We have tried NCSS & Ferber No success!, 9mo still wakefull

[L+M=N]

Please help me. I am exhausted. I have no idea what to do now.
I have tried every process.

DS is robustly healthy almost 10MO. He was breast fed exclusively for nearly 6 months, he is not hungry, does not have reflux, He has mastered object permanence, is nurtured plenty during the day, is not cutting teeth when I start any of these processes, happy during the day, we have a great bedtime routine, white noise, a nightlight...

At 3.5 months DS went from waking 2-3 x/night to waking every hour.

DS slept in a sidecar arrangement until he started waking a lot. Then I moved the crib just a few feet away. Still waking often I put him in his own room. He slept longer stretches for a few nights. But then back to frequent waking.

At 5 months we tried Ferber. Night 1 DS cried 1.5 hr and slept for 4 hrs then cried for 2 hrs and slept 2 hrs, Night 2-5 DS cried 6 hr, night 6 I gave in and went back to nursing and trying to sleep some between wakings.

At 6.5 months We worked on No Cry Sleep Solution (NCSS) for a month before returning to just nursing and trying to sleep some between DS wakings every 40 min-2hr.

At 9.5 months at my wits end we tried Ferber again. Night 1 he cried for 1.5 hr. and slept 4 hours. When he woke I nursed him because he is used to eating every hour at night. Back in his crib awake and cried for only a few minutes. Woke at 4. I checked on him and he went back down after just a little fussing. Woke at 5 I nursed. Slept till 8. Night 2 & 3 similar. Night 4 I dropped the 5 am feeding. Night 5 I dropped the midnight feeding. more wakeful but I expected that. Night 6 even more wakeful and taking over 2 hrs to let go and fall asleep. Night 7 even worse. Night 8, last night. I nursed at 2:45 at third waking. He slept until 4. Took only a few minutes to go back down. Woke at 6 I nursed. Then went back down easily. Then awake at 7:30.

After my first experience with Ferber I was strongly opposed to it. I had resolved to accept, nurture and be patient and allow DS the time he needs to develop in his own time. I got to a point that I had no idea what to do so I tried it again. I thought it was the silver bullet on the first couple of nights, then well you see above. I have read many books and talked with his pediatrician. I am at a loss.

What do you do when Ferber does not work? Accept the sacrifice mommies sometimes have to make?

[Piglet]

First off, HUGS! I swear we would all have more babies if they were born sleepers.

A few thoughts:

1) No 9 month old needs to eat every hour at night. He is doing it for comfort not for nourishment. Plus, if he is actally being nourished, it will impact his eating during the day which makes things harder too.

2) Can you consiously decide that you will decrease the feedings by 1 feeding a night every few das? Give yourself a good one to start with (let's say 2 am). If he wakes up at 10:00, 12:00, 2:00 and 4:00, tell yourself that you wll b droppin 1 feeding and do not go in fr that one. Get DH do go in at that wake up. He can do whatever it takes but you are not going in. He can try offering water in a sippy cup or whtever he wants to do, but no food. After you get DS used to not eating at that time, THEN you can try to eliminate the waking all together (i.e sleep training).

3) If you really are at you wits end, call an expert. See if you have anyone locally that can help you, but if not, a lot of people have had success with the Sleep Lady (do a google serach). DH's co-worker asked his ped for a recommendation when they were trying to solve their son's sleep issues and it trned out we had someone in our city. The co-worker said it wa money well spent and he just regrets not having gone earlier!

Good luck!

[L+M=N]

1. Oh I know he does not need the nourishment. I know he is comfort nursing. I have also been trying to get him to eat & nurse more during the day in hopes that he will want less at night. He has actually been eating much less over the last week. He shuts his mouth and shakes his head from side to side. Really cute but really worries me.

2. I started right off sleep training this round but allowing 2 feeding (rather than every hour) the first night. I wonder if I now put back feedings am I sending mixed messages? Unfortunately Husband helps at his convenience. The deal was before DS came along is that all infancy tasks are mine. I was OK with this until very recently. DH is not consistent enough to rely on. It is me or noone right now. I do offer a sippy cup of water and even keep a cup in his crib along with a couple of pacifiers (which he has not used in over a month). He can drink from a cup unassisted but when he gets upset i have to hold his head in place and put it to his mouth before he realizes I am trying to get him to drink.

3. I will research and consider.

I just wonder if at a week of this crying stuff I am now beginning to erode his trust in the fact that I will always be there for him? how long can this go on before I do actually hurt him emotionally? it is important to note that DS has always been on the higher needs end of the spectrum, as were I and his dad as infants. Husbands mom just gave in to every whine and wimper (still does!) and my mom let me holler for hours on end. You can see the results of both in our personalities today. I do not want DS to have some of the detachment issues I have (nor the neediness issues husband has!).

How harmful is it to give up for a month or two and try again?

He was doing better until the 12 and 5 am feedings.

[firsttimemama]

I don't have any magic answers for you.. my DS, 14 mo, is not "a good sleeper", but our problem is mainly getting him down (not nightwaking) although he does wake to nurse, maybe 2-4 times a night (I don't fully wake up)

I have a friend whose child woke every hour to nurse. Around 14 or 15 mo her health was deteriorating and she nightweaned. She did this by turning babe over to daddy at nighttime. I honestly don't know if there is another way for you to accomplish that. It might be time to have a heart to heart with DH. I think she said it took a week at most.

For myself, cosleeping and nursing at night is what works for us. I don't want to CIO/Ferber etc.

I'm sorry your child is so high needs, I know that is exhausting. Hopefully it will lessen with time.

[wendibird22]

Trust your instincts mama and if you want to wait a bit and then try again later, there's nothing wrong with that. My 18mos DD still wakes once per night. I can recall back when she was your LOs age that she was usually waking at least 3x's a night. At that age there are so many milestones they are reaching...crawling, pulling up, verbalizing, cutting teeth, etc...that this can lead to increased night waking. About the time DD started walking at 12mos she started sleeping much much better. But like I said, she still wakes at least once between 7pm and 6am, but for me that is tolerable and DH and I have decided not to sleep train.

Do you have a guest bed you could lay down with your LO in when he wakes at night? This has worked for us. We put a toddler rail on one side of the guest bed and DH or I will put DD between us and the rail. She'll fall asleep quickly snuggled next to us, as do DH or I (we take turns getting her) most times, and once she's sound asleep we get up and put her back in her crib.

Another resource to consider is Dr Jay Gordon's method (http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp) for night weaning. He doesn't recommend trying it until a child is at least a year old, but you might find the techniques helpful in reducing the night waking. It is written from the perspective of co-sleeping but could be applied to crib sleeping as well.

[Lovingliv]

Welcome to the boards!
It is so hard to be tired with no end in sight....
Maybe you should renegotiate the deal you made with your DH....

Hope you get some rest soon!

[L+M=N]

Thanks for the support.

I am trying to re-negotiate. He is willing but when it comes to the moment that he needs to take action in the middle of the night he says. in a minute. in a minute. in a minute....

We tried cosleeping. We are all for it. I miss my little boy when he is in his own room but he sleeps better with some separation. When in my bed he pretty much insists on keeping my nipple in his mouth. A paci will not do!

I feel very wrong about using ferbers methods, especially after reading his book thoroughly but I turned to it in a state of sheer exhaustion.
It did actually improve our sleep. We went from waking very often to 3 or so times at night but I wake up hearing my son crying only to find the monitor registering nothing.

Ferber even says in his book that his method only fixes bad sleep associations and if the baby continues to cry after a week or if the crying gets worse after a few days then you should stop and assess the situation. That is our situation.

I am not looking for 8+ hours. 4-5 will do!!! I am in the middle of Wisebluth (healthy sleep habits, happy child). It is a heavy read. A lot of info to absorb. I have read: sears nighttime parenting, sears baby sleep book, sears fussy baby book, fleiss sweet dreams, pantley no cry sleep solution, most of james mckennas studies and a bunch of other miscleneous stuff.

I am seriously considering hiring a consultant. The sleep ladys prices on her products and phone time are pretty hefty. If I am going to shell out big buxx I will look for a one on one locally (if a knowledgeable talented person exists in my area!)