RSVP question

[bnme]

Today is the RSVP date for DS's 6th birthday party which is at an indoor play place this Friday. 5 of the 13 kids invited still have not RSVped. They are all classmates so people I don't really know. I know I have 8 people coming and I pay for a minimum of 10. They charge the rest that day.

Would you call if you didn't get a response in this case? If you call, what exactly would you say? I am one of those people that HATE making phone calls in an slighly phobic way (weird, I know)

The other issue is that invites were given out at school so there is a slight chance they did not make it home (I've only heard from 2 classmates). Our school has a system where the teachers put everything in folders for parents. When she said she'd hand out invites I'd assumed it would be via the folders. Instead, she had DS pass them out.

Thanks for any advice!

[mytwosons]

We had a similar situation for my son's 5th bday party. I did email all the people who hadn't rsvp'd. I don't have exactly what I wrote, but it was something along the lines of "DS will be celebrating his birthday with a party at "place" on "date" and "time". He would love your child to join us. Please let me know if you'll be able to attend." I didn't want to make anyone feel bad about rsvping late, or ask if they had received the invite...I just wanted to know if they were coming. I am happy to report everyone responded.

I do think you should follow up with a call or email. From another perspective, it was months later that I found out DS missed one of his best friends parties; the mom thought my failure to rsvp meant we couldn't make it. However, the invite never made it home from school. :-(

[SnuggleBuggles]

I would call or email tomorrow. I'd just say, "Hi, we are trying to get a final head count for ds's party this Friday and wanted to know if X will be joining us."

Beth

[deannanb]

Is it possible that some of the families are out of town for the holidays?

I would either call or email - and say something like -
I just wanted to make sure that x got the invitation for DS's birthday and to see if x could make it. Here is the information again in case the invitation got lost.

[let73]

AHHH. I feel your pain! We are having a 3rd BDay party on Saturday. The party is at our community center which also has a play gym. I sent out invites through the mail and still haven't heard from some good friends. I need to know who is coming so I can start buying food and party favors. Very frustrating!!

I emailed one of my friends on Saturday and still haven't heard back from her. Also, I have a family member who hasn't responded. I will be calling them tonight. I would call if I were you so you can start your planning.... Hang in there. This is a stressful time of year to be planning parties!

Lisa

[bnme]

Thanks Beth and Deanna. I will be stealing one of those lines word for word. Short and to the point. I will wait until tomorrow to call. I wish I had the emails but don't.

I know it is a holiday week and figured some woud not make it because of that. A call would be nice though. I sent the invites out early because of the timing of school vacation and I'm sure some moms could've put it in a pile somewhere to deal with later and now it is forgotten.

It is stressful planning birthday's this time of year. One friend commented 'who would plan a party on a holiday weekend' -um, people with birthdays near the holidays! It's no wonder people with birthdays this time of year often feel slighted.

[thomma]

I am one of those people that HATE making phone calls in an slighly phobic way (weird, I know)

Thank you for writing this. This is me. I have this same phobia. It's gotten a little better since having kids and turning 40. So while I agree with pps in that you should follow up with a phonecall, I wanted to say good luck because I know it's not going to be easy for you. At least it wouldn't be for me. :)

good luck-
Kim
ds&dd 5/03

[Fairy]

Do not email; call. I know it's hard, but if you don't want a surprise guest, then call. Some people are awful with RSVP's and just ignore them and assume it's "regrets only," which annoys the hell outta me, as I do alot of inviting with real invitations and rely on RSVPs. If it's regrets only, it would be written that way! Anyhoo, you have some chocies here -->

* Call and be as sure as you can with the one on one communication (and leave a message if needed)

* Email and risk them not getting it, as not everyone reads their email every day or every week.

* Do nothing and risk the surprise guest. If this is an acceptable risk compared with having to call, then this is the right choice for you.

You want help, I'll call them for you. I'm great on the phone. No, really, PM me, I'll help you :-)

I think I jsut thought of a new poll.

-- Fairy

[bnme]

Thanks Kim & Fairy. There have been no calls yet today so I may take u up on it, Fairy!
;)

Hmm, no, I'd love to have you make the calls but I will break down and do it myself. I don't know why I am like that. But I causally know some of the parents form class parties, etc. They'd really think I'm strange if they figured out it wasn't me calling. As much as I hate making calls I still RSVP myself. I will sometimes pick a time I think the person won't be home.....

If a machine picks up do you think it makes sense to say '"Hi, we are trying to get a final head count for ds's party this Friday and wanted to know if X will be joining us. Please give us a call if you are coming".

Will non-RSVPers respond to that??

[Fairy]

I could just say I'm your friend helping finalize the party :-)

Here's what you say -->

FIRST
Hi, X, this is Donna, JT's mom. How are you? Good! Hey, I just wanted to find out for sure if Johny is coming to JT's birthday party? We need a specific headcount, and since I hadn't heard from you, I wanted to follow up in case the teacher missed your folder or you just hadn't had time over the holidays.

THEN, OPTION ONE
You are? Great! See you there.

OR OPTION TWO
You're not? So sorry you'll miss it, hopefully next time.

OR OPTION THREE
You're not sure? Well, we do need the headcount, do you think you're more of a probably yes or a probably no? Ok, well, then I'll count it as a no, I suppose, and if it turns out that you are definitely coming, please just call me and make sure i know so that we have enough food and godie bags!

LAST
Ok, thanks so much, and have a great day!

Hang up.

Smile when you talk, be upbeat, don't point fingers at their sucky RSVP skills. And you'll be fine. Then make sure you have two or three extra goodie bags just in case.

And next time, snail mail them, don't rely on the teachers to hand them out. Taht's what I do. If you don't get a list of addresses (I thought this was stanard, but maybe it's not), then the director may be willing to give you one.

[MMMommy]

We're in the same boat. DD1's "reply by date" has passed for her party, and we still have 10 kids who haven't responded. At this rate, there's nothing I can do about it, and I will just assume that they aren't coming. I don't know have their personal contact information, since they are preschool classmates of DD1. If you have their contact information (phone number or email), I would contact them to ask if they are coming. Otherwise, assume they are a "no show."

Grrrr. It just makes me so mad when that happens. And I left a reminder note after the RSVP date passed in their preschool file folders too!