Why do I bother?

[gatorsmom]

Grrr... Twice a week I make a nice, healthy meal from scratch for the family. This includes cutting up vegetables, mincing garlic, the whole shebang. I double the recipe so that we can eat it the next night for dinner too. I do this for our family's health and so that the kids can see that not all meals are frozen and come in a box. So tonight I cut up red and yellow peppers and some onions and sauteed them in olive oil. Then I served them with chicken breasts that I ran through some breadcrumbs and also sauteed. There was a yummy tomato sauce with it. DH liked it alot but the Cha Cha politely refused it and said he only wanted to eat a cheese stick for dinner. My usually delightfully easy, sweet and compliant Gator threw a screaming fit and clung to me crying that he hated that (he's never had it) and only wanted chicken nuggets. Which he had for lunch. And dinner last night. I had to drag him upstairs for a time out before I could sit and eat. and I could hear him screaming upstairs. While Cha Cha eats a cheese stick.

Why do I bother? I spent 2.5 hours in the kitchen cooking and cleaning up, feeding and cleaning up babies, dealing with interruptions. Why don't I just serve the boys chicken nuggets everytime so that there can be peace in the house? It certainly takes less time and it's all they really want. Why do I subject them and the rest of us to a healthy meal and the screaming and negotiating that inevitably follows?

so annoying. thanks for letting me vent.

[bubbaray]

I hear ya. Really, I do. I hate cooking and I REALLY hate cooking when I have 2 kids screaming that they hate my cooking. WTF? There are children starving in Africa you princesses, just eat it. Its edible, its even HEALTHY and, frankly, if I made it, you'd better eat it b/c, did I mention, MOMMY HATES COOKING.

Please, if there is any mercy, let at least one of them want to be a chef....

We don't do frozen/prepared foods very often (b/c of the allergy issue). But, I/DH cook ONE meal for the family. If they don't like it (and, that includes DH), they can have a cheese string/stick and/or yogurt -- or, as is DD#2's more common choice, NOTHING at all. She eats like a horse at daycare and eats nothing at home. DD#1 was like that too. I have 2 Chia Pets.

Except Chia Pets don't scream and wake up at 5am.

[gatorsmom]

I hear ya. Really, I do. I hate cooking and I REALLY hate cooking when I have 2 kids screaming that they hate my cooking. WTF? There are children starving in Africa you princesses, just eat it. Its edible, its even HEALTHY and, frankly, if I made it, you'd better eat it b/c, did I mention, MOMMY HATES COOKING.

Please, if there is any mercy, let at least one of them want to be a chef....

We don't do frozen/prepared foods very often (b/c of the allergy issue). But, I/DH cook ONE meal for the family. If they don't like it (and, that includes DH), they can have a cheese string/stick and/or yogurt -- or, as is DD#2's more common choice, NOTHING at all. She eats like a horse at daycare and eats nothing at home. DD#1 was like that too. I have 2 Chia Pets.

Except Chia Pets don't scream and wake up at 5am.

You are too funny. I hate cooking. Hate it. It would be different if I actually enjoyed all that. But I have to force myself to do it. It really stinks.

[cono0507]

I SOOO hear you. Every night when dinner is done, I sit back and wonder why I bother. Half the time DH thinks it "was ok" and my almost 4 yo DS never eats it. If I make a vegetable besides corn, I'm the only one eating it. My 17 month old DD eats nothing. I keep telling myself that if I keep on cooking good meals every night, eventually they will come around. But how long will this take? I mean, really, if it is just me I'm cooking for, I'll be happy with canned soup or a Lean Cuisine. This really is one my biggest frustrations lately.

[slworld]

Just wanted to say - I HATE, HATE, HATE to cook.

[nupe]

I hear you! I offer the main food to everyone. Sometimes *not* offering it to DS1 (who is 4yo) makes it more likely for him to try it! I also serve chicken nuggets as an alternative, esp given DS2 allergy issues, and the nuggs don't have the allergens and are chewable for the toothless!

[maestramommy]

I hear you on this. It's partly why the kids eat separately from me and Dh for dinner. Sometimes I make enough of OUR dinner for them. If they don't want it, more for us!

One thing I've kept telling myself when Dora (it's usually HER) doesn't want to eat what I just spent an hour cooking is, "it doesn't matter, I don't care, eat it or don't." I really try not to let it bother me, because I don't want her to think it matters to ME whether she wants to eat or not. Very hard, but I keep working on it :hug:

[happymomma]

I totally hear you. It is so hard when you spend hours on a food and then the kids say they want something that takes 10 minutes. It was worse when my DS was younger. I used to have to make 2 different meals (sometimes 3), one for the adults and one for the kids. I have to say that now at 5 1/2 years old and 3 years old, they are much better and I've been cooking one meal for dinner. Maybe this gives you some hope. It will get better.

[alexsmommy]

I actually enjoy cooking and my 6 y/o's antics have taken away some of my enjoyment. What drives me nuts is the fact that he starts campaigning not to eat the things he "doesn't like" before dinner is actually on the table and BEFORE HE'S TRIED IT! I really try to not even let him know what I am making because I do not want to listen to him pick it apart or hear "oh mom, why are you making that? Can I just have yogurt." Grrrr. I know I am more fortunate that some, he will eat chicken breast and salmon but really, why are you throwing a fit about "pasta in weird sauce". That was how he addressed the pasta in a white cheese sause when he saw it. Now if it is something that I know he won't really like, I will pull out some plain pasta for him and DS2 before I add it to the dish. So Saturday I did not expect him to eat the white clam sauce and pulled his out. But cheese sauce? C'mon. I will make some concessions, but not make a separate meal.
To make matters worse, my mother will make him a seperate meal the 3x week he eats there (babysitting). She and my father just don't want to listen to him during the meal which I understand and can't really ask them to do. I'm just waiting for DS2 to pick up on this though and go from my great eating baby to another picky, whiny mess. They are LUCKY TO HAVE FOOD. Deal little boys.

[g-mama]

Oh, I hear you on this. I enjoy cooking, but not when I have three boys who sit down at the table and complain that it is "disgusting" before they've even tried it. This burns me up and puts me in such a foul mood. Dh always says I take it too personally, but how can I not?

I feel like you do - they should be glad they have a mother who takes the time and effort to cook for them. I could heat up a can of Chef Boyardee every night and call it done. But then again, they would enjoy that. Sigh.

[Melaine]

I really really like cooking. But if it's not appreciated and the family refuses to eat it....TOTALLY kills the joy. Especially after taking SO much time....what a bummer.

[LarsMal]

I don't mind the actual cooking part, it's coming up with dinner ideas that I hate. Not only do we have allergy issues to deal with, but DH is a completely picky eater. He won't eat anything white and creamy- sour cream, cream cheese, mayo, etc.- and he doesn't eat salad dressing, so any of those easy salad or casserole type dinners are out (not that DS could eat those anyway). I don't eat beef, so I don't cook it for my family either.

I go out of my way to make a meal for the entire family- safe for DS and something DH will actually eat- and half the time the kids won't eat any of it, and DH will give me the, "Well, I'd eat it again if you made it." GAH!

I'm so over it. If my kids want yogurt or cereal for dinner, fine. I don't care anymore. Although, unlike Melinda- who thinks "I don't care" I have actually been saying, "You know what, I don't care. You don't want to eat, don't eat. I'm not making you anything else, so you either eat what I made or you get your own food." Probably not the best way to handle a 3 1/2 yo, but I'm so over everything right now, I just don't care anymore!!! (I sure hope it's just the pregnancy hormones b/c I really don't like this new me!)

[elektra]

I am really trying hard to cook stuff vs. getting take out or just heating up chicken nuggets. And I imagine that it's only going to get worse as DD gets older. But it can be so thankless! Last night I made a roast in the crockpot (big deal for me) and DD ate only a few bites, and was done. I did give her a piece of cheese but I didn't reach for the nuggets.
My mom on the other hand, who worked full time and was not only clueless in the kitchen but HATED cooking, would swing us through McDonald's or Wendy's at least 3 nights a week. I mean we were begging for it, she didn't want to cook anyway so she just gave in. It got even worse as my brother and I got into after school sports and were coming home late on weeknights.
I am really trying to avoid that as much as possible with my kids because I think it set up really bad eating habits for me later in life.
So you are doing them a big favor, even though it doesn't seem like it now!

[fivi2]

I don't mind the actual cooking part, it's coming up with dinner ideas that I hate. Not only do we have allergy issues to deal with, but DH is a completely picky eater. He won't eat anything white and creamy- sour cream, cream cheese, mayo, etc.- and he doesn't eat salad dressing, so any of those easy salad or casserole type dinners are out (not that DS could eat those anyway). I don't eat beef, so I don't cook it for my family either.

I go out of my way to make a meal for the entire family- safe for DS and something DH will actually eat- and half the time the kids won't eat any of it, and DH will give me the, "Well, I'd eat it again if you made it." GAH!




Your DH sounds like my DH! He is pickier than my toddlers. And I won't eat/cook red meat either. Makes for some tough meal planning.

I do what someone mentioned above. I make a plain pasta (or something boring) for the girls and DON'T offer them what dh and I are having. When they see us eating it, most of the time they ask to try it. They will usually eat it up - especially if we give them what is on our plate, not from the serving bowl. Then we reload our plates from the serving bowl. After a few times like this, we can usually get away with serving them this item directly. Doesn't always work, and they are only 3, but it usually works.

(sorry if you didn't want a suggestion)

[hellokitty]

Lisa, I feel your pain on this topic. Lately, I've been feeling horribly guilty about not cooking as healthy a meals as I usually do. I'm pregnant and have nausea all day long and have been vomiting too. My DH has had to take over a lot of the meal prep for me, b/c I just haven't been up to it. So, handling food is not my favorite thing right now. I decided yesterday to make a really nice meal, I even had to get ingredients that we don't normally use, so it took some planning ahead in order to do this meal. My DH and I really liked the dish, my kids would not even touch it! They said they didn't like it and they wouldn't even TRY it!!! They both chose to go to bed w/o dinner!?!? Of course, this morning they were starving and more than made up for it, but still. I was aggravated, b/c it took extra-special effort for me to make this meal considering the circumstances and my kids totally didn't appreciate it at all. They probably would have been happier if I just made them pb&j sandwiches...

[vejemom]

Boy, do I hear you Lisa. We went through hell with youngest stepson this summer. PRoblems with a permanent retainer and his sensitive gag reflex snowballed until he was subsisting on smoothies, peanut butter and bananas, and beef tacquitos. DSD and older DSS soon tired of all the mealtime drama (like spitting food out into napkins) and the attention he was getting from Mom and DH for it. At some point, I'd discovered that he would eat Steak-Ums. The rest of us love them, so they became my go to dinner when DSC were around. ONe night youngest DSS whined "Why do we aaaaalways have this?" BEfore I could speak, DSD and older DSS whirled on him and replied pretty much in unison, "BEcause you'll actually EAT IT!"

*Fortunately the problem was largely stress related and went away when life settled down a bit for him. He's now back to being the awesome kid that he normally is and eating us out of house and home!*

[american_mama]

I'm not sure if I should offer a suggestion, but for those who have picky DHs, can you ask them to say things that help support you in your cooking? Like "I see this really took a lot of time, thanks" (even if DH doens't like it, they can still say that) or "This is pretty good".

I say this because my father OFTEN said at the dinnertable when my siblings and I complained "Anything your mom makes is good." I am sure it helped that my dad really loves my mom's cooking. He is not prone to compliments, so the comment stood out even more. Even as a child, I always interpreted it as him expressing his love and support for my mom. Hearing that phrase throughout my childhood made me feel like my parents were a team and that is a very secure feeling for a kid (and hopefully, some balm to the soul of those moms who feel their kitchen efforts are so unappreciated.)