apology wwyd?

[salsah]

i was recently doing a search here and came across an old post of mine that i wrote in response to someone else's post. the person didn't appreciate my response and replied saying so. i felt bad that she took it the wrong way so i apologized and told her i didn't mean for it come across the way that she thought it did. at the time, i didn't really understand why she took it the way she did but now, rereading it, i immediately had the same reaction to my post that she did. so now i feel even worse and feel like i should apologize again. i don't know if it will make a difference to her, hopefully she has forgotten about it. but know that i understand how she felt, i think that i should explain what i meant in my post and why i really didn't mean it the way that it came across. actually, i feel like i should put out a general apology to anyone who i may have hurt with any my posts. obviously it is never my intention to hurt someone but sometimes when we are typing, we are in hurry and don't fully explain what we are saying, or the tone can come across wrong. i often start typing responses to people and then delete them for fear that they will misunderstand -- especially wen joking or using sarcasm that someone may not pick up since they can't see my facial expressions or hear the tone in my voice -- all they see are the words and how they read it or interpret it can be completely different from they way that i intended.

anyways, should i just let it go? should i apologize again?

tia

[Ceepa]

You already apologized? Let it go. Sounds like you'd be apologizing again more for yourself than for her anyway.

[misshollygolightly]

I agree with Ceepa. My feeling is that these kinds of miscommunications (esp. where tone, facial expression, etc. would be helpful) are just part and parcel of the whole online forum thing. One of the hazards of the format, if you will. So I try to just extend the benefit of the doubt to others when I'm not quite sure how to take their words, and I hope that others would do the same for me. Sounds like you've done all you can/need to!

ETA: I suppose if you sense that this incident has cast a shadow over your subsequent communications with the other party, a more thorough apology might be in order.

[gatorsmom]

i was recently doing a search here and came across an old post of mine that i wrote in response to someone else's post. the person didn't appreciate my response and replied saying so. i felt bad that she took it the wrong way so i apologized and told her i didn't mean for it come across the way that she thought it did. at the time, i didn't really understand why she took it the way she did but now, rereading it, i immediately had the same reaction to my post that she did. so now i feel even worse and feel like i should apologize again. i don't know if it will make a difference to her, hopefully she has forgotten about it. but know that i understand how she felt, i think that i should explain what i meant in my post and why i really didn't mean it the way that it came across. actually, i feel like i should put out a general apology to anyone who i may have hurt with any my posts. obviously it is never my intention to hurt someone but sometimes when we are typing, we are in hurry and don't fully explain what we are saying, or the tone can come across wrong. i often start typing responses to people and then delete them for fear that they will misunderstand -- especially wen joking or using sarcasm that someone may not pick up since they can't see my facial expressions or hear the tone in my voice -- all they see are the words and how they read it or interpret it can be completely different from they way that i intended.


tia

You could almost cut and paste this entire post into a private message to her. I dunno, I know that it's en vogue these days to let things go but I don't think it ever hurts to let someone know you were thinking of them and feel bad. I honestly think there is not enough shame in the world these days. Not enough people are willing to admit their guilt for things they've done. A small apology can work wonders. It would be a nice gesture. jmho.

[JustMe]

Well, I think another apology couldn't hurt and could only help. I do agree that its good to be able to let things go, realize that e-mail/posts are very imperfect in how they communicate what we need, etc. However, I think it would come across as really heartfelt (b/c it would be) of you if you offered a 2nd apology. I don't think it should be needed, but I do think it could only help. Personally, I had an IRL conflict with someone last year. She did apologize, but it was more of the sorry you were hurt, but I don't really know why type. I appreciate it, but always think I would love to know if she is ever able to see my side of the story more...

Anyway, good luck and kudos for thinking about others feelings so much.

[salsah]

thanks for the input. i'm still torn. 2 in favor of letting it go, 2 in favor of apologizing again -- i need tie breaker opinion.

[egoldber]

I think it never hurts to apologize again. I have done this, when I realized in retrospect that something I said was hurtful. Just letting the person know that you feel badly and can now better understand their point of view is never a bad thing. I wouldn't try to explain too much though, because otherwise it could just stir things up again KWIM?

And I definitely know what you mean. I've come across things I wrote ages ago and just cringed. I thought "Wow what a b*tch!" and then realized it was me. :ROTFLMAO:

[mommy111]

I don't think there's any harm in apologizing, I know sometimes things people say rankle way beyond what the OP meant them to esp on a board where people are interpreting what you wrote without knowing you or seeing your expressions.....so no harm in apologizing and you may make someone's day better.