How do you know if your DC is really, truly DONE with naps?

[wencit]

DS will turn 3 at the end of March (holy cow, did I just type THREE?!). For the past several months, his naps/bedtime have been awful. If he even takes as much as a 20-minute doze in the car during the day, he'll be up until 10 or 11PM (sometimes midnight), unable to fall asleep. He just doesn't seem tired at all. On the other hand, if DS doesn't nap, he's practically falling asleep at the dinner table by 5PM -- and not to mention, a total grumpy bear.

Part of me thinks that maybe I should be really, really strict with him about his bedtime if he naps that day. He currently gets out of bed, runs around upstairs, jumps on all the beds, you get the idea. I can not seem to get him to stay in his room except to put up a baby gate in his bedroom door, which he hates, and he cries and screams about this. (Doesn't make him lie down and go to sleep, though.) However, DS just doesn't seem sleepy at all if he naps during the afternoon. He's happy and chipper and laughing (and running around).

Does this mean DS is truly ready to give up naps? Before age 3? Maybe it's just an ongoing nap strike? I don't know. I am at my wit's end over this -- please help!

Thank you!

[DrSally]

WE've been going through this too right around 3yo. I've heard it generally happens around 3. To me, it sounds like your DS is done with naps. Our naps have been spotty since a few months before his birthday. He maybe gets one 1-2 times/week. If he gets a nap, he goes down around 3pm, sleeps for about 1-1/2 hours, and then goes to bed at 8:30ish. If he doesn't get a nap (I just don't want to fight him on it and have him crying up in his crib, jumping up and down, etc. It's too exhausting for both of us. If he was in a bed, he'd be done with naps for sure. Anyway, then, I have him have some "quiet time" in his room from about 3p-4p. He plays and reads and I get a break. He can get very whiney around that time, rubbing his eyes, begging for tv, etc. This gives us a break. Then supper at 5pm and I try to get him in bed BY 6:30-7pm and he's out like a light. I do think he could still use a nap sometimes, as he protests at first, but then falls asleep. Makes the rest of the evening nicer for sure. Anyway, it doesn't happen all at once, the transition sure is hard. My advice would be to give him some quiet time in his room when he normally would be napping. Tell him he can play and doesn't have to go to sleep (unless of course he wants to). And then get him in to bed at 6:30. Maybe see how that works.

[mudder17]

Honestly, I think it depends on both the child and the parents' stubborness about keeping the naps. :p And I think it also depends on the schedule the parents need to keep because of work, daycare, etc.

In our family, DH works from home a lot and I am a SAHM so the girls see a lot of us. So we don't have to have them go to bed later just so one of us can spend some time with them, IYKWIM. Similarly, we don't have to get them up earlier so that we can get them to school or whatnot (Kaya is in preschool 3 days a week, but we deliberately chose the afternoon class so we wouldn't have to get her there early. ;) ).

Kaya was around 2.5 when we started noticing she would have 2-3 hour naps, but then she would not go to bed until 9, 9:30, etc. Before that she had been going to bed at 7 (she was going to bed at 5/5:30 until she was probably 18 months at least), but around that time I noticed she would take inconsistent naps, but when she did nap, she would then not want to go to sleep (or if we put her down she would just play in her crib for 2 hours) until much later. On days she skipped her nap (i.e. played in her crib for 1-2 hours), she would then go to sleep easily at 7. So we basically made the decision to skip her naps and put her to bed at 7 and for us, that worked very well. It took her about a week to adjust. That is not to say that there are days when she gets cranky around dinner time, and occasionally, she'll even lie down for half an hour or an hour (usually coincides with her not feeling well, though), but for the most part, that schedule works fabulously for us.

Sadly, Mika started displaying very similar behaviour around 14/15 months. :nodno: But we played around with naps and so on and after awhile she would just play in her crib during nap time and then go to bed somewhat more easily or she would fall asleep in her crib during nap time, but then literally play for 2 hours in her crib at night (yes, we could hear her singing or playing with the animals or whatever). So at around 17months, I think it was, we just decided to scrap the whole nap thing and bam, she started going to bed easily at 6:30/6:45/7:00 again. It has turned out that on the nights she doesn't need quite as much sleep, she'll wake up at around 7:15 or so, but most mornings she sleeps until 7:45, with the rare 8:30 when she's particularly tired. So it has worked out for us.

Good luck Erica! I hope you find the solution that works for your family! :kisscheek:

eta: Oh, I forgot to mention that I said it may depend on the stubborness of the parents as well as the child because several of my friends have managed to get their kids to nap until 4 or 5.

[niccig]

This is a tough one. DS is 4 yo and still naps. But in the last year we've had times when nap seems to interfere with bed time, then that stops and he goes to bed fine. Or he doesn't want to nap for several days and has quiet time, but then he starts napping again. I'm just winging it at the moment. But if he does nap, it's not past 3.30pm so bedtime at 8pm is still fine, and he wakes at 7am or 7.30am. I have him go to his room around 1.30pm or 2pm, we read books, he gets in bed, and then I wait and see if the nap does or does not happen, and I adjust bed-time accordingly. No nap means he's out be 7pm, nap means it's 8pm.

[KrisM]

DS1 did that about 2.5 and DD was just after 2. I sure hope it's not even earlier with DS2!

For DS1 it took a week or so of no naps to get a good, consistent bedtime going and to get rid of much of the crankiness. He was actually crankier when he did nap because he napped for an hour and then was up 3 or 4 hours later. He was only getting about 8 hours of sleep. Even at almost 5, he still is in bed about 7:15 and gets up about 6:30. It's worked well for us.

DD will randomly nap, but only if she's had a really tiring day. She is also in bed about 7:15 and gets up about 7:30.

[Momof3Labs]

When the naps start to interfere consistently with bedtime, IME, it's time to cut the naps. It's a tough transition, I won't kid you about that. You might want to even move up bedtime to compensate (even as early as 6 or 6:30pm, if that's what he needs), along with scheduling a quiet time during the late afternoon, right before dinner.

DS1 gave up naps at 2yrs, 11mo. DS2 is close to giving up naps - he takes 1 or 2 a week, but they don't interfere with bedtime on those days (or his pitch-dark room and crib tent help prevent that). On his non-nap days, he gets about an hour of quiet time in his crib, give or take depending on his mood. But I can tell that his napping days are numbered!

[DrSally]

Yes, I agree it depends on the stubborness of the parents and child. I just could not do the cajoling, crying for an hour to get him to go down for a nap anymore. It was too draining. So, I just figured if he seems particularily tired that day, I'll try. I will not let him raise a ruckus in his crib for an hour. If he goes to sleep after a brief protest, great. I agree too, that the constraints of your schedule factor in. I'm SAHM, so he can sleep later if he needs to and I don't feel tempted to keep him up b/c I haven't seen him all day. I do notice when DH is home, he tends to stay up later so they can play after he gets done with work, which is not good b/c DS really needs to get in bed by 7 at the latest. Oh, and he prob gets about 12-12.5 hours of sleep per day, which is average for 3 yo, I think.

[purpleeyes]

We had this exact same situation when DS was 2.5-3. I fought it SO hard and it was TOTALLY NOT WORTH IT! :) I used the gate, I ran him around right before the nap, I just didn't want to give it up.
But the fact of the matter is, he was transitioning out of the nap and I should have let it go. Yes, transition (probably what you're going through now) is really hard, but once it gets settled the bedtime/morning time is a lot better.
My advice for right now is to find some ways to wind down int he afternoon-read books together on the bed, watch tv, etc. and lower the bedtime until things even out.

Now, DS watches tv each afternoon at about 3pm for 'quiet time' while DD sleeps. When she starts to give up the nap, I'll know what to do! :)

HTH!

[carolinamama]

DS stopped napping right around age 3. His bedtimes were late when he napped but I didn't care since it was summer and he was an only. Then DS2 arrived and I just couldn't deal with DS1 being up so late at night so we stopped the naps and went to 7-7:30 bedtimes. He gets up around 7. It has been working for us, but I still have to be careful not to go places in the car around 5ish in the afternoon if I can avoid it. Even a quick 15 minute car nap will put us back over an hour for bedtime.

That said, after months with no naps, we are back to having some naps. The past few weeks, DS1 has needed a nap in the afternoon to get through the day and then gone down at night around 8 without trouble. Guess it's like having a baby - sleeping habits and needs are constantly changing so we are just going with the flow of it right now.

I do feel your pain about your DS running the house at bedtime. We went through a few weeks of that earlier in the month. It was a nightmare as DS was literally running the upstairs halls for an hour or more. I don't know what really stopped it exactly, but we have revamped his bedtime routine a few times to just see if we could help him calm down.

It is certainly worth trying your days without a nap to see how everything goes.

[wencit]

Thank you so much for all the advice! Maybe I am just in denial about DS dropping his naps soon. :) How long will this transition period last? Weeks? Months? Also, how do you get your DC to stay in their rooms during Quiet Time? I've tried it out a few times when he didn't want to go down for his nap, but he refused to stay in his room. How long can I reasonably expect an almost 3-year-old to stay put?

[salsah]

i'm so glad that you posted this question -- I was just thinking about asking the same thing. dd can nap (she is day time sleeper), but when she does, she can't sleep at night until 10 pm (even she only took an one hour nap). i limit her naps to no more than 2 hrs (she could sleep 3 if i let her) and i always wake her up by 4:00 no matter how long she has been asleep. in the past that worked well but now she has a hard time falling asleep. i'm not convinced that she should give up naps because she gets so tired w/o a nap. she can make it till bedtime w/o a nap but her behaviour is terrible (because she is so tired). and after a few days w/o naps, she gets really tired and needs one. I'm sure part of the problem in our case is that she can't sleep earlier and can't sleep in. when she skips a nap, i can get her to bed at 8 pm. but she wakes up 8 hours later. if she goes to bed at 10 (or later), she wakes up at 6 am. i'm hesitant to end naps because she doesn't get enough sleep at night. and she won't stay in her room for quite time.

let us know what you decide to do and how it goes.

[klwa]

About the time DS turned 3, he started having real issues going to sleep. Both at nap time & bed time. He was just wild. At bed time I started giving him treats if he stayed in bed after Mommy & Daddy left the room. All of a sudden, he was going down within an hour of bedtime, where it had been midnight or later most nights when I let him "play" himself to sleep. Then at naptime, when he's home, I started just having him lie down on the couch for at least an hour, rather than going to his room. Now, we're back to 2-3 hour naps & 10-12 hours of sleep at night. Whereas, I truly believed we were about to lose a nap. So, it may just be a phase of testing you to see what your limits are.

[DrSally]

i'm so glad that you posted this question -- I was just thinking about asking the same thing. dd can nap (she is day time sleeper), but when she does, she can't sleep at night until 10 pm (even she only took an one hour nap). i limit her naps to no more than 2 hrs (she could sleep 3 if i let her) and i always wake her up by 4:00 no matter how long she has been asleep. in the past that worked well but now she has a hard time falling asleep. i'm not convinced that she should give up naps because she gets so tired w/o a nap. she can make it till bedtime w/o a nap but her behaviour is terrible (because she is so tired). and after a few days w/o naps, she gets really tired and needs one. I'm sure part of the problem in our case is that she can't sleep earlier and can't sleep in. when she skips a nap, i can get her to bed at 8 pm. but she wakes up 8 hours later. if she goes to bed at 10 (or later), she wakes up at 6 am. i'm hesitant to end naps because she doesn't get enough sleep at night. and she won't stay in her room for quite time.
.

I agree. I think they need about 12 hours of sleep around 3yo.

[hellokitty]

I agree with the others that once it starts to affect their bedtime (ie: going to bed a lot later than usual), then it's time to start cutting naps. I've been having a hard time letting go of my kids not wanting to nap anymore. My 3.5 yr old still takes them consistently. My almost 5 yr old takes a couple a wk, right now he is sick, so he is napping everyday. Both will be in afternoon K and preschool next yr, so I guess I will officially be letting go of the concept of naps for my older two when the new school yr starts.

[salsah]

I agree. I think they need about 12 hours of sleep around 3yo.

except that dd1 who is almost 4 has never slept 12 hours at night. as a baby she slept from 9pm to 6 am (that was her natural sleep pattern). around the time that she went from two naps to one nap, she started sleeping at 10 pm, still woke up at 6 am. even if she went to bed really late (later than 10), she still woke up at 6 am. if she skipped her nap and went to bed early, she couldn't make it until morning. she would wake up in the middle of the night after getting 8 hours of sleep. drove me crazy! finally she is into a pattern of sleeping from 9pm to 7 pm on most nights. plus a two hour nap. ohh! did you mean 12 hours total or 12 hours at night?

do you think that if we end naps, that after awhile, her body will adjust and she will learn to sleep in a little longer so that she can sleep a full 12 hours at night? but how does that work? if she needs to be up by 7 to get ready for school, she would have to sleep by 7pm which seems really early. especially since that would mean that her sleep schedule would be thrown off every weekend (on weekend we usually socialize in the evenings so she wouldn't be able to sleep until 10pm at the earliest). could she nap just on weekends?

[DrSally]

Yes, I meant 12 hours total. Hmmm, it's hard if you have a schedule where you have to get somewhere in the morning. I put DS to sleep at 6:30-7pm when he doesn't get a nap and he wakes up around 6:3-7am in the morning. I forgot, does she seem sleepy around dinner time when she doesn't get a nap? DS is rubbing his eyes around 3pm, so it's easy to get him down early, and he's out like a light. When DH is home and we want to do something in the evenings, I try to get him a nap and then he can stay up later (usually until 8:30ish).

[salsah]

Yes, I meant 12 hours total. Hmmm, it's hard if you have a schedule where you have to get somewhere in the morning. I put DS to sleep at 6:30-7pm when he doesn't get a nap and he wakes up around 6:3-7am in the morning. I forgot, does she seem sleepy around dinner time when she doesn't get a nap? DS is rubbing his eyes around 3pm, so it's easy to get him down early, and he's out like a light. When DH is home and we want to do something in the evenings, I try to get him a nap and then he can stay up later (usually until 8:30ish).

usually if she skips a nap, she is tired by 4 and we start seeing all kinds of behavior problems.

[DrSally]

Yeah, we get a lot of whining, screaming. The 1 hour quiet time in his room from about 3-4 helps with that.