Punishment for dirty words?

[dewfish]

My daughter is hung up on a phrase with a semi-bad word in it, and I'm not sure if the punishment I have given is causing her to say it more. I have been putting her in the corner when I hear it, but sometimes I wonder if she just says it to get my goat. Any ideas on punishments that work for a 2 year old? Or is it better just to ignore it? Your advice would be much appreciated. Thanks!

[overcome]

Well, my 3 year old recently started saying "dam* it" after overhearing me say it. At first I said "we shouldn't say that blah blah blah" Of course she still did (e.g "Dam* it, I forgot my sunglasses" after getting buckled in the carseat!). So I started saying, "You meant to say "Darn it!". That's what we should say."

It worked! Haven't heard Dam* it in awhile, but I have heard darn it.

GL!

PS Care to share the phrase your dd is using ? Curious minds want to know :-)

[vludmilla]

I think Overcome gave good advice but if that doesn't work I might try studiously ignoring it after you explain that you don't want her to use the word. If she seems like she's saying it to get your attention, she probably is. She might be seeing a reaction on your face and so if you can really ignore it for a little while it would probably go away.

[dewfish]

Well, my 3 year old recently started saying "dam* it" after overhearing me say it. At first I said "we shouldn't say that blah blah blah" Of course she still did (e.g "Dam* it, I forgot my sunglasses" after getting buckled in the carseat!). So I started saying, "You meant to say "Darn it!". That's what we should say."

It worked! Haven't heard Dam* it in awhile, but I have heard darn it.

GL!

PS Care to share the phrase your dd is using ? Curious minds want to know :-)

You guessed the phrase! She heard my husband say it to the dog. :irked: She repeated it back to the dog when he got in her way, which is just what my husband tells him. Now she uses it in all kinds of appropriate contexts. You can't let anything slip, or it comes back to haunt you!

Great advice, by the way. I will try it out and let you know what happens. Thanks!

[marit]

I don't think you can punish her if she heard it from you or DH. I would just ignore it and pray it goes away...

[brittone2]

Ignore and it will go away. By reacting, you are giving it more meaning than it really has to a 2 year old, kwim? She's just repeating. The reaction is what starts to make it really powerful.

There's a great book called Playful Parenting (by Cohen). One of his tips is to do something like this:
You: well you can say *that* word all you want. Just don't let me hear you say chickenfeathers, or there will be trouble (said playfully)!
DC: chickenfeathers!!
You: very dramatic mock horror at such a word as chickenfeathers :wink2:

We then end up repeating it..."well, fine, you can say chickenfeathers but don't let me hear you say monkeytoes!" and keep the game going. Pretty soon they forgot what they said in the first place.

It may take a few reminders but it is a good way of diffusing the power of an otherwise loaded word, kwim? You have to be all dramatic to get the best results :D It still usually works with my almost 5 year old, and I've been using it for a long time w/ him.

[dewfish]

Ignore and it will go away. By reacting, you are giving it more meaning than it really has to a 2 year old, kwim? She's just repeating. The reaction is what starts to make it really powerful.

There's a great book called Playful Parenting (by Cohen). One of his tips is to do something like this:
You: well you can say *that* word all you want. Just don't let me hear you say chickenfeathers, or there will be trouble (said playfully)!
DC: chickenfeathers!!
You: very dramatic mock horror at such a word as chickenfeathers :wink2:

We then end up repeating it..."well, fine, you can say chickenfeathers but don't let me hear you say monkeytoes!" and keep the game going. Pretty soon they forgot what they said in the first place.

It may take a few reminders but it is a good way of diffusing the power of an otherwise loaded word, kwim? You have to be all dramatic to get the best results :D It still usually works with my almost 5 year old, and I've been using it for a long time w/ him.

That sounds like a really neat book . . . I'll check it out. Thanks for the suggestion. I will definitely try it. I heard the word again last night and asked her if she meant to say darn it, which she agreed was what she meant. I'll keep trying, and hopefully we'll find something that works!

[DrSally]

DS has started saying "God!" when he gets frustrated, sometimes followed by "dammit". I had a discussion with him about those not being nice words, but otherwise, I try not to reinforce it with attention too much, KWIM? I also try to give him a replacement word, like "shucks!", so that he has an acceptable alternate behavior. I'm of the mindset that "punishment" doesn't really work (as opposed to reinforcing pos alternate behaviors and ignoring neg ones that arent' harmful.)

[Piglet]

I think it depends on the word, but we tell DS1 that "that is a grown-up word and you can use is it when you are a grown up". Other times when th potty talk gets a bit much, we tell the boys tht potty talk belongs in the potty and they are welcome to go there to talk that way but not anywhere else in the house. The key is that I never tell them that the words are "bad" words because I think it gives more heft to the words and makes them more enticing. So far those approaches have been working, but my DS1 is an angel child and DS2 likes to emulate big bro. One day these techniques might not work (I am totally picturing DD as the one that gives me a run for my sanity, LOL).

[pinkmomagain]

PS Care to share the phrase your dd is using ? Curious minds want to know :-)

My 3 yo screams: "Jesus Christ!" When frustrated. Ugggh! When we reprimand her she says it more, so I try to encourage DH & kids to ignore it. She said "Dammit" last night and my husband said "You mean darn it" and she repeated "darn it"...so I think that does work.