Would this bother you (MIL issue)

[cestkaren]

The other day we were visiting my PIL and my MIL put 4-month DS tummy down across her lap and asked him if he liked being on his stomach. DH and I said that he doesn't. We didn't do anything else, when DS started his protests, MIL brought him upright. I didn't think anything about it and DS got in some more tummy time.

Well, a few days later MIL came over to 'bring us some coupons' and while she was here she proceed to tell me that she mentioned to her sister (preschool teacher) that DS did not like tummy time and that her sister said that he needed to be on his stomach that day. MIL repeated this several times and I responded several times that we do put him on his tummy. MIL stated that she told her sister that I've read all the books and then started comparing DS to her other grandchild who supposedly rolled over all the time to sleep on her stomach at 4 or 5 months. Mind you, this was 9 years ago and I'm not really sure when she started babysitting my niece.

I feel that I got the 'not doing a very good job' jab and am pissed. Why would she say that I've read all the books instead of saying that I'm giving him tummy time? To top it off, I think my MIL thought she was being sly. BTW, I do give him tummy time, he just doesn't like it yet.

[C99]

I have YET to meet a baby who likes tummy time. IME, they will roll over onto their tummies when they are ready/want to. I never bothered with tummy time w/ DS2 and barely did it with DD and they were both crawling by 6 months.

My DH told my MIL upfront when I got pregnant that she was not to compare DS1 to our niece, who is 3 weeks older, or to her other grandchildren. So it's never really been an issue. It would probably bother me if my MIL repeated ad nauseum something that I had already responded to, but that is what nodding and smiling (or just not answering) are for. There are so many things in life to get upset over; IMO, getting upset over this one is just wasted energy.

[o_mom]

Just smile, nod and do whatever you want.

FWIW, I found that a boppy or a 'prop mat' with one of the little pillows worked better for tummy time at that age. Also, we did quite a bit of 'tummy time' with them laying on Daddy's chest while he was in the recliner.

[hillview]

Annoying but low level. I'd ignore it and talk about the weather. This happens a LOT with my parents, MIL, random people on the street. Eventually I think you sort of learn to ignore it.
/hillary

[KBecks]

Being compared sucks. I can understand your frustration with it. Perhaps you can say to MIL that you prefer not to be compared to other moms or kids, and that you are happy with how things are going and that everything is just fine. Maybe while acknowledging that comparing is a very natural thing to do, but of course all children and parents are a little different. :)

ETA: I would only mention it if your MIL becomes a habitual comparer. If this is the only offense, then drop it, but if she does it again, it might be good to try to nip it in the bud.

Good luck!

[hellokitty]

I'd be pissed. It sounds like your mil is being passive aggressive. For her to drag in her sister's, "expert" opinion to back up her own, is kind of a sneaky way of trying to give herself more authority about her opinion.

[mamicka]

My kids all loved tummy-time, FWIW.

OP - that would annoy me as well. I'd be simmering inside but I'd try to just use the "bean-dip" method.

[sste]

I am a strong believer in behavioral modification for these comments. If your MIL has this tummy time issue, tell her you are agree with her and that you want MIL to have at least one, preferably two 15-20 minute tummy time sessions with your DC every time MIL visits. You think tummy time is a fabulous idea and MIL is fabulous to help out! Then let her deal with your fussing, crying DC during tummy time and you are off the hook for tummy time that day . . .

Every time my mother says I need to work with our baby on this, teach him to hold his own bottle, not spoil him so much, I tell her these are all things she can work on when she visits him and DH and I are glad to have her help with it. This has reduced her comments over time, esp. when we have made her do the work!

[sarahsthreads]

I am a strong believer in behavioral modification for these comments. If your MIL has this tummy time issue, tell her you are agree with her and that you want MIL to have at least one, preferably two 15-20 minute tummy time sessions with your DC every time MIL visits. You think tummy time is a fabulous idea and MIL is fabulous to help out! Then let her deal with your fussing, crying DC during tummy time and you are off the hook for tummy time that day . . .

Every time my mother says I need to work with our baby on this, teach him to hold his own bottle, not spoil him so much, I tell her these are all things she can work on when she visits him and DH and I are glad to have her help with it. This has reduced her comments over time, esp. when we have made her do the work!
Oh, I absolutely *love* this! Luckily, my parents are relatively non-judgmental regarding my parenting decisions (the two major exceptions being extended RF/extended harnessing car seat stuff and solid food introduction) and my ILs live too far away to get under my skin too much, but I would totally use this approach in the OPs case.

Sarah :)

[egfmba]

Yes, because we all know that if a child doesn't get tummy time from birth on, he'll only lay there on his back until he's out of college. He'll have to be rolled to all his classes and just think how silly he'll look at graduation.

Really. How passive-aggressive of your MIL. Just let her know that you appreciate her concern for your child's development but you have a handle on it and are comfortable in your parenting decisions. This seems to be the root of her sly statements, and maybe addressing the root of the issue will help her feel more comfortable (because she knows you love your child as much as she does).

And yes, I know it's silly to have to prove to our MILs that we love our children as much as they do, but don'cha know that grandparents have already been parents so they know how to love more than we do. :rolleye0014:

Don't worry. When we're grandparents, we'll know how to love more than our kids do. ;) Or something.

eva

[gatorsmom]

I

Every time my mother says I need to work with our baby on this, teach him to hold his own bottle, not spoil him so much, I tell her these are all things she can work on when she visits him and DH and I are glad to have her help with it. This has reduced her comments over time, esp. when we have made her do the work!

I use this tactic too and it so successfully shuts people up. Last year my FIL commented out loud to no one in particular that my kids need their nails clipped. I was in the middle of doing something and really had my hands full while he was just sitting in a recliner watching TV. I handed him the clippers and said, "it would be wonderful if you could help with that. Thanks for noticing!" Of course he didn't clip their nails and he hasn't made complaints like that since.

[tmonroe]

I'd be pissed. It sounds like your mil is being passive aggressive. For her to drag in her sister's, "expert" opinion to back up her own, is kind of a sneaky way of trying to give herself more authority about her opinion.

ITA. Don't you just hate passive aggressive behavior?

[tmonroe]

I use this tactic too and it so successfully shuts people up. Last year my FIL commented out loud to no one in particular that my kids need their nails clipped. I was in the middle of doing something and really had my hands full while he was just sitting in a recliner watching TV. I handed him the clippers and said, "it would be wonderful if you could help with that. Thanks for noticing!" Of course he didn't clip their nails and he hasn't made complaints like that since.

I love it!

[DrSally]

I am a strong believer in behavioral modification for these comments. If your MIL has this tummy time issue, tell her you are agree with her and that you want MIL to have at least one, preferably two 15-20 minute tummy time sessions with your DC every time MIL visits. You think tummy time is a fabulous idea and MIL is fabulous to help out! Then let her deal with your fussing, crying DC during tummy time and you are off the hook for tummy time that day . . .

Every time my mother says I need to work with our baby on this, teach him to hold his own bottle, not spoil him so much, I tell her these are all things she can work on when she visits him and DH and I are glad to have her help with it. This has reduced her comments over time, esp. when we have made her do the work!

Genius!...........

[DrSally]

I use this tactic too and it so successfully shuts people up. Last year my FIL commented out loud to no one in particular that my kids need their nails clipped. I was in the middle of doing something and really had my hands full while he was just sitting in a recliner watching TV. I handed him the clippers and said, "it would be wonderful if you could help with that. Thanks for noticing!" Of course he didn't clip their nails and he hasn't made complaints like that since.


That's a great story! I will really have to remember this tactic.

[cestkaren]

Thanks for your comments. This is not the only thing my MIL has done that bugs me, just the latest and I was rather insulted. They live 3 blocks away and I've always made an effort to bring DC over to visit at least once a week. That is until this last bit of passive-aggressive behavior, now it is up to my husband to make the effort. Thanks!