How to explain separation to preschoolers?

[theamazingtrace]

I know that most kids aren't looking for a deep philosophical explanation, but I'm wondering what is age-appropriate for a 3-4 year old? TIA.

ETA: whoops! i meant mom/dad separating, not separation anxiety for preschool, etc.

[hillview]

We have struggled with this some. DS is 3.5. We talk about change and how you get used to it (new TT chair, new winter jacket etc) and how mommy always comes back. We talk about what you can do if you feel sad -- look at a picture, think about a tickle, read a book, snuggle with favorite bunny, etc.
/hillary

[o_mom]

Are you talking about parents separating? Or just the normal going to school/sitter/daycare type separating?

[ha98ed14]

I know that most kids aren't looking for a deep philosophical explanation, but I'm wondering what is age-appropriate for a 3-4 year old? TIA.

I think the question is a bit unclear. Are you talking about separation as in separation anxiety that may happen when DC go to daycare or mommy to work? (I think this is what hillview was addressing.) Or are you asking about separation as in parents no longer living together and perhaps getting a divorce?

[JMS]

I'm sorry if I'm not understanding you correctly, but do you mean, "Mommy is dropping you off at school/Mommy is leaving you at home with ____ while I go shopping" or "Mommy and Daddy are separating" ?

[theamazingtrace]

I meant the mom/dad separating thing. Sorry!

[MamaKath]

I would make sure you tell them simply and straightfowardly. The dc doesn't need the dirty facts. He/she does need to know that he/she is loved very much and is not at fault. Be prepared to have simple answers as best you can for other concerns such as "You can call daddy every night from our house and me from his" etc. I am sure others will have much better advice as well.

[SnuggleBuggles]

No advice just (((hugs))).

ETA- I remember reading once not to say "just because mom and dad aren't together doesn't mean we don't still love you" because that brings up the idea that it is possible that you might not love them some day. (or something like that...just don't bring in to play that love really is a transient thing when it comes to them.)

Beth

[purpleeyes]

We just gave the facts. It sucked, but it had to be done. Then, the real work begins.
What works for us
-consistent time talking to the parent who left. (i.e. every day at 5:30pm) Consistent, regular visits.
-consistent discipline, even though we know he is releasing his feelings the only way he knows how, he still cannot hit his sister, YKWIM?
-teach ways to calm down, release feelings (we use comfort corner, deep breathing)
-lots and and lots of attention from mommy. We do "stay up nights", if he comes in my room I let him, I lay with him at night before he goes to bed, we have mommy/ds time every day at the same time while DD is sleeping, etc.
-lots and lots and lots of reassurance that you are not 'leaving' him and will alwyas be there for him, etc.

I hope that helps. I am sending you :22: PM if you have any questions!!!

ETA: fix smile

[tylersmama]

I was fortunate enough that when H originally left, DS was young enough (not quite 18 months) to not realize what was going on. This time, I've been more concerned about it (H moved back for two months), but I think the reconciliation attempt was short enough that DS didn't really "get" that daddy was around full time. I haven't actually talked with him about it, I figured I would just answer questions as they came up, but they haven't yet. It's probably been made somewhat easier (for DS, not me) by the fact that H is staying with his girlfriend, so I haven't allowed him to go there; therefore he hasn't been confused that daddy is living somewhere else. Then again, I don't even know if he truly understood that daddy had moved back. Sigh...

Anyway, I guess I would just explain that daddy (or mommy, for that matter) is going to be living somewhere else for awhile. Tell them that they can talk to daddy on the phone whenever they want, and that they will see/visit daddy as much as possible. Keep it simple, don't give too many details. Let them ask questions if they have them.

And lots of :hug:. And to you, too, beth. Maybe we should start an offshoot for separated moms of young kids...sigh... :grouphug:

[Ceepa]

Sending you (hugs).

[purpleeyes]

Maybe we should start an offshoot for separated moms of young kids...sigh... :grouphug:


I'm in!! ;)

And :22: to you, too!!