Please explain facebook to me

[KrisM]

I have joined. I have friends. I still don't "get it". What am I supposed to do with it? I can write on people's walls and I can see half of people's conversations it seems. I just don't understand. I feel so old.

[s7714]

I think the main appeal of facebook to many people, whether they admit it or not, is it's voyeuristic quality. Depending on your friend's settings, you can see all their threaded conversations with other people whom you may or may not know.

Personally I like it as a way to keep up with some local friends without dealing with back and forth emailing, IMing or phone calls. It's kind of like continuing conversations we had at a play date or something but in an online version, if that makes any sense.

[citymama]

If (like me) you've lived in 7 different cities and 3 countries, worked at different jobs, want to connect with old high school/college/childhood friends, FB can be an amazing way to reconnect. I don't hang out on it on a daily basis but I use it as a way to make the first point of contact with old friends and vice-versa. For eg, thanks to FB, I've discovered: favorite old college prof/mentor who moved to Europe and I lost touch with, 2 childhood/neighborhood friends I've known since I was a baby, several college friends who moved to different parts of the world, helped my husband track down one of his elementary school friends who moved to Asia as a teenager, etc, etc, etc. I can't tell you how much I enjoy being part of their lives again, in a small, remote way, being able to wish them happy birthday (FB gives you a reminder), knowing their kids names and ages and seeing their pics...maybe I'm lame, but there's absolutely no way these re-connections and quick updates would have happened without FB.

On the other hand, it is a major time-drain, so if you're happy with the status quo, steer clear!

[KrisM]

So, you mention I can see conversations of others? I see what people write on a wall, but I don't see what the response on the other wall is, do I? So, half a conversation? Some of my friends are friends with others of my friends, so I can flip back and forth between people and read them, but what a pain.

I'll keep playing around with it and see what I can figure out.

[maestramommy]

I can often see conversations from my friends' walls, even if their friends are not my friends. I think there is a way to tighten up the settings if I don't feel like seeing that.

For me it's a great way to keep in touch with friends. Esp. since I just moved. Now all of my good friends are out of town. Also, a lot of my younger cousins are pretty active on FB and for the first time ever I know (sorta) what they're up to.

[clc053103]

it's a great tool to keep in touch with people- I have made friends and caught up with everyone from childhood friends to my prom date to sorority sisters to a cousin I haven't spoken to in years, and even "met" a cousin by joining a family name page. It's been a hoot! It's a great way to share photos with friends as well- just make sure you only allow them to be viewed by friends as it defaults "friends and my network".

[KrisM]

But how? I am still just not seeing it. I can read about what people put in their info section - school, interests, etc. I can see that they support someone or send me a tree. I don't see how I'd just have a conversation with someone. Do I just write on a wall and then check back to see if they reply on my wall? So, my converstaions that I see will be in the order of people responding, rather than in a conversation order, like email is?

I write on the wall's for people A, B, and C. Then, I get responses from C, B, C, C, and A. How do you not go mad trying to make sense of it? Seems very disjointed. Where if I email them, my email is in their reply and it's a conversation.

I'm trying, but am just not getting it! I am dumb for this.

[MontrealMum]

You really need to play around with it for awhile - it took me a bit of tinkering and playing to really "get" it.

But as far as "talking" to people: you can either "write on their wall" --- and when/in they write back a notification will appear in the bottom rt-hand corner of your screen when you log on, or you will get an email notification depending on your settings. You can also "send X a message" (this option is under X's picture---this works more like email. If they write you back a number will appear at the top of your own screen next to your inbox. The tree-sending thing and all that similar stuff also either shows up as a notification or an email. I don't do too much of that...I leave it to the younger generation ;)

With what other people have written on friends' walls (what your describing above)...if C whom you are not friends with writes on A's wall and back and forth...you can click see wall-to-wall and depending on settings you might be able to see the "other side' of this conversation. Or you can go to A's wall and see the rest of it. It's like with photos. I can see the photos of a friend of a friend (depending on their settings) if I click on them. Try moving your mouse over your screen and clicking on things (not pop-up ads!!!) and see what you discover.

For me, it's nice to reconnect with my very small, but scattered, highschool class, and with friends that are scattered from New Zealand to Belgium to Thailand. Although I did not see the point of it either, like with email - first people stopped calling and used email more and more. Ok, fine, now I have a kid and I see the advantages of that. Now, many people don't even bother with email. They are entirely focused on Facebook. Sad, but that's the way it is with many people.

So, if you still want to keep up with them that's where you have to go to do it. It's not for everyone, but especially in my field I need to know how to do these Web 2.0 things, which is why I joined. I've really enjoyed catching up with people and knowing more about what's going on in friends' lives.

[g-mama]

If you have it set up to give you notifications (not via your e-mail, but at the bottom right corner of the FB screen), it pops up and tells you when someone wrote to you, commented on your status update, etc. When you click on that, it takes you to "Wall to Wall" and then you see the back and forth conversation exactly like you see e-mail. You won't see both sides of a conversation unless you are friends with both people in the conversation.

What I like about FB is that it's more fun than e-mail. When I post a status update, I try to make it something witty/funny/interesting, NOT "Kristen is watching TV on the couch" for example. If it's fun to read, then people all chime in and comment and it often becomes very funny and you're kind of in a group setting laughing and having fun. I have gotten to know some people SO much better than I would otherwise. I have learned more about the small details of their lives and it's fun, and YES, it is voyeuristic, I admit. If you just use it as an e-mail tool, then I'd stick to e-mail. But if you like to get involved in mini-conversations with other people and have fun chit chatting and making light banter like that, then FB is great. I am often laughing out loud here at the computer and my kids probably think I'm nuts.

[egoldber]

Now, many people don't even bother with email. They are entirely focused on Facebook. Sad, but that's the way it is with many people.

Ugh, this is where I am. So many people I know are just all "getting together" on FaceBook and not e-mailing any more. I hate it. :( I don't WANT to use FB but am starting to feel like if I don't I'm going to be left out of lots of stuff.

Ugh. I *do* feel old.....

[Georgia]

What I like about FB is that it's more fun than e-mail. When I post a status update, I try to make it something witty/funny/interesting, NOT "Kristen is watching TV on the couch" for example. If it's fun to read, then people all chime in and comment and it often becomes very funny and you're kind of in a group setting laughing and having fun. I have gotten to know some people SO much better than I would otherwise. I have learned more about the small details of their lives and it's fun, and YES, it is voyeuristic, I admit. If you just use it as an e-mail tool, then I'd stick to e-mail. But if you like to get involved in mini-conversations with other people and have fun chit chatting and making light banter like that, then FB is great. I am often laughing out loud here at the computer and my kids probably think I'm nuts.

That's it exactly for me. I don't see it as a replacement for email, but different all together. It's the constant small contact as opposed to the less frequent emails about bigger events. I always knew when these people had another child or moved to a new city, but now I know when they aren't feeling well or when their dc said something funny. I don't find it replaces in person contact in any way though either, but seems to encourage more get-togethers. In a way it replicates a school environment, where you are all just "there."

It's all about the status updates imo. I'm a recent convert so probably overly gushy, but I was won over when I put that I was home sick in my status and got a bunch of get well responses and spent an hour or so im'ing with a good friend who was sitting at work. I never would have emailed all of my friends to tell them something so mundane but very much appreciated the outcome.

[KpbS]

Ugh, this is where I am. So many people I know are just all "getting together" on FaceBook and not e-mailing any more. I hate it. :( I don't WANT to use FB but am starting to feel like if I don't I'm going to be left out of lots of stuff.

Ugh. I *do* feel old.....

:yeahthat:
:(

[MontrealMum]

Ugh, this is where I am. So many people I know are just all "getting together" on FaceBook and not e-mailing any more. I hate it. :( I don't WANT to use FB but am starting to feel like if I don't I'm going to be left out of lots of stuff.

Ugh. I *do* feel old.....

Beth - I think we're the same age, if not close to it...you are NOT old. I really prefer the phone and email too, but was finally pushed into it when a friend demonstrated using her account how many people I knew that were out there; it was surprising. And I had been losing touch with these FB converts which I didn't like. Change is hard :(


...but I was won over when I put that I was home sick in my status and got a bunch of get well responses and spent an hour or so im'ing with a good friend who was sitting at work. I never would have emailed all of my friends to tell them something so mundane but very much appreciated the outcome.
I will say that I do enjoy what the pp mentioned directly above. Especially since I do much of my work at home and don't always interact with adults on a daily basis.

[egoldber]

It isn't the change so much as I just don't *want* another internet time commitment LOL!! My DH is on it and I read over his shoulder and so far I just don't "get" it either. Plus there are a few people I know on it that I really would rather not just have that big of a window into their lives IYKWIM, especially neighbors. But it would be hard not to do that with FB and rude and obvious if I didn't "friend" them.

Bleah, the social complexities of the internet age are a real drag sometimes.....

[g-mama]

That's it exactly for me. I don't see it as a replacement for email, but different all together. It's the constant small contact as opposed to the less frequent emails about bigger events. I always knew when these people had another child or moved to a new city, but now I know when they aren't feeling well or when their dc said something funny. I don't find it replaces in person contact in any way though either, but seems to encourage more get-togethers. In a way it replicates a school environment, where you are all just "there."

It's all about the status updates imo. I'm a recent convert so probably overly gushy, but I was won over when I put that I was home sick in my status and got a bunch of get well responses and spent an hour or so im'ing with a good friend who was sitting at work. I never would have emailed all of my friends to tell them something so mundane but very much appreciated the outcome.

YES! This! I wouldn't e-mail a group of acquaintances about something funny that my kids said or did, but I can post it there and get feedback/support/friendship and it actually seems to add to my level of friendship with some people and make me feel more connected, which has been very fun for me.

I am an extrovert by nature and I am starting to think that may be part of why it appeals to me. The only thing I miss about working in an office environment is "being there" and being in on the fun conversations, chit chat, news....I like to tell people about my life (I am an open book!) and love to hear about theirs. For me, this is what makes life interesting! :)

[mommylamb]

One more Facebook fan over here. I resisted for a long time, but started recently and I absolutely love it. Now I'm frustrated that some of my friends aren't on it (the same complaint all my pro-facebook friends had about me before I joined). It means you can keep up with the little things in people lives. Otherwise, at least in my case, I'm likely to look up one day and realize I don't really know my friends any more unless they live close by. Plus, you can play games with your friends, challenge them to things... it's fun. I also like to see people's pictures. I've reconnected with so many people. LOVE it!

[Thatchermom]

I find it interesting that there are so many that keep up with day-to-day relationships here on the board, with people we've never met IRL, and yet have such a hard time with the idea of Facebook and keeping up with person-to-person relationships from somewhere in their lives. I totally don't mean that in a critical way, it really is intriguing to me!

For me, the two are really similar but with that IRL difference. Facebook is like another board but filled all with people from my present and past. I look at my newsfeed on Facebook just like I look at the new posts list on this board. I click on and read more about the ones I am interested in or have time for. Just like there are some posts here that I read but don't feel a need to comment on, there are plenty of Facebook friends that I am happy to see small updates from (status, maybe a picture posted) but don't regularly communicate with, but I am glad to have access to that relationship when appropriate. I love the fact that when I do get together with people I don't see often, we already have a lot of connecting points.

And just like there is a lot of support from other moms here, it opens up avenues for that in daily life that otherwise may not be there. Yesterday DD was having a rough day, and I jokingly posted her for sale or trade in my status, just as a way to vent. I got several encouraging comments in return, an offer of a trade for a puppy that cracked me up, and two very real offers to give me a break over the next few days from people I never would have thought to call for help. So tomorrow I will be very thankful for Facebook while sitting at Starbucks reading and sipping my latte - alone!

[s7714]

So, you mention I can see conversations of others? I see what people write on a wall, but I don't see what the response on the other wall is, do I? So, half a conversation? Some of my friends are friends with others of my friends, so I can flip back and forth between people and read them, but what a pain.

I'll keep playing around with it and see what I can figure out.

If I click on "Home" in the upper left hand of my main FB page, it basically shows everything that's going on with my friend's pages. All the wall-to-wall convos, updates of photos, etc.

For example, I could see Jane's wall-to-wall convo with Sue, Mary and Beth listed in one spot (or a link to read the thread in full). I may only be FB friends with Jane and Beth, but I could still see Sue and Mary's comments on Jane's wall. It is possible for people to change their own security settings so that the only people who'll see their responses are the people they're friends with or the person they're directly talking too. If that's the case, I might see Jane and Beth's parts of the conversation, but not Mary's because she has her security set differently. Does that make sense?

[egoldber]

I find it interesting that there are so many that keep up with day-to-day relationships here on the board, with people we've never met IRL, and yet have such a hard time with the idea of Facebook and keeping up with person-to-person relationships from somewhere in their lives. I totally don't mean that in a critical way, it really is intriguing to me!

My main issue is that I already spend too much time on the internet, and just do not want another time sink. I'd prefer to keep up with my IRL friends IRL, and it seems like FB is replacing that for a lot of people.

[KrisM]

Great info! I'm going to put some time into it tonight. I've never posted a status, because it seems weird to me. But, I will. I have issues with my photo being online, so it's blank, but I'll find something to put there.

[KrisM]

Okay - another question. How do I search for someone? It does my "network" automatically, but I know he doesn't live here. I type in his name and get pages of matches. Is there a way to narrow it down, especially when I know a bit about the person?

[MontrealMum]

This is something I've had a bit of trouble with actually because you can't really control how the search feature works, but as a budding information professional I *really* want to. I mean, I've taken courses in information retrieval, I *know* how to do this stuff, but I'm used to having some control over the system. Sorry, tangential rant :) So, some advice about searching for people with common names if a basic search just returns 500 people or something and you don't want to click through all those names only 10 at a time - what a PITA!

1) Do you know what highschool or college he went to, and can you guess at his year of graduation? This is sometimes a way to narrow it down. It's a bit tricky, but if you have your own school listed they will be under the search box on the "find friends" page. Click on one of them randomly (it doesn't matter - you just need to open up a new page) So, say I click on Anywhere University 19xx but I know the guy didn't go there. This brings me to that year for that particular school, but in small print in the upper right is "more search options" - click on it. This will offer you classmate search as one of your three search options and you can enter the guy's actual school here. Even if you get the graduation year off by a bit you can go back and forth to tweak it. I don't know how to get to "more search options" from the main "find friends" page, and it drives me nuts, so that's how I get around it.

2) Do you have any mutual friends that you CAN find that might have him on their list?

3) You can do a search by email if you happen to have his email. I use this the least because if I had someone's email I wouldn't have lost touch with them in the first place YKWIM?

[Georgia]

Okay - another question. How do I search for someone? It does my "network" automatically, but I know he doesn't live here. I type in his name and get pages of matches. Is there a way to narrow it down, especially when I know a bit about the person?

Do you know where he lives? You can put other stuff besides a name inside the search box, like a state abbreviation for example, and it will narrow it down some. Something like John Smith CA and just get the John Smith's in California.

[mommylamb]

My main issue is that I already spend too much time on the internet, and just do not want another time sink. I'd prefer to keep up with my IRL friends IRL, and it seems like FB is replacing that for a lot of people.

Unless your friends IRL don't live close. Even with the ones who live close, it's a lot easier for me to send them a quick note on facebook than it is to spend the little time I have after work catching up. I'd rather spend that time with DH and DS (and waste my work time on the internet... yes, I know, bad worker, bad worker). I also probably spend less time on these boards since I joined FB.

[KrisM]

I do know where he lives. Full address, even. It's one of those friends that I don't see, but exchange Christmas cards, you know? Can't seem to find him on there.

So far, I can't find anyone I've looked for :).

I'm giving it a chance, but it seems so much easier to just use email. I have outlook open all the time and it's simpler and I don't have to worry about friends of friends reading my notes to other people.

[mommylamb]

Could be wrong, but can't you also search by email address?

[KrisM]

Could be wrong, but can't you also search by email address?

You can, but I didn't try. I'd assume people don't use their "real" email addresses for this. I know I made a new one through Yahoo for it :). I have his work addy only.