Pregnancy Leave is not vacation (ETA on OP) …

[slworld]

Now that DS is 6 months old, I seem to be hearing a lot of comments about pregnancy/postpartum/parenting that are annoying/upsetting me (my recent post - Why do people think taking care of a baby means having fun?). I was in a meeting with 5 other guys and someone mentioned that a lady had gone on maternity leave and didn’t know when she would return. So they asked me how long I was on vacation (ahem … it’s not a vacation, it’s a leave) and I replied back 12 weeks. Everyone in the room gasped - kind of like “that long!” and made some “funny” comments about it. I really got upset. In my company you qualify for pregnancy leave starting 2 weeks before your due date, so I started my leave once I completed 38 weeks. DS was born a week after my due date – c-section. So I was off 3 weeks before and 8 weeks postpartum and I added another week from my vacation quota. The way everyone reacted made it look like I just went on a 3month holiday. Seriously, 12 weeks for pregnancy/delivery/postpartum is not a lot!! Wish I had a "back at you" remark for it.

Just had to vent.

ETA: I just wanted to clarify that my 12 weeks leave was partial pay (covered by Short Term Disability that I pay for every month like insurance). I guess I am fortunate that my company atleast provides for this but I am upset that most people seem to look upon this as a vacation and not a critical recovery period for the mom/baby.

[citymama]

ARGHHHH! I never had anyone say that to me, but definitely got that kind of attitude. Sorry you had to deal with it - must have been infuriating.

[trales]

Because being sleep deprived, woken up every two hours, changing diapers filled with human feces and being puked on is my idea of a vacation. In fact, if I could find a vacation deal with the above I would take it at any cost.

Remember, men think with that little bitty thing down below and often not with their real brains before speaking.

[egfmba]

:yeahthat:

Exactly. 'nuff said.

eva

[citymama]

You know, I've had women say snarky things too....not just a guy thing. "Oh, how cool that you get that much time off!" That kind of thing. People just don't get it till they've tried it. And if their partners are doing all the work, sometimes not even then.

[StantonHyde]

Again, "Are you trying to be rude or are you just stupid?"

I get all sorts of crap because I work part time. Well I do it because I can and because I really like working and this arrangement works for my company (I'm cheap!). Trrrrust me--"you full time working non parent (or Dad) would NOT want to trade places with me".

In fact, you could say what I do "Oh, I come to work to get a break. Do you know what it is like to get to pee by yourself???" That shuts em up.

[catroddick]

My boss currently thinks it's funny to make comments about how they'll be calling me while I'm out with questions about my work. He thought he was hilarious when he clarified which hospital I'll be "staying at" so they can reach me.
Perhaps get F***! out of my way right now so I can have everything done before I leave, then you won’t have questions!!
Um, I'm 35 weeks and pissed off as hell at you all. Do ya really think this is appropriate?

Yea- it was a rough day…..

[happymomma]

I totally agree. I think there is a perception among men and sometimes women that being home with your children is like being on vacation 24/7. I've had comments made to me by other moms that I'm so lucky that I can stay home. No wonder you look so fresh. I just want to tell them, yeah, I eat bom bom and watch tv all day while my kids are playing video games. Being a SAHM is just as hard as a working person but you don't get the appreciation. I think being a SAHM and a working mom are both hard. They are just different and I just wished that people would respect the differences and not make snide comments all the time.

[sste]

My workplace (academia) had a very lousy maternity leave and I advocated strenously for 12 weeks paid, which is pretty standard in my line of academia and also standard for women who work in private practice with my degree/qualifications. My boss/dean told me that "Maternity leave is not supposed to confer a bonus." After multiple rounds of escalating negotiation the best I could get was eight weeks paid . . . and I assure you that was not their initial offer.

I immediately sent out feelers at other institutions and had multiple offers to interview within a few months, all from places who gave a full semester (14 weeks) maternity leave. Needless to say my home institution heard I was interviewing and had a sudden change of heart and altered their maternity leave policy to a semester paid time off. I still don't think I will be staying if I receive a quality offer from another insitution - - it is really freaking offensive to be in the upper 10% in your workplace in terms of productivity and to hear comments about maternity leave being a vacation or bonus.

OP, I completely understand why you are upset.

[cvanbrunt]

My workplace (academia) had a very lousy maternity leave and I advocated strenously for 12 weeks paid, which is pretty standard in my line of academia and also standard for women who work in private practice with my degree/qualifications. My boss/dean told me that "Maternity leave is not supposed to confer a bonus." After multiple rounds of escalating negotiation the best I could get was eight weeks paid . . . and I assure you that was not their initial offer.

I immediately sent out feelers at other institutions and had multiple offers to interview within a few months, all from places who gave a full semester (14 weeks) maternity leave. Needless to say my home institution heard I was interviewing and had a sudden change of heart and altered their maternity leave policy to a semester paid time off. I still don't think I will be staying if I receive a quality offer from another insitution - - it is really freaking offensive to be in the upper 10% in your workplace in terms of productivity and to hear comments about maternity leave being a vacation or bonus.

OP, I completely understand why you are upset.

If you leave, you seriously need to rat out your dean to the board of trustees.

[mommylamb]

I think some of those type of comments come close to Title VII discrimination. I was lucky that my office was very supportive of me taking the time off. Of course, our maternity leave policy is crap, so mostly I was taking vacation or sick time during my 12 weeks at home. Those 12 weeks were hard, and way too short. It was really difficult to come back to work even though my work atmosphere was a good one.

[ThreeofUs]

Oh. My. Gosh.

I want and appreciate the time I am able to be a SAHM, but it was much easier to work imho. I was directing non-profits when I decided to stay home, so work wasn't a picnic - it was a 5a-9p battle for funding, board members, and "doing well while doing good". I would frequently be exhausted but I have NEVER been so tired as with my sons - not even in grad school, which required many all-nighters, especially when writing.

I'm afraid I wouldn't be so nice as other posters. I'd have probably come back with a sweetly nasty, 'oh, you are multitaskers, aren't you? So rude and so wrong at the same time - how to you manage?' GRRRRR.

[elektra]

My workplace (academia) had a very lousy maternity leave and I advocated strenously for 12 weeks paid, which is pretty standard in my line of academia and also standard for women who work in private practice with my degree/qualifications. My boss/dean told me that "Maternity leave is not supposed to confer a bonus." After multiple rounds of escalating negotiation the best I could get was eight weeks paid . . . and I assure you that was not their initial offer.

I immediately sent out feelers at other institutions and had multiple offers to interview within a few months, all from places who gave a full semester (14 weeks) maternity leave. Needless to say my home institution heard I was interviewing and had a sudden change of heart and altered their maternity leave policy to a semester paid time off. I still don't think I will be staying if I receive a quality offer from another insitution - - it is really freaking offensive to be in the upper 10% in your workplace in terms of productivity and to hear comments about maternity leave being a vacation or bonus.

OP, I completely understand why you are upset.

This sounds unbelievable frustrating and offensive as you said. I can't believe they were so harsh, and then how lame (but I guess good for you right now) that they came around once you were thinking about leaving. And good for you for looking for something else!

I never thought I was lucky with the leave I got (12 weeks, partial pay) but maybe I am!

[mimieliza]

Argh, this type of attitude makes me so MAD. Like our employers are doing us any favors by letting us take off 12 weeks UNPAID to create and nurture a new baby, when practically every other nation comparable to the US gets 6-12 months of partially PAID leave.

You know, I've gotten the worst attitude from other women, particularly women who had their babies in the 1980s (before FMLA). I had a boss BRAG to me about how she went back to work and put her son in full time daycare when he was FOUR WEEKS OLD! Fine, if that floats your boat, but don't try and paint yourself as somehow a better worker/more capable mother because you deny the basic biological fact that mothers need to spend time recovering from birth, and that newborns need their mamas.

[DrSally]

No, 12 weeks is not a lot, esp. when it's only 8 weeks postpartum. Do these people even have kids? I guess they're men, so to them it might be like a vacation.

[kijip]

This sort of attitude- that it's just a vacation is why we have such ridiculously few provisions/protections to provide or allow women to take leave after baby is born. Both men and women hold this idea.

[mom2224]

I'm in a battle to pick up enough hours to qualify for FMLA. I need 1250 hrs from the past 365 days (currently have 1100). I work weekends b/c no childcare available during the week. I even have the PTO to take 12 weeks of fully paid, using my PTO hours. So, without FMLA I am allowed 8 weeks off and must use PTO to have income. I would love to have 12 weeks, but might have to settle for 8. DH is going to stress a little with both kiddos every weekend!