no present birthday party advice

[neeleymartin]

we are invited to a party for a 2 yr old. here is the invite text:

A small request: It is our desire that this be a NO PRESENTS party. It’s not that we don’t think you give good presents (you do). It’s not that we don’t want to give your kids presents when their birthdays come around (we do). It’s not that we don’t want lulu to have presents (actually, that is it). It’s that lulu is still entirely overwhelmed by
Christmas presents. In fact, half of them are in boxes in the basement to be brought out at a later date and she still has so much she’s spinning in circles. Since we can’t stop the
grandparents from piling more on top of the heap for her birthday, we are hoping this party can just be about enjoying time with you and your families. PLEASE HELP US by coming with just your smiling faces! I know this is asking a lot (it would be hard for me to show up at a birthday party with no present), but can you do it for me? Thank you!

honestly, i love the idea of no presents for my child, but hard to go empty handed for me. i am really thinking about giving a small amount of money for future endeavors (college or etc).

my question, would you think that this would be okay? sounds really more like a "no more stuff" issue to me, by the sounds of it.

[ha98ed14]

Yes. Absolutely. I don't think the mom could have made her wishes any clearer. If I had made it this clear and you brought a "thing,", I would actually be annoyed, (but that is my pettiness talking). But I think $10 or $20 (whatever amount you would have spent on a gift) tucked in an envelope with a note :"For future fun or the college fund :)" would me MUCH appreciated. At least by me it would.

[egoldber]

i am really thinking about giving a small amount of money for future endeavors (college or etc).

Honestly, I wouldn't. Just go and have a good time. Seriously. :) Take a card.

[Ceepa]

I think the mom was crystal clear about nothing but smiles. Go and enjoy. :)

[marit]

Maybe you can do a donation to the local library on Lulu's name.

[khm]

Her message is pretty clear. I'd just go and enjoy yourself.

Even a card with money in it.... I'm not sure, what if they open them in front of other guests?

She really really sounds like she just wants people to come to the party.

Make it about her wishes, not your can't-go-empty-handed-hangup, just go gift-less!

[Melaine]

If it were me I would probably pick out one of the fun musical birthday cards. Kids love those, and I honestly am never willing to fork out the $4-$5 to pay for them for a typical party.

[JTsMom]

Honestly, I wouldn't. Just go and have a good time. Seriously. :) Take a card.
:yeahthat:

[neeleymartin]

If it were me I would probably pick out one of the fun musical birthday cards. Kids love those, and I honestly am never willing to fork out the $4-$5 to pay for them for a typical party.

thanks for all the advice. i am going to get a musical card.

[ahrimie]

I JUST went to a party that had a no-gift-please thing. I agonized over it for a long time but decided to just go. Personally, we got SOO many toys (and similar toys at that) for Christmas that I haven't even opened up all of them. If it came to the point where I put "no gifts" on an invite, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want gifts given.

I ended up not bringing a gift and instead, I invited the fam and their kids over for dinner and playdate on Friday. I feel like that's money better spent (though, it would be more than buying a small gift) and it's the company we get to enjoy.

[KBecks]

I would give a small-sized children's book. Maybe a board book? Who doesn't have room for a book? Just give it discreetly and I think they won't hate you for it.

[KBecks]

Oh, musical cards are LOTS of fun! Good call!

[awoodm]

I would have a hard time going empty handed also. I really liked the idea about the musical card, and would probably give a donation in the child's name. IMO, I think giving cash is too impersonal and might make them uncomfortable, but who could possibly argue with a donation?

Anna

[hollybloom24]

I totally understand too much "stuff," and I am considering a "no gift" party myself, if I do a birthday party this year.

My kids just went to a "no gift" party, and I felt like we were the only family who didn't bring a gift. The next day I asked the director of our preschool if there was a book she wished the school had - she gave me a few titles, and I bought a hardcover version of the book, and wrote on the inside, "In honor of Joey Smith's 3rd Birthday."

The director told the child's mom that we had done this. The mom was thrilled and told me it was the best gift ever.

You could do something like this and give the birthday child a card saying you were doing this...

[AnnieW625]

I personally believe that if no gifts is stated on any invitation that they really aren't needed or wanted so I won't bring a gift. It's only happened a handful of times, esp. when the kiddos were only 1 year old. I like the idea of bringing a card and adding a little book or cd of childrens' music though if you feel like you must bring something.

[kayte]

DD's birthday is Monday-- and we have always done the no present birthday party--because of the holidays being so close among the reasons.

As a host of such parties I really appreciate when people come empty handed (cards are great-- we have big felt mailbox and DD loves to put cards and letters in it!)

On occasion one or two guests bring a gift, a gift card, money in an envelope. It turns out awkward for them, me and the other guests.

One thing I never am stressed to see is some food for the party--so bring some drinks or a plate of homemade cookies if you feel the need to carry something in (I get that too!)

Just remembered that DD's godparents always bring flowers--there's another option!

[ccather]

Oh no! Not the singing cards! I *hate* those things! DD got two of them for her first brithday. She couldn't have cared any less about them, but her older siblings were thrilled! I, however, was not thrilled to have two children running throught the house for days with Dora singing happy birthday and the shrill sound of a musical version of happy birthday. At the same time.

God Bless Tylenol.

Mysteriously, those cards have disappeared.

[maestramommy]

Those battery operated cards are great! Dora got a Spider Man card from MIL. When you open it just says, "happy birthday super hero!" Followed by cheers. She LOVED it. Now Arwyn LOVES it. Then we went to a friend's 3yo party and he got a Lightning MacQueen card. It plays around 10 seconds of some rock music. Must be from the movie. Anyway, whenever we go visit the three of them have to take turns with the card because they just LOVE it. We're thinking of getting something like that for Arwyn on her 2nd birthday as a gift. Why not? Cheap (in absolute dollars) and we know she'll love it. :p

[egfmba]

...I bought a hardcover version of the book, and wrote on the inside, "In honor of Joey Smith's 3rd Birthday."...

I know a mom who does this every year. She has a birthday party for her twin boys and invites our boys and each year she asks everyone to donate a book to the school (our sons are autistic and go to a school that teaches only kids on the spectrum) for their birthdays. So there are a lot of books at the library "in honor of bo & bob's birthday." It's great!

eva

[sadie427]

Really, she couldn't have possibly made it any clearer. She really does not want you to bring a present! Not a gift card, not cash, not a book! Just go and have a great time!

[egoldber]

Really, she couldn't have possibly made it any clearer.

Exactly. She is practically BEGGING you not to bring anything, just to come and have a good time. She doesn't want a toy or a gift card or a book. Maybe she wants less stuff in general?

And it *is* possible to have too many books. We have FAR too many and honestly they have become a nuisance. I am trying to declutter my house and books are now the bane of my existence. We live in a city with an excellent library system and we finally actually using it! We go at least twice a week and get huge stacks.

If you do donate a book in his name to the school or whatever, then do it on your own, don't take it to the party.