What is the deal with age 4?

[HIU8]

DS turned 4 in November. Suddenly he is obstinate (much more than usual); he talks back; he yells; he throws major temper tantrums. Please please tell me this gets better as he gets closer to 5. Anyone BTDT?

[brittone2]

Yep. Fun huh?

We homeschool, so I can't even blame it on learning it at preschool or anything LOL ;)

DS is almost 5 and some portions have eased up, other parts of the behavior have become even more challenging. I feel like this is a preview of the teen years sometimes (do I put a laughing or crying smilie there?!).

It is totally age appropriate. Not fun, but a normal stage of development.

I'm currently (re-reading!) Kurcinka's book Kids, Parents and Power Struggles. And reminding myself not to ride what we call "the wave" of DS's big feelings, and not getting sucked into arguing.

[HIU8]

I will have to check out that book. I'm going nuts here with DS. He has become impossible.

[brittone2]

I will have to check out that book. I'm going nuts here with DS. He has become impossible.

DS didn't tantrum much at all in his 2s. 3 was harder. 4 was even harder. All of the sudden I swear the tantruming was much more intense. I mean, like raging and angry.

THe talking back totally showed up (seemingly out of nowhere!) at age 4. :rolleye0014:

Trying to get back to offering up a "comfort corner" to DS and getting him to recalibrate himself *before* he totally melts down. (like the adult version of a coffee/tea break to sort of reset our mood a bit).

Today he was trying to blackmail me. "Do X, or I'll do Y." Ummm...yeah. F-U-N. Not.

[g-mama]

Ages 4 and 5 seem to be really hard in our house.

A tiny bit of enouragement: My 8 yo was listening to my 5 year old throwing a fit about something the other day and looking at me like "WTH?" I reminded him that he was exactly the same way a few years ago and he was in complete and utter disbelief. Not that 8 is perfect, but wow has he grown up and matured. It's very nice. :)

[hillview]

OH NO!

I CANNOT read this.

DS is 3.5 and I expected this to GO AWAY in 6 months!!
/hillary

[s_gosney]

Ages 4 and 5 seem to be really hard in our house.



Uh yeah. 4 was really rough here too. DD turned into a teenager overnight. Now at 5, she is getting a little more regulated lately, but definitely not the "sunny and serene" that Ames and Ilg describe...I'm still waiting on that. ;)

I'll second the book that Beth mentioned. It is wonderful. :) I also really like what she (Beth) said on a thread previously: just because our kids are having a bad day doesn't mean that we have to have a bad day too. I now remind myself of this frequently and it is hard, but it is possible not to ride their emotional roller coaster.

Good luck!

[baymom]

I'm SOO glad to hear it's not just MY 4yo! He's become a different child in these last few months. He's even rubbing off on his 2 yo sister, since she copies everything he does/says. It's the worst! I can't wait until he outgrows this phase. Many nights, after he's gone to bed, I realize that I'm becoming the parent I didn't want to be. :-( (raising my voice, using threats, etc.) Ughh! I'll have to check out that book, too.

[happymomma]

That's what happened with my 5 1/2 year old was about to turn 5. He started throwing tantrums whenever I said no to him. It didn't matter what it was. It was awful few weeks. I had read a book that said that 4 -5 is when they start acting up. It's like a glimpse of what they will be like as teenagers. It was scary.

[ThreeofUs]

4 has been awful. I don't know where DS1 has gotten some of these behaviors, but it isn't from DH or me. Oh. My. Gosh. does he test my patience sometimes.

[lizajane]

OH NO!

I CANNOT read this.

DS is 3.5 and I expected this to GO AWAY in 6 months!!
/hillary

DON'T WORRY YET!

i think there is a rule that if your 3 year old is a devil, he will be reborn at 4 into an angel. ;)

schuyler was a disaster from 18m to 4 years and one month. then he just flipped a switch. (aside from his mental health stuff.)

dylan turned into a monster at 2.5 and just got scarier as he got more and more into his third year. he will be 4 on monday and suddenly, i see his old self coming back (he was a VERY easygoing baby- always happy and very lovey) for hours at a time. the difference has been truly shocking and BEYOND thrilling!!!

[hellokitty]

Yeah, that just about sums up age four. I call it the sassy age.

[deannanb]

we are going through the same thing!

make sure that your DS is getting enough sleep -
that was part of our problem!
moved bedtime back to 8pm - so that along with a good nap everyday has produced a happier child!

[brittone2]

I also really like what she (Beth) said on a thread previously: just because our kids are having a bad day doesn't mean that we have to have a bad day too. I now remind myself of this frequently and it is hard, but it is possible not to ride their emotional roller coaster.

Good luck!

That "don't ride the rollercoaster of their emotions" or "don't ride the wave of their emotions" gem comes from that gentlechristianmothers site. I remind myself of those quotes often (because it is so. easy. to get sucked in!!). It does help me to keep repeating those mantras ;)

I didn't want to take credit for those quotes since they I picked them up at the GCM site (I don't identify with being a conservative Christian but that gentle discipline board is pretty fabulous for resources and ideas!!).

But I do find that advice sooo helpful.

[anamika]

As my normally very refined friend put it - Everyone tells you about the terrible 2s and 3s. No one ever tells you about the effing 4s. :hysterical:
DD turned 4 recently and I remember her words frequently!

[brittone2]

As my normally very refined friend put it - Everyone tells you about the terrible 2s and 3s. No one ever tells you about the effing 4s. :hysterical:
DD turned 4 recently and I remember her words frequently!

Someone (probably you!) posted about the "effing fours" and DH and I had a good :hysterical: about that one. DH says it under his breath now to me (if I'm in earshot) when DS is having a moment ;)

It rings so true ;)

[AngelaS]

Mine are good at two, then are terrible threes and good 4s.

Six has been an unpleasant age for two of mine. I'm still waiting for one to get there to see how she is at that point.

[niccig]

We've hit this too. I'll have to get that book. DS had a note from his teachers about his behaviour today, saying NO when they asked him to do something. I told them he has been doing the same at home. I need to nip it in the bud, if I can, or find a coping strategy, so we don't repeat today!

I think sleep could be impacting us as well. I'll make sure lights out are at 8pm, it's crept up to 8.30 or so and I think that will help a little.

[kijip]

If 3 is "2 with practice", then 4 is the PhD level of 2 or something. It does seem to start and end at different times for everyone.

[inmypjs]

I am happy to report that our house, 4 is much better than 3! 3 was soooo hard. I'm sure it had lot to do with bringing home a new baby at that age too. I also think I've gotten better too (more patient and calm I'd like to think!), so who knows what it is. But for us 3 was far worse!

[Cam&Clay]

With DS1, 3 was horrible! My sweet baby turned into a monster who wouldn't sleep, talked back, threw fits, etc. At 4, he was suddenly much more agreeable.

I used to say that 3 was 2 with a MOUTH!