Name claiming...

[LarsMal]

I've always thought staking your claim on a baby name is silly, but we have a lot of close family and friends who are expecting. I was actually thinking of keeping the baby's name a secret this time, but DH thinks we might need to tell people, just so no one else will use it! I just don't know...

My view is that we have her name picked out- we're set on it, shook on it last night (which, in DH's eyes is a binding contract!)- and if people ask we'll tell. I'm not going to go around broadcasting it now just so our pg friends/family know that's what we're using.

My good friend is expecting a girl as well. She and her DH haven't really discussed names, and I don't ask her about it much. She did ask me yesterday, and I just gave her the baby's initials. I figure if they come up with a name with the same letter, she'll ask me, and we can talk about it then.

What do you think about claiming names?

[Emmas Mom]

Do you think you would still use her name if you found out someone close to you was going to also?

[Ceepa]

We have friends who wanted to use the same name as our DS but joked that we "had already taken it" so they used it as a middle instead. And to tell the truth, I was relieved they didn't use it as a first name.

You have to weigh whether it's more important to you to surprise everyone with the name at birth against any angst you would feel if your friend's DD had the same name.

[LarsMal]

Do you think you would still use her name if you found out someone close to you was going to also?

Not only do we like the name, but we had casually brought up a list of names with DS a couple weeks ago. Of all the names we listed, he latched on to this name and hasn't let go. Even before we knew if the baby was a boy or girl he was using the name.

So...maybe we do have to tell. I'll just have to find a way to do it tactfully so it doesn't sound like we are telling people, "It's ours- don't even think about using it!"

[caheinz]

As long as there's an actual baby growing who has been given the name (you're bound to use it, even if only in your mind, between now and her arrival), I don't see a problem with it.

Of course, there are the downsides to telling "early" -- some people see it as an opening to negotiations.

But I would consider "claiming" to be when you start telling people your not-yet-conceived child's name. You're just naming!

[tarabenet]

Don't think of it as "claiming". Think of it as heading off potential fueds. Maybe you aren't to worried about someone else using the name you like, but what if they are the possessive type? Wouldn't hurt to plant the idea that i will bye your child's name!

[elektra]

For DD, we didn't tell anyone before hand because I didn't want everyone's feedback on how they hated that name or whatever.
But in your case, since your DS is already calling the baby that and you've pretty much made up your mind, I think you gotta just tell. And even then you can't really "claim" it because people have the right to name their kid whatever they want (although didn't I read here that there is some approval process in Canada actually?). But I think people would be less likely to name their child something that they know someone else is already planning on naming them.
And for me, if I have a boy, I am considering a family name of DH's. DH and I haven't even discussed it but I may want to announce it since there are 4 cousins (including me) that are pregnant right now in the family and I feel like announcing my intentions may be the closest thing to "claiming" that I could do.

[sidmand]

Yeah, if you're set on the name for sure, I think I would tell people.

We had finally (after much much much) negotiation, settled on a name for DS...Jacob (FWIW, we didn't know anyone IRL with the name Jacob, didn't find out until later that it was the #1 name on the SS list!). DS was due in June, DH had a cousin due in late February. DH's cousin didn't have a name for the baby when he was born. His aunt said they were deciding between Jonas and something I don't remember. Great, sounds good. A week later they said, we'd like to introduce "Jacob Evan."

Argh. I told DH I didn't care and he could name DS whatever he wanted at that point (my first pregnancy-induced hysteria! :))

So, now DS is Sawyer instead. And I can't imagine him being Jacob. But if we had our heart set on it (which we did at the time though), I don't know. I couldn't do 1st cousins with the same name! Although if someone married into the family they might have the same name.

And FWIW my niece is Autumn Bliss. We were told ahead of time and everyone said it sounded like a feminine product (Summer's Eve, Autumn Bliss....). I don't think anyone said that to the parents though. And now she couldn't be anything else. I think many people wait until there's a baby attached to the name because once they're born, no one would dare say anything and the baby becomes that person. But when they're not born yet it's considered fair game.

A long way to say though, I would "stake a claim" to a name you love and can't imagine anything else working.

[katydid1971]

OK I'm asking, What's the name? With all of my pregnancies we told as soon as we had agreed on a name. Plus since we sais the baby "will be named..." not "might be named..." no one ever said anything negative. I think when you say your considering... people feel its an invitation to give their opinion but when you say you decided on... people just tell you how much they love that name (even if they don't).

[clc053103]

My friend announced her baby's name, and her cousin later announced that their baby (due within a month of each other) was getting the same name because "it's the only name they like". In that case I would be furious- cousins with the same name is a bit much! But I don't think I would care if a friend chose the same name. I would be flattered.

[maylips]

Are you due before your friends/family? If so, you win by having the baby first. But either way, unless you tell them first, you may not be able to stake a "claim." -- some people may feel that they've wanted to name their baby that FOREVER and you stole it from them, KWIM?

That is awkward. We leaned toward one particular name during my first pregnancy but never decided on it until after she was born. I would have been really disappointed, though, if people I knew had named their girl the same name. It would have just felt like I was stealing it, although I had loved this name for years.

Can you tell us the name?

[JTsMom]

As long as there's an actual baby growing who has been given the name (you're bound to use it, even if only in your mind, between now and her arrival), I don't see a problem with it.

Of course, there are the downsides to telling "early" -- some people see it as an opening to negotiations.

But I would consider "claiming" to be when you start telling people your not-yet-conceived child's name. You're just naming!

:yeahthat:

I think it's really smart to keep the baby's name kind of quiet when you can though. I was very annoyed by some of the cracks we got when we were still kicking around names. Even though we stuck with Jason, I'm still kind of peeved at some of the things people said. There's not a name out there that will please everyone, so I don't know why people insist on making comments. Just say, "Oh how nice!" and move on.

Sorry, I know tat's not specifically what you were talking about- just venting. LOL

[Melaine]

If you choose to share her name, I would say: "Her name is _____" or even "_________is due in 1 month". That leaves no room for criticism and definitely stakes a claim.

[MMMommy]

As Jack McFarlane said on "Will and Grace," STAKE IT!

I would casually let people know the name. You can just let it flow naturally into a conversation.

[saschalicks]

We told people the name w/the boys and got a lot of "comments" w/DS2. After that experience we have chosen very carefully who knows the name of this baby. Yes she is named and all, but my family is #1 not to know the name until she's here. I have told co-workers b/c they aren't going to tell my family.

If you are concerned that it's a name that could be taken I would say it out loud so no one else names their child that name. However, if you don't care whether there are other kids w/the same name, then I wouldn't worry about it too much.

FWIW, I slipped up in front of one of my cousin's and my best friend so they know her name.

[Emmas Mom]

Not only do we like the name, but we had casually brought up a list of names with DS a couple weeks ago. Of all the names we listed, he latched on to this name and hasn't let go. Even before we knew if the baby was a boy or girl he was using the name.

So...maybe we do have to tell. I'll just have to find a way to do it tactfully so it doesn't sound like we are telling people, "It's ours- don't even think about using it!"

Then I would definitely bring it up. Maybe just in casual conversation or e-mail, just start using it...like you're telling everyone "that's her name people". Then there's no question. At least that way people will know you've "claimed" it.

[LarsMal]

Thanks everyone!

Just to answer some questions:
- I am due in the middle. The friend I was talking about is actually DH's cousin (I was friends with her before I met DH, so I always forget that she's DH's cousin, too!!) so she is BOTH friend and family! She is due in March. Another good friend is due before me, but not finding out the gender, and my SIL is due after me, and not finding out gender or sharing name ideas (which is smart b/c we learned that lesson the hard way when we were tossing around names for DS. We didn't end up using our #1 choice b/c of the nasty remarks my mom made!)
- I am 100% on board with the "Her name is______" and not "might be" approach. That's what we did with DD and never heard a negative thing! (Well, jokes about "Hey, Mallory" from Family Ties, but DH and I said that, too, so it was okay!)
- DH told his mom her name so I guess it doesn't matter now anyway. The whole world will know in about 24 hours! And, when I told my mom the possibilities, this was her favorite, she's even come up with nicknames, so I guess she'll be telling the whole world, too (even though she doesn't know it IS the name).

So...her name (only because someone asked) WILL be...


Charlotte Paige

[Ceepa]

Beautiful name!

(Shhh. I won't tell ;) )

[caheinz]

Gorgeous name! Love it!

[AngelaS]

We never told the girls' names before they were born. I knew my sisters would be snarky and I was right. :P I gave my oldest my mom and grandma's middle name as her middle name and my sister, who wasn't even pregnant, had a fit. Apparently it was the girl name she'd chosen and planned to shorten it to a nickname IF she ever had a girl.

Since I used it as a middle name for my dd, she felt I had stolen her name. Seriously. I thought that was a bit over the top and I never realized that she had claimed the name. She was pissed.

Oh and 11 years later--she's never had a girl. Much ado about nothin' if you ask me!

[ilfaith]

First off, I love your name choice. Charlotte Paige is beautiful. I certainly can't imagine any criticism if you were to reveal it to friends and family.

I'd probably just start refering to the baby by her name in order to let people know that you've selected Charlotte for her and it's your final decision.

I'm currently pregnant and we've barely started thinking about names. But last year my favorite girls' name was used by not one, but two friends for their daughters. From the time I was first pregnant with DS1, Caroline had been at the top of our list. Of course baby #1 turned out to be a boy, and so did Baby #2. Last February, friends of ours named their daughter Caroline and in October another set of friends named their daughter Caroline. Mom of Caroline 2 actually called mom of Caroline 1 to make sure she was okay with them using the name Caroline (she's an intellectual property lawyer, and obviously wanted to cover all her bases). We are all friends with one another, and while we live in different states now, we tend to all get together a couple of times a year.

So now we're expecting, and I would love to use my beloved Caroline if this baby turns out to be a girl. But I can't imagine having three Carolines in our little social circle. So we are back to the drawing board.

[tarahsolazy]

I think you name your kid whatever you want, and let others do the same. However, if you would be concerned if others you know pick the same name, telling them the name in advance is a great idea. That way at least they'll know that both cousins or friends will have the same name or whatever.

We never told in advance, but we didn't know the baby's sex before birth, so that was an easy excuse. I didn't want to have to hear all the Forrest Gump jokes the first time around, and the second, I didn't want to hear about how Berit was a weird name. Oddly enough, my mom, who I thought wouldn't like Berit, really liked the name.

[LarsMal]

So now we're expecting, and I would love to use my beloved Caroline if this baby turns out to be a girl. But I can't imagine having three Carolines in our little social circle. So we are back to the drawing board.

Oh, that's too bad! Caroline was one of our top names, too!!

[HIU8]

I have a cousin with my name and my sister has a cousin with her name. We rarely, if ever, see them so it's never been an issue. DS has the same name as DH's first cousin's son. They use a totally different nickname than we do though, so it's also never been an issue.