What kind of a friend are you????

[tmonroe]

This happened a few weeks ago but is still bothering me. My married friend came to NY to visit her ill grandmother. DH and I are not fond of overnight guests particularly since DD was born but she is a good friend, isn't high maintenance, etc. When she gets to our apartment she has a male friend (not her husband)with her. DH and I are very funny about people we don't know in our place pre DD and definitely after she was born. He has a bag with him too. After she introduces us she lets me know that "we're so happy you are letting us stay here." First off, she never mentioned bringing some guy with her, secondly we are also friends with her husband and most importantly, I don't know this man. Normally, I would have pulled her aside to say this to her but I'm not leaving some strange guy in my living room while DD plays in her playpen. I told her very firmly, "We? Christine (not her real name) you are welcome to stay here but your friend can't." She asked me why and I told her "I don't know him, where he's from or what he's about. My husband and I are also friends with your husband and I am not getting involved in whatever it is you have going on." She is clearly upset and says it's too late for them to find a hotel they can afford. I told her that is not my problem but they were both going to have to leave as it was time for me to put DD down for a nap and I needed to eat lunch. She tells me I am not much of a friend and is shocked that I am behaving so "irrationally" and if I am really her friend I should "trust her judgement" What she does with her husband is not my problem but I don't want to be invited into that kind of draam. After she left she calls me hours later on my cell phone to ask me not to say anything to her husband about the guy she brought with her. I told her I don't get involved in other peoples marriages but she never should have brought that man to my home. I am so mad at her. I put my phone on ignore whenever she calls. I have nothing to say to her at this point. DH is not interested in either. He hates that we both know more than we care to. How freaking irresponsible to bring some strange man to my home and expect us to provide shelter for him?:32::32:

[elektra]

she never should have brought that man to my home.

uh yeah
That is pretty unbelievable.

Wonder what she was thinking exactly?!

[Fairy]

If she's cheating on her husband, that's her business, and there are reasons for everything, who knows. But to bring him to your home? Unannounced? Insane. A real friend would have said, listen, I need to fess up, i'm having a thing, I'm having problems with DH, I whatever. At least then you'd have some kind of understanding of what's going on with her. What a real friend does not do is spring said fling on her unsuspecting friend expecting easy room and board for her booty call. Especially wtih a baby in the house. And even more especially considering the fact that you are not only strangers, but you have no inkling whatsoever until the dude shows up. Chutzpah, man. Unbelieveable.

[ThreeofUs]

wow. unbelievable. i think you did the right thing. i would have been shocked and upset for many of the same reasons.

[bubbaray]

ITA with the others -- that's really weird, shocking and unacceptable behavior on her part.

[mamaoftwins]

Whoa, seriously, whoa. Agreeing with others, you totally did the right thing. I would not take her calls either. Sorry this happened to you. :hug:

[sste]

You handled this so well! I would have been thinking that maybe there is some chance its a family friend/friend of grandmother, I wouldn't have figured out what to say, and would have embroiled myself in a huge marital mess!

I am impressed.

[maestramommy]

yuck.

Good for you for sticking firm!

[hellokitty]

Um, wow, your, "friend" is a real piece of work. Not only to pull a crummy stunt like THAT, but to also have the nerve to turn around and try to make you feel bad about it! WTH? Time to drop her off of your list! She just screams trouble.

[saschalicks]

I honestly have no idea how you could've handled that any better. Seriously! :bighand: She has a lot of nerve. The worst part is she called you a bad friend. As if you having a stranger stay in your home makes you a good friend. All marriage stuff aside she made a presumption that is just insane.

[MamaMolly]

I am so proud of you! You really handled that well. She, on the other hand is a mess and you need to back WAAAAAAAY off. You are already involved in her marital problems now thanks to that little stunt she pulled. Yuck, yuck, yuck. Time to find a new friend, she was just using you.

And YUCK!

[tmonroe]

If she's cheating on her husband, that's her business, and there are reasons for everything, who knows. But to bring him to your home? Unannounced? Insane. A real friend would have said, listen, I need to fess up, i'm having a thing, I'm having problems with DH, I whatever. At least then you'd have some kind of understanding of what's going on with her. What a real friend does not do is spring said fling on her unsuspecting friend expecting easy room and board for her booty call. Especially wtih a baby in the house. And even more especially considering the fact that you are not only strangers, but you have no inkling whatsoever until the dude shows up. Chutzpah, man. Unbelieveable.

ITA. I don't believe in messing around in other folks business but this was just crazy. The sad thing is she doesn't get why I'm upset.

[tmonroe]

I am so proud of you! You really handled that well. She, on the other hand is a mess and you need to back WAAAAAAAY off. You are already involved in her marital problems now thanks to that little stunt she pulled. Yuck, yuck, yuck. Time to find a new friend, she was just using you.

And YUCK!

Thanks MM and to everyone else for their replies. Thankfully she and her husband don't have kids yet so whatever their issue is, it won't effect any little ones.

[happymomma]

I think you did a good job of handling the situation. I wouldn't be comfortable with the situation but would have probably been too chicken to voice it. I have total respect for you that you were able to stand up for your convictions.

[elizabethkott]

Wow. Really. WOW.
You handled yourself and the situation BEE A UUUUUU TEEE FULLY.
Freakshow can go shack up at a place that rents by the hour. NOT your HOME.
And WTH is with the "you're acting irrationally" crap? Um... *you're* not the one showing up at someone's house with an unexpected 'gentleman caller'.

[MMMommy]

At first when I read the post, I almost assumed your friend was divorced and just newly dating, but realize now that she is presumably STILL with her husband. Regardless, it was inappropriate of her to bring a companion over without even asking. The fact that she is married and you are friends with her husband just makes it so much worse. Terrible of her. You handled the situation well, and your friend needs to realize that she is in the wrong here. I don't know what she was thinking.

[kransden]

:47:
I usually can see both sides of any issue. Bringing a booty call uninvited to your home really is beyond the pale. She's a mess -run!!!!!

[dcmom2b3]

Yikes! That crap wouldn't have flown in college (um, y'all can sleep in the common room, not here) but as adults? And you're the bad friend? Only way you could have been a bad friend would be to have e-mailed her husband the contact info for the city's top 10 divorce lawyers.

Anything less than that, she should be thankful. And silent.

[o_mom]

Wow. :eek: I agree with PPs that you handled it far better than I would have. I can't imagine what she was thinking you would do????

[tmonroe]

I think you did a good job of handling the situation. I wouldn't be comfortable with the situation but would have probably been too chicken to voice it. I have total respect for you that you were able to stand up for your convictions.

I blame this on DD. Before becoming pregnant, I'd let a heck of a lot of things slide but during and post pregnancy, I got a lot of courage. LOL

[infomama]

Proud of you for standing up to her. What a bizzare and difficult situation. I agree with pp...leave this "friend" in the past.

[Globetrotter]

You were a lot more composed than I would have been! I am mighty impressed with your response because you said exactly what I would have thought to say an hour after the fact!

What a nutcase, to involve you and expect you to go along without a fuss. TOTALLY inappropriate!!! What if your kid blurts it out to her dh?I mean, from that viewpoint alone, what the heck was she thinking???

[Tammy]

OMG! I'm shocked someone would feel comfortable doing that. I think it's great what you said, and she should never have put you in that position. And I wouldn't feel comfortable talking to her either.

[kozachka]

Your so called friend has put you and your DH in an uncomfortable situation. She was not thinking about you when she brought a companion along. So you were right to think about your interests and to boot him out. You were even nice enough to offer her a place to crash.

I can't believe the guy that your 'friend' brought over, went with the suggestion to stay at your place. And since when people don't get a hotel for these sort of occasions :shrug:? It would make me sick :sick: just thinking they did the 'dirty' on your bed and sheets. And try not to listen as to what's going on in their bedroom. Yuck...

Last but not least, how could this woman be even thinking of sleeping with someone while her grandma was so sick? Nutcase.