DH is driving me insane!

[HIU8]

I'm on a roll here. This is my second posting today. This is about DH. DH has ulcerative colitis. DH is driving me nuts. He is in the middle of a flare up. He is on 4 different meds plus an enema. He can't taste anything. He has lost 20 lbs, he is irritable, he is also diabetic, he is depressed and refuses to go talk to someone or talk to his gastroenterologist about it. Everything I cook is disgusting. Everything he eats out is disgusting. Life sucks to him. He actually told me that the next thing is colon cancer so he should just lay down and die now. I cannot get him to talk to anyone. I'm at the point where I'm calling his doctor about this. DS and DD are starting to ask why daddy is so absent from their lives (he does nothing anymore--just goes to work--barely--comes home and lays down upstairs). Sometimes he barely acknowledges they are in the house. I am doing everything including taking full care of DH who admits he is a horrible patient. I get that he is sick and he has never been this sick before and between the meds and feeling sorry for himself he is debilitated. BUT I SIMPLY CANNOT TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS. I have children to care for, a house to run, a job to do, in addition to caring for DH. I need him to "snap out of it". I need him to get some help. His doctor did say that by wednesday if he is not doing how she feels he shoud be he is going to be hospitalized. I hate that he should be, but part of me will be relieved for DH to have 24 hour care to get his colitis under control. Also, I'm hoping the hospital can provide him with a counselor or someone to speak with (or if he needs an anti-depressant-someone who can help him with that).

[egoldber]

I'm so sorry. That sounds so hard. :hug:

[kozachka]

Hugs! My DH is a terrible patient as well and I know how hard it can be on the rest of the family but fortunately he normally gets better within a week or so. Hopefully, your situation gets resolved soon as well.

And please don't feel bad for being upset about this. It's tough to carry it all on your shoulders.

[elephantmeg]

Huge hugs-and I hope you get the consults you need-I would be tempted to call the MD sooner rather than later. again, hugs!

[StantonHyde]

Talk to the doctor and tell her what he is like--they do things like "social admissions" sometimes and your DH probably would meet enough medical criteria to be admitted. And make yourself loud and clear about the depression. When people are depressed, they don't get help--its the way the disease works.

[pinkmomagain]

Hugs! My dd1 has UC, and my DH worked with someone with UC...so I know a little bit about what this entails. I'm sure it's not an easy topic for anyone to discuss, especially a man. It does sound like a hospitalization might be the right thing to get his UC under control. And it does sound like he may be depressed. I hope you can voice your concerns to the dr so that she gets a true "picture" of what's going on and he can be treated accordingly. Hugs to you.

[HIU8]

DH just asked me not to go over his head to the doctor. He is upset b/c he feels I feel he is a mental patient. I'm just tired of hearing how he is eventually going to die of colon cancer (this is his mantra) and how tired he is (yes the drugs make you tired--so go lie down and rest). He feels it's the drugs and the prednisone does say it causes depression. He is also on asecol and two others I cannot remember. Plus Januvia for his diabetes (metformin made him seriously ill--throwing up a ton). I think it may be the drugs plus he feels like he is old and falling apart. He is 45--not old. He is and has been a glass is half empty type of person (he does not handle bad news or difficult situations well at all). I just need a break from being his mother IYKWIM.

[mytwosons]

DH just asked me not to go over his head to the doctor. He is upset b/c he feels I feel he is a mental patient. I'm just tired of hearing how he is eventually going to die of colon cancer (this is his mantra) and how tired he is (yes the drugs make you tired--so go lie down and rest). He feels it's the drugs and the prednisone does say it causes depression. He is also on asecol and two others I cannot remember. Plus Januvia for his diabetes (metformin made him seriously ill--throwing up a ton). I think it may be the drugs plus he feels like he is old and falling apart. He is 45--not old. He is and has been a glass is half empty type of person (he does not handle bad news or difficult situations well at all). I just need a break from being his mother IYKWIM.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. :hug5:

You do need to go over his head on this. If you don't feel comfortable talking about it to the doctor in front of your husband, email the doctor. The doctor won't be able to discuss anything with you, but s/he'll be glad to have the information.

[pinkmomagain]

I know the risk of colon cancer is increased with UC, but hopefully with regular monitoring, if it did rear its ugly head, it would be caught very early. I'm sure the drugs are skewing his attitude...I'm pretty sure prednisone can make you irritable and moody. My primary care physician had UC and was suffering horribly. On prednisone,the works. I saw him recently and he looked wonderful....had his colon removed. So happy, you wouldn't believe. Like a different person. He said before, all he could think about was getting to the bathroom. It was really quite a transformation. He is easily in his mid-late 40s. Hopefully, your DH won't need to go quite this far, but just wanted to offer a happy-ending story for you guys.

I'm married to a half empty type person too....It is TOTALLY exhausting. Its like being a full-time cheerleader. GL dealing with this. Hopefully, he'll get the help he needs this week.

[JTsMom]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds really hard. I hope things get better soon. :hug:

[Laurel]

From my own experience, I think a lot of this is the prednisone talking. Hope things get better soon, sounds like hospitalization might be a good thing at this point.

[Elilly]

Any chance he'd try the specific carbohydrate diet? It would be good for his diabetes and the UC. My mom has UC and the SCD does wonders. Hugs. I feel for you and your family.

[pinkmomagain]

I'll second SCD...I did do it w/dd for a period of time and think it helped to calm things down a bit. Pretty restrictive, though, it's probably much easier for an adult to stick with than a 2nd-3rd grader (which she was at the time).

[Laurel]

Third on the SCD, also no dairy and take plenty of probiotics. In the 16 years I have had IBD , I've been in remission more than not on this diet.

[HIU8]

DH is not allowed to start probiotics until they can get this flare up calmed down. Then his doctor wants to talk with him about them. What is the specific carbohydrate diet?

[pinkmomagain]

Here ya go, Heather:

http://www.breakingtheviciouscycle.info/

[HIU8]

Thanks. DH is going to the nutritionist this week and will go armed with info about this diet and be asking questions about probiotics etc... I am willing and able to do the diet with him (heck, I'm severly lactose intolerant and have diverticulitis myself so it can't hurt).

[Elilly]

Here's a great website for recipes:
http://www.scdrecipe.com/recipes/

And and an article from a physician about UC:
http://consciouschoice.com/1995-98/cc085/hmd085.html

I hope the nutritionist helps. If not, you can search for a GI doc who supports the SCD.
Here's a list of SCD friendly doctors:
http://www.scdiet.org/8resources/doctors.html

Good luck. It's a lot of cooking, but definitely worth it.

[hoosiermama]

Hi - I'm a long time lurker here, but had to finally post. Though not the same as your situation, both my dad and brother have UC (or technically my bro doesn't because he's had his colon removed). They've been helped by the www.j-pouch.org forum. It's not just for people who've had the J-pouch operation. There are a ton of supportive folks on there. Good luck!