Why is DH even here??

[Tammy]

What's the point? I mean, he doesn't help, he sits on his butt all night and watches tv while I do every single thing. Lately bathtime is horrible and DD screams her head off, where he walks in and says something to try to calm her down, doesn't work and then back to the couch. And every night I put her to bed, which is becoming worse and worse cause she's having a hard time settling down and wants to sit in the rocking chair too long. So my whole entire night is gone and I'm worn out and don't get a darn minute to myself. Did I mention he got home early and sat on his butt watching tv while I fixed supper and DD ran around me?? Man- I know having DD takes up my time and most of the time I enjoy it, but I don't think it's too much to ask to get a break. I told DH ALL NIGHT I wanted him to put DD to bed cause I had things to do, and he just had to see something on tv and wouldn't miss it so he was going to put DD to bed late for that. I am so sick of everything being about him.
Okay- so I'm going on and on and I'm sure lots of people have it worse than me. But I'm sooo mad right now.

[elephantmeg]

ugh, that frustrates the daylights out of me too. Huge hugs!

[american_mama]

I've had so many nights like that. No advice, just commiseration. I sometimes comfort myself by telling myself they are the poorer for it, choosing the TV or websurfing or vegging out over interacting with their child.

For my DH, he is often at his worst when he is the most stressed at work.

[gatorsmom]

For my DH, he is often at his worst when he is the most stressed at work.

This was the case with my dad and my own DH. They would come home and just go into their mental cave. They just couldn't deal with more craziness or stress when they are stressed that bad. The economy is stressing many people right now. Do you think that could be the cause of it?

big hugs. That is so hard.

[bethie_73]

Big hugs! I agree to what the PP said, but I also wanted to say I hope you are feeling better too. Sometime you just need a place to post your vents so you know you are not alone.

I hope it gets better!!

[sarahsthreads]

I know it's the BP and if you don't want advice, feel free to skip the rest of this!

1. Get a DVR/Tivo/what have you. No more "but it's on now and I don't want to miss it!" excuses.
2. Make bathtime his job. But also, really make it his job. I made the mistake initially of trying to get DH to do it exactly the way I would, but then when I left him to his own devices he was much more willing to take on this task, and even enjoys it now.
3. Find a time (not right after bedtime, maybe during a nap on the weekend) to sit down (calmly!) with your DH and tell him that you understand that he needs a break at the end of his very long workday, because you also have a very long workday at home with your DD. Tell him that you're looking forward to spending some quality child-free time with him after your DD is asleep, but that you need his help when he gets home because you're too exhausted at the end of bedtime otherwise. He probably just doesn't quite get that being home all day with a 2 year old is just as taxing as an outside the home job where you can occasionally go to the bathroom. By yourself, even! :)

Good luck!
Sarah :)

[ray7694]

Agree with PP never give my DH the option of not doing bath. I would say bath or bed you pick and then go plop her on his lap and leave. Who cares what he does from there. I guarantee he won't be able to keep watching tv. You are enabling him by allowing him to not participate. I know easier said than done.

You deserve a break!

[neobunny]

Get a dvr/tivo. ESPECIALLY if uses that excuse often. He's a father & he needs to start acting like it. TV can wait.

[DrSally]

I think there should be a rule--DH's don't get to watch tv while DC's are awake! I never do it, don't know how they think they can. He should have specific tasks assigned to him. I know you tried. I don't think it's right to make a kid late for bed so he won't miss his show. DH has watched whole entire football games while I've been out running errands with DC's at home. How boring is that. I basically get mugged at the door b/c DS is so happy to see me. I don't even like having background tv on when kids are in the room. Oh, and the trying to make dinner while a toddler is running around you--you would think they would notice and engage the child. I think sometimes as long as they're not being virtually "yelled" at to do something, they'll just do what they want to. Then they complain about being "nagged"!

[Nooknookmom]

I geez, don't get me started on DH's right now! I've always said that up until the past few months I was a single parent. DH's view on my being home all day w/ DD is that he "works" and I don't so I get to do *everything*. (Never mind that I worked for many many years while we were married and worked 50-60 hours a week and was forced to put DD1 in daycare b/c DH was unwilling to further his education to obtain a better job.)

Dinnertime at my house is a nightmare, DD2 is squalling, pulling my pants down trying to climb up on me and DH is entranced in front of the TV. I swear he doesn't even hear the screaming! Bathtime??? He has NEVER bathed DD2, never. She used to hate it and screamed the whole time, what would he do? Go lay in the bed and watch TV.

Sorry, I have vented on your vent! Just know that you are NOT alone (that usually makes me feel better)!

No advice though, if I had some that would work, I would employ it as well ;)

I hope it gets better!