and death responsibility, endless details, and he does NOT flake out on the job.

Maybe I should have put this in the bitching post section . . .

You know, I'm thinking marriage/couples therapist might be a good idea. It sounds like your DH can stay on top of things if he CHOOSES. It might be that staying on top of work is so overwhelming, that when it's not work-related, he feels like he's off the clock and let things slide. A counsellor might help him see that he can't drop the ball when he's off work. It's a different ball, but it has to stay in the air.

vludmilla
12-12-2008, 07:36 PM
I want to reiterate that I am NOT diagnosing your DH with ADHD. There is no way I could do that online, nor would I want to. I will say, however, that managing a lot of details at work does not exclude one from an ADHD diagnosis. In fact, many people with ADHD become successful entrepreneurs. They need the "life and death" or the "it all hangs on me" motivation to keep themselves organized and on task. Individuals with ADHD are not incapable of being organized, it is just MUCH more difficult than it is for typical people without executive dysfunction.