Having a Babysitter for At-Home Events

[ThreeofUs]

Please help me understand DH on this one - or at least give me ammunition so I can tell him what other families think about this.

DH maintains that - although we have babysitters at home when we're at home to get projects, etc., done (primarily because DS1 is so high-maintenance) - he would feel "profligate" if we had a babysitter here when having a few friends over for conversation and other happinesses. He says he just doesn't want to admit to his friends that he'd have a babysitter while at home.

I don't see a problem with it. I was brought up having a babysitter to rely on when my parents were having a party. The babysitter would play with me, make sure if I came down to the party that I could join in without being disruptive or monopolizing a parent, get me food, and put me to bed.

Got any input? Do you think having a babysitter for your kids when you're at home is a problem, or seems like you waste your money? Or is it just a good thing to do for your kids? Does it matter if you're having a small vs a large party?

Thanks!

[brittone2]

Please help me understand DH on this one - or at least give me ammunition so I can tell him what other families think about this.

DH maintains that - although we have babysitters at home when we're at home to get projects, etc., done (primarily because DS1 is so high-maintenance) - he would feel "profligate" if we had a babysitter here when having a few friends over for conversation and other happinesses. He says he just doesn't want to admit to his friends that he'd have a babysitter while at home.

I don't see a problem with it. I was brought up having a babysitter to rely on when my parents were having a party. The babysitter would play with me, make sure if I came down to the party that I could join in without being disruptive or monopolizing a parent, get me food, and put me to bed.

Got any input? Do you think having a babysitter for your kids when you're at home is a problem, or seems like you waste your money? Or is it just a good thing to do for your kids? Does it matter if you're having a small vs a large party?

Thanks!

If you can afford it and it makes for a better time for everyone, go for it LOL!
I think this would be a great way to try out new sitters too (or younger sitters).

[carolinamama]

I remember several times growing up when my parents had parties and we had a sitter to do exactly what you said. Personally I don't even think it matters if it is a small get-together or a large party. It makes it much more enjoyable for you. I know when we have people over, especially in the evenings, I constantly feel like I'm stepping away to deal with a kid needing food, bedtime etc. IMO, it certainly won't hurt your kids for them to learn that your life and socialization is important too, not just their playdates and activities. But this is just my opinion.

[lilycat88]

We do it frequently. We have a Christmas party/open house every year and always have 2 high school girls keeping any kids entertained. They head down to the basement and play. We also have a sitter every Sunday evening for about 3.5 hours. Usually, DH and I have a class at church but sometimes one of the other of us is at home. We just had a dinner party Wednesday night and had someone here to help DD get bathed and ready for bed so she wouldn't get too off her schedule.

[belovedgandp]

We don't do it a ton, but yes, we have sitters when we're here at the house. I mostly have other women over, so usually DH has the kids downstairs, doing dinner, doing bed. They'll make their appearances, get food, say hi, good night hugs, but then they're off.

When DH travels, I have a sitter here. Some of these are higher maintenance events where I wouldn't be able to handle both kids and be a hostess. Others are low key and I could, but it wouldn't be fun for me.

We host a couple of events (especially during the holidays) that involves couples. We have a sitter here when both of us are involved. Most of the other activities we host now involve our friends and their kids, so the general rule is that everything is chaos. We have so few friends without kids that it's not in our social circle anymore.

I do remember my parents having people over when we were kids. My brother and I would have to stay in my parents' bedroom watching TV. We always liked it because there were good desserts.

It is a great time to use younger sitters or try out new ones. I usually have my 4 1/2 and 1 1/2 year old, but at one of the couple events we hosted in December. Younger DS went to spend the night at Grandma's. Older DS stayed at the house. My sitter was sick, but her younger sister (only 10) came over. Worked out great for three hours with only my older one.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I would only do it for a party, not when I had 1 or 2 families over for dinner. That seems unnecessary to me and would think the kids could play together around us or on their own depending on how old they were.

Beth

[lizajane]

well, i can tell ya one thing. ask a mommy of an ADHD child to be on your side on this one and you will get a big fat YES, YOU SHOULD GET A SITTER!!!

we used to entertain ALL THE TIME and now we never do because our kids are too high maintenance. we have friends over with their kids for pizza and it is pure chaos. even if we can just sit and talk, the kids are wild and crazy all over the place, get overtired, and then freak at bedtime when the friends have to leave.

i would honestly consider hiring a sitter to TAKE my kids to THEIR house so could have a party! ha ha!!

[MontrealMum]

When I was growing up my parents entertained often - I mean lots of people, not dinner parties with one or two other couples. They always had a "sitter" - my great aunt. Not that they paid her, but I'd imagine if she hadn't been around they still would have gotten someone. She kept me entertained and firmly ensconced in the den upstairs, fed me, and put me to bed. It was a really special time for the two of us :)

When I was in jr. high/highschool I did this sort of thing for my mom's friend often (she had two girls) in addition to regular babysitting when the parents went out; and I even went on their family trips with them as an extra pair of hands.

Now that we have a high-maintenance son of our own (and, I imagine, much higher than I ever was) I would certainly consider it as well if we were to have lots of people over. The other day, in fact, we 'redid' DS' room and shipped him off to the ILs for the day. Poor MIL was nearly passed out on the floor when we picked him up, but we certainly got more done, and without all sorts of screaming and jumping off furniture.

[kdeunc]

We do it every New Year's Eve when we get together for dinner with one other couple. It allows us to cook a nice meal and eat in peace without 6 kids needing constant attention. It is well worth the money to me! :)

[KpbS]

if we had a babysitter here when having a few friends over for conversation and other happinesses... Does it matter if you're having a small vs a large party?


This is just the thing. Sometimes it is really hard to have a conversation (even w/ just 1 DC around--not to mention 2 or more) and if you can't even have a conversation w/ friends that to me is just a playdate--where you are hoping to have a conversation or a word in amongst the chaos. Small or large wouldn't matter to me. In fact I might be more inclined w/ a smaller get-together b/c your absence is more obvious to your company.

[jacksmomtobe]

I have only had a Sitter while home when we had a large party where kids were invited so that all the parents & kids for that matter could have fun since the Sitter had fun activities for them. Our kids aren't used to having Sitters put them to sleep otherwise would definitely have a Sitter over when entertaining. I can't tell you how many social events where I've been too stressed with taking care of the kids & getting things done that I don't get to enjoy the evening. I usually feel like I'm barely there if the event goes through bedtime. I also think having a Sitter shows the other adults you value their company. That you want to be able to talk with them without being interrupted/distracted. We had a potluck supper for the Parents in Ds's class last year at someone's house and the hosts had a sitter/helper for the night (a little weird was them later asking everyone to chip in for that person though our kids weren't there and it wasn't a small amt per couple). It allows everyone to be focused on enjoying themselves.

[pastrygirl]

I don't see a problem with it! I was such a babysitter when I was in college. I didn't mind at all -- the parents were able to enjoy themselves.

Maybe it would help if you called the babysitter a "mother's helper" instead in those cases? ;)

[lmwbasye]

I've never used a sitter, but I would and probably will soon. We are military and never near family. This next move, I told DH that I'm setting up a regular sitter for twice a month minimum so that we can have much needed time together. Even if we don't go anywhere or do anything but go for a walk, it's important to have that adult time and we don't get it otherwise. So, I would think for a party that is a great idea. In fact, the kids will probably enjoy themselves more since they have someone's undivided attention.

[Laurel]

The few times we have had really "close calls" (running into street, slipping through stair railings, etc.) with our children has been during parties. With all those adults around, it is easy to get distracted and think someone else must be watching the kids.

Maybe if you presented it as a safety issue DH would be on board? There is nothing excessive about safety! Your guests will really appreciate it too!